# Slut Shaming **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [August 25, 2016, 4:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/slut-shaming/763882 "2016-08-25T04:52:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![rock\_party](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e19b73/32.png) [@rock\_party](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rock_party)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2016, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/slut-shaming/763882/61 "2016-08-26T18:11:11Z")
PrEP (pre-exposure prophylaxis–Truvada) is a drug which greatly reduces the chance of HIV infection. It’s been out for years but doctors were reluctant to prescribe it. They believed patients asking for it just wanted to have lots of unprotected sex. Gay men, sex workers, ect. were routinely denied the drug. Attitudes have changed recently, and now the drug is prescribed to those who want it. ---
**Author:** ![puddleglum](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puddleglum/32/137_2.png) [@puddleglum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puddleglum)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2016, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/slut-shaming/763882/62 "2016-08-26T18:32:05Z")
> [@you\_with\_the\_face](#): > > Not wanting to marry a “slut” suggests men do find them objectionable. Their value is diminished because they are permanently tainted somehow…in a way that men doing the exact same thing (and more) are not. But I gotta love how we ignore that in favor of attributing thousands of years of patriarchal tradition to women. As if this thread is teeming with women who are using categories like slut and stud as if they are taxonomic terms. As a male you don’t want to spend your resources raising other people’s kids. If a girl is willing to defy convention and sleep around before marriage would probably be more likely to defy convention and sleep around after marriage potentially getting pregnant with another man’s child. As a female you don’t want women sleeping around before marriage and upsetting the cartel and you don’t want women trying to steal men from married women. That is why slut shaming is more predominant among women than men. ---
**Author:** ![Jimmy\_Chitwood](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f475e1/32.png) [@Jimmy\_Chitwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jimmy_Chitwood)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2016, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/slut-shaming/763882/63 "2016-08-26T18:57:44Z")
Not in this thread, it sure ain’t. ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2016, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/slut-shaming/763882/64 "2016-08-26T21:18:21Z")
> [@puddleglum](#): > > As a male you don’t want to spend your resources raising other people’s kids. If a girl is willing to defy convention and sleep around before marriage would probably be more likely to defy convention and sleep around after marriage potentially getting pregnant with another man’s child. Makes total sense…except no it doesn’t. Cheating on a spouse and passing off some other guy’s baby as your husbands requires a series of unethical decisions, all of which reflect negatively on someone’s character. Having a history of multiple lovers at most means a love for sex and variety; dishonesty, selfishness, or disloyalty should not be inferred from the number of partners a woman has had. And if you disagree, I have to wonder what is it about manhood that makes men exempt from the same assumptions? What woman wants a husband who will cheat on her and impregnant other women, spreading thin his time, attention, and resources? If promiscuity was a reliable indicator of fidelity and character, what is good enough for the goose is good for the gander, right? Unless our social mores condition us to excuse the moral failings of men while pressuring women to be saints…then it totally makes sense why expectations should be so unequal. ---
**Author:** ![E-DUB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/e-dub/32/403_2.png) [@E-DUB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/E-DUB)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2016, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/slut-shaming/763882/65 "2016-08-26T22:27:49Z")
Men don’t want to marry sluts because of the belief that they will always find one man insufficient. And you don’t want that one man to be you. If that constitutes “objectionable”, I revise my earlier post. ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2016, 12:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/slut-shaming/763882/66 "2016-08-27T00:08:26Z")
> [@E-DUB](#): > > Men don’t want to marry sluts because of the belief that they will always find one man insufficient. And you don’t want that one man to be you. If that constitutes “objectionable”, I revise my earlier post. For years, women have been pressured to stay uneducated and jobless for the same reason. Because of male insecurity leading men to think smart, financially independent women wouldn’t be content with them. That spells no control. Pretty objectionable when you think about it. ---
**Author:** ![E-DUB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/e-dub/32/403_2.png) [@E-DUB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/E-DUB)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2016, 1:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/slut-shaming/763882/67 "2016-08-27T01:41:54Z")
My wife has a masters, I just have a BA, so I wouldn’t know. ---
**Author:** ![Sitnam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Sitnam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sitnam)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2016, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/slut-shaming/763882/68 "2016-08-27T03:04:15Z")
For fuck sake. Am I the only one here who thinks even _using_ the term ‘slut-shaming’ STILL puts it on the woman? Misogynist pricks, how about we make the topic about that? ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2016, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/slut-shaming/763882/69 "2016-08-27T03:38:30Z")
Gender aside, is it genuinely offensive to suggest that getting blotto in public is a bad idea? ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2016, 12:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/slut-shaming/763882/70 "2016-08-27T12:02:43Z")
> [@E-DUB](#): > > My wife has a masters, I just have a BA, so I wouldn’t know. But you can think about it, no? ---
