# Smurf village destroyed by UNICEF **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [October 10, 2005, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smurf-village-destroyed-by-unicef/325594 "2005-10-10T16:46:07Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2005, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smurf-village-destroyed-by-unicef/325594/61 "2005-10-13T23:18:10Z")
“We few, we happy few, we band of smurfs. For he today who smurfs his blood with me shall be my brother. Be he ne’er so vile, this day shall smurf his condition, and smurfs in England now abed shall think themselves smurfs they were not here, and hold their smurfs cheap whilst any speaks, that smurfed with us upon St. Smurfette’s day!” "We were in this bar in Smurfland and Jokey comes up, carrying a gift box. And he says “smurf, please, smurf!” I said no. He kept askin’, yeah, and Grouchy said ‘Yeah.’ And I went to smurf a couple of beers, and the box was wired, and he opened up the box, smurfin’ blew his body all over the place. And he’s laying there, he’s smurfin’ screaming. There’s pieces of him all over me, just… like this, and I’m tryin’ to smurf him off, you know, my smurf that’s all over me! I’ve got blood and everything and I’m tryin’ to smurf him together! I’m puttin’… the guy’s smurfin’ insides keep smurfing out! And nobody would help! _Nobody would help!_ He’s saying, sayin’ “I wanna go home! I wanna go home!” He keeps calling my name! “I wanna go home, Brainy! I wanna smurf my Chevy!” I said “Why? I can’t find your smurfin’ legs! _I can’t find your legs_…” ---
**Author:** ![marque\_elf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71c47a/32.png) [@marque\_elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/marque_elf)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2005, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smurf-village-destroyed-by-unicef/325594/62 "2005-10-13T23:48:36Z")
From **Catch-22** : Help the smurfigator. Help the smurfigator. ---
**Author:** ![marque\_elf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71c47a/32.png) [@marque\_elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/marque_elf)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2005, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smurf-village-destroyed-by-unicef/325594/63 "2005-10-13T23:49:48Z")
From Joseph Smrufrad’s The Heart Of Smurfness: Mistah Smurf. He smurfed. ---
**Author:** ![Spiff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spiff/32/9852_2.png) [@Spiff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiff)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2005, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smurf-village-destroyed-by-unicef/325594/64 "2005-10-17T18:26:36Z")
Second most unintentionally funny line from the story: > [@](#): > > Hendrik Coysman, managing director of IMPS, said: “That crying baby really goes to your bones.” ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2005, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smurf-village-destroyed-by-unicef/325594/65 "2005-10-17T18:37:05Z")
> [@](#): > > And nothing can we call our own but death And that small model of the barren earth Which serves as paste and cover to our bones. For God’s sake, let us sit upon the ground And tell sad stories of the death of smurfs. -King Richard The Smurf. Act iii. Sc. 2. Author: William Shakesmurf ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2005, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smurf-village-destroyed-by-unicef/325594/66 "2005-10-17T19:02:59Z")
> [@marque elf](#): > > From **Catch-22** : Help the smurfigator. Help the smurfigator. I think you mean the smurfadier. Help the smurfadier. I am the smurfadier. Then help him! Help him! Where are all our Smurfdens of yesteryear. ---
**Author:** ![Civil\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/d78d45/32.png) [@Civil\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Civil_Guy)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2005, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smurf-village-destroyed-by-unicef/325594/67 "2005-10-18T02:52:01Z")
Theirs not to reason why, Theirs but to smurf and die. ======= “It’s magnificent, but it’s not smurf” ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2005, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smurf-village-destroyed-by-unicef/325594/68 "2005-10-18T03:05:17Z")
> [@](#): > > Unless they’re being attacked by the Keebler Elves. I’m sure they’ve made enough money selling cookies and crackers to fund the building of a modern war machine. Besides, it’s obvious the pastoral and communistic Smurfs are an anathema to the capitalistic and corporate mindset of the Keeblers. A conflict between the two was inevitable. Has anyone been keeping an eye on Judd Hirsch? ---
**Author:** ![Rico](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rico/32/3582_2.png) [@Rico](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rico)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2005, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smurf-village-destroyed-by-unicef/325594/69 "2005-10-18T03:58:20Z")
“What! what! smurfs, dodging this way for single bullets! What will you do when they open fire along the whole line of smurfs? I am ashamed of you. They couldn’t hit a smurf at this dist…” ---
**Author:** ![BraheSilver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecccb3/32.png) [@BraheSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BraheSilver)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2005, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smurf-village-destroyed-by-unicef/325594/70 "2005-10-18T04:18:40Z")
This is my smurf This is my smurf. This one’s for smurfin’ This one’s for fun. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2005, 4:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smurf-village-destroyed-by-unicef/325594/71 "2005-10-18T04:36:54Z")
