# Snappy Answers to Stupid Signs **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 26, 2003, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-signs/191087 "2003-07-26T14:16:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![drewbert](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drewbert/32/15890_2.png) [@drewbert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewbert)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2003, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-signs/191087/21 "2003-07-28T17:06:32Z")
Maybe someone can help me come up with a snappy response to [this sign](http://homepage.mac.com/drewbert/sdmb/billboard.png), which I have to pass every time I walk to the Krogers. Right now, the best I can come up with is, “Five minutes with a paintball gun, that’s all I ask…” ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2003, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-signs/191087/22 "2003-07-28T17:30:36Z")
“…and ye recieve not of his plagues… but get health insurance with AETNA so call 1-800-555-CARE” ---
**Author:** ![ElwoodCuse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/edb3f5/32.png) [@ElwoodCuse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElwoodCuse)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2003, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-signs/191087/23 "2003-07-28T17:37:04Z")
Taco Bell is running a promotion now where you can win free $5 vouchers to Sunoco, I think. How on earth did this get past their marketing dept.? Not ONE of them said–“Taco Bell gives you gas”? ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2003, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-signs/191087/24 "2003-07-28T18:28:15Z")
Hey, you - get out of that beast before you get her plagues! Honestly, on Sunday, no less. Is this kind of billboard common down there? I have never seen such an offensive billboard in my life! ---
**Author:** ![drewbert](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drewbert/32/15890_2.png) [@drewbert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewbert)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2003, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-signs/191087/25 "2003-07-28T21:25:08Z")
No, I haven’t seen any other billboards quite like that one. All I know is that I’ll be in a world of hurt if god catches me worshipping him on the wrong day. ---
**Author:** ![October](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@October](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/October)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2003, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-signs/191087/26 "2003-07-28T21:36:24Z")
I don’t know if these signs are everywhere, but in Texas, there are signs all over the place that say “SLOW–children at play” and I always picture a bunch of mentally challenged children playing in the street. There are also signs that say, “Drive Slowly–We (picture of a little red heart) Our Children.” I’ve always wanted to change the suit to either a club or a spade. ---
**Author:** ![KRC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/45deac/32.png) [@KRC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KRC)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2003, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-signs/191087/27 "2003-07-29T01:08:58Z")
Not exactly a sign, but as a kid I once saw a graffito that said “F_ck the world, I’m on a quaalude." So I replied with "Sh_t the world, I’m on Ex-lax.” And a sign near my house read “Lot for sale,” with a number to call underneath. It was a sign with movable letters and one day someone took the L off “lot” and replaced it with a P. I bet the guy who owned the lot had a bunch of fun fielding his calls that day. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2003, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-signs/191087/28 "2003-07-29T01:13:22Z")
Okay, my snappy comeback to that sign would be “If you love your children so much, tell them not to play in the streets.” ---
**Author:** ![Doomtrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/0ea827/32.png) [@Doomtrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doomtrain)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2003, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-signs/191087/29 "2003-07-29T01:25:54Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by drewbert \* > \*\*No, I haven’t seen any other billboards quite like that one. All I know is that I’ll be in a world of hurt if god catches me worshipping him on the wrong day. \*\* Those billboards are all over TN, at least. We saw a bunch of em driving from Atlanta to Knoxville and back. I really wanted to get a picture. And one of mine… “Slow children at play” sign. “Little bastards should run faster”–My response. ---
**Author:** ![Mentor\_and\_Liar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/2acd7d/32.png) [@Mentor\_and\_Liar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mentor_and_Liar)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2003, 1:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-signs/191087/30 "2003-07-29T01:32:57Z")
Recently, a sign appeared in my building; “Lost Something? Contact Gary at Company Name blah blah blah.” A lot of bike racers frequent the building, so after the Individual Time Trial, I added a small note; “Jah, it is possible I HAVE lost something. E-mail me, [janullrich@tourdefrance.com](mailto:janullrich@tourdefrance.com). Hurry!” Cruel? Maybe. ---
