# Snappy Answers to Stupid Signs **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 26, 2003, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-signs/191087 "2003-07-26T14:16:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![neutron\_star](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/51bf81/32.png) [@neutron\_star](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/neutron_star)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2003, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-signs/191087/1 "2003-07-26T14:16:18Z")
Ever seen a sign/billboard/advertisement that was so annoying/stupid/factually incorrect that you had a perfect retort, but nowhere to say it? Have you had daydreams of sneaking out at night and spray-painting your response on the sign? Or rearranging the letters on a church sign to something amusingly blasphemous? Well, then, this is the thread for you. I’ll give you an example to start. Yesterday I passed a tire place with an ever-changing, usually Jesus-related sign, which, in the past, has featured such gems as “Atheists have no invisible means of support.” Yesterday it said “With God on your side, your never outnumbered.” My response? “Maybe not, but you might be outspelled.” Okay, that wasn’t a very good one, but it was the first thing that popped into my head when I saw the sign. I’m sure some of you guys can do better. Let’s hear it! ---
**Author:** ![Shade](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2bfe46/32.png) [@Shade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shade)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2003, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-signs/191087/2 "2003-07-26T14:39:26Z")
No, we have visible means of support 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2003, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-signs/191087/3 "2003-07-26T17:22:34Z")
Atheists are naturally non-saggy? There used to be a series of Biblethumper billboards here in Orlando that said things like “We need to talk - God” and such… I could never help commenting to whoever was in the car that it was about time He bought me a cellphone then… ---
**Author:** ![Trigonal\_Planar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/0ea827/32.png) [@Trigonal\_Planar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trigonal_Planar)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2003, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-signs/191087/4 "2003-07-26T19:56:34Z")
Of course, there’s always this classic: “Come see our new pools!” Which, inevitably, requires the removal of the “ls”: “Come see our new poo!” ---
**Author:** ![armedmonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@armedmonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/armedmonkey)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2003, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-signs/191087/5 "2003-07-26T20:53:53Z")
A clerk was pissing me off the other day. I was about to say something rude, but then I thought “what would Jesus do?” So I set him on fire and sent him to Hell. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2003, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-signs/191087/6 "2003-07-26T21:22:27Z")
Astonishing. I always thought Jesus would realize that Hell has enough burning people already, but is just dying for some poor souls who aren’t yet on fire… ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2003, 12:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-signs/191087/7 "2003-07-27T00:20:40Z")
Okay, it’s not a _stupid_ sign, but whenever I see the “Free Methodist Church” sign, I’m always tempted to add, “…with purchase of a methodist church of equal or greater value.” ---
**Author:** ![Spudo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bbce88/32.png) [@Spudo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spudo)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2003, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-signs/191087/8 "2003-07-27T01:27:32Z")
There’s a church here in town, they’re a little fanatical. They have a billboard outside that sometimes has quasi-witty notes on it. One day it read “Free trip to Heaven, inquire within.” For whatver reason I had a mental image of some guy sitting up at the front wiping down a shotgun with a pile of corpses next to him. Ok, so that isn’t snappy but I think faster than I talk, so it seemed snappy at the time. ---
**Author:** ![Rick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9f8e36/32.png) [@Rick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rick)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2003, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-signs/191087/9 "2003-07-27T02:18:10Z")
At the [SEA-TAC airport](http://www.portseattle.org/seatac/default.htm) in the N concourse there is a bar. Nothing unusual about that. But at the entrance to said bar is a sign. > [@](#): > > NO firearms allowed IIRC it has been about 30 years since airports started screening for guns on passengers. Talk about people unclear on the concept. :smack: And before anyone asks, the N concourse is a 1/4 mile and a train ride past the TSA security checkpoint. ---
**Author:** ![malkavia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malkavia/32/5621_2.png) [@malkavia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/malkavia)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2003, 3:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-signs/191087/10 "2003-07-27T03:40:53Z")
We used to have a painfully obnoxious anti-smoking campaign that ran billboards simply stating, “Quit yet?” For awhile I just said “Nope.” and lit a cigarrete, but one time I was in a particularly snarky mood and exclaimed loudly enough to be heard by the vehicle next to me… “NOT UNTIL YOU SAY UNCLE!!!” ---
