# Smartest Simpsons Line/Joke **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [August 2, 2003, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smartest-simpsons-line-joke/192613 "2003-08-02T22:35:03Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Finagle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b19c9b/32.png) [@Finagle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Finagle)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2003, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smartest-simpsons-line-joke/192613/21 "2003-08-03T16:16:11Z")
The Treehouse of Terror episode where Bart and Lisa are in the Three Bears house. Bart tastes the first porridge and says “Too hot”. Tastes the second and says “Too cold”. Then he says “Well, this is easy”, and he mixes the first and second bowls together and eats them. I thought this was hilarious because not only is \* Bart \* thinking outside the box, but almost no one who ever read Goldilocks and the Three Bears had ever thought of it. ---
**Author:** ![Electronic\_Chaos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Electronic\_Chaos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Electronic_Chaos)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2003, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smartest-simpsons-line-joke/192613/22 "2003-08-03T16:55:08Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Finagle \* > \*\*The Treehouse of Terror episode where Bart and Lisa are in the Three Bears house. Bart tastes the first porridge and says “Too hot”. Tastes the second and says “Too cold”. Then he says “Well, this is easy”, and he mixes the first and second bowls together and eats them. > > I thought this was hilarious because not only is \* Bart \* thinking outside the box, but almost no one who ever read Goldilocks and the Three Bears had ever thought of it. \*\* I did! I can remember thinking as a little boy “Hm…she can mix the two and make it warm!” ---
**Author:** ![Homer\_J](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c37758/32.png) [@Homer\_J](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Homer_J)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2003, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smartest-simpsons-line-joke/192613/23 "2003-08-03T16:56:18Z")
when G. Bush moves in across the road and at the end of the episode he whispers to ‘Barb’ ‘we can’t show any weakness in front of the Russian’s’ as Gorbachov snickers to his driver when the captain (in barts daydream) says they will bury the treasure and return in 7 years for it. One pirate remarks they should use the treasure to ‘buy things, things we like’. It so true, why the hell do pirates always bury there treasure? ---
**Author:** ![Wolfian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/7ea924/32.png) [@Wolfian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wolfian)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2003, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smartest-simpsons-line-joke/192613/24 "2003-08-03T16:57:38Z")
Paraphased: Homer: Oh, boy. I make people happy. I’m the happiness fairy who lives in a sugarplum house on Lemon Drop Way. :Slams door: :Opens door: By the way I was being sarcastic. :Slams door: Marge: Well, duh. The synication cuts Marge’s response, which is my favorite Marge line ever. ---
**Author:** ![Alphagene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Alphagene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alphagene)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2003, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smartest-simpsons-line-joke/192613/25 "2003-08-03T17:17:01Z")
Homer: What’s the opposite of that shameful joy thing of yours? Lisa: Sour grapes. Homer: Boy, those Germans have a word for everything! also Principal Skinner: Do you kids wanna be like the real UN or do you just wanna squabble and waste time? ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2003, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smartest-simpsons-line-joke/192613/26 "2003-08-03T17:38:59Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Tree Boy \* > \*\*I’ve never nitpicked anyone before, but it is actually Mr. Thompson, not Johnson. > > One of my favorite sequences is as follows: > > Marge: Im a little worried about Bart, I want to help but I’m afraid of smothering him. > Homer: Yeah, because then we would get the chair. > Marge: That’s not what I meant Homer. > Homer: Admit it Marge, it is. \*\* Working from memory…not good thing it…d’oh! Happy to be your first nit. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![BlueMit11](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7feea3/32.png) [@BlueMit11](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlueMit11)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2003, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smartest-simpsons-line-joke/192613/27 "2003-08-03T17:51:59Z")
Does it bother anybody’s sense of consistency that Homer (the stupid character) is often the one making these intelligent jokes? Me neither. ---
**Author:** ![patchbunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/dc4da7/32.png) [@patchbunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/patchbunny)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2003, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smartest-simpsons-line-joke/192613/28 "2003-08-03T17:55:58Z")
The episode where Mr Burns builds the sunshield. Grandpa Simpson: I’ve had enough of this! I’m going to use the outhouse. _pause_ Homer: My toolshed! In the next scene Homer’s hosing out the toolshed. * * * The episode where Lisa gets feelings for Nelson. While in class, she asks Milhouse to pass a love note (unsigned) to Nelson. Milhouse does so, and when Nelson turns around, milhouse does the eyebrow thing. In the next scene, Milhouse is being carried off by paramedics to the hospital. * * * The episode where Homer causes Apu to lose the Quikiemart Apu: I’m very sorry fo the inconvenience. Have this 5-lb bucket of frozen shrimp. Homer: Wait a minute. These shrimp aren’t frozen. And they smell funny! Apu: I’m very sorry. Have ten pounds. Homer: Woo-hoo! Cut to an ambulance rushing to the hospital. * * * There’s an episode where Homer, Lisa, and Marge are rushing somewhere in the car, and they crash into a topiary deer. Homer: D’oh! Lisa: A deer! Marge: A female deer! There’s so many… –Patch ---
**Author:** ![patchbunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/dc4da7/32.png) [@patchbunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/patchbunny)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2003, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smartest-simpsons-line-joke/192613/29 "2003-08-03T18:01:04Z")
OMG, the one I liked the best. Homer won a free burial, so the family takes grandpa to the funeral home to pick out a coffin. Bart is sitting in an open casket, driving it like a racecar. The salesman points out the features of the casket/headstone combination, which features a built-in TV set so you can view the body even after it’s buried. At this point, bBart tips the coffin, and the lid shuts, trapping him inside. The salesman turns a knob on teh ehadstone, and the TV screen lights up, showing a frantic, terrified Bart clawing at the coffin lid. Homer: Does it get picture-in-picture? Salesman: But of course. (Salesman hits a switch, and a basketball game comes on, with Bart’s frantic efforts now in a small screen insert in the upper corner.) Homer: Feh. They never call travelling anymore. –Patch ---
