# Smarmy songs that make you want to kick the singers (even though you wouldn't) **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 1, 2001, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smarmy-songs-that-make-you-want-to-kick-the-singers-even-though-you-wouldnt/70857 "2001-07-01T17:07:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 9
**Author:** ![No\_More\_I\_Will\_Forget](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ce7236/32.png) [@No\_More\_I\_Will\_Forget](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/No_More_I_Will_Forget)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2001, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smarmy-songs-that-make-you-want-to-kick-the-singers-even-though-you-wouldnt/70857/161 "2001-08-19T21:43:21Z")
Maybe not smarmy but really weird was “Angie Baby” “you’re a special lady, living in a world of make-believe, well maybe…” She locked this boy in a closet for herself or something. Ick. ---
**Author:** ![tourbot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e95f7d/32.png) [@tourbot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tourbot)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2001, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smarmy-songs-that-make-you-want-to-kick-the-singers-even-though-you-wouldnt/70857/162 "2001-08-19T23:05:40Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Zach Lee \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by diamud \* > > \*\*… but it is not smarmy. \*\* > > Actually, my Webster’s defines _smarmy_ as “fulsomely flattering”, so I’m not sure any of these songs really fit the definition. > > But maybe smarm is one of those words which lend themselves to the user’s personal definitions. > > In any case, many people now need therapy to remove these songs from their heads. \*\* It’s not surprising that people confuse smarmy and schmaltz, when so many of the songs mentioned here contain copious amounts of both. For a really disturbing combination of those ingredients, I can’t think of a song that beats the 1977 top 10 hit masturbation fantasy [“Undercover Angel”](http://www.alanoday.com/alllyrics.html). - I said “What?” She said “oo-oo-oo-wee” I said “Alright!”\* You kids today, you think the Backstreet Boys and their ilk are bad, but you don’t have to put up with anything like this stuff. **Angel of the Lord** , I agree with you. Come on Eileen is hands down the worst song of all time. And **hajario** , thank you for bringing back the painful memories of that damn “Playground” song. I was about 7 or so when that was a hit and every adult I encountered thought I would be amused because the song had my name in it. Instead, I was aggravated that they thought I would be entertained by something so vapid. ---
**Author:** ![Thursday](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/9fc348/32.png) [@Thursday](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thursday)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2001, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smarmy-songs-that-make-you-want-to-kick-the-singers-even-though-you-wouldnt/70857/163 "2001-08-19T23:16:55Z")
Every song with the word “Angel” in the title or mentioning same from either the fifties or sixties. (eg. Teen Angel) Any of the dozens of “kiddie pop” bands/soloists doing love songs from the seventies and early eighties. (eg. Puppy Love) Little kid rappers that start their songs with “This is for AAawll the ladies out theah” in the 80’s and 90’s. (eg. Kris Kross) Perpetual sex-sim noises as background, 90’s to present. (eg. Boyz II Men) I think that’s got them for me. Thank you for the opportunity to purge these things from my psyche, and burden them on you all. ---
**Author:** ![Corrvin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bbce88/32.png) [@Corrvin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Corrvin)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2001, 12:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smarmy-songs-that-make-you-want-to-kick-the-singers-even-though-you-wouldnt/70857/164 "2001-08-20T00:03:12Z")
“Angel in the Centerfold.” About a guy who fantasizes in school about a really cute girl, and then buys a men’s magazine and she’s posed naked in it. Like it was okay for him to strip her in the privacy of his mind when she was 12, but now he’s shocked that she’s making money by appearing in the magazine HE BOUGHT? Argh! Corr ---
**Author:** ![Spartacus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dc4da7/32.png) [@Spartacus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spartacus)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2001, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smarmy-songs-that-make-you-want-to-kick-the-singers-even-though-you-wouldnt/70857/165 "2001-08-20T01:08:06Z")
See? See what you started??? Now I’m humming Bonnie Tyler’s “Total Eclipse of the Heart” ``` Thanks! Thanks a lot! ``` ---
**Author:** ![Shimrod](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dec6dc/32.png) [@Shimrod](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shimrod)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2001, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smarmy-songs-that-make-you-want-to-kick-the-singers-even-though-you-wouldnt/70857/166 "2001-08-20T02:05:46Z")
Hasn’t anyone mentioned ‘Green Green Grass of Home’ yet. A wonderfull song about someone about to be exicuted. Or how about ‘Ode to Billy Joe’ about teen pregnancy and suicide. And hear is an obscure one. ‘Master Jack’ Now thats smarmy. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2001, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smarmy-songs-that-make-you-want-to-kick-the-singers-even-though-you-wouldnt/70857/167 "2001-08-20T02:28:13Z")
