# smugly polite Christian allows himself an annual SWEAR **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [July 12, 2001, 7:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smugly-polite-christian-allows-himself-an-annual-swear/72189 "2001-07-12T07:33:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Ross](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e274bd/32.png) [@Ross](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ross)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2001, 7:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smugly-polite-christian-allows-himself-an-annual-swear/72189/1 "2001-07-12T07:33:00Z")
(enters slowly, hugging himself, looking lost, like he does after one nightshift too many. Eyes red with ten hours’ of headache. Hair messed. T-shirt soiled and sweaty, reeking of old folks’ urine and faeces) (is handed mike. Breaks suddenly out of lethargy and manically whacks the guy who brought the mike over the head with it several times until it’s wrestled from his grip) (is bundled up to front of stage) (stands quietly, apparently uncomprehending) (after five minutes’ silence, eyes focus and interest flickers across the face) (picks one figure out of the crowd: a tall, apparently inoffensive girl in a careworkers’ smock) Hey… Hey… you. The tall whiny bint. Yeah, you. You. Are. Not. My. Boss. That’s all. Stop walking in on me when I’m busy and taking over. Stop finding things wrong with everything I do. Stop standing me up and dressing me down. That’s all I ask. It’s not like I need you to help me learn. I’ve been all around this home with REGISTERED NURSES and not ONE of them has found as many problems with my work as you have. And sorry… what was your job description again? Huh? “Care assistant,” did you say? Say it louder. Yes, that’s what I thought. “Care assistant.” The EXACT MOTHERFUCKING SAME AS ME. Just Fuck Off. Go on. Fuck off, you fucking unclefucker. Go fucking fuck yourself, you fucking fuck. FUCK OFF. I can see you waiting behind that door. You’re not fucking off properly. I know you’ll be back. I’ve given you enough leeway and you’ve proved yourself a power-seeker. Thus I ORDER YOU TO FUCK OFF. YOU’RE STOPPING ME WORKING PROPERLY. I’VE NEVER BEEN ANYTHING BUT PLEASANT TO YOU AND ALL YOU DO IS PICK HOLES. WHEN I RULE THE WORLD EVERY DAY WILL BE THE FIRST DAY OF SPRING AND YOU WILL FUCK OFF. FUCK OFF. FUCK OFF. FUCK OFF. Why are you still reading this, huh? You must still be here. I thought I told you to fuck off. RESPECT MY AUTHORITAH AND FUCK OFF, YOU FUCKING PISSING FUCKERFUCK FUCKITY FUCKITY FUCKEROO, FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! Nothing personal. JUST FU… (snip) (stands silently for another minute) (collapses suddenly and heavily to floor, screaming Biblical curses and crying insanely) (thus ends another nightshift) ---
**Author:** ![Redboss](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/8baadc/32.png) [@Redboss](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Redboss)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2001, 7:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smugly-polite-christian-allows-himself-an-annual-swear/72189/2 "2001-07-12T07:42:33Z")
Yeah bitch - fuck off! Leave my Glaswegian friend alone. Fucking bitch… feeling a little better mate? Redfuckingboss ---
**Author:** ![Arden\_Ranger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b487fb/32.png) [@Arden\_Ranger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arden_Ranger)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2001, 8:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smugly-polite-christian-allows-himself-an-annual-swear/72189/3 "2001-07-12T08:01:54Z")
> [@](#): > > WHEN I RULE THE WORLD EVERY DAY WILL BE THE FIRST DAY OF SPRING AND YOU WILL FUCK OFF. FUCK OFF. FUCK OFF. FUCK OFF. That was fucking beautiful, man. ---
**Author:** ![anya\_marie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ebca7d/32.png) [@anya\_marie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/anya_marie)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2001, 9:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smugly-polite-christian-allows-himself-an-annual-swear/72189/4 "2001-07-12T09:12:20Z")
I have one of those! mine works the 5 am -1pm shift where i work! Some days i never hear the end of it from her! “You know therapy will need the shower!” “why is he giving her shower so late?” “You know these people have to be up!” “When are you going to be done with the shower?Come get me when you are done!” “You know there’s a huge pile of \_\_\_\_\_ in the soiled utility room!!!” It must be a federal law of some sort, that says every nursing home much have X amount of micromanaging whiners pet Y of staff, and that they must have the most irritating voices. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2001, 10:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smugly-polite-christian-allows-himself-an-annual-swear/72189/5 "2001-07-12T10:57:50Z")
Wow. I am in awe. Truly a memorable rant. Are you sure you don’t do this very often? ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2001, 11:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smugly-polite-christian-allows-himself-an-annual-swear/72189/6 "2001-07-12T11:27:56Z")
Sorry for the hijack, but the thread title would make a really good Onion Headline. ---
**Author:** ![Francesca](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/9fc348/32.png) [@Francesca](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Francesca)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2001, 11:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smugly-polite-christian-allows-himself-an-annual-swear/72189/7 "2001-07-12T11:48:57Z")
:: applauds wildly :: You used your yearly swear wisely. That was brilliant. ---
