# Small Guest Problem, Need Advice **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 20, 2013, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/small-guest-problem-need-advice/656252 "2013-04-20T20:03:56Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![GrandWino](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grandwino/32/67_2.png) [@GrandWino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrandWino)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2013, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/small-guest-problem-need-advice/656252/101 "2013-04-24T18:36:18Z")
> [@spinky](#): > > If you try to poke holes in someone’s polite fiction, they have to either drop the politeness (“Look, I just want to stay somewhere else, ok?”) or come up with an alternate excuse on the fly. It’s pretty clear that the OP’s friend has an idea of how things will go if she dropped the politeness. ---
**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2013, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/small-guest-problem-need-advice/656252/102 "2013-04-24T23:21:02Z")
> [@bookaholic](#): > > What would you do? Honestly? I’d stop sulking and stamping my feet and enjoy the time I _do_ get to spend with my friend. I don’t get to see most of my old friends so often I can afford to waste any of our time together (or just cancel a visit outright) pouting about how they’re not arranging things exactly to suit me. I would also accept the tv thing as the polite fiction it really is; if someone cares enough about me to invent a polite fiction to spare my feelings, I’m not going to piss all over their efforts by poking and probing and criticizing said fiction to shreds. ---
**Author:** ![bookaholic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/dec6dc/32.png) [@bookaholic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bookaholic)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2013, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/small-guest-problem-need-advice/656252/103 "2013-05-21T22:24:36Z")
Dear Gentle Respondees: Your attention to this matter is much appreciated, I feel your comments could have been much less complicated. As I made my decision right on page the first, Your need to go on in this vein, just makes the matter worse. Posted exactly as it was, my dilemma was just that, In this incidence, at least, I am not the brat. So, in the future, public dear, Keep it much more simple. Against your volcano of words, My OP was a pimple. ---
**Author:** ![R3d\_Anonymous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/aeb1de/32.png) [@R3d\_Anonymous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/R3d_Anonymous)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2013, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/small-guest-problem-need-advice/656252/104 "2013-05-21T22:28:46Z")
Is there really any reason you didn’t post this before and now almost a month later? That was pretty random. ---
**Author:** ![CrabRangoon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9e8a1a/32.png) [@CrabRangoon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrabRangoon)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2013, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/small-guest-problem-need-advice/656252/105 "2013-05-21T22:32:42Z")
It must have taken a month to construct that response. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2013, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/small-guest-problem-need-advice/656252/106 "2013-05-22T02:06:29Z")
Ooookay. > [@gracer](#): > > But apparently it is some form of torture because living without a tv for 3 days is unfathomably cruel? Or someone making you food is intrusive. Or going to bed at whatever time you choose is like living with rabid wolves. Depends. Maybe hubby’s a sports fan and wants to watch baseball. I know that if I were going to be invited somewhere right now, and found out there wasn’t a TV, I’d prefer to stay at a hotel. Friendship or not, I _ain’t_ missing the Stanley Cup play-offs! 😉 And maybe she doesn’t like her friend’s cooking and doesn’t want to say so. Maybe she’s not a huge breakfast eater. (I’m a banana and yogurt type girl myself) And some people have sleep issues. ---
**Author:** ![R3d\_Anonymous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/aeb1de/32.png) [@R3d\_Anonymous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/R3d_Anonymous)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2013, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/small-guest-problem-need-advice/656252/107 "2013-05-22T02:18:30Z")
Mind telling is how the actual stay went, now that you have bumped this thread to compose a post that could have been made a few weeks ago? ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2013, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/small-guest-problem-need-advice/656252/108 "2013-05-22T02:27:17Z")
Perhaps the OP does not realize that sometimes the ongoing discussion in a thread isn’t necessarily meant for the OP. Sometimes it’s just us, talking amongst ourselves. ---
**Author:** ![Tortuga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c4cdca/32.png) [@Tortuga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tortuga)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2013, 6:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/small-guest-problem-need-advice/656252/109 "2013-05-22T06:21:28Z")
Well, I do hope she bumps it after the fourth of July to let us know that it all went Perfectly Fine, although Wasn’t It A Shame that they didn’t get to spend “quite as much time catching up as [they] might have liked.” ---
**Author:** ![6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/6/e19adc/32.png) [@6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2013, 6:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/small-guest-problem-need-advice/656252/110 "2013-05-22T06:53:48Z")
If the “late night girl talk” includes reading random pieces of your poetry to her, the reason for the hotel stay becomes a lot less mysterious… ---
