# Slimeball Attorney Gives "Late" Christmas Gifts

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/slimeball-attorney-gives-late-christmas-gifts/222449>\
**Category:** The BBQ Pit\
**Created:** [January 3, 2004, 7:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/slimeball-attorney-gives-late-christmas-gifts/222449 "2004-01-03T07:21:52Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 4\
**Page:** 3

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**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\
**Post date:** [January 6, 2004, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/slimeball-attorney-gives-late-christmas-gifts/222449/41 "2004-01-06T18:42:43Z")

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You guys are looking at this all wrong. Assume the fire-ee is an incompetent yutz who deserves the boot. Kicking his ass into the snow on Dec 13, or Jan 5th will render him indistinguishable from the thousands of other incompetent yutzes who deservedly lose their jobs throughout the year.

But think of the favor you are doing him by firing him on Dec 24! You are providing this particular yutz with a story he can tell til his grave. He will undoubtedly cage a few sympathy drinks out of it.

**Bill** , you are a regular damn humanitarian and an inspiration. I knew there was a valid reason for having all these employees provide their birthdates…

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**Author:** ![Spiff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spiff/32/9852_2.png) [@Spiff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiff)\
**Post date:** [January 6, 2004, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/slimeball-attorney-gives-late-christmas-gifts/222449/42 "2004-01-06T19:08:40Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Dewey Cheatem Undhow \*  
> **My boss, an attorney, bought me, also an attorney, _The Two Towers_ Extended Edition DVD for Christmas.**

Dear Og, I hope it was the [widescreen](http://www.theonion.com/3949/news3.html) edition!

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**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\
**Post date:** [January 6, 2004, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/slimeball-attorney-gives-late-christmas-gifts/222449/43 "2004-01-06T20:33:02Z")

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And my only criticism of the term “slimeball attorney” is that it seems redundantly repetitive…

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**Author:** ![Morbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morbo/32/389_2.png) [@Morbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morbo)\
**Post date:** [January 6, 2004, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/slimeball-attorney-gives-late-christmas-gifts/222449/44 "2004-01-06T20:59:44Z")

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My favorite Hutz gem:

Hutz: All right gentleman, I will take your case. But I will require a thousand dollar retainer.

Bart: A thousand dollars? But your ad says “no money down”!

::shows ad from Yellow Pages::

Works on contingency  
No Money Down

Hutz: Oh, they got this all screwed up.

::quickly scribbles on ad::

Works on contingency **?**  
No\*\*!\*\* Money down\*\*!\*\*

Bart: So you don’t work on a contingency basis?

Hutz: No, money down! Oops, I shouldn’t have the Bar Association logo here either…

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