# Smarmy songs that make you want to kick the singers (even though you wouldn't) **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 1, 2001, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smarmy-songs-that-make-you-want-to-kick-the-singers-even-though-you-wouldnt/70857 "2001-07-01T17:07:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 10
**Author:** ![FallenAngel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@FallenAngel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FallenAngel)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2001, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smarmy-songs-that-make-you-want-to-kick-the-singers-even-though-you-wouldnt/70857/181 "2001-08-22T21:20:24Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by JohnT \* > \*\ ***Fallenangel** , the Dan Fogelberg song is “Same Auld Lang Syne.” > > **Angel of the Lord** , Come on Eileen is a GREAT song! 😛 No, really! > > I cannot believe that this thread has gone through 3 whole pages with not one mention of Air Supply (Lost in Love, All out of Love, Making Love Out of Nothing at All). Are y’all losing your touch or something? 😉 > > But, the all-time cheesiest song (yeah, I know the OP said “smarmy” but what do we care? 😉 ) has to be the Charlie Dore “classic” _Pilot of the Airways_. > > _Pilot of the Airways, here is my request. > You don’t have to play it but I hope you do your best. > I’ve been listening to your show on the radio, > and you seem like a friend to me._ \*\* **JohnT** : First of all, Welcome aboard. Secondly: Thanks for giving me the title to that piece of Fogelberg drek. Thirdly, When I was 6 or 7, “Pilot of the Airwaves” was on the charts. I bought the damn thing on 45. I still have it and, given your deep and abiding relationship with the tune, will gladly break my rule about never parting with vinyl and sell it to you for $10. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Miss\_Creant](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b487fb/32.png) [@Miss\_Creant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miss_Creant)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2001, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smarmy-songs-that-make-you-want-to-kick-the-singers-even-though-you-wouldnt/70857/182 "2001-08-22T21:42:16Z")
I know this doesn’t qualify as smarmy, but God it drives me nuts. Frankie Avalon- Walk Like a Man hey Frankie, could you sing like a man or is Annette holding on to your balls too tight? ---
**Author:** ![navtechie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b19c9b/32.png) [@navtechie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/navtechie)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2001, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smarmy-songs-that-make-you-want-to-kick-the-singers-even-though-you-wouldnt/70857/183 "2001-08-22T21:56:08Z")
Hmmmm, I had to rack my brain good to remember some songs that I detest. **The Name of The Game** by ABBA **If You Want My Love** by Cheap Trick blech! I could list more but I must go empty the contents of my entire GI tract. ---
**Author:** ![Fibonacci](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/df788c/32.png) [@Fibonacci](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fibonacci)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2001, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smarmy-songs-that-make-you-want-to-kick-the-singers-even-though-you-wouldnt/70857/184 "2001-08-22T23:27:53Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Miss Creant \* > \*\*I know this doesn’t qualify as smarmy, but God it drives me nuts. > Frankie Avalon- Walk Like a Man > hey Frankie, could you sing like a man or is Annette holding on to your balls too tight? \*\* I think that was Frankie Valli of the Four Season fame. You may still be right about Annette though. ---
**Author:** ![Miss\_Creant](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b487fb/32.png) [@Miss\_Creant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miss_Creant)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2001, 2:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smarmy-songs-that-make-you-want-to-kick-the-singers-even-though-you-wouldnt/70857/185 "2001-08-23T02:09:42Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Fibonacci \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by Miss Creant \* > > \*\*I know this doesn’t qualify as smarmy, but God it drives me nuts. > > Frankie Avalon- Walk Like a Man > > hey Frankie, could you sing like a man or is Annette holding on to your balls too tight? \*\* > > I think that was Frankie Valli of the Four Season fame. You may still be right about Annette though. \*\* Thank goodness you were here. I knew it was Frankie Something and the Somethings, but I was having a slow moment. ---
**Author:** ![zoogirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b9bd4f/32.png) [@zoogirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zoogirl)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2001, 8:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smarmy-songs-that-make-you-want-to-kick-the-singers-even-though-you-wouldnt/70857/186 "2001-09-06T08:05:05Z")
As much as I love my country, in the Seventies we were subjected to something called “Canadian Content” that was just about enough to send me to Seattle FM. The idea was that stations should promote Canadian talent by playing a set percentage of locally produced songs per hour. What did this mean? “Seasons in the Sun” and “Snowbird” over and over and over… To this day, I’ll zap SITS at the first note. Some of my other “favorites” include “She’s a Lady”-oh please! " I can leave her on her own and there’s no messing" -It’s not even good poetry! I can’t stand “Wonderful World” either. It’s just too sweet. Speaking of which, that cake in “Macarthur Park” has been out in the rain WAY too long! “Honey” has made me gag since childhood and “Watching Scotty Grow” is like having a sucrose injection. Of course the ultimate, all time World’s Worst Song Award has to go to “Having My Baby”. Paul Anka has been topped as it’s singer though. Does anyone remember the first episode of “WKRP in Cincinatti”? As I recall, the station was playing easy listing and a nearly comatose Johnny Fever was at the mike. He played, no kidding, a version of “Having My Baby” by the MORMAN TABERNACLE CHOIR!!! ---
