# Slightly more than a 3-hour tour – a sea-going MMP **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Tags:** mmp\ **Created:** [August 7, 2006, 9:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/slightly-more-than-a-3-hour-tour-a-sea-going-mmp/367664 "2006-08-07T09:24:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2006, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/slightly-more-than-a-3-hour-tour-a-sea-going-mmp/367664/141 "2006-08-09T13:39:34Z")
[QUOTE=Anaamika] 3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted. [/QUOTE] A skeleton walks into a bar; orders a beer and a mop. A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Hey bud, why the long face?” What do you do with an elephant with 3 balls? Walk him, and pitch to the giraffe. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2006, 1:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/slightly-more-than-a-3-hour-tour-a-sea-going-mmp/367664/142 "2006-08-09T13:41:35Z")
My turn. A string walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Get out of here, we don’t serve your kind in here.” So the string goes back out. He ruffles his ends all up, and ties a knot in himself. He goes back in, and the bartender says, “Hey, aren’t you that string that just walked in here a few minutes ago?” And the string says, “I’m afraid not.” ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2006, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/slightly-more-than-a-3-hour-tour-a-sea-going-mmp/367664/143 "2006-08-09T13:42:34Z")
**Puggy** get everybody chili cheese slawdogs and a bag of chips. See, lunch is done. Easy peasy. I’m so organized! Payroll is done and it’s right for once. That makes me a happy bear. Today is all about mops, boxes of boxes (how dumb!) and more **wiiiiiirrrrrreeeeee haaaaaannnnnnggggggeeeeeerrrrrrssssss!!!**. One of these days Ima gonna forget myself and actually yell b]wiiiiiirrrrrreeeeee haaaaaannnnnnggggggeeeeeerrrrrrssssss!!!\*\* outloud. I just know it! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Spatial\_Rift\_47](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a8b319/32.png) [@Spatial\_Rift\_47](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spatial_Rift_47)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2006, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/slightly-more-than-a-3-hour-tour-a-sea-going-mmp/367664/144 "2006-08-09T14:06:26Z")
[QUOTE=FairyChatMom] [Shows how much you know!](http://www.weebl.jolt.co.uk/yarr.htm)😛 [/QUOTE] [Ahem.](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pirates_versus_Ninjas) Nice jokes, everyone. Here’s how it’s really done. ( **Lissla** , you may want to prevent your husband from reading these.) -What’s red and looks like a bucket? A red bucket. -What’s blue and looks like a bucket? A red bucket in disguise. -Why should you bring a bottle of cough syrup to a funeral? To make the coffin stop. -Why did the chicken go to the séance? To get to the Other Side. Today I have to wrap up my presentation and hand it in so they can have them all ready by tomorrow morning. Should be fun. Speaking of fun, here’s a pun. > [@Pun of the Day](#): > > Twenty months. Twenty months at sea, and Richard spent **every day** on the lifeboat. Working on the lifeboat, reading in the lifeboat, sleeping in the lifeboat, doing I-don’t-even-want-to-know-what-else in the lifeboat. Lifeboat, lifeboat, lifeboat - all the time in the lifeboat. One day about a month into the trip, Susan said to me, “Where’s Richard?” > I said, “Where else? He’s off playing with his dinghy.” ---
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2006, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/slightly-more-than-a-3-hour-tour-a-sea-going-mmp/367664/145 "2006-08-09T14:13:49Z")
[QUOTE=Spatial Rift 47] -Why did the chicken go to the séance? To get to the Other Side. [/QUOTE] Why did the punk rocker cross the road? Because he was stapled to the chicken. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2006, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/slightly-more-than-a-3-hour-tour-a-sea-going-mmp/367664/146 "2006-08-09T14:17:52Z")
All right, Spats. _throws glove down_ Q: How do you get an elephant into the fridge? A: 1. Open door. 2. Insert elephant. 3. Close door. Q: How do you get a giraffe into the fridge? A: 1. Open door. 2. Remove elephant. 3. Insert giraffe. 4. Close door. Q: The king of the jungle, the lion, decided to have a party. He invited every animal in the jungle, but one didn’t come. Which one? A: The giraffe, because it was stuck in the fridge. Q: Two explorers attempt to cross a crocodile-infested stream. How do they manage to get across? A: They just wade across. The crocodiles are at the lion’s party. ---
