# Snappy answers to stupid questions **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 4, 2000, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-questions/43982 "2000-12-04T19:00:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![AWB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/bb73d2/32.png) [@AWB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AWB)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2000, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-questions/43982/1 "2000-12-04T19:00:33Z")
Set up the situation, the stupid question, and your snappy comback. _E.g.: You’re giving someone a ride home. As you walk up to your driver’s door, he asks, “Is this your car?” Your snappy comeback is, “No, I found this Mazda key and I’m trying it in every Protege I see. Eventually I’ll get lucky!”_ This situation was done jokingly: I was at a church function, holding my baby daughter. (See pictures in link in my signature below.) Many people came by and admired her. Naturally, they asked how old she was. I’d given out every answer possible: “15 weeks”, “almost 4 months”, “she’ll be 4 months this week”, etc. Eventually, one woman asked quite innocently. I simply replied, “Zero,” then laughed. Yes, I was sick of the question. But I didn’t want to offend her either. I think the next time I’m asked how old _I_ am, I’ll reply, “1,884 weeks.” ---
**Author:** ![TheNerd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/858c86/32.png) [@TheNerd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheNerd)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2000, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-questions/43982/2 "2000-12-04T19:04:27Z")
“What’s today? Thursday?” All day long. ---
**Author:** ![BlackKnight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/eb8c5e/32.png) [@BlackKnight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlackKnight)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2000, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-questions/43982/3 "2000-12-04T19:04:45Z")
Just got back from the library, and am holding a large library book. My Friend: Is that a library book? Me: No, it’s idiot repellant. It doesn’t appear to be working. God I’m lucky my friends have a sense of humor. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Stric-9](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6de8d8/32.png) [@Stric-9](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stric-9)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2000, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-questions/43982/4 "2000-12-04T19:14:40Z")
Happened to me about a week ago. Walked into my doctor’s office. _Girl at front desk_: How are you today? _Me_: Obviously not very good, or I wouldn’t be here… Happens all the time. In a store, ANY store. Cashier rings up things I am buying. “your total comes to $8.73” I hand the cashier a $20.00 bill. Cashier says “out of twenty?” NO, out of FIFTY you dumbass!" ---
**Author:** ![scratch1300](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dfb087/32.png) [@scratch1300](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scratch1300)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2000, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-questions/43982/5 "2000-12-04T19:22:45Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Stric-9 \* > \*\*Happened to me about a week ago. Walked into my doctor’s office. > _Girl at front desk_: How are you today? > _Me_: Obviously not very good, or I wouldn’t be here… > Happens all the time. In a store, ANY store. Cashier rings up things I am buying. “your total comes to $8.73” I hand the cashier a $20.00 bill. Cashier says “out of twenty?” NO, out of FIFTY you dumbass!" \*\* You know, some people will go to the doctor’s office for a check-up or a routine treatment. And as for the cashier’s query, well, I used to work behind the register and yes, some people would not realize what denomination of bill they gave. To say, “Out of twenty?” is to forestall any argument about how much change the customer should receive. ---
**Author:** ![Spritle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@Spritle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spritle)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2000, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-questions/43982/6 "2000-12-04T19:23:58Z")
My standard retort is “What is this, a trick question?” e.g., Dr. office: “How are you today?” Spritle: “What is this, a trick question?” ``` Is this your car? WIT, ATQ? ``` Quizically, Spritle ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2000, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-questions/43982/7 "2000-12-04T19:48:31Z")
This was a bit in a MAD Magazine, eons ago… My all-time favorite was: “How cute - are they twins?” “No, they’re identical strangers.” Hubby and I have a standard answer for askers of blantantly obvious questions: “You guys playing cards?” We laugh, even if no one else gets it. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Meephead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b782af/32.png) [@Meephead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Meephead)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2000, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-questions/43982/8 "2000-12-04T19:49:14Z")
An example of my trademark response to dumb questions: Dumb questioner: “Why is your checkbook out on your desk?” My snappy answer: “To make people ask dumb questions. It seems to work, too.” ---
**Author:** ![Smitty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e274bd/32.png) [@Smitty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smitty)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2000, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-questions/43982/9 "2000-12-04T19:51:29Z")
Some from my life: 1. I was already in bed when my wife came to bed. I asked her if she remembered to check that the doors were locked. She said, in a sultry voice, “Why don’t you come over here and check me?”. I responded, in my best Al Bundy impersonation, “Because, Peg, I know that nobody wants to break into you tonight.” 2. When working at Foot Locker during college, a guy came in and asked me if I worked there. I looked down at my referee uniform and said, “No, I’m just standing here in case a football game breaks out.” 3. While visiting my parents house, my grandmother called. I answered the phone, and she said, “Oh, you’re over at your parents’ house?” I said, “Well, what number do you think you dialed?” 4. While jokingly arguing with a friend over intelligence, I remarked that I had the highest SAT score ever recorded at my high school. Knowing that I come from a rural area, she said, “So what? Cows don’t count.” To which I responded, “Then why am I even listening to you?” ---
