# Sniffs Markers dumped me **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 27, 2004, 11:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sniffs-markers-dumped-me/242262 "2004-04-27T11:52:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Eats\_Crayons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/278dde/32.png) [@Eats\_Crayons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eats_Crayons)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2004, 11:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sniffs-markers-dumped-me/242262/1 "2004-04-27T11:52:29Z")
…although she still finds me attractive, she is no longer sexually attracted to me. FWIW this has been a fairly longstanding issue. But everything else in our relationship has been so perfect and stable, she thought maybe the spark would come back. But it hasn’t. She said she would agree to couples counseling for my sake, but she doesn’t believe it will ultimately make any difference. She is my home. My life is truly devoted to her in every possible way. I don’t know where to go from here. ---
**Author:** ![Jennyrosity](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/2bfe46/32.png) [@Jennyrosity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jennyrosity)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2004, 11:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sniffs-markers-dumped-me/242262/2 "2004-04-27T11:56:44Z")
Aw, mate. That’s awful. Difficult as it may be to believe right now, it does get easier. ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2004, 12:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sniffs-markers-dumped-me/242262/3 "2004-04-27T12:03:56Z")
{{{Eats\_Crayons}}} I’m sorry things aren’t working out for you two. Good luck. ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2004, 12:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sniffs-markers-dumped-me/242262/4 "2004-04-27T12:22:38Z")
Poor kid. Hang in there. ---
**Author:** ![Fionn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a587f6/32.png) [@Fionn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fionn)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2004, 12:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sniffs-markers-dumped-me/242262/5 "2004-04-27T12:41:48Z")
I’m so sorry to hear that, **Eats Crayons**. ---
**Author:** ![Profane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e47774/32.png) [@Profane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Profane)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2004, 12:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sniffs-markers-dumped-me/242262/6 "2004-04-27T12:47:37Z")
I’m sorry. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![DeadlyAccurate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ac91a4/32.png) [@DeadlyAccurate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeadlyAccurate)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2004, 12:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sniffs-markers-dumped-me/242262/7 "2004-04-27T12:56:18Z")
I’m so sorry to hear that, **Eats\_Crayons**. I know we’ve never talked, but if you need a random stranger to listen to your problems, my email’s in my profile. ---
**Author:** ![Lissla\_Lissar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@Lissla\_Lissar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lissla_Lissar)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2004, 1:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sniffs-markers-dumped-me/242262/8 "2004-04-27T13:14:36Z")
Oh, **Eats** , I’m so sorry. I’m glad she’s agreed to counselling. My sincerest sympathy. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2004, 1:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sniffs-markers-dumped-me/242262/9 "2004-04-27T13:26:15Z")
Geez, that’s a drag. I’m surprised and sorry. As I recall, you posted a picture of yourself and you’re very pretty. I hope things work out. ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2004, 1:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sniffs-markers-dumped-me/242262/10 "2004-04-27T13:52:12Z")
> [@Eats\_Crayons](#): > > She said she would agree to couples counseling for my sake, but she doesn’t believe it will ultimately make any difference. > > She is my home. My life is truly devoted to her in every possible way. I don’t know where to go from here. Well, if she has that attitude then maybe couples counseling wont’ help. But maybe you should get some for yourself. (and she for herself) My marriage was in this spot about 2 years ago and we are still married and back on track. One thing that rings an alarm bell for me in your op is the last part. Maybe you are too devoted to her. I mean, you need to be a real individual person. Someone who she can be in love with. If you’ve just become her support and your whole life just revolves around her, that may be a problem. Now I know you didn’t write that and it’s just a guess from the last two sentences of your OP and my personal expierence. I’m just trying to help. ---
**Author:** ![AngelicGemma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/439d5e/32.png) [@AngelicGemma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AngelicGemma)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2004, 1:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sniffs-markers-dumped-me/242262/11 "2004-04-27T13:54:36Z")
Sorry to hear that. It’s sad news. ---