Gods. You _had_ to remind me, a Child of the Eighties, about Kris Kross. Now I’m fumigating my apartment with a combination of Cyclefly and DJ Tiësto… ---
**Author:** ![Morgyn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morgyn/32/3041_2.png) [@Morgyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgyn)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2001, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smarmy-songs-that-make-you-want-to-kick-the-singers-even-though-you-wouldnt/70857/168 "2001-08-20T03:41:59Z")
“Under My Thumb” by the Rolling Stones. Jagger is really full of himself with this one. ---
**Author:** ![GuitarNerd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bc8723/32.png) [@GuitarNerd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GuitarNerd)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2001, 4:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smarmy-songs-that-make-you-want-to-kick-the-singers-even-though-you-wouldnt/70857/169 "2001-08-20T04:04:16Z")
Anyone who has suffered through a pitiful piece of dreck called “Elusive Butterfly” by Bob Lind knows my pain. I worked at a radio station some years back, and endured lines in this song about “chasing you with nets of wonder”, and “the bright elusive butterfly of love”. The singer gives the impression that he can allay all fears through his magical love, and it’s just a nauseating song! ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2001, 5:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smarmy-songs-that-make-you-want-to-kick-the-singers-even-though-you-wouldnt/70857/170 "2001-08-20T05:44:40Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Shimrod \* > \*\*Hasn’t anyone mentioned ‘Green Green Grass of Home’ yet. A wonderfull song about someone about to be exicuted. > > Or how about ‘Ode to Billy Joe’ about teen pregnancy and suicide. > > And hear is an obscure one. ‘Master Jack’ Now thats smarmy. \*\* I always thought that “Green Grenn Grass of Home” was about a guy who was coming home from the War. You find out in the last verse that he’s coming home alright but in a casket. Haj ---
**Author:** ![Spartacus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dc4da7/32.png) [@Spartacus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spartacus)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2001, 9:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smarmy-songs-that-make-you-want-to-kick-the-singers-even-though-you-wouldnt/70857/171 "2001-08-20T09:44:25Z")
How 'bout bad videos? MTV just turned 20… ``` "Fish heads, fish heads rolly-polly fish heads..." ``` I can’t remember the name of the group but it had Billy Mumy in it ---
**Author:** ![Eryi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5fc32e/32.png) [@Eryi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eryi)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2001, 10:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smarmy-songs-that-make-you-want-to-kick-the-singers-even-though-you-wouldnt/70857/172 "2001-08-20T10:18:19Z")
Fish Heads by Barnes and Barnes… Voted… MTv worst video of the year, 1981 I believe :\> However, I’ve looked through the posts, and have yet to see…: Shiny, Happy People - R.E.M. As if R.E.M. wasn’t pretentious enough… Oy! ---
**Author:** ![Fibonacci](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/df788c/32.png) [@Fibonacci](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fibonacci)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2001, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smarmy-songs-that-make-you-want-to-kick-the-singers-even-though-you-wouldnt/70857/173 "2001-08-20T21:21:30Z")
What about DOA? I seem to remember it from my childhood: “I remember . . . we were flying low and hit something in the air; I remember . . . I looked for my leg (or arm or head or something) and found it wasn’t there.” Or am I just dreaming this? \*\* [/QUOTE] You didn’t just dream this. “I remember”… it was by the band Bloodrock. ---
**Author:** ![MovieMogul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f08c70/32.png) [@MovieMogul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MovieMogul)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2001, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smarmy-songs-that-make-you-want-to-kick-the-singers-even-though-you-wouldnt/70857/174 "2001-08-20T23:00:17Z")
I can’t believe we’ve gone through over 170 posts of smarmy songs and haven’t come across the absolutely detestable **Love the One You’re With** , the song that manages to deftly combine the worst nature imagery ever with the ethos of a cheating scumbag, all in one quickie (ahem) chorus: \*Well, there’s a rose in a fisted glove And the eagle flies with the dove And if you can’t be with the one you love, honey Love the one you’re with \* Ick ick ick ick ick ---
**Author:** ![moth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/aca169/32.png) [@moth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/moth)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2001, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smarmy-songs-that-make-you-want-to-kick-the-singers-even-though-you-wouldnt/70857/175 "2001-08-21T02:24:12Z")
OK, this one isn’t smarmy-simply the most annoying song I’ve ever heard: “Sugar Shack”. I forget the name of the band (although I believe they should be legally hunted). Strangely, I remember reading that they used to back up Buddy Holly. I must voice a profound agreement with whoever voted for “What if God Was One of Us”. I hate, hate, hate that song. Hate it. Shortly out of college, I worked at a student bookstore that tuned into the present top 40 songs of the day, all day long. It was just at the time that “alternative” music was mutating into mainstream. I had to listen to that goddamned song at least three