**Author:** ![Orange\_Skinner](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/3be4f8/32.png) [@Orange\_Skinner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Orange_Skinner)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2003, 6:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-signs/191087/31 "2003-07-29T06:29:09Z")
Before we started dating, **Mudshark** and I once actually altered a sign. It was at a little ice-cream shop/restuarant in town, and at the time its billboard read: “Meatball subs,” and then the price. He pried off the M and the E, I pried off the A and the T, and we ran, leaving the shop to advertize their Ball Subs until the next week or so, when the owner noticed. ---
**Author:** ![Svt4Him](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7feea3/32.png) [@Svt4Him](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Svt4Him)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2003, 7:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-signs/191087/32 "2003-07-29T07:19:40Z")
My favorite is: Slow to 50 when children playing on highway. Well, when you’re doing 50 obviously you’ll do a lot less damage to these children who are playing in such an obvious playground. ---
**Author:** ![LorieSmurf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a587f6/32.png) [@LorieSmurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LorieSmurf)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2003, 7:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-signs/191087/33 "2003-07-29T07:27:59Z")
There’s a church sign here in Tulsa that says “Don’t let worries kill you. Let the church help” No snappy comeback here, just “What the fuck? Bwahahahaha!!” ---
**Author:** ![AngelicGemma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/439d5e/32.png) [@AngelicGemma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AngelicGemma)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2003, 11:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-signs/191087/34 "2003-07-29T11:58:29Z")
As a kid whenever I saw “To Let” signs on buildings, I always wanted to put an “I” between the two words. ---
**Author:** ![kputt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f475e1/32.png) [@kputt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kputt)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2003, 12:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-signs/191087/35 "2003-07-29T12:10:11Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by drewbert \* > \*\*No, I haven’t seen any other billboards quite like that one. All I know is that I’ll be in a world of hurt if god catches me worshipping him on the wrong day. \*\* You should worship him everyday. ---
**Author:** ![longjohn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/65b543/32.png) [@longjohn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/longjohn)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2003, 1:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-signs/191087/36 "2003-07-29T13:12:01Z")
Years agosomebody graffitti’d along the Hammersmith Flyover “For God so loved the world he gave his only Son”. Big neat four foot high letters. Must have taken ages. It was immeasurably improved when somebody added a letter “y” right at the very end. Also the building that I work in in central London decided recently that it needed to introduce some semblance of security procedures. Hence all workers were issued with security passes. The exterior doors to the building have a large sign in big white letters on a red background that says “Passholders only”. One evening I’ll be there with my red marker surreptitiously colouring in three of the letters……… ---
**Author:** ![racinchikki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eada6e/32.png) [@racinchikki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/racinchikki)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2003, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-signs/191087/37 "2003-07-29T15:31:05Z")
**Drewbert,** there are at least three billboards like that one but with only the text shown on the viewer’s left of the one you’ve shown (Sundays laws etc and the 800 number), on I-81 through Virginia and Tennessee. ---
**Author:** ![Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bippy_the_Beardless)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2003, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-signs/191087/38 "2003-07-29T16:57:28Z")
We have a Baptist College nearby, I often wonder quite how much study is required to learn how to baptise people. Do they have practicle exams, and do you fail if you drown someone? Then there was the Antique dealers that allways had a sign requesting Gold Scrap. Unfortunately part of the sign was often obstructed so that it read old crap ---
**Author:** ![October](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@October](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/October)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2003, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-signs/191087/39 "2003-07-29T17:02:02Z")
The best sign I’ve ever seen is in Huntsville, TX. “Prison Area: DO NOT PICK UP HITCHHIKERS.” I always wonder about the security of that (formerly Death Row) prison. ---
**Author:** ![RAWDuke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/71e660/32.png) [@RAWDuke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RAWDuke)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2003, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-signs/191087/40 "2003-07-29T17:22:04Z")
Posted on a local racetrack “No Trespassing without Permission” Excuse me, sir, may I have permission to go on your land without your permission?:rolleyes: Sign on same racetrack: “No illegal contraband” Can you please explain the concept of legal contraband? 😛 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-signs/191087.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-signs/191087.md?page=3)