**Author:** ![zoogirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b9bd4f/32.png) [@zoogirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zoogirl)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2001, 9:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smarmy-songs-that-make-you-want-to-kick-the-singers-even-though-you-wouldnt/70857/187 "2001-09-06T09:05:38Z")
The song that truly TRULY makes me want to DO something to the singer- “Tears In Heaven”. Okay, I know, some people probably will think I should have my typing fingers cut off at the wrist for daring to dis Clapton, but come on! This is his son he’s talking about! Yes, I know a lot of people deal with pain through poetry, I’ve done a lot of it myself, but recording it for PROFIT!!! On a memorial website, yes, or sung to a few friends late at night, but that kind of loss, on the radio again and again, no way! Sorry, but I don’t think I could stand to hear it. Almost makes me wonder how much it really hurt… ---
**Author:** ![bryanmaguire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/d07c76/32.png) [@bryanmaguire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bryanmaguire)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2001, 10:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smarmy-songs-that-make-you-want-to-kick-the-singers-even-though-you-wouldnt/70857/188 "2001-09-06T10:41:10Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Fish42 \* > \*\*50+ posts into this topic and no one’s mentioned Dan Hill’s > godawful pair of hits, “Sometimes When We Touch” and > “Can’t We Try.” The last one gets bonus points for > featuring Ally McBeal’s Vonda Sheppard, who ranks just > below Celine Dion in the useless singers department. \*\* “Sometimes When We Touch” is a classic. They used to play it at discos when I was a teenager. Great memories. ---
**Author:** ![Jeremytt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/839c29/32.png) [@Jeremytt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jeremytt)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2001, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smarmy-songs-that-make-you-want-to-kick-the-singers-even-though-you-wouldnt/70857/189 "2001-09-06T17:26:48Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Purd Werfect \* > \*\*Kiss You All Over by Exile was more slimy than smarmy, but I think it still qualifies. > > Then there’s the standard by which all other crap must be measured: Midnight At The Oasis by Gloria Somebody or other. > > \*\* This was Maria Muldaur. The year was 1975, I believe ---
**Author:** ![Jeremytt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/839c29/32.png) [@Jeremytt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jeremytt)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2001, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smarmy-songs-that-make-you-want-to-kick-the-singers-even-though-you-wouldnt/70857/190 "2001-09-06T17:33:49Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by bryanmaguire \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by Fish42 \* > > \*\*50+ posts into this topic and no one’s mentioned Dan Hill’s > > godawful pair of hits, “Sometimes When We Touch” and > > “Can’t We Try.” The last one gets bonus points for > > featuring Ally McBeal’s Vonda Sheppard, who ranks just > > below Celine Dion in the useless singers department. \*\* > > “Sometimes When We Touch” is a classic. They used to play it at discos when I was a teenager. Great memories. \*\* Buddy, whatever twits your twiddle. There are people who are copraphagia, and it’s a free country. ---
**Author:** ![Fish42](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/4da419/32.png) [@Fish42](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fish42)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2001, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smarmy-songs-that-make-you-want-to-kick-the-singers-even-though-you-wouldnt/70857/191 "2001-09-06T21:03:45Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by moth \* > \*\*OK, this one isn’t smarmy-simply the most annoying song I’ve ever heard: “Sugar Shack”. I forget the name of the band (although I believe they should be legally hunted). Strangely, I remember reading that they used to back up Buddy Holly. > \*\* As someone already mentioned, the band is Jimmy Gilmer and the Fireballs. And the band did back Buddy Holly, sorta: producer Norm Petty hired them to overdub a full band onto tracks of Buddy performing solo for posthumous releases. ---
**Author:** ![psychogumby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c0e974/32.png) [@psychogumby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/psychogumby)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2001, 11:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smarmy-songs-that-make-you-want-to-kick-the-singers-even-though-you-wouldnt/70857/192 "2001-09-07T11:28:22Z")
Another worthy nomination … “Everything I Do I Do For You” by Bryan Adams. Actually, almost any song recorded by Bryan Adams recorded after ‘Summer of 69’ could qualify. He should have given up in 1984 and been remembered for being a mildly cool 80’s one hit wonder instead of being a perveyor of irritating drivel. ---
