# So aliens land. What do you ask for? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 31, 2002, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-aliens-land-what-do-you-ask-for/101127 "2002-03-31T23:56:17Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2002, 12:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-aliens-land-what-do-you-ask-for/101127/21 "2002-04-01T12:18:16Z")
I would ask for the designs of their hand-held death laser weapon. ---
**Author:** ![Binarydrone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3da27b/32.png) [@Binarydrone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Binarydrone)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2002, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-aliens-land-what-do-you-ask-for/101127/22 "2002-04-01T15:51:01Z")
I ask if they have any new cuisine ---
**Author:** ![plnnr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ea924/32.png) [@plnnr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/plnnr)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2002, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-aliens-land-what-do-you-ask-for/101127/23 "2002-04-01T17:54:56Z")
Are you from France? Are your names Bedlar, Primat, and Connie? Are you from Remulac? Do you have any Senso-Rings? Klaatu Birada Nikto! ---
**Author:** ![Michael\_Ellis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/977dab/32.png) [@Michael\_Ellis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Michael_Ellis)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2002, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-aliens-land-what-do-you-ask-for/101127/24 "2002-04-01T18:53:55Z")
Can I borrow your Illudium Q36 Explosive Space Modulator? ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2002, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-aliens-land-what-do-you-ask-for/101127/25 "2002-04-01T19:01:25Z")
Since it seems to have advanced translation technology, that’s what I would ask for. {cue floaty, dreamy music, angels hovering, sunlight on daisies, etc.} Imagine a world were everyone could understand everyone else; no more regional politics, no more wars, no more hunger, everyone smiling and happy… (BTW, I find your username vaguely disturbing for some reason, **partly\_warmer**.) ---
**Author:** ![partly\_warmer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/bc8723/32.png) [@partly\_warmer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/partly_warmer)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2002, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-aliens-land-what-do-you-ask-for/101127/26 "2002-04-03T04:02:36Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by featherlou \* > \*\*Since it seems to have advanced translation technology, that’s what I would ask for. {cue floaty, dreamy music, angels hovering, sunlight on daisies, etc.} Imagine a world were everyone could understand everyone else; no more regional politics, no more wars, no more hunger, everyone smiling and happy… > > (BTW, I find your username vaguely disturbing for some reason, **partly\_warmer**.) \*\* Boy, there I was thinking we were finally getting some sensitive, thoughtful answers to the question at hand. It couldn’t be, featherloupee, that your own nomen is imbued with certain gelatinous undertones of non-sequitur, also? … Thanks (everyone) for answering. My answer. I’d try to find out whether they were hostile. Aggressive. And, assuming they were 1,000s of years ahead of us in technology (see “Drake Equation”) try to get some clue as to what plans they had for the human race. ---
**Author:** ![Nocturne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/9fc348/32.png) [@Nocturne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nocturne)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2002, 4:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-aliens-land-what-do-you-ask-for/101127/27 "2002-04-03T04:08:30Z")
Will you take my sister back? ---
**Author:** ![partly\_warmer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/bc8723/32.png) [@partly\_warmer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/partly_warmer)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2002, 4:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-aliens-land-what-do-you-ask-for/101127/28 "2002-04-03T04:32:04Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Nocturne \* > \*\*Will you take my sister back? \*\* Sorry, there’s a 75 year return policy. ---
**Author:** ![Badtz\_Maru](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e36b37/32.png) [@Badtz\_Maru](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Badtz_Maru)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2002, 4:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-aliens-land-what-do-you-ask-for/101127/29 "2002-04-03T04:40:25Z")
I’d ask them if there was anything I could do to help them, whatever their mission is. You want some insight into human culture? I’ll talk to you about anything you like. Need to mate with our women? I’ll do my best to hook you up. Conquer the planet? I’ll be your spy. In any culture clash I will always take the side of the more technologically advanced. ---
