# Snappy Answers to Stupid Job Interview Questions! **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 12, 2011, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-job-interview-questions/581678 "2011-05-12T17:40:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![mac\_bolan00](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b3f665/32.png) [@mac\_bolan00](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mac_bolan00)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2011, 8:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-job-interview-questions/581678/21 "2011-05-13T08:25:31Z")
Q1: you get into fights? A1: yes. Q2: what kind of fights? A2: to the death. and as you can see, i’m sitting here in front of you. [i bare my chest] A3: i even have scars to show! ---
**Author:** ![TreacherousCretin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/treacherouscretin/32/476_2.png) [@TreacherousCretin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TreacherousCretin)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2011, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-job-interview-questions/581678/22 "2011-05-13T16:55:25Z")
> [@Nancarrow](#): > > Q. What would you say is your greatest weakness? > > A1. A tendency to say words like ‘fuck’ at the most inappropriate times. Best one. This thread reminds me of an old joke about the guy who filled in his job application: Q: Salary Desired \_\_\_\_\_\_\_ A: Yes . ---
**Author:** ![Mister\_Rik](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mister_rik/32/491_2.png) [@Mister\_Rik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mister_Rik)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2011, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-job-interview-questions/581678/23 "2011-05-13T17:49:51Z")
Q: So what position are you looking for? A: I WILL BE DARK LORD OF THE UNDERWORLD, AND YOU SHALL BE MY VASSAL! Erm, Assistant Manager would be nice… Many years ago I was interviewing for a cooking job, and when the manager asked what kind of shifts/schedule I was looking for, I gave a completely ludicrous (for the industry) answer, “Oh, Monday through Friday, 9 to 5”. The guy gave me a brief, blank look, and then busted up laughing. I knew I was going to like working for the guy. (Yeah, he hired me, though not for that shift, obviously.) ---
**Author:** ![Agent\_Foxtrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9fc29f/32.png) [@Agent\_Foxtrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Agent_Foxtrot)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2011, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-job-interview-questions/581678/24 "2011-05-13T17:50:28Z")
I once got asked by my interviewer in a hospital job, “What do you feel is the most perfect job for you at this organization?” Without skipping a beat, I said, “Surgeon.” We both laughed and I got the job. I’m still here. ---
**Author:** ![Greg\_Charles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/839c29/32.png) [@Greg\_Charles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Greg_Charles)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2011, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-job-interview-questions/581678/25 "2011-05-13T18:08:41Z")
> [@Agent\_Foxtrot](#): > > I once got asked by my interviewer in a hospital job, “What do you feel is the most perfect job for you at this organization?” Without skipping a beat, I said, “Surgeon.” We both laughed and I got the job. I’m still here. Hi, Dr. Nick! I often wondered about your origin story. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2011, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-job-interview-questions/581678/26 "2011-05-13T18:10:54Z")
Q: How do you feel about a diverse workplace? A: I’m all for it. I feel diversity is the backbone of our culture and the greatest strength of any company. Q: What are your biggest dislikes in a workplace? A: Jews and Hispanics. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2011, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-job-interview-questions/581678/27 "2011-05-13T18:19:44Z")
As the owner of a business, I interviewed someone the other day. The interview was scheduled, inadvertently, on a day that I had scheduled myself off. So, I was doing yard work and drove to the office to do the interview. I was dressed in dirty jeans and t shirt. The first thing the interviewee said (with a smirky smile), “I was gonna ask about a dress code, but I guess that won’t be necessary”. I answered, “We’re even. I thought I’d be conducting an interview, but I guess that won’t be necessary”. I walked out of the room and went home. The next day an employee got up the nerve to ask what had happened. ---
**Author:** ![AlsoNamedBort](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alsonamedbort/32/3213_2.png) [@AlsoNamedBort](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AlsoNamedBort)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2011, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-job-interview-questions/581678/28 "2011-05-13T18:32:46Z")
One of these days, when unemployment isn’t so bad, I want to respond to the “Five Year” question with “I don’t even know what I’m doing for dinner tonight.” ---
**Author:** ![spudbucket](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/85e7bf/32.png) [@spudbucket](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spudbucket)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2011, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-job-interview-questions/581678/29 "2011-05-13T18:35:04Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > As the owner of a business, I interviewed someone the other day. The interview was scheduled, inadvertently, on a day that I had scheduled myself off. So, I was doing yard work and drove to the office to do the interview. I was dressed in dirty jeans and t shirt. > > The first thing the interviewee said (with a smirky smile), “I was gonna ask about a dress code, but I guess that won’t be necessary”. > > I answered, “We’re even. I thought I’d be conducting an interview, but I guess that won’t be necessary”. > > I walked out of the room and went home. The next day an employee got up the nerve to ask what had happened. Wow! Looks like the applicant dodged a bullet there. If making a humorous comment about you conducting an interview in decidedly non-business attire is enough for you to stop the interview, your business must be a blast to work at. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2011, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-job-interview-questions/581678/30 "2011-05-13T18:46:36Z")
> [@spudbucket](#): > > Wow! Looks like the applicant dodged a bullet there. If making a humorous comment about you conducting an interview in decidedly non-business attire is enough for you to stop the interview, your business must be a blast to work at. Ditto. It is just as disrespectful, rude and unprofessional for an interviewer to wear dirty clothes to the interview as it would be for the interviewee, plus the interviewee was making light of what had to be an awkward situation for him. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2011, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-job-interview-questions/581678/31 "2011-05-13T18:50:42Z")