**Author:** ![AWB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/bb73d2/32.png) [@AWB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AWB)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2000, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-questions/43982/10 "2000-12-04T20:04:10Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Smitty \* > \*\*Some from my life: > > 1. I was already in bed when my wife came to bed. I asked her if she remembered to check that the doors were locked. She said, in a sultry voice, “Why don’t you come over here and check me?”. I responded, in my best Al Bundy impersonation, “Because, Peg, I know that nobody wants to break into you tonight.” \*\* So, have you had sex with her since? :D:D ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2000, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-questions/43982/11 "2000-12-04T22:05:18Z")
“You know, I’m a lesbian in a man’s body.” “Oooh, cool! When’s the sex change?” ---
**Author:** ![Dogzilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2000, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-questions/43982/12 "2000-12-04T22:22:47Z")
Q. What are you doing? A. Waterskiing (regardless of what I’m doing), What does it look like? ---
**Author:** ![El\_Kabong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/el_kabong/32/496_2.png) [@El\_Kabong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Kabong)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2000, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-questions/43982/13 "2000-12-04T22:41:38Z")
Mother, over dinner one night, after son’s first trip to Europe: Angelic Mother: So, how did you find Paris? Insolent Son: Well, basically I just got on the plane and 8 hours later, there I was. Me, standing by empty railroad track with camera in hand: Nosy stranger: Takin’ pictures of trains? Me: Not at the moment. ---
**Author:** ![cher3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/da6949/32.png) [@cher3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cher3)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2000, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-questions/43982/14 "2000-12-04T22:54:04Z")
Well, here’s one that’s happened more than once at our house: Darling daughter (putting on her shoes): Is this the right foot? Me: No, honey. Darling daughter (switching to other foot): Is THIS the right foot? She’s only three, so I haven’t given her any zinging comebacks yet–but if she’s still asking when she’s 10… ---
**Author:** ![BlackKnight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/eb8c5e/32.png) [@BlackKnight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlackKnight)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2000, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-questions/43982/15 "2000-12-04T22:55:16Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Stric-9 \* > \*\*In a store, ANY store. Cashier rings up things I am buying. “your total comes to $8.73” I hand the cashier a $20.00 bill. Cashier says “out of twenty?” NO, out of FIFTY you dumbass!" \*\* I’ve actually said this before, sans the “dumbass” part. The cashier lady just laughed politely (because I smiling) but obviously didn’t think it was funny. ---
**Author:** ![zwaldd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/a9adbd/32.png) [@zwaldd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zwaldd)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2000, 11:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-questions/43982/16 "2000-12-04T23:08:59Z")
> [@](#): > > Happens all the time. In a store, ANY store. Cashier rings up things I am buying. “your total comes to $8.73” I hand the cashier a $20.00 bill. Cashier says “out of twenty?” NO, out of FIFTY you dumbass!" not to be nitpicky (ok, just to be nitpicky), but i think they say this so after they give you your change you don’t say ‘um…i gave you a fifty’. ---
**Author:** ![OrcaChow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/e47c2d/32.png) [@OrcaChow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OrcaChow)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2000, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-questions/43982/17 "2000-12-05T01:05:29Z")
I had someone preempt me nicely: Last winter when I was near death’s door, a cashier at a drug store rang up my sizeable heap of medicines. She caught herself in mid-breath, looked over my stash and said with a you-poor-thang smile, “I was gonna wish you a nice day, but it looks like that’s just not gonna happen, is it?” ---
**Author:** ![Zenster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/cdc98d/32.png) [@Zenster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zenster)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2000, 4:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-questions/43982/18 "2000-12-05T04:59:31Z")
Do you smoke? Only when I’m on fire… ---
**Author:** ![Louie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c68b51/32.png) [@Louie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Louie)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2000, 6:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-questions/43982/19 "2000-12-05T06:37:23Z")
Is this seat taken? “No, it’s still there.” ---
**Author:** ![Geobabe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/geobabe/32/3908_2.png) [@Geobabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Geobabe)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2000, 6:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-questions/43982/20 "2000-12-05T06:50:36Z")
I had an old boyfriend who used to say all the time, “Can I ask you a question?” To which I’d respond, “You just did.” [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-questions/43982.md?page=2)