# Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions - Thread Style! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 20, 2003, 1:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-questions-thread-style/176334 "2003-05-20T13:00:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![FairyDust](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ccd318/32.png) [@FairyDust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyDust)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-questions-thread-style/176334/21 "2003-05-21T19:09:27Z")
Q. How do I convince my husband that we need a dog? A. Try to convince him you both need a horse. Then maybe he’ll settle for a dog. ---
**Author:** ![Scuba\_Ben](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@Scuba\_Ben](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scuba_Ben)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-questions-thread-style/176334/22 "2003-05-21T19:13:20Z")
From MPSIMS: I’ve Been ‘Let Go’, am I going to lose my mortgage? A: No – check the rules – but I’ll trade you Marvin Gardens and $300. ---
**Author:** ![Liz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/liz/32/17737_2.png) [@Liz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liz)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-questions-thread-style/176334/23 "2003-05-21T19:16:38Z")
From GQ: Q: Any point in smoking stems? A: I prefer them barbequed, but to each their own. Q: How do I make a police siren? A: Go 90 through a school zone. Q: Can I smoke yet? A: Are you on fire yet? Q: How can I tell when soy milk goes bad? A: When it’s chewy, of course. Q: What would happen if mosquitoes became extinct? A: The bug repellant market would crash and mass panic would ensue. Or maybe not. ---
**Author:** ![dwc1970](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a183cd/32.png) [@dwc1970](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dwc1970)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-questions-thread-style/176334/24 "2003-05-21T19:33:29Z")
Q: How can I tell when soy milk goes bad? A: When it appears on a Fox special “When Soy Milk Goes Bad.” Q: Trojan Extended Pleasure Condoms: Do they work? A: Check back with us in nine months and let us know! Q: What would happen if mosquitoes became extinct? A: Those folks who make OFF! would have a lot of useless inventory on their hands! ---
**Author:** ![FairyDust](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ccd318/32.png) [@FairyDust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyDust)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-questions-thread-style/176334/25 "2003-05-21T19:36:33Z")
Q. What if the NRA president was shot? A. He’d bleed. ---
**Author:** ![FairyDust](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ccd318/32.png) [@FairyDust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyDust)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-questions-thread-style/176334/26 "2003-05-21T19:41:43Z")
Q. Is pledge anti-American? A. It’s no more anti-American than other brands of furniture polish. ---
**Author:** ![FairyDust](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ccd318/32.png) [@FairyDust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyDust)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-questions-thread-style/176334/27 "2003-05-21T20:43:58Z")
Q. What if LotR had been written by someone else? A. I guess we’ll never know, will we? I mean, who in their right mind would want to try their hand at that? ---
**Author:** ![FairyDust](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ccd318/32.png) [@FairyDust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyDust)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-questions-thread-style/176334/28 "2003-05-21T20:50:11Z")
Q. Anybody notice how hard physical labor is? A. How’s about you give me a demonstration? Come on over and clean my house from top to bottom, then mow the front lawn, trim the hedges, do a week’s worth of my laundry, then cook me a seven-course dinner from scratch. If you look tired after all that, then you might convince me that physical labor is hard. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-questions-thread-style/176334/29 "2003-05-21T20:53:00Z")
Q. What if Lord of the Rings had been written by someone else? A. It wouldn’t say J.R.R. Tolkein on the cover. ---
**Author:** ![dantheman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dantheman/32/9421_2.png) [@dantheman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dantheman)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 1:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-questions-thread-style/176334/30 "2003-05-22T13:18:09Z")
Q: What is the difference between crows and ravens? A: Crows have a better health plan. Q: Bag my own groceries!?! What could you POSSIBLY be saying?!? A: I’m saying, “Bag your own groceries.” Q: Why are capital and small letters so different? A: It’s all hormones, Johnny. And anabolic steroids. ---
**Author:** ![carrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9de0a6/32.png) [@carrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carrot)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-questions-thread-style/176334/31 "2003-05-22T13:49:06Z")
Q: Any advice for an expectant mother? A: Sleep now, and never hold your pee. Q: Centaurs? A: I’ll see your centaurs and raise you a gryphon. Q: Lawyers: Is the “MATRIX” Defense Valid? A: Yes, but the Pontiac Vibe Defense is basically the same, but with 0 down and 0% interest for 60 months. Q: So, how’s that War on Terrorism going? A: None too bad. How about that War on Drugs? Q: Male Strippers-What’s The Work Like? A: Another day, another folded dollar bill stuffed into an intimate orifice. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-questions-thread-style/176334/32 "2003-05-22T14:54:04Z")
