# Snappy Comebacks for my Passive-Agressive Boss **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 3, 2010, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-comebacks-for-my-passive-agressive-boss/549063 "2010-08-03T22:03:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2010, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-comebacks-for-my-passive-agressive-boss/549063/1 "2010-08-03T22:03:23Z")
(well, boss’s boss) I was sitting at my computer and working quietly (the Dope safely hidden in a side tab) when I heard my boss’s boss walk into the room adjacent to my office, sigh loudly, and say, loud enough for me and everyone else to hear but addressing no one in particular: “There are \*forks \*in the _sink_. And I’m \*not \*washing dishes!” Then she stomped off. I didn’t say anything, mostly because snappy comebacks are not in my skillz set. But I know the collective wisdom of the Dope can come up with a clever response. (For the record, that was not my flatware in the communal break-room sink.) What would have been the ultimate comeback? ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2010, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-comebacks-for-my-passive-agressive-boss/549063/2 "2010-08-03T22:15:43Z")
Keeping your trap shut was the right move. One doesn’t offer snappy comebacks to one’s boss’s boss in this economy unless one has alternative employment already lined up. Particularly when said boss’s boss is already obviously annoyed and may overreact. That said, there’s nothing wrong with thinking something like: “Well, joke you if you can’t take a fork.” ---
**Author:** ![GrandWino](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grandwino/32/67_2.png) [@GrandWino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrandWino)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2010, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-comebacks-for-my-passive-agressive-boss/549063/3 "2010-08-03T22:22:02Z")
“I’m not sure who did that, it wasn’t me but I’d be happy to clean up the mess, Ms. Bosslady.” You did say this was your boss’s boss, right? Wait, did you want to lose your job? In that case, how about: “You could use plastic forks next time.” ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2010, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-comebacks-for-my-passive-agressive-boss/549063/4 "2010-08-03T22:27:49Z")
There is no such thing as a snappy comeback to the boss’s boss. Best wishes, hh ---
**Author:** ![Tethered\_Kite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a5b964/32.png) [@Tethered\_Kite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tethered_Kite)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2010, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-comebacks-for-my-passive-agressive-boss/549063/5 "2010-08-03T22:28:00Z")
I find that straighforward responses are useful with passive-aggressive folks. That way you don’t end up playing their dysfunctional game. It takes them by surprise and promotes honest communication. Sometimes they even manage some of same. ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2010, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-comebacks-for-my-passive-agressive-boss/549063/6 "2010-08-03T22:31:41Z")
Oh, Lordy, folks. And here I thought we could have a little fun. I’m not actually gonna say anything out loud to her, ferchrissakes. For one thing, the moment passed almost seven hours ago. Consider it more of a thought exercise, or an excuse to be snarky. Whassa matter, dontcha like bringing the snark? I thought I was coming to the Snark Experts ™. Party poopers … ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2010, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-comebacks-for-my-passive-agressive-boss/549063/7 "2010-08-03T22:33:19Z")
> [@purplehorseshoe](#): > > Oh, Lordy, folks. And here I thought we could have a little fun. > > I’m not actually gonna say anything out loud to her, ferchrissakes. For one thing, the moment passed almost seven hours ago. Consider it more of a thought exercise, or an excuse to be snarky. Whassa matter, dontcha like bringing the snark? I thought I was coming to the Snark Experts ™. > > Party poopers … nm hh ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2010, 4:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-comebacks-for-my-passive-agressive-boss/549063/8 "2010-08-04T04:30:43Z")
> [@purplehorseshoe](#): > > I thought I was coming to the Snark Experts ™. You have. It’s just much more fun being snarky directly to you rather than second-hand to your boss’s boss. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2010, 5:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-comebacks-for-my-passive-agressive-boss/549063/9 "2010-08-04T05:23:29Z")
“Meh, I use plastic forks anyways.” “But dirty forks taste have that nice been-in-someone-else’s-mouth taste that I love!” “I guess they didn’t go down the drain like I thought.” “I’ll be sure to tell the maid.” “You barbarians! Chopsticks are far superior.” “Well, fork you, too.” “Who left the forking forks in the forking sink?” Okay, okay, these are getting silly. But hopefully I made up for the rest of youse. ---