**Author:** ![Eats\_Crayons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/278dde/32.png) [@Eats\_Crayons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eats_Crayons)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2004, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sniffs-markers-dumped-me/242262/12 "2004-04-27T14:06:35Z")
> [@Zebra](#): > > One thing that rings an alarm bell for me in your op is the last part. Maybe you are too devoted to her. I mean, you need to be a real individual person. Someone who she can be in love with. If you’ve just become her support and your whole life just revolves around her, that may be a problem. Oh, no, no! We’re both very independent people. Hence our living arrangement is so novel – we live in apartments that are one on top of the other, so we can still maintain our privacy and separateness while still being close together and practically co-habitating. It’s been like that for about three years. We still maintain our very spearate identities, so it’s not unusual for one of us to go on holiday someplace without the other. It’s kind of exciting that way because we have great stories to share with one another about our adventures, so we never run out of things to talk about. ---
**Author:** ![nocturnal\_tick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/3d9bf3/32.png) [@nocturnal\_tick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nocturnal_tick)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2004, 2:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sniffs-markers-dumped-me/242262/13 "2004-04-27T14:10:03Z")
Another doper, here to support. You sound like you have the greatest relationship. If things can’t be reconciled then I offer my condolences but until then I wish you two the best of luck. Even if things can’t return to what they formerly were, you two could still make each other very happy. ---
**Author:** ![Ephemera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2004, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sniffs-markers-dumped-me/242262/14 "2004-04-27T14:41:01Z")
I’m sorry to hear that, **Eats\_Crayons** , and I can empathize, having been in the same situation a couple of times, although both were online and so not as devestating as I assume an offline revelation would be. And like **DeadlyAccurate** , I feel compelled to tell you that if you need to talk, my contact information is in my profile despite us not knowing each other. I hope this works out and that you and her fall even deeper in love. ---
**Author:** ![Zyada](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zyada/32/3028_2.png) [@Zyada](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zyada)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2004, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sniffs-markers-dumped-me/242262/15 "2004-04-27T18:02:31Z")
Love must be nurtured - it doesn’t just happen. Let me recommend a book for you - although this is aimed at couples with addiction problems, it should be considered a guidebook for any troubled relationship: [Recovering Love](http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0595196233/qid=1083088758/sr=1-1/ref=sr_1_1/104-2956462-8305509?v=glance&s=books) by Dr. J. Richard Cookerly. ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2004, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sniffs-markers-dumped-me/242262/16 "2004-04-27T18:07:09Z")
Well, I’m glad that is not the problem. There should be many ways for you two to take your relationship to the next level up instead of letting it go away. good luck ---
**Author:** ![irishgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8edcca/32.png) [@irishgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/irishgirl)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2004, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sniffs-markers-dumped-me/242262/17 "2004-04-27T18:17:45Z")
I’m sorry. I really hope you can work it out. Sending you hugs and warm, comforting thoughts. ---
**Author:** ![Eats\_Crayons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/278dde/32.png) [@Eats\_Crayons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eats_Crayons)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2004, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sniffs-markers-dumped-me/242262/18 "2004-04-27T18:23:58Z")
Since our relationship works so perfeclty on every other level, Sniffs doesn’t want anything to change, but she wants to see other people too. I already know from my own past experiences that I do not have the psychological make-up to do this. It destroyed me in a past relationship where I really _tried_ to make such an arrangment work, but simply could not - it left me shattered. No matter how hard I tried to be supportive, I could not handle seeing my “spouse” with someone else. In the end it was just a more complicated “It’s not you, it’s me. Let’s just be friends. Nothing has to change.” discussion. Sniffs is quite confident that she will not be able to see me in a desirous way again. So her outlook on couples counseling is bleak. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2004, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sniffs-markers-dumped-me/242262/19 "2004-04-27T18:35:03Z")
Ms. Crayons, without wanting to sound indelicate (but I just know I’m going to), have you thought of sex therapy? I don’t know how a couple would even go about it, but if it’s a matter of “learning new dance steps”, so to speak, maybe there’s hope. I would think if you attended as a couple, you might be able to salvage your otherwise great relationship. Just a thought. (I hate the fact that I suggested this…does this mean I’m old?) ---
**Author:** ![Marconi\_Schmeese](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ea666f/32.png) [@Marconi\_Schmeese](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marconi_Schmeese)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2004, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sniffs-markers-dumped-me/242262/20 "2004-04-27T18:44:39Z")
Sorry Crayons. Nothing to add, just I hope things get better soon. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sniffs-markers-dumped-me/242262.md?page=2)