**Author:** ![Memnon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f1d935/32.png) [@Memnon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Memnon)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2016, 12:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/slut-shaming/763882/71 "2016-08-27T12:29:55Z")
> [@Sitnam](#): > > For fuck sake. Am I the only one here who thinks even _using_ the term ‘slut-shaming’ STILL puts it on the woman? > > Misogynist pricks, how about we make the topic about that? Problem with that is that women slut-shame every bit as much as men. Maybe even more so. ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2016, 12:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/slut-shaming/763882/72 "2016-08-27T12:38:58Z")
Women also blame the other woman when a man cheats. Doesn’t make it ok or right. Just that women internalize the crap society throws at them. How about we try to change the conversation and maybe our daughters and granddaughters won’t do it. ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2016, 12:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/slut-shaming/763882/73 "2016-08-27T12:40:57Z")
> [@Memnon](#): > > Problem with that is that women slut-shame every bit as much as men. Maybe even more so. So you admit it’s a problem? Because your earlier posts presented a rationalization for it that was, btw, decidedly male-focused. So how about you forget about the ladies and unpack that some more. ---
**Author:** ![octopus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/octopus/32/3716_2.png) [@octopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/octopus)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2016, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/slut-shaming/763882/74 "2016-08-27T14:28:29Z")
> [@Jimmy\_Chitwood](#): > > Not in this thread, it sure ain’t. This board isn’t representative of society as a whole. > [@Sitnam](#): > > For fuck sake. Am I the only one here who thinks even _using_ the term ‘slut-shaming’ STILL puts it on the woman? > > Misogynist pricks, how about we make the topic about that? Feel free. Who says this is woman hatred, though? Societal mores impact a lot of behaviors not just sexual. Not all are motivated by misogyny, misandry, or mis\_\_\_\_y. > [@IvoryTowerDenizen](#): > > Women also blame the other woman when a man cheats. > > Doesn’t make it ok or right. Just that women internalize the crap society throws at them. How about we try to change the conversation and maybe our daughters and granddaughters won’t do it. The woman is to blame as well though. Like it or not, we live in a group. Behavior the group likes or dislikes has consequences. ---
**Author:** ![E-DUB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/e-dub/32/403_2.png) [@E-DUB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/E-DUB)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2016, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/slut-shaming/763882/75 "2016-08-27T14:48:06Z")
A woman who gets involved with a man she _knows_ to be married does warrant a share of blame. (IE: Monica Lewinski.) A woman who gets involved with a man whom she doesn’t know is married doesn’t and is a victim along with the guy’s spouse. (This one works with the genders reversed too, before anybody comes down on me.) ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2016, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/slut-shaming/763882/76 "2016-08-27T14:58:33Z")
We can argue whether a woman who made no vow or commitment to the wife should bear any blame. That’s predicated on the outmoded idea that men get lured and simply can’t say no to sexual desire. That’s probably a topic for another thread. However the issue is not if the other woman should take some of the blame. The issue is that women see her as bearing the _bulk_ of the blame due to slut shaming ideas. When a woman strays she’s at fault. She’s cuckolded him. When a man strays the woman is still at fault. She’s the home wrecker. ---
**Author:** ![Memnon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f1d935/32.png) [@Memnon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Memnon)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2016, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/slut-shaming/763882/77 "2016-08-27T15:19:03Z")
> [@IvoryTowerDenizen](#): > > Women also blame the other woman when a man cheats. > > Doesn’t make it ok or right. Just that women internalise the crap society throws at them. How about we try to change the conversation and maybe our daughters and granddaughters won’t do it. Everyone internalises what society throws at them. Men blame other men when their wives cheat, too. Men _kill_ other men when their wives cheat. > [@youwiththeface](#): > > So you admit it’s a problem? Because your earlier posts presented a rationalisation for it that was, btw, decidedly male-focused. So how about you forget about the ladies and unpack that some more. I’m honestly not sure what you’re asking for here. ---
**Author:** ![Sitnam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Sitnam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sitnam)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2016, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/slut-shaming/763882/78 "2016-08-27T15:24:42Z")
> [@E-DUB](#): > > A woman who gets involved with a man she _knows_ to be married does warrant a share of blame. What blame? She’s single and can do whatever she likes. She didn’t break any marriage vows or betray the trust of someone close to her. If she and this married woman were close then, yes, some far smaller share of blame. ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2016, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/slut-shaming/763882/79 "2016-08-27T15:29:17Z")
> [@Memnon](#): > > Everyone internalises what society throws at them. Men blame other men when their wives cheat, too. Men _kill_ other men when their wives cheat. > . Show me where I said it was 100% assigned to the women. Yes, of course we internalize what society says. That’s the point. Some of the messages are horribly damaging and we should work really hard to change the conversation. ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2016, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/slut-shaming/763882/80 "2016-08-27T15:33:42Z")
> [@Memnon](#): > > I’m honestly not sure what you’re asking for here. I’m asking you to be clear as to whether you believe slut shaming is problematic. Earlier, you said it was “totally fair” that “sluts” get stigma while “studs” get admired. Posted all kind of rationalizations for it and everything. But then you (along with others) started accusing women of being the main perpetrators of slut shaming, in response to a poster who alluded to misogyny. (As if women can’t have beliefs that are anti-female and disempowering.) Do you think its a problem or not? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/slut-shaming/763882.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/slut-shaming/763882.md?page=5)