**Author:** ![Silver\_Fire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e4f/32.png) [@Silver\_Fire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silver_Fire)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2010, 5:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-comebacks-for-my-passive-agressive-boss/549063/10 "2010-08-04T05:26:50Z")
Are you a man? “… wait. What are you doing out of the kitchen in the first place?” for that extra sexist kick. ---
**Author:** ![ivan\_astikov](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@ivan\_astikov](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivan_astikov)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2010, 7:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-comebacks-for-my-passive-agressive-boss/549063/11 "2010-08-04T07:17:12Z")
The correct response was to take one of the aforementioned forks from the sink, throw it at the boss, and say “Who says I don’t give a flying fork?” ---
**Author:** ![The\_Second\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbe5ce/32.png) [@The\_Second\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Second_Stone)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2010, 7:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-comebacks-for-my-passive-agressive-boss/549063/12 "2010-08-04T07:37:42Z")
If I’m getting my hourly rate, I’m sure as hell not above washing forks or any other legal job. I draft briefs and pleadings and argue and negotiate for a living. If you want to pay me $300 smackers an hour to vacuum, I’ll even bring my own vacuum cleaner. ---
**Author:** ![Jeff\_Lichtman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jeff_lichtman/32/1531_2.png) [@Jeff\_Lichtman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jeff_Lichtman)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2010, 7:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-comebacks-for-my-passive-agressive-boss/549063/13 "2010-08-04T07:41:08Z")
How about: “That’s interesting. Is there some point you’re trying to make?” “When I saw those forks I said the very same thing!” “Forks? Really? I was wondering what those were.” ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2010, 7:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-comebacks-for-my-passive-agressive-boss/549063/14 "2010-08-04T07:46:32Z")
If I do wash them, can I add “washing forks” to my job description next time I’m asked for it? ---
**Author:** ![saje](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saje/32/3631_2.png) [@saje](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saje)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2010, 11:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-comebacks-for-my-passive-agressive-boss/549063/15 "2010-08-04T11:25:58Z")
Spin around, wring your hands, go all bug-eyed and start to hyperventilate as you squeak hysterically: “OMG!!! REALLY??? HOW MANY?? Oh this is terrible! - call 911! Call the SWAT TEAM! Should we evacuate??” ---
**Author:** ![Markxxx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5daacb/32.png) [@Markxxx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Markxxx)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2010, 12:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-comebacks-for-my-passive-agressive-boss/549063/16 "2010-08-04T12:12:50Z")
Boss) There are folks in the sink You) Better there than in your throat Boss) And I’m not washing dishes. You) Then you’ll be stomping roaches. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2010, 12:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-comebacks-for-my-passive-agressive-boss/549063/17 "2010-08-04T12:30:47Z")
“Well, you do know that forks aren’t dishes, right?” [“Ha-aaaaaaz_el_!”](http://sixties60s.com/1961/booth.jpg) “Jamie Lee Curtis says yogurt culture is good for your digestion. Bon Appetite!” “Security! We have cutlery in the kitchen area!!!” “Aw, c’mon. You don’t hear them bitch about the crusty crap stuck to you, now do you??” “Kitchenette Police report logged & noted.” “Damn. They’re spreading out from the drawers. They must be testing our defenses.” “What do they smell like? Are you sure? Take a REALLY good whiff…” “Waterless Cookware my ass…!” “My pattern is St James, and thats Clearly Dubarry. Can’t be me.” “Whats my time sheet charge code for washing your Entitled Skanky Ho dishes…?” ---
**Author:** ![Sigmagirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c89c15/32.png) [@Sigmagirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sigmagirl)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2010, 12:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-comebacks-for-my-passive-agressive-boss/549063/18 "2010-08-04T12:45:43Z")
“I’ll alert the media.” ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2010, 1:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-comebacks-for-my-passive-agressive-boss/549063/19 "2010-08-04T13:15:08Z")
“When you come to a fork in the sink, take it.” ---
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2010, 1:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-comebacks-for-my-passive-agressive-boss/549063/20 "2010-08-04T13:41:03Z")
> [@purplehorseshoe](#): > > Oh, Lordy, folks. And here I thought we could have a little fun. > > I’m not actually gonna say anything out loud to her, ferchrissakes. For one thing, the moment passed almost seven hours ago. Oh yeah? Well the jerk store called. It’s got forks in the sink too! [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snappy-comebacks-for-my-passive-agressive-boss/549063.md?page=2)