# Smartest Simpsons Line/Joke **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [August 2, 2003, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smartest-simpsons-line-joke/192613 "2003-08-02T22:35:03Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Gangster\_Octopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a8b319/32.png) [@Gangster\_Octopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gangster_Octopus)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2003, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smartest-simpsons-line-joke/192613/1 "2003-08-02T22:35:03Z")
My nominee… Marge: C’mon, Homer, Japan will be fun. You like Rashoman. Homer: That’s not how I remember it. ---
**Author:** ![Chavardz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/91b2a8/32.png) [@Chavardz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chavardz)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2003, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smartest-simpsons-line-joke/192613/2 "2003-08-02T22:52:02Z")
A site has some clever ones: Ich bin ein Springfielder." Homer: “Mmmmm. Jelly Donuts.” Explanation: “Ich bin ein Springfielder” is an allusion to JFK’s speech in West Berlin in which he said, “Ich bin ein Berliner” (“I am a Berliner”). A “Berliner,” however, is not only someone from Berlin, but also a German word for Jelly Donut. “My car gets fourty rods to the hogshead and that’s the way I like it” A rod is an arcane form of measurement, equal to 512 yards or 1612 feet; a perch or pole. A rod is also farming measurement used in spacing the furrows in ploughed fields, of 16.5 feet. A Hog is a large, often old, car or motor-cycle in old U.S. Slang, and a hogshead is an old unit of measurement for liquids equal to 63 old wine-gallons, which is 5212 imperial gallons Apu: I have come to make amends, sir. At first, I blamed you for squealing, but then I realized, it was I who wronged you. So I have come to work off my debt. I am at your service. Homer: You’re…selling what, now? Apu: I am selling only the concept of karmic realignment. Homer: You can’t sell that! Karma can only be portioned out by the cosmos. [slams the door] Apu: He’s got me there. there’s lot’s more. ---
**Author:** ![Wumpus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8c91f0/32.png) [@Wumpus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wumpus)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2003, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smartest-simpsons-line-joke/192613/3 "2003-08-02T23:30:14Z")
Lisa: “Even Gore Vidal has kissed more boys than I ever will!” Marge: “Girls, Lisa. Boys kiss girls.” ---
**Author:** ![jackelope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a6a055/32.png) [@jackelope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jackelope)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2003, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smartest-simpsons-line-joke/192613/4 "2003-08-02T23:35:34Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Chavardz \* > **Ich bin ein Springfielder." Homer: “Mmmmm. Jelly Donuts.” > Explanation: “Ich bin ein Springfielder” is an allusion to JFK’s speech in West Berlin in which he said, “Ich bin ein Berliner” (“I am a Berliner”). A “Berliner,” however, is not only someone from Berlin, but also a German word for Jelly Donut.** Slight nitpick: In German, to say “I am a person of Berlin,” one would say, “Ich bin Berliner.” The addition of _ein_, in “Ich bin ein Berliner,” is what changes the meaning to “I am a jelly dougnut.” ---
**Author:** ![Chavardz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/91b2a8/32.png) [@Chavardz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chavardz)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2003, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smartest-simpsons-line-joke/192613/5 "2003-08-02T23:48:47Z")
Acknowledged jackelope. I will, repenting, submit another one: Homer: No one in history has ever done anything this clever! On the plan to get back Springfield’s Lemon Tree, stolen by Shelbyville, by parking the van illegally, so it is towed into the parking lot where the tree is kept, from which they all sneak out at night. ---
**Author:** ![Chavardz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/91b2a8/32.png) [@Chavardz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chavardz)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2003, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smartest-simpsons-line-joke/192613/6 "2003-08-02T23:50:03Z")
I’m sorry, I had to add another one: Lisa: Oedipus is the one who killed his father and married his mother Homer: Argh! who paid for that wedding? ---
