# Snowden takes a bullet to the head. What's your armchair theory? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 4, 2013, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snowden-takes-a-bullet-to-the-head-whats-your-armchair-theory/662629 "2013-07-04T13:53:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2013, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snowden-takes-a-bullet-to-the-head-whats-your-armchair-theory/662629/1 "2013-07-04T13:53:30Z")
[Hypothetical] It’s reported on the news that Snowden is dead due to a gunshot wound to the head. It happened in the Russian Transit Airport thingy (Whatever it’s called) What are your theories? For starters, I think if Mr. Putin really wanted to troll us in the most epic way in history, all he’d have to do is pull the trigger on Snowden. I can’t even begin to imagine the circus the media would cause over this. So my theory would be Russian assassins did it. ---
**Author:** ![NorthernBiker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/50afbb/32.png) [@NorthernBiker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NorthernBiker)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2013, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snowden-takes-a-bullet-to-the-head-whats-your-armchair-theory/662629/2 "2013-07-04T14:18:36Z")
Haha, I was coming in here to say it would be the Russian FSB, but for a different reason. I think Snowden is becoming a problem for Russia and they would like to see him gone stat. Russia can’t extradite him for domestic political reasons but he’s not worth sacrificing the Russia-USA relations over. Every new release of Snowden’s is pissing the USA off more and gaining Russia nothing but stress. ---
**Author:** ![voltaire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voltaire/32/313_2.png) [@voltaire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/voltaire)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2013, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snowden-takes-a-bullet-to-the-head-whats-your-armchair-theory/662629/3 "2013-07-04T14:33:38Z")
My theory would be that it was the same people who got [Michael Hastings](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michael_Hastings_(journalist)#Death). ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2013, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snowden-takes-a-bullet-to-the-head-whats-your-armchair-theory/662629/4 "2013-07-04T16:51:50Z")
My theory if he takes a bullet to the head? He _survives_, 'cause he is an empty-headed twit. ---
**Author:** ![lel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8797f3/32.png) [@lel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lel)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2013, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snowden-takes-a-bullet-to-the-head-whats-your-armchair-theory/662629/5 "2013-07-04T17:54:31Z")
Direct hit from US military, ordered by Obama. ---
**Author:** ![bump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7c8e57/32.png) [@bump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bump)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2013, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snowden-takes-a-bullet-to-the-head-whats-your-armchair-theory/662629/6 "2013-07-04T18:05:26Z")
If he caught a bullet, my guess would be that he leaked something that the US found out about someone else that is embarrassing to them, and they decided to do something about it. Assassination isn’t typically the US style, and wouldn’t be considered now, since everyone would assume we did it. That’s why someone else with an axe to grind might do it and let the US take the blame. And… US military hit, ordered by Obama? That’s about as absurd as saying that Martian mind control rays made Snowden do it. Seriously… that’s just stone-dumb. ---
**Author:** ![Projammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/projammer/32/559_2.png) [@Projammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Projammer)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2013, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snowden-takes-a-bullet-to-the-head-whats-your-armchair-theory/662629/7 "2013-07-04T18:08:54Z")
Nah. It was the US. We figured that the damage to our reputation from taking him out was less than the damage that would be done by him revealing Obama’s real birth certificate. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2013, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snowden-takes-a-bullet-to-the-head-whats-your-armchair-theory/662629/8 "2013-07-04T18:39:13Z")
Not that I think there is any chance the guy winds up dead right now and it makes no sense at all to suggest the U.S. will kill him, but let met toss suicide out there. Try to imagine something more dismal than being trapped in an airport terminal and the only person who can let you out is Vladimir Putin. ---
**Author:** ![Battle\_Pope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4bbf92/32.png) [@Battle\_Pope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Battle_Pope)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2013, 2:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snowden-takes-a-bullet-to-the-head-whats-your-armchair-theory/662629/9 "2013-07-05T02:00:25Z")
I’d figure Assange was pissed at no longer being the centre of attention and ordered the hit. ---
**Author:** ![TreacherousCretin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/treacherouscretin/32/476_2.png) [@TreacherousCretin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TreacherousCretin)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2013, 2:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snowden-takes-a-bullet-to-the-head-whats-your-armchair-theory/662629/10 "2013-07-05T02:31:25Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > Try to imagine something more dismal than being trapped in an airport terminal and the only person who can let you out is Vladimir Putin. One-way ticket to North Korea? Or is that merely _as_ dismal? ---
**Author:** ![coremelt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4491bb/32.png) [@coremelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/coremelt)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2013, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snowden-takes-a-bullet-to-the-head-whats-your-armchair-theory/662629/11 "2013-07-05T02:36:06Z")
If it happened where Snowden is right now in the transit zone it would have to be FSB. He’s not sitting there in any public area, he’s in some back room guarded by FSB agents. The FSB has been told to “find a solution” for Snowden. I don’t think they are going to let him out of view long enough to be assassinated. > **[Putin, Obama order FSB, FBI to find solution on Snowden](https://www.foxnews.com/world/putin-obama-order-fsb-fbi-to-find-solution-on-snowden)** > > Russian President Vladimir Putin and US President Barack Obama have ordered the chiefs of their respective security agencies to find a way out of the impasse caused by fugitive leaker Edward Snowden's stay in a Moscow airport, a senior official said... ---