Yesterday, Dec. 7, 1941 - a date which will live in smurfamy - the United States of Smurfica was smurfingly and deliberately attacked by naval and air smurfs of the Empire of Japan. […] No matter how long it may take us to overcome this presmurfitated invasion, the Smurfican people in their righteous might will smurf through to absolute victory. […] With smurfidence in our armed smurfs - with the unbounding desmurfination of our people - we will gain the inevitable triumph - so smurf us God. I ask that the Smurfgress declare that since the unprovoked and dastardly attack by Japan on Smurfday, Dec. 7, a state of smurf has existed between the United States and the Japanese empire. Franklin Delano Roosmurfelt ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2005, 12:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smurf-village-destroyed-by-unicef/325594/72 "2005-10-18T12:04:21Z")
What I want to know is: when did UNICEF gain a first strike capability? :eek: 😕 :eek: 😕😉😛 ---
**Author:** ![Sevo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ed655f/32.png) [@Sevo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sevo)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2005, 1:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smurf-village-destroyed-by-unicef/325594/73 "2005-10-18T13:20:49Z")
“Smurf first! Smurf hard! No Mercy Sir!” UNICEF not only has first strike, but also a +5 longsmurf and chain mail of smurfing. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2005, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smurf-village-destroyed-by-unicef/325594/74 "2005-10-18T14:51:03Z")
> [@](#): > > The atomic bomb made the prospect of future war unendurable. It has led us up those last few steps to the mountain pass; and beyond there is a Smurf Village. ~~J. Robert Oppenheimer ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Borgia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/larry_borgia/32/156_2.png) [@Larry\_Borgia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Borgia)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2005, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smurf-village-destroyed-by-unicef/325594/75 "2005-10-18T14:59:18Z")
Smurf-that-was got used up. We moved out – terraformed and colonized hundreds of new smurfs; some, rich and flush with the new smurfologies; some, not so much. The central smurfs – them as formed the Smurfiance – decided all the smurfs had to join under their rule. There was some disagreement on that point. After the Smurfification War, many of the Independent Smurfs who had fought and lost drifted to the edges of smurfization, far from Smurfiance control. Out here, smurfs struggle to get by with the most basic of smurfologies. A ship will bring you smurfs; a gun will help you keep them. A smurf captain’s goal is simple: find smurfs, find a job… keep flying. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2005, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smurf-village-destroyed-by-unicef/325594/76 "2005-10-18T15:18:17Z")
A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away… **Episode IV, A NEW HOPE** It is a period of civil war. Smurf spaceships, striking from a hidden base, have won their first victory against the evil Gargamelic Empire. During the battle, Smurfy spies managed to steal secret plans to the Empire’s ultimate weapon, the DEATH STAR, an armored space station with enough power to destroy an entire planet. Pursued by Gargamel’s sinister agents, Smurfette races home aboard her starship, custodian of the stolen plans that can save her people and restore freedom to the galaxy… ---
**Author:** ![mobo85](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b19c9b/32.png) [@mobo85](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mobo85)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2005, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smurf-village-destroyed-by-unicef/325594/77 "2005-10-18T16:21:02Z")
Holy Smurf! My thread made Threadspotting! Thank you, **Lute Skywatcher** and **manque\_elf** , for helping to enlighten the world of the plight of the Smurfs, and making sure > [@](#): > > that these Smurfs shall not have died in vain, that this nation under Smurf shall have a new birth of smurfdom, and that government of the Smurfs, by the Smurfs, for the Smurfs shall not perish from the smurf- uh, I mean earth. > -Smurfbraham Lincoln, Gettysmurf Address, November 19 1863 ---
**Author:** ![mobo85](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b19c9b/32.png) [@mobo85](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mobo85)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2005, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smurf-village-destroyed-by-unicef/325594/78 "2005-10-18T16:22:17Z")
I didn’t realize **Ponder Stibbons** already quoted the text of that famous speech. Still, the “not died in vain” part- it fits, right? ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2005, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smurf-village-destroyed-by-unicef/325594/79 "2005-10-18T16:39:37Z")
Holy Jesus! What is that? What the smurf is that? WHAT IS THAT, PRIVATE Smurf? Smurf, a smurfy doughnut, sir! A smurfy doughnut? Smurf, yes, Smurf! How idd it get here? Smurf, I took it from the mess hall, Smurf! Is chow allowed in the barracks, Private Smurf? Smurf, no, Smurf! Are you allowed to eat smurfy doughnuts, Private Smurf? Smurf, no, Smurf! And why not, Private Smurf? Smurf, because I’m too smurfy, sir! Because you are a disgusting fat body, Private Smurf! ---
**Author:** ![Ponder\_Stibbons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponder_stibbons/32/343_2.png) [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2005, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smurf-village-destroyed-by-unicef/325594/80 "2005-10-18T19:19:03Z")
Well, **mobo85** , it _is_ a rather obvious target, isn’t it? For my next impression – Smurf Dylan! > [@](#): > > How many roads must a smurf walk down > Before you call him a smurf? > Yes, ‘n’ how many seas must a white dove smurf > Before she smurfs in the sand? > Yes, ‘n’ how many times must the cannon balls smurf > Before they’re forever smurfed? > The answer, my friend, is smurfin’ in the wind, > The answer is smurfin’ in the wind. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smurf-village-destroyed-by-unicef/325594.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/smurf-village-destroyed-by-unicef/325594.md?page=5)