# Smartest Simpsons Line/Joke **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [August 2, 2003, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smartest-simpsons-line-joke/192613 "2003-08-02T22:35:03Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2003, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smartest-simpsons-line-joke/192613/41 "2003-08-04T02:13:30Z")
Chavardz, it’s usually a good idea to read a thread before replying, so you don’t duplicate someone else’s post. And welcome to the board. ---
**Author:** ![Zap\_Rowsdower](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/3da27b/32.png) [@Zap\_Rowsdower](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zap_Rowsdower)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2003, 2:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smartest-simpsons-line-joke/192613/42 "2003-08-04T02:43:27Z")
Mr. Burns from the Homer vs. Lisa vs. the 8th Commandment, after the fight and everyone is leaving Homers house. _Oh, hogwash! Why, I once watched Gentleman Jim Corbett fight an Eskimo fellow bare-knuckled for a hundred and thirteen rounds! Back then, of course, if the fight lasted less than fifty rounds, we demanded our nickel back!_ Gentleman Jim fought in the late 1800’s, So Mr. Burns would have to be well over 100. ---
**Author:** ![Loopus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loopus/32/15343_2.png) [@Loopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loopus)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2003, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smartest-simpsons-line-joke/192613/43 "2003-08-04T03:15:23Z")
Moe: We may have to go to Little Italy. Homer: I’ll get our little passports. This one made me laugh so much, I missed most of the next scene. ---
**Author:** ![IUHomer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/90db22/32.png) [@IUHomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IUHomer)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2003, 3:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smartest-simpsons-line-joke/192613/44 "2003-08-04T03:33:18Z")
Troy McClure to Selma after they are married : “Don’t you love me Troy?” “Sure I love you! Like I love Fresca! Isn’t that enough!” ``` Sadly, my wife refused to allow this quote into our wedding vows. Two great "films" they show in their entirety : The Fluffy and Fuzzy Bunny film and the Meat Council Film. "Just listen to this Scientologist" "Uhhh...." (cut off) And of course then Ralph afterwards : "When I grow up, I am going to Bovine University." ``` ---
**Author:** ![Chavardz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/91b2a8/32.png) [@Chavardz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chavardz)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2003, 3:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smartest-simpsons-line-joke/192613/45 "2003-08-04T03:33:57Z")
Robot Arm: I’m sorry, it’s just that I didn’t notice, you’ll see that I was one of the original posters. And thanks for the welcome, even if it comes a year late. ---
**Author:** ![Tree\_Boy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/9dc877/32.png) [@Tree\_Boy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tree_Boy)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2003, 3:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smartest-simpsons-line-joke/192613/46 "2003-08-04T03:52:18Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by IUHomer \* > \*\*Troy McClure to Selma after they are married : > “Don’t you love me Troy?” > “Sure I love you! Like I love Fresca! Isn’t that enough!” > > ``` > Sadly, my wife refused to allow this quote into our wedding vows. > > Two great "films" they show in their entirety : The Fluffy and Fuzzy Bunny film and the Meat Council Film. > > "Just listen to this Scientologist" > "Uhhh...." (cut off) > And of course then Ralph afterwards : "When I grow up, I am going to Bovine University." ** > > ``` Well now that I have lost my nitpick virginity, I might as well do another. The Meat Council film has Troy McClure say, “Just ask this scientician” and he says, “I…” Good choice on the scene though IUHomer, that clip always cracks me up. The best part is the clips of animals eating eachother in the wild that they show as part of natures food cycle. It starts out with a lion running down and killing a deer, then it cuts to a dog catching a frisbee, than onto an eagle picking up a sheep and finally to a shark that comes up out of a pond to snag a gorilla on either a tire swing or just him reaching for some bananas. ---
**Author:** ![MusicJunkie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df788c/32.png) [@MusicJunkie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MusicJunkie)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2003, 7:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smartest-simpsons-line-joke/192613/47 "2003-08-04T07:10:24Z")
I second both the Rashomon and termodynamics gags. When I saw the Rashomon episode for the first I was with my parents and they said they didn’t understand why I was laughing so much, so I said: “Rashomon is a movie by japanese director…” and my mother continued my sentence: “Akira kurosawa. And it was told by diferent points of view. We know. We saw that before you were born. We understood the joke and it’s nothing to write home about.” I was really, really red in the face for the rest of the episode. ---