**Author:** ![Duckster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/duckster/32/1244_2.png) [@Duckster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duckster)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2013, 5:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snowden-takes-a-bullet-to-the-head-whats-your-armchair-theory/662629/12 "2013-07-05T05:08:37Z")
Snowden will succumb to an “illness,” an unfortunate accident (car accident?) or just disappear, the body never to be found. Nothing overt will happen to him. ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2013, 12:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snowden-takes-a-bullet-to-the-head-whats-your-armchair-theory/662629/13 "2013-07-05T12:57:04Z")
My first guess, honestly, would be just some lone nut. Those guys can be surprisingly effective. After that—the Russians (if he’s suspiciously in that Russian airport), or maybe the Israelis. (I don’t know if he’s leaked anything even vaguely related to Israeli security—yet, anyway—but it seems like it might be their style. And I say that with nothing but artistic admiration!) ---
**Author:** ![ralph124c](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/8797f3/32.png) [@ralph124c](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ralph124c)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2013, 1:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snowden-takes-a-bullet-to-the-head-whats-your-armchair-theory/662629/14 "2013-07-05T13:03:25Z")
I think that if the US wants Snowden dead, the hit would be subcontracted out to some friendly intelligence service from another country. In order to avoid the US being implicated, this would be done via a third party-maybe the Mafia. Take a country like Jordan or Rumania-they owe the US some favors-one of their spooks would contact a local Mafia family, and arrange the hit. My guess is that it would be while the target was dining at an outdoor cafe-a sniper in a building across the street pots him…after which, the sniper would be found dead. No witness, no trail, no fuss, no muss. ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2013, 1:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snowden-takes-a-bullet-to-the-head-whats-your-armchair-theory/662629/15 "2013-07-05T13:12:53Z")
Rogue assassin–maybe a Russian, but not operating with the blessing of the Russian government. It would be devastating to US credibility if our traitor is clearly assassinated. It would be devastating to Russian credibility if they couldn’t protect someone under their guard from assassination Now if he makes it out to say, Venezuela, and his head gets opened up by sniper fire then the US becomes suspect again. But if it were _really_ the US behind it, it would look like a car wreck or the mugging/killing of some random gringo who talked back to his assailant, telling him robbery is wrong or somesuch. For The Win: The Russians cap him for us, maybe in exchange for a quiet political favor, and incinerate the corpse. Officially, he has disappeared, with the aid of the very effective Russian intelligence machine, to the unnamed country of his choice. His new identity is so thoroughly constructed he cannot be tracked. The US pretends to shake its fist at Russia, Russia pretends to say, “Meh, what ya gonna do?” and Kim Kardashian does something wild and it’s all forgotten. ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2013, 1:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snowden-takes-a-bullet-to-the-head-whats-your-armchair-theory/662629/16 "2013-07-05T13:29:51Z")
As I said elsewhere, it’s Russia. All we have to do is pay some mobster $85 and a crate of smokes and the guy is toast. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2013, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snowden-takes-a-bullet-to-the-head-whats-your-armchair-theory/662629/17 "2013-07-05T14:03:32Z")
> [@Chimera](#): > > As I said elsewhere, it’s Russia. All we have to do is pay some mobster $85 and a crate of smokes and the guy is toast. Ugh, you Dems and your out of control spending! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2013, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snowden-takes-a-bullet-to-the-head-whats-your-armchair-theory/662629/18 "2013-07-05T14:15:13Z")
> [@Shakes](#): > > [Hypothetical] It’s reported on the news that Snowden is dead due to a gunshot wound to the head. It happened in the Russian Transit Airport thingy (Whatever it’s called) > > What are your theories? Suicide, undoubtedly. I mean, can you imagine what Russian airport food is like? :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2013, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snowden-takes-a-bullet-to-the-head-whats-your-armchair-theory/662629/19 "2013-07-05T16:11:42Z")
Just thought I’d point out that the pop-over text completely removes the word [hypothetical]. ---
**Author:** ![jasg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f0a364/32.png) [@jasg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jasg)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2013, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snowden-takes-a-bullet-to-the-head-whats-your-armchair-theory/662629/20 "2013-07-05T17:07:37Z")
Just another tragic unloaded gun-cleaning accident. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/snowden-takes-a-bullet-to-the-head-whats-your-armchair-theory/662629.md?page=2)