**Author:** ![MandaJo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2013, 10:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/small-guest-problem-need-advice/656252/111 "2013-05-22T10:30:58Z")
You know, by the standards of entirely random internet poetry, that was not bad. Damning with faint praise, I know, but still. ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2013, 1:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/small-guest-problem-need-advice/656252/112 "2013-05-22T13:20:55Z")
I assume that “As I made my decision right on page the first,” means that you decided to call the whole thing off. I think that’s a wise decision given that you could not contain your hostility towards your guest. In the future, consider sparing your gentle readers’ valuable time by not soliciting opinions that you have no intention of fielding. You’d already made up your mind, so why the pretense of a dilemma? Finally, some well-meant advice: Pastoral settings make beautiful paintings, but creative people usually require more stimulation than a mooing cow to fulfill them. Perhaps you should venture out of the boondocks more often. I think a change of scenery is good for everyone. ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2013, 1:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/small-guest-problem-need-advice/656252/113 "2013-05-22T13:44:18Z")
> [@PunditLisa](#): > > I assume that “As I made my decision right on page the first,” means that you decided to call the whole thing off. I think that’s a wise decision given that you could not contain your hostility towards your guest. No, I think this is what the OP decided. > [@bookaholic](#): > > OK. Ascenray came up with the best answer. I am going to do things her way this year, and she will see how much it sucks, and go back to the original plan next year. > I think she is being a baby and if she wants to pay upwards of 200 bux to stay 20 miles away, fine. ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2013, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/small-guest-problem-need-advice/656252/114 "2013-05-22T14:54:07Z")
Things not to discuss during late-night girly chats: 1. The SDMB 2. Your username 3. Hi Opal! ☹ 4. “I, uh, wrote a thread about this weekend. Perhaps you’d like to read it?” ---
**Author:** ![spinky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/59ef9b/32.png) [@spinky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spinky)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2013, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/small-guest-problem-need-advice/656252/115 "2013-05-22T16:58:09Z")
I have to admit I’m very curious about the reaction when the friend doesn’t “see how much it sucks, and go back to the original plan next year,” like the OP is so sure will happen. That seems like a pretty unlikely outcome to me. The friend is probably already familiar with what staying in a hotel is like, so what’s the big sucky surprise going to be? ---
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2013, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/small-guest-problem-need-advice/656252/116 "2013-05-22T17:34:39Z")
Once, an old girlfriend of mine shared a bottle of wine and agreed to tell each other what our worst personality flaws are. She told me “you try too hard”. She was right, I go overboard with compliments because I’m not very comfortable with most women, and only very direct types seem comfortable with me. When t was my turn, I told her “You’re exhausting.” See, she always has the Best Way to do things, always knows the Best Place to eat or shop, always knows the Best Music and Best Movies and any attempt to share our ideas with her gets argued down in a thorough, tedious, _exhausting_ manner. She just quite calmly talks us to death, and nearly every sentence begins with I, Me, or My. She was the Valedictorian and used to her role as group leader, and accustomed to hearing nothing but praise for her ideas. She might have held onto that role twenty years too long. I know, I know, cool story brah, but maybe this holiday will be a good chance to split a bottle of wine and ask direct questions. Just be prepared to hear the truth. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2013, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/small-guest-problem-need-advice/656252/117 "2013-05-22T17:49:12Z")
What would you bet that the very things the OP was missing, (cooking the big breakfast, staying up late giggling with wine, etc.), are the very things the guest was trying to escape. She’s been going along silently out of a feeling of obligation to ‘play along’ as any guest in the household ought to. Perhaps without realizing it would be enshrined as a ‘must do’, every visit, they even enjoyed it the first time. Isn’t that the kind of symmetry that life seems to favour? ---
**Author:** ![Anaptyxis](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/anaptyxis/32/3171_2.png) [@Anaptyxis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaptyxis)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2013, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/small-guest-problem-need-advice/656252/118 "2013-05-22T18:02:54Z")
If you didn’t want opinions From all of Cecil’s minions And were looking for decorum, Next time choose a different forum. ---
**Author:** ![Cinnamon\_Imp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58956e/32.png) [@Cinnamon\_Imp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cinnamon_Imp)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2013, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/small-guest-problem-need-advice/656252/119 "2013-05-22T18:21:38Z")
> [@bookaholic](#): > > My OP was a pimple. _pop_ ---
**Author:** ![Scarlett67](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scarlett67/32/7387_2.png) [@Scarlett67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scarlett67)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2013, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/small-guest-problem-need-advice/656252/120 "2013-05-22T18:32:35Z")
> [@Anaptyxis](#): > > If you didn’t want opinions > From all of Cecil’s minions > And were looking for decorum, > Next time choose a different forum. \ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/small-guest-problem-need-advice/656252.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/small-guest-problem-need-advice/656252.md?page=7)