# Snakes on a Plane! **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [September 6, 2005, 5:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snakes-on-a-plane/320309 "2005-09-06T05:46:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Kaf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/fbc32d/32.png) [@Kaf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaf)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2005, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snakes-on-a-plane/320309/61 "2005-10-11T18:37:59Z")
> [@Critical1](#): > > you know what would be really scary? if they did this like it was some weird ass terrorist plot where you know, terrorists release a bunch of snakes on a plane instead of that nonsense they are talking about now. _enter busty security agent_ “I’m afraid Sir, that I’m going have to pat you down and check for any large snakes you might be bringing on board the plane” _cue 70’s porno music_ Errr, is that the wrong genre? ---
**Author:** ![Draelin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ce73a5/32.png) [@Draelin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Draelin)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2005, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snakes-on-a-plane/320309/62 "2005-10-11T18:48:37Z")
> [@Kaf](#): > > Errr, is that the wrong genre? The horrible part is, I’d probably go see _that_ one, too. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![The\_Scrivener](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@The\_Scrivener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Scrivener)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2005, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snakes-on-a-plane/320309/63 "2005-10-11T18:54:26Z")
Sorry to hijack [groan] this thread with plot-hole querries, but inquiring minds want to know: how exactly are the snakes supposed to find access into the cabin from the cargo hold beneath? And how, being cold-blooded, are the snakes supposed to find the energy to do _anything_ (beyond staying alive) in the very cold cargo space? I anticipate some stock characters: 1. The know-it-all amateur herpetologist (say, a nine-year-old boy) who has a pet snake or two and knows a helluva lot more about snakes than just about any adult on the plane. He also knows a lot about dinosaurs, but that’s not going to be a factor. 🙂 The character will have a key expository moment or two when he enlightens his fellow passengers about the danger they face (or lack of, mistakenly), just as the old-woman-who-knew-about-birds in Hitchcock’s **The Birds** had an ambiguous role of informed/misinformed bystander. 2. The nervous passenger who’s taking his or her first flight after completing a therapeutic course in conquering the fear of flying, after twenty years of not flying. Proves to be unexpectedly resourceful in a moment of crisis. 3. William Shatner in a cameo, at least. Pretty please, Hollywood producers! 4. The naive New Age freak who wins a Darwin Award by embarking on a unilateral policy of constructive engagement with the snakes. 5. The young, gung-ho career military guy on leave. Just like what’s-his-name in **Ravenous** , and Jack Black in **Mars Attacks**. And like that guy, he gets killed, but heroically, unlike the stupid naive New Age freak. For extra interest, change G-HMG to a woman. 6. A catty gay couple who offer up sizzling bon mots and manage to dispatch quite a few of the snakes, besides. “Oh, is that a little-bitty python? Is Paulina Poritzkova on board? Oh, that’s so _Eighties_…” 7. A reptilian corporate executive in First Class who dies very early on, ironically enough, because he’s so engrossed in his spreadsheets, etc. he doesn’t see the snake slithering over his shoe and up his tailored pant leg… 8. The smart, resourceful, poised junior flight attendant who keeps her head when everybody else loses theirs and plays a key role helping to organize a late-inning rally against the snakes. Let’s call her Ripley… 9. A professional athlete (say, football player) who proves to be a total coward re. the snakes, oddly enough. Anyone? Let’s populate this plane, people! ---
**Author:** ![The\_Scrivener](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@The\_Scrivener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Scrivener)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2005, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snakes-on-a-plane/320309/64 "2005-10-11T19:11:00Z")
A couple of people have written up fantasy trailers for the movie, at the [IMDB message boards](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0417148/board/nest/27566139). I particularly like the first one. ---
**Author:** ![Scott\_Plaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Scott\_Plaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scott_Plaid)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2005, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snakes-on-a-plane/320309/65 "2005-10-11T19:18:53Z")
> [@The Scrivener](#): > > Anyone? Let’s populate this plane, people! Did you see [these](http://www.chud.com/forums/showthread.php?t=78811) [links](http://www.yankeefog.com/archives/2005/08/snakes_on_a_pla_2.html) from the blog **ArchiveGuy** linked to? Anyway, re: what you were saying, imagine the following: A woman has gotten onto a plane with her toddler. He begins to cry and whine the second he gets on the plane. She takes a seat, and wrestles him into a seat, much to the distress of the gung-ho military guy she is sitting next to. She makes a weak attempt to calm the kid down, but mostly just drums her fingers impatiently till, and listens to her iPod. After a while, she falls asleep. The kid struggles out of his seat, and explores the floor, where it is full of fascinating things to stuff into his mouth. A snake glides by, and the kid screams and scream. It pauses to look at him, sticks out its tongue, and glides to the row of seats behind him, on its way to killer the banker. ---
**Author:** ![Raguleader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/258eb7/32.png) [@Raguleader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Raguleader)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2005, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snakes-on-a-plane/320309/66 "2005-10-11T19:37:47Z")
> [@The Long Road](#): > > OP was funny as hell. > > _Road Warrior_ had a snake on a helicopter(ultra-light) so I think it deserves some credit. I think it was a gyrocopter, which is some sort of unholy bastard child of a helicopter and a plane. But that said, I’d just like to chime in with SNAKES ON A PLANE! ---
**Author:** ![Kaf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/fbc32d/32.png) [@Kaf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaf)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2005, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snakes-on-a-plane/320309/67 "2005-10-11T19:40:03Z")
> [@The Scrivener](#): > > 1. William Shatner in a cameo, at least. Pretty please, Hollywood producers! If there is an Og, he will be the captain. Ground. Control. We. Have. Snakes. On. Board. The. Plane. Also, don’t forget plucky resourceful older sister to the 9 year old herpetologist. Or the snotty rude Senior Flight Attendent who is first or second to die. ---
