# Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions - Thread Style! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 20, 2003, 1:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-questions-thread-style/176334 "2003-05-20T13:00:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![dantheman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dantheman/32/9421_2.png) [@dantheman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dantheman)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2003, 1:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-questions-thread-style/176334/1 "2003-05-20T13:00:28Z")
Note: This has nothing to do with the content of these threads or with the OPs themselves. When I Dope, I hit the “View new posts” link and browse through until I find a new thread that piques my interest. Because doing this results in threads from all of the forums, not just one, I get a wide array of threads. And often, in a fit of silliness, I’ll find myself mentally answering questions that are posed in thread titles. Mind you, I’m not necessarily _opening_ the thread. Examples: Q: Is the Bible written by God? A: No, it was written by Marvin Plotnik of Schenectady, New York. Q: What the fuck makes you think you can threaten my kids? A: Your kids are brats. Plus, they dress funny. [Again, please note that the “answers” have nothing to do with the content.] Q: Why did Henry VIII have so many problems with securring a male heir? A: Not enough good, stout rope. See what I mean? I thought, “Maybe I’m not the only one who does this.” Then I thought, “I probably am.” And then that was followed by, “Two thoughts don’t make a right.” Which made no sense, and I procured more coffee as an antidote. Anyone wanna play? ---
**Author:** ![Frank\_2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8c91f0/32.png) [@Frank\_2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frank_2)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2003, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-questions-thread-style/176334/2 "2003-05-20T14:02:59Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by dantheman \* > \*\*Anyone wanna play? \*\* No. My mamma told me not to play with strangers. On an unrelated note, why does every day of the week end with -day? We already know it’s a day. ---
**Author:** ![Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bippy_the_Beardless)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2003, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-questions-thread-style/176334/3 "2003-05-20T15:03:18Z")
Well it ain’t just a day, it’s a day and a night, so be thankful it isn’t tuesdayandnight. And what the heck is up with monday, that’s from moon day for all you unejukated plebs. WTF, the moon isn’t out much in the daytime now is it, moonnight is a much better name. If God is all he’s cracked up to be, why are there so many reality TV shows? ---
**Author:** ![dantheman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dantheman/32/9421_2.png) [@dantheman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dantheman)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2003, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-questions-thread-style/176334/4 "2003-05-20T15:11:59Z")
Guess you guys never read Mad Magazine… ---
**Author:** ![Phax](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Phax](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Phax)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2003, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-questions-thread-style/176334/5 "2003-05-20T18:28:42Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Bippy the Beardless \* > \*\*Well it ain’t just a day, it’s a day and a night, so be thankful it isn’t tuesdayandnight. > \*\* I propose that after six PM, instead of saying “Monday, Tuesday, etc”, we refer to it as “Monnight, Tuesnight, etc…” All dopers should immediately adopt and use this procedure; thereby casting our wills upon the rest of society. This is only the first of many procedures that will be implemented in our eventual takeover of the world. Someday, we will all look back at this and agree that this was the magical moment the doper takeover began. Please feel free to add your own suggestions as to how we can takeover the world in as many off-the-wall and generally assinine ways as possible. ---
**Author:** ![Zenster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/cdc98d/32.png) [@Zenster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zenster)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2003, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-questions-thread-style/176334/6 "2003-05-20T18:34:35Z")
One of my all-time favorites. Stranger: May I ask you a question? Me: You just did! ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2003, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-questions-thread-style/176334/7 "2003-05-20T18:53:05Z")
That’s annoying as heck, **Zenster**. It’s right up there with the time I answered the phone at work. The caller said “May I please speak to Mr. Smith?” I said, “May I ask who’s calling?” He said “Yes.” Okay, I get it, he’s right, I’m wrong – but how obnoxious. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2003, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-questions-thread-style/176334/8 "2003-05-20T19:04:35Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by dantheman \* > \*\*I thought, “Maybe I’m not the only one who does this.” Then I thought, “I probably am.” \*\* No, I do that too. (Questions from GQ) Q: So my CD burner isn’t working…can I fix it? A: Obviously not. Q: How long can I survive on soda? A: Well there’s one easy way to find out… Q. Can I get an octopus for a pet? A: Don’t be silly – what would a pet do with an octopus? Q: Does mating trigger death in some animals? A: Not if you remember to wrap them in duct tape first. I think that’s more than enough… ---
