# Snappy Answers to Stupid Job Interview Questions! **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 12, 2011, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-job-interview-questions/581678 "2011-05-12T17:40:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![ralph124c](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/8797f3/32.png) [@ralph124c](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ralph124c)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2011, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-job-interview-questions/581678/1 "2011-05-12T17:40:52Z")
I really don’t know why interviewers ask these ridiculous questions, but I thought that some non-conventional answers might spice things up. So, here goes: -Q: “Where do you want to be in 5 years?” (A): “I want your job” -(Q):“What is your finest accomplishment?” (A): “I was able to get my manager fired” -(Q): “What are your main weaknesses?” (A): “I like booze and hookers” -(Q): “How do you deal with difficult subordinates?” (A) “I set them up and fire them” -(Q):“Why did you leave yor last job?” (A): “I hated my boss, and told him off” Any more? ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2011, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-job-interview-questions/581678/2 "2011-05-12T17:52:41Z")
> [@ralph124c](#): > > -Q: “Where do you want to be in 5 years?” (A): “I want your job” I think I actually said that once. Q: What’s your biggest weakness? A: I don’t show up and I don’t do any actual work. ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2011, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-job-interview-questions/581678/3 "2011-05-12T18:12:17Z")
Actually, that’s basically the right answer. They want to hear that you want to move beyond the position for which you’re being hired. ---
**Author:** ![Giles](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giles/32/60_2.png) [@Giles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giles)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2011, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-job-interview-questions/581678/4 "2011-05-12T18:18:42Z")
-(Q): “Where do you want to be in 5 years?” (A): “On a beach in the South Pacific.” -(Q):“What is your finest accomplishment?” (A): “Not getting expelled from high school.” -(Q): “What are your main weaknesses?” (A): “Do you want the short list or the long list? The long list might take a couple of hours.” -(Q): “How do you deal with difficult subordinates?” (A) “I avoid having subordinates by having the bottom position on the organisational chart” -(Q):“Why did you leave yor last job?” (A): “They caught me. But my probation officer advised me not to say what they caught me doing.” ---
**Author:** ![Markxxx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5daacb/32.png) [@Markxxx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Markxxx)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2011, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-job-interview-questions/581678/5 "2011-05-12T18:23:55Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > I think I actually said that once. > > Q: What’s your biggest weakness? A: I don’t show up and I don’t do any actual work. Actually a better response is: I SHOW up but don’t do any actual work. ---
**Author:** ![bouv](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bc8723/32.png) [@bouv](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bouv)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2011, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-job-interview-questions/581678/6 "2011-05-12T18:25:33Z")
> [@ralph124c](#): > > -Q: “Where do you want to be in 5 years?” Don’t say doing your wife, don’t say doing your wife… “Doing you’re…son?” ~Peter Griffin ---
**Author:** ![LonesomePolecat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a88e57/32.png) [@LonesomePolecat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LonesomePolecat)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2011, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-job-interview-questions/581678/7 "2011-05-12T19:08:56Z")
-(Q): “Where do you want to be in 5 years?” (A): I have no plans at all for five years from now. I’m just trying to pay the rent, yutz. -(Q):“What is your finest accomplishment?” (A): Keeping myself from strangling my last boss. -(Q): “What are your main weaknesses?” (A): Total lack of personal hygiene and a tendency to pick fights with my co-workers. -(Q): “How do you deal with difficult subordinates?” (A) I don’t deal with difficult subordinates. I am a difficult subordinate. -(Q):“Why did you leave yor last job?” (A): (shrug) Too hip for the room. ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Scud](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f08c70/32.png) [@Tom\_Scud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Scud)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2011, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-job-interview-questions/581678/8 "2011-05-12T19:13:05Z")
-Q: “Where do you want to be in 5 years?” (A): “Five years… five years… no one will be ANYWHERE in five years… MUAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!!!” ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2011, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-job-interview-questions/581678/9 "2011-05-12T19:15:41Z")
> [@Markxxx](#): > > Actually a better response is: I SHOW up but don’t do any actual work. How about you ony show up on payday? That only works for jobs that still give paper paychecks, though. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2011, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-job-interview-questions/581678/10 "2011-05-12T19:43:32Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > How about you ony show up on payday? > > That only works for jobs that still give paper paychecks, though. You: “I only show up for payday.” Him: “We use direct deposit…” You: “Perfect!” ---
