# Snappy Answers to Stupid Signs **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 26, 2003, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-signs/191087 "2003-07-26T14:16:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2003, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-signs/191087/41 "2003-07-29T19:38:27Z")
There’s a sign posted in the low-income housing area here in Seattle that’s so odd no wisecrack can measure up to it. The sign says: “Illegal activity prohibited in this area.” I know, a dozen possible responses leap immediately to mind. But none of them is as amusing as the sheer absurdity of the sign itself. ---
**Author:** ![robgruver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/13edae/32.png) [@robgruver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robgruver)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2003, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-signs/191087/42 "2003-07-29T20:49:33Z")
My favorite: Sign: “Jesus Delivers!” Me to wife: “In 30 minutes or its free.” She still laughs about that today. ---
**Author:** ![Non-PC\_Jell-o\_Ad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/58956e/32.png) [@Non-PC\_Jell-o\_Ad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Non-PC_Jell-o_Ad)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2003, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-signs/191087/43 "2003-07-29T22:41:35Z")
On the way to work, I pass a child care facility called “Florence Child Development.” I’ve always wondered if they charge extra for 1-hour child development… ---
**Author:** ![plank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7bcc69/32.png) [@plank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/plank)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2003, 2:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-signs/191087/44 "2003-07-30T02:29:18Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Thudlow Boink \* > \*\*Okay, it’s not a _stupid_ sign, but whenever I see the “Free Methodist Church” sign, I’m always tempted to add, “…with purchase of a methodist church of equal or greater value.” \*\* “METHODIST CHURCH IS INNOCENT!” and an oldie but goldie: “Jesus Saves! … but _{insert name of favourite footballer here}_ scores on the rebound” ---
**Author:** ![cuauhtemoc](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ecb155/32.png) [@cuauhtemoc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cuauhtemoc)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2003, 2:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-signs/191087/45 "2003-07-30T02:29:36Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by drewbert \* > \*\*No, I haven’t seen any other billboards quite like that one. All I know is that I’ll be in a world of hurt if god catches me worshipping him on the wrong day. \*\* Dammit, I can’t view it for some reason. What does it say? ---
**Author:** ![Qwertyasdfg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/ecc23a/32.png) [@Qwertyasdfg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qwertyasdfg)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2003, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-signs/191087/46 "2003-07-30T02:37:17Z")
“Jesus Saves” + “25% at Crazy Bob’s Used Car Lot” ---
**Author:** ![drewbert](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drewbert/32/15890_2.png) [@drewbert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewbert)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2003, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-signs/191087/47 "2003-07-30T03:15:15Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by cuauhtemoc \* > \*\*Dammit, I can’t view it for some reason. What does it say? \*\* It’s possible you can’t see it becuase it’s a PNG file rather than a JPG or a GIF. I’d just retype the billboard text, but then you’d miss out on the whole horrible yellow-and-black graphic design of it all. That, and I’d wear out my caps lock key. Here it is as a .jpg: [auugh!](http://homepage.mac.com/drewbert/sdmb/billboard.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![Enola\_Straight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dec6dc/32.png) [@Enola\_Straight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enola_Straight)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2003, 3:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-signs/191087/48 "2003-07-30T03:26:37Z")
What Would Jesus Do… …for a Klondike Bar? ---
**Author:** ![racinchikki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eada6e/32.png) [@racinchikki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/racinchikki)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2003, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-signs/191087/49 "2003-07-30T03:34:43Z")
Here’s another one. At the end of the highway I live on, where it meets the major-er highway, there’s a mechanic shop of some kind with a big sign on it with the rearrangeable letters. It says, in part, HELLIS FOREVER And then goes on a big religious spiel. But the spacing in the top line is as shown, so now when I see it I yell GO HELLIS! HELLIS FOR WORLD CHAMPS! ---
**Author:** ![betenoir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/258eb7/32.png) [@betenoir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/betenoir)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2003, 5:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-signs/191087/50 "2003-07-30T05:30:19Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Bippy the Beardless \* > \*\*We have a Baptist College nearby, I often wonder quite how much study is required to learn how to baptise people. Do they have practicle exams, and do you fail if you drown someone? > > \*\* It depends. If they go to Hell after, you have to take summer school. ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2003, 6:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-signs/191087/51 "2003-07-30T06:44:42Z")
“Hard hats must be worn on this site” - what wrong with wearing new ones? “No entry - staff only” - so, logically, if I’m not on staff … “This door is alarmed” - so am I, now ---
**Author:** ![Odinoneeye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/97f17d/32.png) [@Odinoneeye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odinoneeye)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2003, 7:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-signs/191087/52 "2003-07-30T07:18:52Z")
I remember a sign on an auto shop that said “Stone chips repaired” I always wanted to go in with a stone chip and say, “My stone chip is broken, how much to repair it?” ---
**Author:** ![WILLASS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/54ee81/32.png) [@WILLASS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WILLASS)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2003, 7:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-signs/191087/53 "2003-07-30T07:20:01Z")
The best sign i’ve seen for a while is for a car mechanics with the dubious name ‘Piston Broke’, you may have to be British to appreciate the joke… ---
**Author:** ![TeaRoses](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c37758/32.png) [@TeaRoses](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TeaRoses)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2003, 7:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-signs/191087/54 "2003-07-30T07:30:23Z")
I love those signs on traffic lights that say things like No left turn 9 a.m. to 11 a.m. 4 p.m. to 7 p.m. Monday through Friday RTD bus exempted I always want to yell. “Now I can’t even remember if I wanted to turn anyway!” ---
**Author:** ![cuauhtemoc](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ecb155/32.png) [@cuauhtemoc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cuauhtemoc)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2003, 12:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-signs/191087/55 "2003-07-30T12:45:06Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by drewbert \* > \*\*[auugh!](http://homepage.mac.com/drewbert/sdmb/billboard.jpg) \*\* That’s barely comprehensible. 😕 ---
**Author:** ![Dragline](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/edb3f5/32.png) [@Dragline](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dragline)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2003, 1:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-signs/191087/56 "2003-07-30T13:41:31Z")
We’ve got a lot of billboards for the casinos in Biloxi, Mississippi, some of which say “98% payback on slot machines!” And they seem quite proud of it. So, can you imagine, here is a company bragging about the fact that if you give them $100, they will give you back $98. And the clincher is, the good ol’ boys down here look at it and think: “Wull, that seems like a purdy good deal!” ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2003, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-signs/191087/57 "2003-07-30T14:06:43Z")
Ooh, ooh, I thought of one here - here in Calgary, they put signs on the overpass bridges saying \*\* “Don’t jump over railing.”\*\* I swear to God I’m not lying. I don’t think there’s a snappy comeback to that - um, yeah, it’s pretty much always a good idea not to jump over the railing of bridges. Unless you are trying to die. It’s not really a stupid sign, but we have signs here indicating that there is old folks’ housing in the neighbourhood - the signs picture a couple of doddering old people symbols, complete with canes. I’ve always found these amusing. It’s like the young healthy guy symbol striding across the street in the walk lights in his retirement career, or something. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-answers-to-stupid-signs/191087.md?page=2)