**Author:** ![Shade](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2bfe46/32.png) [@Shade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shade)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2003, 10:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smartest-simpsons-line-joke/192613/48 "2003-08-04T10:57:51Z")
Sideshow Bob: DIE, BART, DIE! Everyone: What? SsB: Uh, I was saying “The, bart, the” in german. E: Oh well, that’s ok. No-one who speaks german could possibly be evil. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2003, 12:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smartest-simpsons-line-joke/192613/49 "2003-08-04T12:00:55Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by if6was9 \* > \*\*Another…from the “Tomacco” episode (clever in it’s own right) When the Laramie people are trying to buy the rights and all the Simpsons huddle in private to discuss the deal. > Lisa: These people are making billions off the suffering of others. > Marge: Lisa’s right! We should ask for more money! \*\* I’ll go with classic, subtle, and totally vulgar sign from that episode: SNEED’S FEED AND SEED (formerly Chuck’s) I don’t know how that got by the censors. I also love the “D’oh. A deer. A female deer” scene. It was done perfectly. ---
**Author:** ![Bakhesh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3da27b/32.png) [@Bakhesh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bakhesh)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2003, 12:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smartest-simpsons-line-joke/192613/50 "2003-08-04T12:55:22Z")
I saw one last night which I though was hilarious. Prison Warden (looking at a picture of a unicorn in space): This makes no sense at all. I mean, what is he breathing? Homer: Air Prison Warden: Theres no air in space Homer: There’s an air in space museum. ---
**Author:** ![elf6c](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c57346/32.png) [@elf6c](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elf6c)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2003, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smartest-simpsons-line-joke/192613/51 "2003-08-04T13:24:40Z")
Can’t go wrong with a History joke! Homer: But wait. You can’t kill me for being Krusty. I’m not him. I’m Homer Simpson. Fat Tony: The same Homer Simpson who crashed his car through the wall of our club? Homer: Uh… actually my name is Barney. Barney Gumble. Les: The same Barney Gumble who keeps taking pictures of my sister? Homer: Uh, actually my real name is uh, think Krusty, think, Joe Valachi. Louie: The same Joe Valachi who squealed to the Senate Committee about organized crime? Homer: Benedict Arnold! Legs: The same Benedict Arnold who plotted to surrender West Point to the hated British? Homer: D’oh! or: Homer: [cocks a shotgun] To the book depository! Pysch 101: Bart: Lis, everyone in town is acting like me, so why does it suck? Lisa: It’s simple, Bart. You’ve defined yourself as a rebel. And in the absence of a repressive milieu, your societal niche has been co-opted. Bart: I see. Bart: Man, I’m so bored! Milhouse: Wait until we’re teenagers, then we’ll be happy! Heh: [Funzo threw a Barbie in the fire and strangled a Krusty toy.] Bart: Why is it destroying other toys? Lisa: It must be programmed to do so to eliminate competition! Bart: You mean like Microsoft? Lisa: Yeah. Ouch!: [Homer is watching a television ad for the Naval Reserve] TV Announcer: Daybreak, Jakarta. The proud men and women of the Navy are protecting America’s interests overseas, but your in Lubbuth, Texas hosing down a statue, because your in the Naval Reserve. Once you complete basic training, you only work one weekend a month, and most of that time your drunk of your ass! The Naval Reserve: America’s 17th line of defense, between the Mississippi National Guard, and the American League of Women Voters. Nice subtle shot at obsessive fans: Doug: In episode 2F09, when Itchy plays Scratchy’s skeleton like a xylophone, he strikes the same rib in succession, yet he produces two clearly different tones. I mean, what are we to believe, that this is a magic xylophone, or something? Ha ha, boy, I really hope somebody got fired for that blunder. Homer: I’ll field that one. Let me ask _you_ a question. Why would a grown man who’s shirt says “Genius at Work” spend all of his time watching a children’s cartoon show? [embarrassed pause] Doug: I withdraw my question. [starts eating a candy bar] ---
**Author:** ![BabaBooey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/dfb087/32.png) [@BabaBooey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BabaBooey)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2003, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smartest-simpsons-line-joke/192613/52 "2003-08-04T13:39:35Z")
Lisa: You know Bart, Pablo Neruda said that laughter is the language of the soul. Bart: I am familiar with the works of Pablo Neruda ---
**Author:** ![elf6c](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c57346/32.png) [@elf6c](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elf6c)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2003, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smartest-simpsons-line-joke/192613/53 "2003-08-04T13:55:53Z")
Oooh-- another one: Lisa: My family never talks about library standards. And every time I try to steer the conversation that way, they make me feel like a nerd. Comic Book Guy: We are hardly nerds. Would a nerd wear such an irreverent sweatshirt? [open his jacket to show off his shirt] Lisa: [reading the shirt] “C:/DOS C:/DOS/RUN RUN/DOS/RUN”. [laughs] Lisa: Oh, only one person in a million would find that funny. Professor Frink: Yes, we call that the “Dennis Miller Ratio.” Excellent: Dr. Nick: ‘Inflammable’ means flammable? What a country! ---