**Author:** ![Peter\_Doubt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/df705f/32.png) [@Peter\_Doubt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peter_Doubt)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 6:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-questions-thread-style/176334/9 "2003-05-21T06:17:42Z")
Q. What if the NRA President was shot? A. I believe the [Vice-President](http://users.bigpond.net.au/jellery/yosemite-sam.gif) would be sworn in the next day. _save me from being a smartass in GD_ ---
**Author:** ![Zenster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/cdc98d/32.png) [@Zenster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zenster)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 7:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-questions-thread-style/176334/10 "2003-05-21T07:59:03Z")
Recently, I’ve begun to ask cashiers: Do you take cash? ---
**Author:** ![dantheman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dantheman/32/9421_2.png) [@dantheman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dantheman)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 12:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-questions-thread-style/176334/11 "2003-05-21T12:34:48Z")
**From GQ** Q: Nuclear matter? A: Naw, it don’t matter. Less’n you don’t got it. Q: What purpose do “imaginary numbers” serve? A: They allow us to count our imaginary friends. Q: How can I tell when soy milk goes bad? A: When it holds the tofu for ransom. Q: Difference between serial killer and mass murderer? A: Fabulous cash prizes. ---
**Author:** ![welby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/d78d45/32.png) [@welby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/welby)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 12:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-questions-thread-style/176334/12 "2003-05-21T12:54:47Z")
Q: Do you have the time? A: Do you have the beer? Two points for anyone pathetic enough to remember the commercial this refers to. I have SO got to get a life. ---
**Author:** ![dantheman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dantheman/32/9421_2.png) [@dantheman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dantheman)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 1:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-questions-thread-style/176334/13 "2003-05-21T13:00:41Z")
If you’ve got the time, we’ve got the beer. Miller beer. ---
**Author:** ![carrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9de0a6/32.png) [@carrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carrot)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 1:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-questions-thread-style/176334/14 "2003-05-21T13:05:03Z")
Also from GQ: Q: Does my computer keyboard have a mind of its own? A: Yes. Hey, I didn’t type that! ---
**Author:** ![FranticMad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c68b51/32.png) [@FranticMad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FranticMad)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-questions-thread-style/176334/15 "2003-05-21T13:46:44Z")
Q: Do dogs smell with their tongues? A: Dogs stink all over. Q: The theory behind Carbon Dating. A: In Silicon Valley there are more pencils than girls. Q: Do flea collars work? A: It’s pretty hard to find the flea’s neck. Q: Trojan Extended Pleasure Condoms: Do they work? A: Most are unemployed. They lie around all day and stay up all night. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-questions-thread-style/176334/16 "2003-05-21T14:02:02Z")
Q: “Graffiti misspelled” A: Grafiti, graffitti, graffiti, greffeti, graffity ---
**Author:** ![Kn\_ckers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/96bed5/32.png) [@Kn\_ckers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kn_ckers)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-questions-thread-style/176334/17 "2003-05-21T15:07:02Z")
Lots of fun with GQ: Student Loans: Am I Screwed? Only if you have them. Declaration of Indepenence -George III a poophead? Well, that’s the basic gist, but they said it better. HELP!!! Are my eggs okay? A little runny, maybe, but some people like that. Pre-Heat My Light Bulbs? Are you coming on to me? What would happen if mosquitoes became extinct? Citronella candles would surely follow. How many disease can be eradicated? All of 'em. You just have to eradicate the hosts. Why do you only notice dead-skunk smell after you’ve driven past? It wasn’t dead before. ---
**Author:** ![Wyld\_Stallyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8dc957/32.png) [@Wyld\_Stallyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wyld_Stallyn)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-questions-thread-style/176334/18 "2003-05-21T15:08:37Z")
German Dopers: Can I Pick Your Brain? Only if you get me drunk first, zombie. ---
**Author:** ![FranticMad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c68b51/32.png) [@FranticMad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FranticMad)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-questions-thread-style/176334/19 "2003-05-21T17:18:30Z")
Q: So…who mailed the anthrax? A: No, who’s on 1st. Q: What is the most influential corporation of all time? A: That’s right! ---
**Author:** ![panache](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c77e96/32.png) [@panache](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-questions-thread-style/176334/20 "2003-05-21T17:42:12Z")
Q: Help me become a Hermit A: No, I think that’s something you need to do on your own… [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-questions-thread-style/176334.md?page=2)