**Author:** ![Earthworm\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f07891/32.png) [@Earthworm\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Earthworm_Jim)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2001, 11:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smugly-polite-christian-allows-himself-an-annual-swear/72189/8 "2001-07-12T11:56:14Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Arden Ranger \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > WHEN I RULE THE WORLD EVERY DAY WILL BE THE FIRST DAY OF SPRING AND YOU WILL FUCK OFF. FUCK OFF. FUCK OFF. FUCK OFF. > > That was fucking beautiful, man. \*\* It absolutely was. **Ross** , do you mind if I grab it for my sig?? ---
**Author:** ![White\_Lightning](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@White\_Lightning](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/White_Lightning)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2001, 11:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smugly-polite-christian-allows-himself-an-annual-swear/72189/9 "2001-07-12T11:57:39Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by **Arden Ranger** \* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by **Ross** > > \*WHEN I RULE THE WORLD EVERY DAY WILL BE THE FIRST DAY OF SPRING > > AND YOU WILL FUCK OFF. FUCK OFF. FUCK OFF. FUCK OFF. > > That was fucking beautiful, man. I felt exactly the same way. Very expressive couplet. ---
**Author:** ![kferr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/71e660/32.png) [@kferr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kferr)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2001, 1:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smugly-polite-christian-allows-himself-an-annual-swear/72189/10 "2001-07-12T13:07:56Z")
This was the ‘coffee out the nose’ line for me: > [@](#): > > I can see you waiting behind that door. You’re not fucking off properly. Good job! ---
**Author:** ![Tansu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/67e7ee/32.png) [@Tansu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tansu)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2001, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smugly-polite-christian-allows-himself-an-annual-swear/72189/11 "2001-07-12T13:58:00Z")
I had my post all ready. Then I checked preview, and **kferr** had already posted it. ---
**Author:** ![Munch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/munch/32/5281_2.png) [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2001, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smugly-polite-christian-allows-himself-an-annual-swear/72189/12 "2001-07-12T16:22:09Z")
I like the FUCKEROO part. ---
**Author:** ![Gary\_Kumquat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/4491bb/32.png) [@Gary\_Kumquat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gary_Kumquat)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2001, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smugly-polite-christian-allows-himself-an-annual-swear/72189/13 "2001-07-12T16:41:54Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by White Lightning \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by **Arden Ranger** \* > > > > > [@](#): > > > > > > \*Originally posted by **Ross** > > > \*WHEN I RULE THE WORLD EVERY DAY WILL BE THE FIRST DAY OF SPRING > > > AND YOU WILL FUCK OFF. FUCK OFF. FUCK OFF. FUCK OFF. > > > > That was fucking beautiful, man. > > I felt exactly the same way. Very expressive couplet. \*\* It sounds best if you mentally sing it in a Spike Milligan or Harry Secombe voice. But it is good, to the extent that I’ve already managed to use it once today. ---
**Author:** ![Sauron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce7236/32.png) [@Sauron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sauron)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2001, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smugly-polite-christian-allows-himself-an-annual-swear/72189/14 "2001-07-12T16:58:24Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Munch \* > \*\*I like the FUCKEROO part. \*\* Fuckeroo Banzai Across the Ross Dimension. Okay, I’m leaving now. ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2001, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smugly-polite-christian-allows-himself-an-annual-swear/72189/15 "2001-07-12T22:42:50Z")
When I was in grade school, the curse of choice was “fuckadoodledoo”. Like "cockado . . . " but with fuck. Carry on. ---
**Author:** ![JeffB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jeffb/32/188_2.png) [@JeffB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JeffB)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2001, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smugly-polite-christian-allows-himself-an-annual-swear/72189/16 "2001-07-12T23:09:33Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Ross \* > Hey… you. The tall whiny bint. > Yeah, you. Oooh, I can’t believe you said “bint”. (Not that I actually know what a “bint” is, but it sounds like a swear word. ---
**Author:** ![andygirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a9adbd/32.png) [@andygirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andygirl)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2001, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smugly-polite-christian-allows-himself-an-annual-swear/72189/17 "2001-07-12T23:31:25Z")
It’s British. Something akin to a stupid female, but stronger, I think. ---
**Author:** ![Searching\_For\_Truth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4da419/32.png) [@Searching\_For\_Truth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Searching_For_Truth)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2001, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smugly-polite-christian-allows-himself-an-annual-swear/72189/18 "2001-07-13T02:04:21Z")
You know, when I get angry, if I avoid every single other swear word on the planet, I still manage to work in “fuck” just because of the enormous relief it brings. _screams at top of lungs_ **FUCK!** _deep breath_ Wonderful rant. ---
**Author:** ![Ross](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e274bd/32.png) [@Ross](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ross)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2001, 5:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smugly-polite-christian-allows-himself-an-annual-swear/72189/19 "2001-07-13T05:37:39Z")
I am not going to print this out and hand it to her. I am not going to print this out and hand it to her. I am not going to print this out and hand it to her. I am not going to print this out and hand it to her. I am not going to print this out and hand it to her. I am not going to print this out and hand it to her. There. That’s got it registered in my consciousness. Now I just have to stay away from the PC. Forever. Thanks for your support, guys. I feel strangely cleansed. ---
**Author:** ![Mac\_Guffin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/2bfe46/32.png) [@Mac\_Guffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mac_Guffin)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2001, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smugly-polite-christian-allows-himself-an-annual-swear/72189/20 "2001-07-13T19:08:55Z")
Not sure but it looks like **BINT** = **BITCH** + **CUNT**. I might be wrong. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smugly-polite-christian-allows-himself-an-annual-swear/72189.md?page=2)