# Smarmy songs that make you want to kick the singers (even though you wouldn't) **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 1, 2001, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smarmy-songs-that-make-you-want-to-kick-the-singers-even-though-you-wouldnt/70857 "2001-07-01T17:07:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Fenris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fenris/32/498_2.png) [@Fenris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fenris)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2001, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smarmy-songs-that-make-you-want-to-kick-the-singers-even-though-you-wouldnt/70857/41 "2001-07-02T03:51:10Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by ThisYearsGirl \* > \*\*And the version of Angel of the morning that’s on the radio was recorded bu Juice Newton, but someone else recorded it originally. And, if I recall correctly, Olivia Newton John and Bonnie Tyler both have a version. \*\* P.P. Arnold recorded it first. (How is it that I remember that, but can’t remember my mom’s birthday?) Fenris ---
**Author:** ![Edwardina](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Edwardina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Edwardina)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2001, 4:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smarmy-songs-that-make-you-want-to-kick-the-singers-even-though-you-wouldnt/70857/42 "2001-07-02T04:03:26Z")
I don’t know the name or the singer, but I keep hearing it on the oldies station in my area: “_Young girl, get out of my mind_, _My love for you is way out of line . . . Younnnnnng girllllll, you’re so younnnnnnng, girlllllll!_” Now **that’s** smarmy! ---
**Author:** ![pepperlandgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f17d59/32.png) [@pepperlandgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pepperlandgirl)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2001, 4:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smarmy-songs-that-make-you-want-to-kick-the-singers-even-though-you-wouldnt/70857/43 "2001-07-02T04:10:24Z")
**Edwardina** the band you are thinking of is Gary Pucket and the Union Gap I hate that song, more than any song…ever. ---
**Author:** ![DynoSaur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DynoSaur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DynoSaur)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2001, 4:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smarmy-songs-that-make-you-want-to-kick-the-singers-even-though-you-wouldnt/70857/44 "2001-07-02T04:22:52Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Edwardina \* > \*\*I don’t know the name or the singer, but I keep hearing it on the oldies station in my area: > > “_Young girl, get out of my mind_, > _My love for you is way out of line . . . > Younnnnnng girllllll, you’re so younnnnnnng, girlllllll!_” > > Now **that’s** smarmy! \*\* I think this is Gary Puckett and the Union Gap. Unfortunately, my mother loves this group. Fortunately, I live four hours away from her so I never have to hear it. The fact that she owns a CD that is completely filled with songs like that disturbs me to no end, though. And, in the “Why, god, why?” category of cover songs…Madonna and that…thing…she did to American Pie has already been mentioned, but Everclear is right up there with a godawful version of “Brown-Eyed Girl” Actually, a bunch of Everclear songs can be put in this category. I like them, but I don’t really need to hear more songs about how his childhood sucked… ---
**Author:** ![AbbySthrnAccent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/eb9ed0/32.png) [@AbbySthrnAccent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AbbySthrnAccent)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2001, 5:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smarmy-songs-that-make-you-want-to-kick-the-singers-even-though-you-wouldnt/70857/45 "2001-07-02T05:01:22Z")
Achey Breaky Heart Elvira Swingin ---
**Author:** ![Edwardina](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Edwardina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Edwardina)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2001, 5:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smarmy-songs-that-make-you-want-to-kick-the-singers-even-though-you-wouldnt/70857/46 "2001-07-02T05:15:21Z")
Hey, I happened to like **Elvira**. . . when I was 5. I still kind of like it for the nostalgia value: “\*Ooom-boppa oom-boppa mow mow . . . Giddyup uh oom-boppa oom-boppa mow mow . . . \*” P.S. Down with Gary Puckett and the Union Gap! ---
**Author:** ![ThisYearsGirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/73ab20/32.png) [@ThisYearsGirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThisYearsGirl)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2001, 5:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smarmy-songs-that-make-you-want-to-kick-the-singers-even-though-you-wouldnt/70857/47 "2001-07-02T05:37:35Z")
[QUOTE] \*Originally posted by DynoSaur \* \*\* > [@](#): > > I think this is Gary Puckett and the Union Gap. Gary Puckett and the Union Gap? That has got to be the stupidest band name of all time. Please tell me it’s some kind of cool cultural reference that I’m too young to get. > [@](#): > > Everclear is right up there with a godawful version of “Brown-Eyed Girl” > Actually, a bunch of Everclear songs can be put in this category. I like them, but I don’t really need to hear more songs about how his childhood sucked… \*\* Has anyone seen the video for this song? I saw it once, on VH1 at 4 am, and have never seen it again, and God as my witness, I could not follow what the hell was going on–was the brown eyed girl his sister? And boy do I hate Everclear! They are quite the smarmy bastards. I liked them better when they were drug addicts. And didn’t the lead singer beat his wife? God, that just made me truly hate them. And I love Sly and the Family Stone, but they have this one song, “It’s a Family Affair,” that just so gross and slick and trying to be sexy, but it just sounds awful. And I hate all those cliche sex songs–“Let’s Get it On” “Sexual Healing” “Crash” some Barry White songs I don’t know the names of. Is anyone actually turned on by these songs? They just seem to be trying to so hard to be sex songs that they’re just gross. It takes more than stupid, completely not-subtle lyrics to get me into bed. ---