**Author:** ![middleman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9a140/32.png) [@middleman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/middleman)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2003, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smartest-simpsons-line-joke/192613/54 "2003-08-04T14:11:44Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by elf6c \* > > [Homer is watching a television ad for the Naval Reserve] > TV Announcer: Daybreak, Jakarta. The proud men and women of the Navy are protecting America’s interests overseas, but your in **Lubbuth** , Texas hosing down a statue, because your in the Naval Reserve. Once you complete basic training, you only work one weekend a month, and most of that time your drunk of your ass! The Naval Reserve: America’s 17th line of defense, between the Mississippi National Guard, and the American League of Women Voters. \*\* Lubbock! Home of Mac Davis! You know? When you live a Burt Reynolds lifestyle on a Mac Davis income? ---
**Author:** ![paulberserker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c4cdca/32.png) [@paulberserker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/paulberserker)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2003, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smartest-simpsons-line-joke/192613/55 "2003-08-04T15:35:03Z")
flanders: but what would the neighbours think!? lisa:we’re the neighbours, and we dont think. “see all that stuff in there homer? thats why your robot didnt work.” and the bit where homers imagining having a lot of money: “LENNY!” “oh, hey homer. you shaved your moustache?” “LOOK AGAIN LENNY!” “oh, your the biggest man in the world and your made of solid gold.” “MUHAHAHAHAHA!!” excellent ---
**Author:** ![petelin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/71c47a/32.png) [@petelin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/petelin)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2003, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smartest-simpsons-line-joke/192613/56 "2003-08-04T16:08:06Z")
Not sure if they’ve been mentioned, but here are some of my favorites: Lovejoy: “This so-called new religion is nothing but a pack of weird rituals and chants designed to take away the money of fools. Let us say the Lord’s Prayer forty times, but first, let’s pass the collection plate.” and Lisa: Hi, Mr. Flanders. I see you’re reading the newspaper. Ned: [chuckles] Everything but the opinion page. I don’t need to be told what to think – by anyone living. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2003, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smartest-simpsons-line-joke/192613/57 "2003-08-04T16:16:00Z")
This one never fails to crack me up and amaze me at the same time: Marge’s mother: “I was the prettiest girl in Springfield. It drove all my friends crazy!” Homer’s father: “Oh? Which friends?” Marge’s mother: “Zelda Fitzgerald . . . Frances Farmer . . . little Sylvia Plath . . .” What other show would make such esoteric references, except perhaps _MST3K_? ---
**Author:** ![MovieMogul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f08c70/32.png) [@MovieMogul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MovieMogul)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2003, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smartest-simpsons-line-joke/192613/58 "2003-08-04T20:28:03Z")
Homer finds Henry Kissinger’s glasses in the toilet, and puts them on: Homer: The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side. Man in stall: That’s a right triangle, you idiot! Homer: Doh! ---
**Author:** ![MemoryGongs](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/58f4c7/32.png) [@MemoryGongs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MemoryGongs)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2003, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smartest-simpsons-line-joke/192613/59 "2003-08-04T20:36:08Z")
“Perhaps. But let’s not get bogged down in semantics”…Homer to the kids and Gary Coleman “I have had just about enough of your Vassar-bashing young lady” Homer to Lisa Skinner: “Hmmm Brown. Didn’t you go there Otto?” Otto: “Yup. Almost got tenure too.” ---
**Author:** ![MemoryGongs](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/58f4c7/32.png) [@MemoryGongs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MemoryGongs)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2003, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smartest-simpsons-line-joke/192613/60 "2003-08-04T20:43:45Z")
Carl Carlson: “Know what this reminds me of? My Icelandic boyhood” …when its dark 24-7 in Springfield. I spit out a mouthful of Pepsi the first time i heard this. BTW…The funniest Simpsons momemt ever IMHO is when the family cannot pay their food bill and have to perform as a mariachi band. The owner critisizes them for playing without passion, then Homer breaks into “Blue Spanish Eyes”. simply the funniest thing I have ever seen. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smartest-simpsons-line-joke/192613.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smartest-simpsons-line-joke/192613.md?page=4)