**Author:** ![Annie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/858c86/32.png) [@Annie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2003, 4:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-signs/191087/11 "2003-07-27T04:55:43Z")
Me and a friend were strolling past the local "First Church of Christ, Scientist"when she said 'shouldn’t that say “First Church of Christ, Carpenter?” Sure seems like Jesus attracts a lot of bad sign-authors. ---
**Author:** ![Doomtrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/0ea827/32.png) [@Doomtrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doomtrain)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2003, 5:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-signs/191087/12 "2003-07-27T05:18:28Z")
I’ve seen the “First Church of Christ, Scientist” one. My reaction was to put on a Dexter voice and say, “This eeze Jesus’ secret LABOR-A-TORY!” ---
**Author:** ![Flamsterette\_X](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/41988e/32.png) [@Flamsterette\_X](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flamsterette_X)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2003, 7:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-signs/191087/13 "2003-07-27T07:13:16Z")
A Dexter voice? Like a mad scientist? Can’t think of any right now, but maybe when I do… I’ll be back. F\_X ---
**Author:** ![maleinblack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e5b9ba/32.png) [@maleinblack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/maleinblack)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2003, 10:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-signs/191087/14 "2003-07-27T10:27:53Z")
Well some one had stuck a large sticker which read **"Jesus Never Fails"** to which my friend promptly added **Probably He Never Did Engineering"**. No prizes for guessing the marks my friend scored in his exams! ---
**Author:** ![Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c68b51/32.png) [@Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mockingbird)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2003, 10:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-signs/191087/15 "2003-07-27T10:31:54Z")
I saw a sign that said **Pork: The One You Love**. It of course was selling pork chops, etc. Instead of eating, I took the sign to heart and built up an appetite. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2003, 10:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-signs/191087/16 "2003-07-27T10:37:54Z")
That reminds me of the British pork marketing campaign of a few years ago - **Lean on British pork**. My girlfriend at the time had the nickname Leen. And I’m British. One night we were making love… she was on top… so I whispered that line into her ear. ---
**Author:** ![Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c68b51/32.png) [@Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mockingbird)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2003, 10:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-signs/191087/17 "2003-07-27T10:44:04Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jjimm \* > \*\*That reminds me of the British pork marketing campaign of a few years ago - **Lean on British pork**. > > My girlfriend at the time had the nickname Leen. And I’m British. One night we were making love… she was on top… so I whispered that line into her ear. \*\* _A fine romance with no kisses…_ ---
**Author:** ![fotosbyfrank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/54ee81/32.png) [@fotosbyfrank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fotosbyfrank)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2003, 11:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-signs/191087/18 "2003-07-27T11:17:28Z")
My favorite is “Important message when flashing” I once did a glamour shoot with a young woman wearing just CFM shoes and a open trenchcoat in front of one of those signs . . . Also, whenever Olive wants me to pay attention to what she’s saying, she’ll open her top. ---
**Author:** ![elfje](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e19b73/32.png) [@elfje](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfje)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2003, 1:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-signs/191087/19 "2003-07-27T13:05:00Z")
there’s a hospital (can’t remember the name) over here that is called: \_\_\_\_\_ 's hospital for sick children. Every time i drive past, I can’t help but think: I wonder where they put the hospitals for healthy children… :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Archergal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c89c15/32.png) [@Archergal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Archergal)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2003, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-signs/191087/20 "2003-07-27T16:41:57Z")
In the cemetary in my home town, there’s an old gravestone with the following cheery message: Remember, youth, as you pass by As you are now, so once was I. As I am now, so must you be. Prepare for death, and follow me. Legend has it that once some wag appended the following lines: To follow you I’m not content Until I know which way you went! [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-signs/191087.md?page=2)