**Author:** ![Marvel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/779978/32.png) [@Marvel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marvel)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2001, 6:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smarmy-songs-that-make-you-want-to-kick-the-singers-even-though-you-wouldnt/70857/48 "2001-07-02T06:23:34Z")
Folks might not remember this “novelty” hit from the late 80s or early 90s, but without a doubt the ONE song most likely to make me gouge my eyes out with a dull butter knife is… “Dear Mr. Jesus” Ring any bells? The jist of the song was a little girl writes a letter to Jesus about child abuse, including her own…and, God help me, there was a video for it. It was sung by a little girl and for added creepiness, she attempts (and fails) at being dramatic when she sings, “I pray.” “Dear Mr. Jesus” got played ad nausium when it first came out and folks called DJs to talk about their own abuse. Now, “What’s the Matter Here?” by 10,000 Maniacs covers the same topic, but they do it without laying on the schmaltz on a serious subject. But THIS one… Ewww…I feel so WRONG just thinking of that song. I must go clense myself! Where’s my Dead Kennedys tape…? Stealing People’s Mail, Patty ---
**Author:** ![Weird\_AL\_Einstein](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c67d28/32.png) [@Weird\_AL\_Einstein](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Weird_AL_Einstein)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2001, 6:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smarmy-songs-that-make-you-want-to-kick-the-singers-even-though-you-wouldnt/70857/49 "2001-07-02T06:51:47Z")
_End of the Innocence_ by Don Henley, smarmy in a dreary and depressing kinda way. _One Sweet Day_ by Mariah Carey & Boyz 2 Men, enough concentrated syrup to send you into insulin shock. _Imagine_ by John Lennon, after listening to this song, I seriously doubt if I would ever want the world to “be as one”. _We Don’t Have to Take Our Clothes Off_ by ? (some guy), imagine you are in the desert, dying of thirst, and some idiot is singing about how he doesn’t want to drink all this ice cold water he has. Arrrrgh. Bastard. _Live Like an Animal_ by ?, I’ve listened to it…they _aren’t_ joking. Oh yes, and I totally agree about _Signs_. I’m sure I’ll think of more, many more, after I post this. ---
**Author:** ![BooBoo316](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e0b2c6/32.png) [@BooBoo316](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BooBoo316)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2001, 7:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smarmy-songs-that-make-you-want-to-kick-the-singers-even-though-you-wouldnt/70857/50 "2001-07-02T07:21:59Z")
_cough_ Celine Dion _cough_ ---
**Author:** ![casdave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c6cbf5/32.png) [@casdave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/casdave)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2001, 7:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smarmy-songs-that-make-you-want-to-kick-the-singers-even-though-you-wouldnt/70857/51 "2001-07-02T07:22:32Z")
**Snifter** About the song _Brass in pocket_ The first lines of the song _Got brass, in pocket, Got bottle, I’m gonna use it, Intention, I feel inventive Gonna make you, make you, make you notice me_ Brass being a UK colloquiallism for money, bottle being another for courage. So the song is about a woman with some money(probably pay packet) going out on the ‘pull’, its a role reversal song. ---
**Author:** ![Rosebud](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ea666f/32.png) [@Rosebud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rosebud)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2001, 1:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smarmy-songs-that-make-you-want-to-kick-the-singers-even-though-you-wouldnt/70857/52 "2001-07-02T13:20:43Z")
Hey, **Marvel** , thanks a lot! I had forgotten about “Dear Mr. Jesus.” Until now. \<\\> There, now it’s gone again. ---
**Author:** ![Sublight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/439d5e/32.png) [@Sublight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sublight)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2001, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smarmy-songs-that-make-you-want-to-kick-the-singers-even-though-you-wouldnt/70857/53 "2001-07-02T14:42:18Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by pesch \* > **"Sweet Home Alabama" – Yeah, I can understand being lectured by Neil Young is enough to make anyone grumpy, but this song’s like red meat to a Rottweiler in certain parts of the South. Reaffirms all your worst impressions about the region.