Q: In what computer programs and languages are you most fluent? A: BASIC. Which I think is going to come back bigger than ever. Q: Tell us why you left your most recent job. A: I’ve been advised by my attorneys not to answer that question without them present. ---
**Author:** ![Giles](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giles/32/60_2.png) [@Giles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giles)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2011, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-job-interview-questions/581678/32 "2011-05-13T18:54:40Z")
> [@Sampiro](#): > > Ditto. It is just as disrespectful, rude and unprofessional for an interviewer to wear dirty clothes to the interview as it would be for the interviewee, plus the interviewee was making light of what had to be an awkward situation for him. Yup. It was not the interviewee’s fault that **kayaker** had scheduled a day off. If you’re going in to the office to meet someone, you should be suitably dressed. ---
**Author:** ![sachertorte](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sachertorte/32/3727_2.png) [@sachertorte](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sachertorte)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2011, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-job-interview-questions/581678/33 "2011-05-13T18:54:55Z")
nevermind ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2011, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-job-interview-questions/581678/34 "2011-05-13T19:28:07Z")
> [@spudbucket](#): > > Wow! Looks like the applicant dodged a bullet there. If making a humorous comment about you conducting an interview in decidedly non-business attire is enough for you to stop the interview, your business must be a blast to work at. I agree. His reaction to the comment about the dress code was way over the top. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2011, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-job-interview-questions/581678/35 "2011-05-13T19:38:12Z")
Q. Why do you want to work here? A. I don’t want to work _here_ - I just want to work somewhere where they’ll pay a decent wage and not screw me over too much. Your company seems to fit both criteria. Instead of saying what we all know to be true, we have to figure out some blahblah about leaders in industry or corporate culture or some shit like that. Q. What was your salary at your last position? A. Since you weren’t paying it, it’s none of your damned business. Q. What salary would you like? A. One…MILLION dollars. Annually. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2011, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-job-interview-questions/581678/36 "2011-05-13T19:55:33Z")
Q: Would you call yourself a practical or proactive person? And give us an example. A: Can you believe that I may have stuck a knife in someone’s guts twelve hours before you got on the wagon and we headed out for fucking Laramie? No! Because I don’t look fucking backwards. I do what I have to do and go on. Q: Tell us about a time you had to deal with adversity from somebody in a position of authority to you. A: Before she ran the girls’ orphanage, that fat Mrs. Fucking Anderson ran the boys’ orphanage on fucking Euclid Avenue. My fucking mother dropped me the fuck off there with seven dollars and sixty some-odd fucking cents on her way to sucking cock in Georgia and I didn’t get to count the fucking cents before the fucking door opened and there was Mrs. Fat Ass Fucking Anderson, who sold you to me. I had to give her seven dollars and sixty-odd fucking cents that my mother shoved in my fucking hand before she hammered one two three four times on the fucking door and scurried off down Euclid Avenue, probably thirty fucking years before you were fucking born ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2011, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-job-interview-questions/581678/37 "2011-05-13T23:57:47Z")
I actually had some disgruntled assistant ask me the “5 year” question. I had aced the earlier interview with the boss, but got the feeling this turd was going to butcher me. I knew it when they looked at my resume and said sarcasticly, _“College Graduate, Huh? Well…”_ “So, where do you see yourself in 5 years?” “Oh, I’ll be retired by then.” This shit-bag’s face screwed up like they were hit with a bloated skunk! Needless to say, I didn’t get _that_ job! I “retired” in two years! ---
**Author:** ![etv78](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d78d45/32.png) [@etv78](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/etv78)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2011, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-job-interview-questions/581678/38 "2011-05-14T00:53:39Z")
> [@Dewey\_Finn](#): > > I agree. His reaction to the comment about the dress code was way over the top. I’m (at least) 4th this! It was YOUR FAULT you’re in dirty clothes, and the guy made a tongue-in-cheek comment, and you FLIP OUT! :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Taomist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/53a042/32.png) [@Taomist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Taomist)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2011, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-job-interview-questions/581678/39 "2011-05-14T01:15:15Z")
> [@Dewey\_Finn](#): > > Actually, that’s basically the right answer. They want to hear that you want to move beyond the position for which you’re being hired. Yeah, the problem is you’re not likely being interviewed by someone that far above you. Shoot for the moon and ask who his/her boss is and work from there. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![China\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/779978/32.png) [@China\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/China_Guy)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2011, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-job-interview-questions/581678/40 "2011-05-14T02:24:22Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > I walked out of the room and went home. The next day an employee got up the nerve to ask what had happened. Don’t leave us hanging, did you fire the employee or just note it down for justification for fucking him over at bonus time? Seriously, that was a dick move. You got upset at yourself for screwing up the scheduling and took it out on someone that actually made an effort to help your business. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-job-interview-questions/581678.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-job-interview-questions/581678.md?page=3)