**Author:** ![Tony\_Montana](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/278dde/32.png) [@Tony\_Montana](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tony_Montana)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2001, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smarmy-songs-that-make-you-want-to-kick-the-singers-even-though-you-wouldnt/70857/193 "2001-09-07T23:10:58Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Edwardina \* > \*\*I don’t know the name or the singer, but I keep hearing it on the oldies station in my area: > > “_Young girl, get out of my mind_, > _My love for you is way out of line . . . > Younnnnnng girllllll, you’re so younnnnnnng, girlllllll!_” > > Now **that’s** smarmy! \*\* not to mention it sound like something a pedophile would be thinking _ack_ ☹ ---
**Author:** ![zoogirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b9bd4f/32.png) [@zoogirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zoogirl)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2001, 6:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smarmy-songs-that-make-you-want-to-kick-the-singers-even-though-you-wouldnt/70857/194 "2001-09-08T06:30:31Z")
Nope, sorry, gotta disagree on that one. Listen to the song. The guy is totally upset that she played him for a fool. She was obviously passing herself off as a lot older and now he’s telling her to take off. Some of my sneakier and braver friends did that a LOT. I had one friend that could get in bars at 14- and did! Frequently. She used to take great delight in getting guys in a “compromising position” and then saying “By the way, I’m only 14!” Fortunately she outgrew it and settled down. While I’m at it, for pure smarm how about “Love to Love You Baby”? Donna Summer, I think. I know so far this thread hasn’t gone further back than the Fifties, but I just have to cast a vote for Sinatra. Him, his music, heck, I probably wouldn’t be able to stand his DOG! The guy is the zenith of smarm! ---
**Author:** ![Tony\_Montana](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/278dde/32.png) [@Tony\_Montana](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tony_Montana)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2001, 7:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smarmy-songs-that-make-you-want-to-kick-the-singers-even-though-you-wouldnt/70857/195 "2001-09-08T07:48:44Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by zoogirl \* > \*\*Nope, sorry, gotta disagree on that one. Listen to the song. The guy is totally upset that she played him for a fool. She was obviously passing herself off as a lot older and now he’s telling her to take off. Some of my sneakier and braver friends did that a LOT. I had one friend that could get in bars at 14- and did! Frequently. She used to take great delight in getting guys in a “compromising position” and then saying “By the way, I’m only 14!” Fortunately she outgrew it and settled down. > While I’m at it, for pure smarm how about “Love to Love You Baby”? Donna Summer, I think. I know so far this thread hasn’t gone further back than the Fifties, but I just have to cast a vote for Sinatra. Him, his music, heck, I probably wouldn’t be able to stand his DOG! The guy is the zenith of smarm! \*\* your right i never listened to the song. i read it just as it was posted,out of context. OT: reminds me,i heard the song:“papa was a rolling stone” for the first time last year.and i thought:“man that song is terrible,downright depressing” ---
**Author:** ![the\_O-man](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/9f8e36/32.png) [@the\_O-man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/the_O-man)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2001, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smarmy-songs-that-make-you-want-to-kick-the-singers-even-though-you-wouldnt/70857/196 "2001-09-08T14:45:12Z")
I have long contended that if you want to have a multi-national, blockbuster superhit, all you had to do is write a song about an unhealthy, codependent relationship. Examples: **"Nothing Compares 2 U" - Sinead O’Connor “Everything I Do, I Do it for You” - Bryan Adams “I Will Always Love You” - Whitney Houston** I’ve always enjoyed the cynical nature of **Tom Petty’s “You Got Lucky”,** although I think it could be categorized as smarmy: _“you got lucky, babe, when I found you…”_ As for lyrics that irritate me, I would say the McCartney-Jackson collaboration, **"The Girl is Mine"** _“Don’t waste your time, the doggone girl is mine,”_ Yeah, that’s complementary… ---
**Author:** ![Hello\_Again](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/85e7bf/32.png) [@Hello\_Again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hello_Again)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2001, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smarmy-songs-that-make-you-want-to-kick-the-singers-even-though-you-wouldnt/70857/197 "2001-09-08T17:45:32Z")
OMG I am so excited that I got to the end of the thread and no one has posted MY personal smarmiest song. (lame aren’t I?) I confess to not knowing the “artist” but its a fairly current song and contains the following lines: _You’re my angel, you’re my darling angel/ **closer than my peeps you are to me…** _ The mangled grammar, the use of the word “peeps”… eek. Every time I hear this on the radio, I want to throw a brick through the window of my local radio station. BTW, the first time I hear the Pearl Jam cover of “last kiss” I sincerely thought it was a public service ad for MADD or something. ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2001, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smarmy-songs-that-make-you-want-to-kick-the-singers-even-though-you-wouldnt/70857/198 "2001-09-08T19:08:29Z")
First of all, let’s not confuse “smarmy” with “bad.” **To All the Girls I’ve Loved Before"** is definitely smarmy because it has a touch of sleaziness to it. On the other hand, “Wildfire” is just bad. Has anyone mentioned Rod Stewart’s **Do Ya Think I’m Sexy?** Aarrgh! Though Rod didn’t wait to hear my answer, let me say my final answer is, “Uh, no.” I’d also like to nominate Marvin Gaye’s **Sexual Healing**. “Wake up, wake up, wake up, let’s make love tonight.” Trust me, if my lover woke me up in the middle of the night, he’d need healing all right. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smarmy-songs-that-make-you-want-to-kick-the-singers-even-though-you-wouldnt/70857.md?page=9)