** Even as a northern liberal, _Southern Man_ always made me cringe. Neil Young always struck me as being “holier-than-thou” smarminess personified. –sublight. Being from Massachusetts, Watergate didn’t bother me, either. ---
**Author:** ![Superdude](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/superdude/32/13450_2.png) [@Superdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superdude)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2001, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smarmy-songs-that-make-you-want-to-kick-the-singers-even-though-you-wouldnt/70857/54 "2001-07-02T15:12:49Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Grace \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by Biggirl \* > > \*\*How 'bout > > _I write the songs that make the whole world sing > > I write the songs of love and special things. . ._ > > > > Not to humble there, are you Barry? \*\* > > Believe it or not, that’s one song he didn’t write. \*\* And, it was about **Brian Wilson** from the Beach Boys. According to Barry, being quoted in one of the Bathroom Readers. ---
**Author:** ![R3nergy8](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e99b99/32.png) [@R3nergy8](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/R3nergy8)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2001, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smarmy-songs-that-make-you-want-to-kick-the-singers-even-though-you-wouldnt/70857/55 "2001-07-02T16:53:55Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Marvel \* > \*\*Folks might not remember this “novelty” hit from the late 80s or early 90s, but without a doubt the ONE song most likely to make me gouge my eyes out with a dull butter knife is… > > “Dear Mr. Jesus” > > Stealing People’s Mail, > Patty \*\* Yeah, you’re right about that song. But since you mentioned it, I seem to recall another similar themed song that came out around that same time: ``` **LUKA** by Suzanne Vega *...not sure if I spelled the names right...>shrugs shoulders<,who cares?...* ``` Anyway the song was about an abused child or some shit like that, can’t say for sure cause I so hated that song from the start, that I never payed close attention to it. ---
**Author:** ![Harp\_and\_Sword](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/9de053/32.png) [@Harp\_and\_Sword](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harp_and_Sword)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2001, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smarmy-songs-that-make-you-want-to-kick-the-singers-even-though-you-wouldnt/70857/56 "2001-07-02T19:18:36Z")
It has been mentioned before, but “Honey”, by Bobbie Goldsborough make me want shove an unsharpened pencil in my ear just to make it stop! ``` This song gets my vote for the worst stream of dren ever to be set to something that could laughingly be called music. ``` What was Bobbie thinking? “Hey, there isn’t enough pointless melodrama in the world, why don’t I write a really sappy song and see if insulin demand goes up.” ``` I was about 7 when this atrocity was first brought to my attention (I am not sure when it was released, so I am guessing), I hated it then, thirty years later I still do. ``` ---
**Author:** ![wring](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/838e76/32.png) [@wring](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wring)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2001, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smarmy-songs-that-make-you-want-to-kick-the-singers-even-though-you-wouldnt/70857/57 "2001-07-02T19:57:25Z")
While I agree that it’s smarmy, and that Bobby Goldborough himself can produce a diabetic reaction, the Honey Song is not in contention here. Whenever I hear it, I remember a sketch done by the Smothers Brothers. It opens with Dick (the smart one in the act) standing in front of a house with some tourists. You discover that it is ‘the Honey house’. See- the tree how big it’s grown… etc. They go through the house bit by bit, ‘she wrecked the car & I got mad’ (visual of front end of car sitting in kitchen) and so on. Tommy, of course, was the ‘Honey husband’ suitably teary. The tour ends, the tourists pay for their souvenirs etc. and Tommy turns to Dicky and says “next time I get to be the guide”. 😃 (this _Smothers Brothers_[sup]tm[/sup] moment has been brought to you by the Pat Paulson for President Campaign.) ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2001, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smarmy-songs-that-make-you-want-to-kick-the-singers-even-though-you-wouldnt/70857/58 "2001-07-02T20:13:43Z")
Aw, I love Brass in Pocket, and the last thing I’d call it is “smarmy.” As for smarmy- How’s “Freshmen”, don’t remember who it’s by. You know, it’s the one goes: _“For the life of me, I can not remember what made us think we were wise and we’d never compromise, for the life of me, I could not believe we’d ever die, for these sins, we were merely freshmen…”_ and I can swear “for these sins” sounds like forty cents! Just heard it this afternoon and remembered. And yeah, both “Southern Man” and “Sweet Home Alabama” kind of bothered me for those reasons… ---
**Author:** ![scout1222](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/34f0e0/32.png) [@scout1222](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scout1222)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2001, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smarmy-songs-that-make-you-want-to-kick-the-singers-even-though-you-wouldnt/70857/59 "2001-07-02T23:54:30Z")
How ‘bout "Lovin’ You" by that screechy high voiced Minnie Ripperton. The refrain sticks like glue. la la la la la, la la la la la, la la la la la… :: urp :: Oops, almost lost it. :: gives her a swift kick to the head :: ---
**Author:** ![Purd\_Werfect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e47c2d/32.png) [@Purd\_Werfect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Purd_Werfect)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2001, 12:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smarmy-songs-that-make-you-want-to-kick-the-singers-even-though-you-wouldnt/70857/60 "2001-07-03T00:23:02Z")
Kiss You All Over by Exile was more slimy than smarmy, but I think it still qualifies. Then there’s the standard by which all other crap must be measured: Midnight At The Oasis by Gloria Somebody or other. And who could forget Afternoon Delight by Starland Vocal Band. Then there’s CSN&Y’s Our House, which threatened to cast a foul pall over what was the one album I could tolerate by them. [sub]…runs naked down the street shrieking “You and I, dance to the beat of a different drum…”[/sub] [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smarmy-songs-that-make-you-want-to-kick-the-singers-even-though-you-wouldnt/70857.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smarmy-songs-that-make-you-want-to-kick-the-singers-even-though-you-wouldnt/70857.md?page=4)