**Author:** ![Draelin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ce73a5/32.png) [@Draelin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Draelin)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2005, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snakes-on-a-plane/320309/68 "2005-10-11T19:41:00Z")
> [@Kaf](#): > > If there is an Og, he will be the captain. I thought he’d be better as a passenger yelling “There’s snakes on the wing!!!” ---
**Author:** ![Scott\_Plaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Scott\_Plaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scott_Plaid)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2005, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snakes-on-a-plane/320309/69 "2005-10-11T19:45:21Z")
Personally, I would prefer John Lithgow in that role. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hey_It_s_That_Guy)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2005, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snakes-on-a-plane/320309/70 "2005-10-11T19:49:17Z")
> [@Kaf](#): > > Or the snotty rude Senior Flight Attendent who is first or second to die. Perfect role for David Spade! ---
**Author:** ![Critical1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/3e96dc/32.png) [@Critical1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Critical1)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2005, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snakes-on-a-plane/320309/71 "2005-10-11T20:54:43Z")
the first to die HAS to be Steven Segal when he gets sucked out of the connector thing while attempting a mid air rescue mission…oh wait, he did that already. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Scrivener](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@The\_Scrivener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Scrivener)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2005, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snakes-on-a-plane/320309/72 "2005-10-11T21:00:07Z")
> [@Scott Plaid](#): > > Did you see these links from the blog ArchiveGuy linked to? BION, no, I didn’t bother. I had a wild impulse to post some funny (and all-too-predictable) Hollywood archetypes and just ran with it. And then, prodded by your query, I checked them out, but quit on the first, long-winded one a few paragraphs in. Short-attention span, no doubt exacerbated by watching too many action flicks… 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![mrklutz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ebca7d/32.png) [@mrklutz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mrklutz)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2005, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snakes-on-a-plane/320309/73 "2005-10-11T21:12:02Z")
> [@The Scrivener](#): > > Anyone? Let’s populate this plane, people! I’d like to see a cameo by Harrison Ford. He’d be sitting in first class in a suit, engrossed in something, when he overhears someone talking about the snakes. He looks up apprehensively, and just says “Snakes?” ---
**Author:** ![shelbo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3d9bf3/32.png) [@shelbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shelbo)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2005, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snakes-on-a-plane/320309/74 "2005-10-11T21:19:44Z")
> [@Kaf](#): > > Ground. Control. We. Have. Snakes. On. Board. The. Plane. “Uh, roger that Flight 121. Did you say that there are snakes on the plane? Like, loose on the plane? Poisonous snakes? Dozens of them? By any chance is Samuel L. Jackson on board?” ---
**Author:** ![Scott\_Plaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Scott\_Plaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scott_Plaid)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2005, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snakes-on-a-plane/320309/75 "2005-10-11T21:26:09Z")
> [@The Scrivener](#): > > , I checked them out, but quit on the first, long-winded one a few paragraphs in. You need to see the second one. > [@jacobw](#): > > \ > FADE IN ON: An airline check-in counter. The TICKET LADY is stamping somebody’s ticket. > > On the other side of the ticket counter is the passenger: a snake. In an effort to look more human, the snake is wearing a false moustache and an old-fashioned bowler hat. > > TICKET LADY: Enjoy the flight, Mr… > (CHECKING THE NAME ON THE TICKET) Snakerson. > > THE SNAKE: Sssssssss. > \ ---
**Author:** ![Kaf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/fbc32d/32.png) [@Kaf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaf)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2005, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snakes-on-a-plane/320309/76 "2005-10-11T21:55:36Z")
> [@shelbo](#): > > “Uh, roger that Flight 121. Did you say that there are snakes on the plane? Like, loose on the plane? Poisonous snakes? Dozens of them? By any chance is Samuel L. Jackson on board?” The. Snakes. Are. On. Board. My. First. Officer. Will. Investigate. His. Wallet. Says. Bad. Motha. Fucka. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Fight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/90ced4/32.png) [@Cat\_Fight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Fight)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2005, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snakes-on-a-plane/320309/77 "2005-10-12T00:04:55Z")
> [@ArchiveGuy](#): > > Now you can buy [the t-shirt](http://damnation-inc.com/order.php?item=1) (unofficial, I think). Hmm, I was hoping for just a big old “Snakes on a Plane!!!” logo. I guess I’ll have to make my own… snakesonaplane! ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2005, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snakes-on-a-plane/320309/78 "2005-10-12T00:36:02Z")
Am I the only one who immediately made the conceptual leap to [Sheep in a Jeep](http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0395470307/qid=1129077278/sr=8-3/ref=pd_bbs_3/002-4260466-2043215?v=glance&s=books&n=507846)? ---
**Author:** ![Equipoise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/equipoise/32/151_2.png) [@Equipoise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Equipoise)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2005, 1:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snakes-on-a-plane/320309/79 "2005-10-12T01:14:18Z")
Gosh yes, I do believe so Chronos. SNAKES ON!! A PLANE!! (doesn’t have quite the same ring) ---
**Author:** ![Sengkelat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e36b37/32.png) [@Sengkelat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sengkelat)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2005, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snakes-on-a-plane/320309/80 "2005-10-12T02:11:58Z")
I am so going to see this movie. There’ll be snakes. On a plane. How can I pass it up? As long as none of the snakes are injured or killed. I can’t watch that. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snakes-on-a-plane/320309.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snakes-on-a-plane/320309.md?page=5)