**Author:** ![biqu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7feea3/32.png) [@biqu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/biqu)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2003, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smartest-simpsons-line-joke/192613/7 "2003-08-02T23:53:20Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by jackelope_ > Slight nitpick: In German, to say “I am a person of Berlin,” one would say, “Ich bin Berliner.” The addition of ein, in “Ich bin ein Berliner,” is what changes the meaning to “I am a jelly dougnut.” Sorry **jackelope** , that’s an [urban legend](http://urbanlegends.about.com/cs/historical/a/jfk_berliner.htm). ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2003, 11:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smartest-simpsons-line-joke/192613/8 "2003-08-02T23:59:06Z")
To keep busy during a teacher’s strike, Lisa builds a perpetual motion machine, which bothers Homer. “Young lady, in this house we obey the laws of thermodynamics!” ---
**Author:** ![buh-buh-buh-BACON](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/fbc32d/32.png) [@buh-buh-buh-BACON](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buh-buh-buh-BACON)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2003, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smartest-simpsons-line-joke/192613/9 "2003-08-03T00:10:02Z")
The episode that was just on, where the Simpsons move into the church. When Santa’s Little Helper comes out in one of Lovejoy’s robes, and he’s wearing the Communion cup on his head, and Homer remarks: “Awwww, he thinks he’s papal.” ---
**Author:** ![5-HT](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/5/f19dbf/32.png) [@5-HT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/5-HT)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2003, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smartest-simpsons-line-joke/192613/10 "2003-08-03T00:10:33Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by amore ac studio \* > \*\*Sorry **jackelope** , that’s an [urban legend](http://urbanlegends.about.com/cs/historical/a/jfk_berliner.htm). \*\* Actually, as I understand it, including the word _ein_ did form a sentance that would usually be interpreted as refering to a jelly donut rather than a berlin resident. However, given the context, it is unlikely that anyone would have interpreted it that way in this instance. And as your site points out, it is a _technically_ correct way to say “I am a Berlin resident” ---
**Author:** ![biqu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7feea3/32.png) [@biqu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/biqu)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2003, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smartest-simpsons-line-joke/192613/11 "2003-08-03T01:04:10Z")
**from the [second page](http://urbanlegends.about.com/cs/historical/a/jfk_berliner_2.htm) of the linked article** > [@](#): > > Linguist Jürgen Eichhoff, writing in the academic journal Monatshefte, confirms there was no flub on Kennedy’s part. “‘Ich bin ein Berliner’ is not only correct,” he says, “but the one and only correct way of expressing in German what the President intended to say.” > > An actual resident of Berlin would say, in proper German, “Ich bin Berliner.” But that wouldn’t have been the correct thing for Kennedy to say. > > The indefinite article “ein” is added to a statement like this, Eichhoff explains, to express a metaphorical identification between subject and predicate. In fact, “ein” is required in a sentence such as this unless the speaker wants to be taken literally. > > For example, the German sentences “Er ist Politiker” and “Er ist ein Politiker” both mean “He is a politician,” but they’re understood by German speakers as different statements. The first means, more exactly, “He is (literally) a politician.” The second means “He is (like) a politician.” You would say of George W. Bush, “Er ist Politiker.” But you would say of an organizationally astute coworker, “Er ist ein Politiker.” > > So, while the proper way for a Berlin native to say “I am a Berliner” is “Ich bin Berliner,” the proper way for a non-native to make the same statement metaphorically is precisely what Kennedy said: “Ich bin ein Berliner.” In spite of the fact that it’s also the correct way to say “I am a jelly doughnut,” no adult German speaker could possibly have misunderstood Kennedy’s meaning in context. ---
**Author:** ![Caprigenus\_Chevre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/34f0e0/32.png) [@Caprigenus\_Chevre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caprigenus_Chevre)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2003, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smartest-simpsons-line-joke/192613/12 "2003-08-03T01:19:39Z")
(at Grandma Simpson’s return) Lisa: This is like something out of Dickens… or Melrose Place… ---
**Author:** ![if6was9](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/e47c2d/32.png) [@if6was9](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/if6was9)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2003, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smartest-simpsons-line-joke/192613/13 "2003-08-03T01:29:49Z")
From the episode where Marge is trying to join the Country Club, Burns and Homer are playing golf. Homer hits it into a sand trap. When he gets there he is not sure what to do. Burns gets impatients and says “use an open-faced club, a sand wedge.” Homer says, “UMMMM! Open-faced club sandwich! AAAAAAAAAAAAAA” ---