**Author:** ![anyrose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/54ee81/32.png) [@anyrose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/anyrose)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2006, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/slightly-more-than-a-3-hour-tour-a-sea-going-mmp/367664/147 "2006-08-09T14:21:29Z")
A cheese sandwich walks into a bar, and the bartender says “I’m sorry, we don’t serve food here” A mushroom walks into a bar. The bartender says “we don’t serve your kind here” and the mushroom says why not? I’m a fungi (fun guy) A guy sitting at a bar keeps hearing things like “that’s a great suit!” “have you lost weight?” “great haircut, fella” He asks the bartender about it and the bartender says the peanuts are complimentary a termite walks into a bar and asks “is the bar tender here?” ---
**Author:** ![Spatial\_Rift\_47](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a8b319/32.png) [@Spatial\_Rift\_47](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spatial_Rift_47)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2006, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/slightly-more-than-a-3-hour-tour-a-sea-going-mmp/367664/148 "2006-08-09T14:25:38Z")
Oh ho, you want to play rough, eh? Fine. -What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming? “The elephants are coming!” -What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming with sunglasses on? Nothing, he didn’t recognize them. -Tarzan’s last words? “Hey, who greased the vine?” -How can you tell there’s been an elephant in your fridge? Footprints in the butter. OR Ask the giraffe. -How do you fit 6 elephants in a Volkswagen? Three in the front, three in the back. -How do you get down from an elephant? You don’t - you get down from a duck. And lastly … -How do we know that an elephant’s genitals are in its feet? Because if it steps on you, you’re fucked. ---
**Author:** ![Twinkie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/d07c76/32.png) [@Twinkie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Twinkie)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2006, 2:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/slightly-more-than-a-3-hour-tour-a-sea-going-mmp/367664/149 "2006-08-09T14:27:30Z")
What did one snowman say to other? I smell carrots! ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2006, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/slightly-more-than-a-3-hour-tour-a-sea-going-mmp/367664/150 "2006-08-09T14:29:17Z")
Grrr! Q: Why are elephants wrinkled? A: They are too difficult to iron. Q: How many elephants fit in a compact car? A: None. Q: Why did the elephant lie down on the sidewalk? A: To trip ants. Q: How do you shoot a blue elephant? A: With a blue elephant gun, of course. Q: How do you shoot a yellow elephant? A: Have you ever seen a yellow elephant? Q: How do you shoot a red elephant? A: Hold his trunk shut until he turns blue, and then shoot him with the blue elephant gun. Take that! ---
**Author:** ![Draelin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ce73a5/32.png) [@Draelin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Draelin)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2006, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/slightly-more-than-a-3-hour-tour-a-sea-going-mmp/367664/151 "2006-08-09T14:32:29Z")
Warning, this one is off-color, and probably offensive to religious folks. But it’s one of my favorites, and I just can’t resist right now. How do you get a nun pregnant? Fuck her. I’m very sorry I did that to you. ---
**Author:** ![dogbutler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dogbutler/32/428_2.png) [@dogbutler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dogbutler)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2006, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/slightly-more-than-a-3-hour-tour-a-sea-going-mmp/367664/152 "2006-08-09T14:38:54Z")
Morning all! Housecleaning day today. I’ve done the bathroom, cleaned the litter box, and Robby the Roomba is doing his thing. Maggie wonderbeagle has another ear infection, so guess where my money and I are going tomorrow. **Swampy** , a hanger outburst might be usefull in getting rid of excess work: cow-orker: I want to dialog about the TPS reports… **swampy** : does it involve wiiiiiirrrrrreeeeee haaaaaannnnnnggggggeeeeeerrrrrrssssss??? cow-orker: Umm, I’ll get Bob to do it, thanks. **bobbio** , you should be ashad of the fish jokes. You did it on porpoise, didn’t you? **puggy** , just get em PB&Js for lunch. ---