times a day, along with several Alanis Morissette and Hootie and the Blowfish numbers (also nominees for “worst songs ever”-I can’t believe no one’s mentioned “Ironic”). I quit as soon as possible. I also notice that several of the songs mentioned have been coverd (successfully, I think) by bands I actually like and respect: DOA (yes, it was real) appears on a bootleg of very early REM recordings, only they play it up for weirdness. Although I loved REM, I would nominate nearly everything they’ve done post-Automatic as crap. Yo La Tengo do a great cover of the Beach Boy’s “Little Honda”- even though I’ve never understood anybody’s fascination with the BBs. Nick Cave does a version of “In the Ghetto”. Haven’t been able to formulate an opinion on it. The Flaming Lips cover several early (pre-disco-fame) BeeGee’s songs (including “I Started a Joke”) on a bootleg called “The Day Andy Gibb Died” (look for it!). ---
**Author:** ![The\_Bitterdrunk\_Kid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/278dde/32.png) [@The\_Bitterdrunk\_Kid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Bitterdrunk_Kid)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2001, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smarmy-songs-that-make-you-want-to-kick-the-singers-even-though-you-wouldnt/70857/176 "2001-08-21T02:39:46Z")
[QUOTE] \*Originally posted by moth \* \*\*OK, this one isn’t smarmy-simply the most annoying song I’ve ever heard: “Sugar Shack”. I forget the name of the band (although I believe they should be legally hunted). Strangely, I remember reading that they used to back up Buddy Holly. That would be Jimmy Gilmer and the Fireballs. What a career they’re havin’ now, huh? ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Cheatem\_Undhow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/13edae/32.png) [@Dewey\_Cheatem\_Undhow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Cheatem_Undhow)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2001, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smarmy-songs-that-make-you-want-to-kick-the-singers-even-though-you-wouldnt/70857/177 "2001-08-21T14:11:35Z")
I’m a little surprised at the picks for Lee Greenwood’s _God Bless the USA_. IIRC, wasn’t that written for the 1984 Republican convention? It’s supposed to be an over-the-top patriotic song. You might as well criticize _God Bless America_. Musical subtlety is not a positive thing at rallys of any kind. At any rate, it’s better for politicians to have songs written for their conventions than to ruin existing songs. Clinton’s hijacking of Fleetwood Mac was bad enough, but I almost heaved when Gore started using _Praise You_ at his events. My God, how pretentious can you get? ---
**Author:** ![Jeremytt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/839c29/32.png) [@Jeremytt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jeremytt)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2001, 4:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smarmy-songs-that-make-you-want-to-kick-the-singers-even-though-you-wouldnt/70857/178 "2001-08-22T04:46:55Z")
I can’t believe everybody left out “You Light Up My Life” by Debby Boone. That’s got to be the sweetest, sickest, saccharine song, ever. Worst of all, when you hear it, you can’t get it out of your mind. ☹ (kicks Debby Boone in the teeth) ---
**Author:** ![Jeremytt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/839c29/32.png) [@Jeremytt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jeremytt)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2001, 5:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smarmy-songs-that-make-you-want-to-kick-the-singers-even-though-you-wouldnt/70857/179 "2001-08-22T05:07:35Z")
I forgot 2 other songs. Am I the only person alive who hates, and I mean, really HATES, Percy Sledge’s “When a Man Loves a Woman”? If this is what love is about, I think I’ll turn gay What about Billy Swann’s “I Can Help” from the 70s? Oddly enough, absolutely everybody I’ve asked about this song has forgotten it. In contrast, those organ notes have given me nightmares for ages. By the way, I noticed somebody else has already mentioned Debby Boone’s POS. Sorry ---
**Author:** ![Globe-trotter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/cab0a1/32.png) [@Globe-trotter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Globe-trotter)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2001, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smarmy-songs-that-make-you-want-to-kick-the-singers-even-though-you-wouldnt/70857/180 "2001-08-22T14:01:03Z")
Well I was beaten to the punch with Debbie Boone’s godawful tune but have no fear, I have a few others to make your day. 😃 - Without you. Now, I can listen to Nilsson’s version without stabbing my eyeball but Mariah Carey’s is beyond my capabilities. Actually, anything she sings makes me run for the hills. - All by myself. Yes, it’s been mentioned before, but man, anybody singing that kind of shit deserves to be alone. It’s your own damn fault so quit your whining. This goes for Eric Carmen and of course Céline Dion. Memo to Céline: you’re _supposed_ to be on a sabbatical, so why are you still in the news? - My heart will go on. I trust that is self-explanatory. But then again, I _loathe_ Céline Dion so perhaps I’m not being objective. 😉 Oh and about Terry Jacks’ Seasons in the sun, did you know it was first done in French by Jacques Brel? It’s more cynical and one of the guys he says goodbye to is his wife’s lover. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smarmy-songs-that-make-you-want-to-kick-the-singers-even-though-you-wouldnt/70857.md?page=8) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smarmy-songs-that-make-you-want-to-kick-the-singers-even-though-you-wouldnt/70857.md?page=10)