**Author:** ![Tim\_T-Bonham.net](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/46a35a/32.png) [@Tim\_T-Bonham.net](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tim_T-Bonham.net)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2011, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-job-interview-questions/581678/11 "2011-05-13T00:32:33Z")
[QUOTE=ralph124c;1379233-] (Q): “What are your main weaknesses?” (A): “I like booze and hookers” [/QUOTE] Better: (A): “I like booze and hookers, especially when you can slip them onto your expense report.” ---
**Author:** ![Freddy\_the\_Pig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a587f6/32.png) [@Freddy\_the\_Pig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freddy_the_Pig)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2011, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-job-interview-questions/581678/12 "2011-05-13T01:54:48Z")
(Q) Why should we hire you? (A) That’s bad if you’re wondering, too. ---
**Author:** ![Harmonious\_Discord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/74df32/32.png) [@Harmonious\_Discord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harmonious_Discord)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2011, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-job-interview-questions/581678/13 "2011-05-13T02:03:52Z")
-Q: “Where do you want to be in 5 years?” (A): I want to be on the top. -(Q):“What is your finest accomplishment?” (A): I had the manager screaming so loud the whole office heard. -(Q): “What are your main weaknesses?” (A): I get up 5 times an hour while doing a desk job. -(Q): “How do you deal with difficult subordinates?” (A) I make sure they know they are the bottom person in the department. -(Q):“Why did you leave your last job?” (A): Dissatisfaction with my position in the totem pole. Don’t ask how to do the totem pole, I won’t tell you. ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2011, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-job-interview-questions/581678/14 "2011-05-13T02:35:39Z")
I was interviewing earlier this year, and it rapidly became obvious that I was only there as a token candidate with no chance of actually being considered. I decided to relax and answer the questions honestly, rather than how I thought they’d like to have them answered. Q: “What would your last boss say about your time working for him?” Me: “I’d like to think he’d say something nice, but he told me the department was reorganizing, I lost my job and he’s still there, so I don’t really know.” ---
**Author:** ![mack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b19c9b/32.png) [@mack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mack)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2011, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-job-interview-questions/581678/15 "2011-05-13T02:55:32Z")
Q) What are you doing now? A) My job consists of basically masking my contempt for the assholes in charge, and, at least once a day, retiring to the men’s room so I can jerk off while I fantasize about a life that doesn’t so closely resemble Hell. [/Lester Burnham] ---
**Author:** ![AnalogSignal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/analogsignal/32/1085_2.png) [@AnalogSignal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AnalogSignal)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2011, 3:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-job-interview-questions/581678/16 "2011-05-13T03:26:18Z")
-(Q):“What is your finest accomplishment?” (A): “Embezzling millions from my last company” -(Q): “What are your main weaknesses?” (A): “Getting caught embezzling” -(Q): “How do you deal with difficult subordinates?” (A) “Waterboarding” -(Q):“Why did you leave yor last job?” (A): “It was difficult to carry out my duties from the Federal penitentiary” ---
**Author:** ![mac\_bolan00](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b3f665/32.png) [@mac\_bolan00](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mac_bolan00)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2011, 3:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-job-interview-questions/581678/17 "2011-05-13T03:49:44Z")
Q: what can you bring in for the betterment of this company? A: fashion sense. ---
**Author:** ![Rhythmdvl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/85f322/32.png) [@Rhythmdvl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhythmdvl)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2011, 4:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-job-interview-questions/581678/18 "2011-05-13T04:30:20Z")
Anyone else reading most of the answers here in a Bender voice? ---
**Author:** ![drastic\_quench](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e36b37/32.png) [@drastic\_quench](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drastic_quench)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2011, 6:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-job-interview-questions/581678/19 "2011-05-13T06:17:13Z")
Q: What is your greatest weakness? A: You’d like that, wouldn’t you? ---
**Author:** ![Nancarrow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c37758/32.png) [@Nancarrow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nancarrow)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2011, 6:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-job-interview-questions/581678/20 "2011-05-13T06:20:14Z")
Q. What would you say is your greatest weakness? A1. A tendency to say words like ‘fuck’ at the most inappropriate times. A2. I have a short temper for stupid questions. A3. Kryptonite. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-job-interview-questions/581678.md?page=2)