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2006, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/slightly-more-than-a-3-hour-tour-a-sea-going-mmp/367664/153 "2006-08-09T15:08:26Z")
Why are not supposed to walk in the jungle between 4 and 6 PM? Because the elephants are jumping out of the trees. Why are Pygmies so short? Because they walk in the jungle between 4 and 6 PM. What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in the ocean? Bob. What do you call a woman with no arms and no legs in a river? Flo. What do you call a woman with 1 arm and 1 leg standing against a wall? Ilene. If she’s Japanese? Irene. ---
**Author:** ![SnakesCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4af34b/32.png) [@SnakesCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SnakesCatLady)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2006, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/slightly-more-than-a-3-hour-tour-a-sea-going-mmp/367664/154 "2006-08-09T15:08:32Z")
I had the dentist appointment this morning, so I’m numb all the way up to my nose. I hate the dentist. Last night, I printed out a copy of the picture of Cricket in the hockey jersey, and took it by the team office after my appointment. They immediately hung it on the wall, and got a good laugh out of it. Also found out one of my favorite players is going to be back this season!! Now I’m going to go sleep off the pain pill. Back later. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2006, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/slightly-more-than-a-3-hour-tour-a-sea-going-mmp/367664/155 "2006-08-09T15:15:23Z")
Bobbio, I love the pygmies one! But you missed one: What do you call a man with no arms and no legs hanging on the wall? Art. ---
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2006, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/slightly-more-than-a-3-hour-tour-a-sea-going-mmp/367664/156 "2006-08-09T15:26:07Z")
[QUOTE=Anaamika] Bobbio, I love the pygmies one! But you missed one: What do you call a man with no arms and no legs hanging on the wall? Art. [/QUOTE] What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on **Swampy’s** desk? Bill! 😃😃😃 ---
**Author:** ![Rebo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rebo/32/13005_2.png) [@Rebo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rebo)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2006, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/slightly-more-than-a-3-hour-tour-a-sea-going-mmp/367664/157 "2006-08-09T15:26:13Z")
This is the silliest MMP I’ve ever been in! I loved the “woman with no arms and no legs in the river” one. I’ve never heard it before! I have no jokes, alas. I just dropped in to say hi, and try to keep up with this week’s MMP. It’s not too out of control yet… ---
**Author:** ![Draelin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ce73a5/32.png) [@Draelin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Draelin)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2006, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/slightly-more-than-a-3-hour-tour-a-sea-going-mmp/367664/158 "2006-08-09T15:30:06Z")
What do you call a woman with no arms and no legs in a cash register? Penny What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on a doorstep? Matt Why did the man name his dog with no legs “Cigarette”? Because every now and then, he’d take him out for a drag. ---
**Author:** ![Twinkie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/d07c76/32.png) [@Twinkie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Twinkie)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2006, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/slightly-more-than-a-3-hour-tour-a-sea-going-mmp/367664/159 "2006-08-09T15:30:22Z")
Mika - I think I killed your IMHO thread. I’m sorry! If I were a supervillian, I’d be called “Buzzkill.” There’s a guy at my front door with no arms and no legs. His name is Matt. His brother, also armless and legless, is hiding in a pile of leaves. His name? Russell. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2006, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/slightly-more-than-a-3-hour-tour-a-sea-going-mmp/367664/160 "2006-08-09T15:30:37Z")
Bobbio, that last one about made me fall over giggling. 😃 😃 😃 😃 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/slightly-more-than-a-3-hour-tour-a-sea-going-mmp/367664.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/slightly-more-than-a-3-hour-tour-a-sea-going-mmp/367664.md?page=9)