Q: Recommend to me some “deep” movies. A: \*\* The Deep, Deep Throat, Deep Space Nine, Deep Impact, Deep Six, Devil and the Deep, Devil of the Deep, Deep Sleep \*\* and that classic \*\* DEEP \*\*. ---
**Author:** ![drafty\_de](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a6a055/32.png) [@drafty\_de](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drafty_de)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-questions-thread-style/176334/33 "2003-05-22T15:34:53Z")
Dantheman. Al Jaffee rocks (or is it Al Jaffe?) you won’t believe this but I was just thinking of MAD’s smart ass line of paper back books that I read as a kid. The ones i remember most are … Q:is that soup hot? A: It’s hard to tell with a mouth full of seared flesh. Hostess Q: Seats for 2? A: No, seats for 37, we like to change seats ever few minutes unfortunately the smart ass examples kind of stuck with me and nearly got me fired a few times My boss (in front of several co-workers) - Q:What you reading? Me - A: It’s called a book, you should try one sometime. He was not impressed, everyone else was…heh heh ---
**Author:** ![dantheman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dantheman/32/9421_2.png) [@dantheman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dantheman)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-questions-thread-style/176334/34 "2003-05-22T15:36:56Z")
There ya go. I miss the old-school Mad. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-questions-thread-style/176334/35 "2003-05-22T17:26:25Z")
Q: Car seats - how old? A: My guess would be roughly the same as the car. Q: Should I get my car fixed before I sell it? A: Yes, neutered cars are all the rage. Q: Salutetorian: What should I talk about?!? A: What, you’re asking the dumbasses? Q: Is 16 too young for homosexual sex? A: Well it definately is for geriatric sex. ---
**Author:** ![Wyld\_Stallyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8dc957/32.png) [@Wyld\_Stallyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wyld_Stallyn)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-questions-thread-style/176334/36 "2003-05-22T19:24:48Z")
Q: Salutetorian: What should I talk about?!?! A: How you overcame your lack of spelling ability and became salutatorian. ---
**Author:** ![panamajack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/47e85d/32.png) [@panamajack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panamajack)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-questions-thread-style/176334/37 "2003-05-22T20:06:21Z")
From GD: Married priests in ‘60 Minutes’ … or the pizza’s free! Are the Palestinians wising up? A: Yeah, but wascally Iswael’s fighting back. Have western countries obtained the Communist utopia? A: No, they haven’t even retrieved the jade monkey yet. Why no wars since World War II? A: Because you have been locked in a bunker, on Mars, with earmuffs on and a bag over your head for the last sixty years. Has the majority ever held an idea, then denied it, then held it again? A: Well, most people used to think so, then for a while they didn’t, but now… ---
**Author:** ![NE\_Texan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/e99b99/32.png) [@NE\_Texan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NE_Texan)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-questions-thread-style/176334/38 "2003-05-22T20:32:39Z")
Q: Why give your child a name like this? A: Because “That” was already taken. Q: How does LEGO work? A: Great, for injuring barefoot feet and clogging vacuum cleaners. Q: Male Strippers - What’s the Work Like? A: T’easy. ---
**Author:** ![Monstre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e274bd/32.png) [@Monstre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monstre)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-questions-thread-style/176334/39 "2003-05-22T20:34:08Z")
From MPSIMS: Centaurs? A: No thanks, I’m full. Do you feel guilty about your erotic dreams? A: No, but I feel guilty about **your** erotic dreams… Anybody here know anything about Russia? A: Yes. It’s a big country. Why give your child a name like this? A: Because I already named his brother “That” and didn’t want to reuse it. What is my dog trying to tell me? A: Woof? From GQ: Where did these towels come from? A: Well, the mommy and daddy towel decided that they loved each other, so they went to bed together and… What’s up with those hollow ice cubes that they serve on airplanes? A: Due to budget cutbacks, the airlines cannot afford using full ice cubes any more. ---
**Author:** ![carrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9de0a6/32.png) [@carrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carrot)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-questions-thread-style/176334/40 "2003-05-22T20:36:25Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Monstre \* > \*\*What’s up with those hollow ice cubes that they serve on airplanes? > A: Due to budget cutbacks, the airlines cannot afford using full ice cubes any more. \*\* You say it like it’s a joke. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-questions-thread-style/176334.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-questions-thread-style/176334.md?page=3)