**Author:** ![Ender\_Will](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/eb9ed0/32.png) [@Ender\_Will](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ender_Will)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2003, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smartest-simpsons-line-joke/192613/30 "2003-08-03T18:05:55Z")
> [@](#): > > Principal Skinner: Do you kids wanna be like the real UN or do you just wanna squabble and waste time? That’s funny. Only one of these that I actually laughed aloud at. Aside from when I originally saw some of the others. ---
**Author:** ![interface2x](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c0e974/32.png) [@interface2x](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/interface2x)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2003, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smartest-simpsons-line-joke/192613/31 "2003-08-03T19:00:58Z")
I don’t know how _smart_ this is, but I thought it was amusing in a stereotyped sort of way… Principal Skinner: You know, Edna, for a school with no Asian kids, I’d say we put on a pretty darn good science fair. And of course… Lisa: You know, Pablo Neruda says that laughter is the language of the soul. Bart (impatiently): I’m familiar with the works of Pablo Neruda. ---
**Author:** ![Baraqiyal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecccb3/32.png) [@Baraqiyal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baraqiyal)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2003, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smartest-simpsons-line-joke/192613/32 "2003-08-03T20:23:43Z")
When Apu and Homer travel to India we see that the airline’s slogan is “ **Air India - We Treat You Like Cattle!**.” ---
**Author:** ![sv\_87](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a4c791/32.png) [@sv\_87](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sv_87)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2003, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smartest-simpsons-line-joke/192613/33 "2003-08-03T21:24:59Z")
When Homer’s sitting on the couch about to eat his last peanut, when suddenly it falls and rolls under the couch. He looks under and all he finds is 20 dollars. Homer: Awww! 20 dollars, I wanted the peanut. Homer’s Brain: 20 Dollars can buy many peanuts. Homer: Huh! Explain how. Brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services. Homer: Woohoo! At which point the money gets blown out the window! ---
**Author:** ![aaslatten](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f14d63/32.png) [@aaslatten](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aaslatten)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2003, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smartest-simpsons-line-joke/192613/34 "2003-08-03T22:01:38Z")
I’ve always enjoyed Homer’s apparent encyclopedic knowledge of the supreme court. I can’t think of any cites off hand though … ---
**Author:** ![TigoleBitties](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/cab0a1/32.png) [@TigoleBitties](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TigoleBitties)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2003, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smartest-simpsons-line-joke/192613/35 "2003-08-03T22:04:07Z")
Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American Dream? - From the great “Bart Simpson’s Dracula” Still stands the test of time to get a chuckle out of me ---
**Author:** ![Chavardz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/91b2a8/32.png) [@Chavardz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chavardz)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2003, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smartest-simpsons-line-joke/192613/36 "2003-08-04T00:25:33Z")
Hey aaslatten, how about this one: Mrs. K: I believe with persistent discipline, even the poorest student can end up becoming, oh, say, Chief Justice of The Supreme Court. Homer: Chief Justice of The Supreme Court. What great men he would join: John Marshall. Charles Evans Hughes. Warren Berger. Hmmmm, Burger… ---
**Author:** ![Chavardz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/91b2a8/32.png) [@Chavardz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chavardz)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2003, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smartest-simpsons-line-joke/192613/37 "2003-08-04T00:29:29Z")
Homer, to Lisa when she builds a perpetual motion machine during a teacher’s strike: In this house, we obey the laws of thermodynamics! ---
**Author:** ![Spudo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bbce88/32.png) [@Spudo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spudo)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2003, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smartest-simpsons-line-joke/192613/38 "2003-08-04T01:01:33Z")
Lisa: You know Dad, the Chinese use the same word for crisis as they do oppourtunity. Homer: Yes! Crisatunity! ---
**Author:** ![Moon-Watcher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/49beb7/32.png) [@Moon-Watcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moon-Watcher)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2003, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smartest-simpsons-line-joke/192613/39 "2003-08-04T01:05:20Z")
From the episode “The Front,” though I can’t find the exact quote (go figure): Bart: “To settle this I propose a race around the world. We’ll meet a Leicester Square at noon tomorrow; the Queen herself shall hold the checkered flag.” ---
**Author:** ![Jello](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f05b48/32.png) [@Jello](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jello)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2003, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smartest-simpsons-line-joke/192613/40 "2003-08-04T01:28:57Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by aaslatten \* > \*\*I’ve always enjoyed Homer’s apparent encyclopedic knowledge of the supreme court. I can’t think of any cites off hand though … \*\* Marge: Do you want your son to grow up and be Chief Justice of the Supreme Court or a sleazy male stripper? Homer: Can’t he be both, like the late Earl Warren? Marge: Earl Warren wasn’t a male stripper! Homer: Oh, now who’s being naive? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smartest-simpsons-line-joke/192613.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smartest-simpsons-line-joke/192613.md?page=3)