**Author:** ![if6was9](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/e47c2d/32.png) [@if6was9](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/if6was9)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2003, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smartest-simpsons-line-joke/192613/14 "2003-08-03T01:34:10Z")
Another…from the “Tomacco” episode (clever in it’s own right) When the Laramie people are trying to buy the rights and all the Simpsons huddle in private to discuss the deal. Lisa: These people are making billions off the suffering of others. Marge: Lisa’s right! We should ask for more money! ---
**Author:** ![Wolfian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/7ea924/32.png) [@Wolfian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wolfian)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2003, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smartest-simpsons-line-joke/192613/15 "2003-08-03T02:18:01Z")
Lisa: Wow, mom! You’re got a larger endowment then Harvard! Homer: Well, Lisa wins the award for best off the cuff remark. Lisa: Actually, I caught a glimpse of then on the way to the bathroom. :Two security guards frighten Homer. He cowers behind the Bill of Rights.: Guard: I’m so sick of you people hiding behind the first amendment. My personal fav: Brevity is… wit. -a sign ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2003, 4:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smartest-simpsons-line-joke/192613/16 "2003-08-03T04:45:32Z")
Homer going into the witness protection program and they’re trying to work with him on his new name: G-Man, stomping on Homer’s foot: Hello, Mr. Johnson Homer (looks at other agent and whispers): I think he’s talking to _you_. ---
**Author:** ![Daver914](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/4da419/32.png) [@Daver914](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daver914)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2003, 5:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smartest-simpsons-line-joke/192613/17 "2003-08-03T05:15:19Z")
A second for the Rashomon line. I’ve seen that episode probably a dozen times, but after I understood the reference it added a whole new dimension of humor. ---
**Author:** ![Tree\_Boy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/9dc877/32.png) [@Tree\_Boy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tree_Boy)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2003, 7:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smartest-simpsons-line-joke/192613/18 "2003-08-03T07:25:10Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Chefguy \* > \*\*Homer going into the witness protection program and they’re trying to work with him on his new name: > > G-Man, stomping on Homer’s foot: Hello, Mr. Johnson > Homer (looks at other agent and whispers): I think he’s talking to _you_. \*\* I’ve never nitpicked anyone before, but it is actually Mr. Thompson, not Johnson. One of my favorite sequences is as follows: Marge: Im a little worried about Bart, I want to help but I’m afraid of smothering him. Homer: Yeah, because then we would get the chair. Marge: That’s not what I meant Homer. Homer: Admit it Marge, it is. ---
**Author:** ![Old\_Shellhead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/e56c9b/32.png) [@Old\_Shellhead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Old_Shellhead)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2003, 7:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smartest-simpsons-line-joke/192613/19 "2003-08-03T07:37:23Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Tree Boy \* > \*\*I’ve never nitpicked anyone before, but it is actually Mr. Thompson, not Johnson. > > One of my favorite sequences is as follows: > > Marge: Im a little worried about Bart, I want to help but I’m afraid of smothering him. > Homer: Yeah, because then we would get the chair. > Marge: That’s not what I meant Homer. > Homer: Admit it Marge, it is. \*\* The best part about that exchange is the completely bland, blase way Homer says it. If he’s said it in some aware, retorting way it wouldn’t have nearly as much hilarity. ---
**Author:** ![middleman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9a140/32.png) [@middleman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/middleman)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2003, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smartest-simpsons-line-joke/192613/20 "2003-08-03T15:01:50Z")
(paraphrased) Homer: Name one person who ever did ANYTHING without air conditioning? Marge: Balzac Homer: No need to resort to potty mouth, Marge! (And though it is a simple minded joke, I always thought the open faced club sandwich offering was VERY clever simply for the writing process involved in coming around to a joke like that. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smartest-simpsons-line-joke/192613.md?page=2)