**Author:** ![lokij](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/5e9695/32.png) [@lokij](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lokij)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2002, 6:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-aliens-land-what-do-you-ask-for/101127/30 "2002-04-03T06:22:41Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Redukter \* > \*\*I’d ask them for a big barrel of spice. It sounds like it might go well with coffee and a slice of toast, and I get freaky blue eyes and psychic powers to boot. \*\* Hehehe (Sung to the tune of “Don’t it make my Brown Eyes Blue”) o/" The Spice Melange is so Cinnamon sweet… I put it on most everything I eat… It’s addictive TOooooo… And don’t it make my Brown Eyes Blue?"\o From “When Crystal Gayle killed Frank Herbert” by the MAN Tom Smith. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![heresiarch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/278dde/32.png) [@heresiarch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/heresiarch)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2002, 4:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-aliens-land-what-do-you-ask-for/101127/31 "2002-04-04T04:07:29Z")
“Could you please move your spaceship? It’s parked on my foot. OW OW OW!!!” ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2002, 7:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-aliens-land-what-do-you-ask-for/101127/32 "2002-04-04T07:32:56Z")
I’d hold up a sign that said “Alien Dude - need two tickets to Pearl Jam” ---
**Author:** ![Sinyster1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/82dd89/32.png) [@Sinyster1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sinyster1)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2002, 7:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-aliens-land-what-do-you-ask-for/101127/33 "2002-04-04T07:49:02Z")
Wanna beer … or 12? ---
**Author:** ![Cougarfang](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c67d28/32.png) [@Cougarfang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cougarfang)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2002, 11:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-aliens-land-what-do-you-ask-for/101127/34 "2002-04-04T11:59:50Z")
Where do you come from? That way, we can observe them and everything… Or maybe “Who else have you met, and where?” Same reason. ---
**Author:** ![MrAndrewV](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b4bc9f/32.png) [@MrAndrewV](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrAndrewV)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2002, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-aliens-land-what-do-you-ask-for/101127/35 "2002-04-04T18:46:25Z")
“Umm I’m from South Africa and that means that the dodgy sitcoms that have been braodcasted into outer space for the last 30 years ARE NOT MY FAULT! They are America’s fault. This is where America is on a map of the world. Now go git 'im! Good boy.” But seriously I would ask them that since aliesn clearly do exist could they, with their great wisdom and highly superior technology, possibly think of a way of me getting proof of their existence that was incontrovertible enough to convince the most rabid of the “aliens dont exist” faction of the scientific community. They’ll probbaly think about it, look uncomfortable, and say: “No, some things are beyond even our technology!” 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![reoch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/a9adbd/32.png) [@reoch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/reoch)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2002, 8:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-aliens-land-what-do-you-ask-for/101127/36 "2002-04-05T08:28:12Z")
“What did you do to Mulder and Scully!!!” or “What year model is your spaceship? Did it come with a CD player? How many horsepower does it have?..blah blah blah” Reoch ---
**Author:** ![Krispy\_Original](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ec9cab/32.png) [@Krispy\_Original](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Krispy_Original)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2002, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-aliens-land-what-do-you-ask-for/101127/37 "2002-04-06T03:56:07Z")
I’d implore them to land on the Whitehouse lawn and then hold a press conference denouncing Aspartame and Soccer. ---
**Author:** ![DaPlague](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/898d66/32.png) [@DaPlague](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DaPlague)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2002, 6:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-aliens-land-what-do-you-ask-for/101127/38 "2002-04-06T06:12:38Z")
Ask them if they had a book called “To Serve Man” if the answer is yes. I tell them where my boss lives and that he’d like to go on a trip. ---
**Author:** ![Ironblayde](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f14d63/32.png) [@Ironblayde](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ironblayde)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2002, 7:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-aliens-land-what-do-you-ask-for/101127/39 "2002-04-06T07:13:45Z")
I’d ask them to destroy the Earth on their way back home. ---
**Author:** ![baltotop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/f19dbf/32.png) [@baltotop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/baltotop)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2002, 6:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-aliens-land-what-do-you-ask-for/101127/40 "2002-04-07T06:57:58Z")
Do u have any idea how long ive been waiting here…? U said ud be right back …but when u went to get ciggs at the stargazer cafe…U where gone for a million years and left it up to me to plant the human race on this planet…after we decided on the other galaxy …but who cares now i can go home … 😃 😃 😃 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-aliens-land-what-do-you-ask-for/101127.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-aliens-land-what-do-you-ask-for/101127.md?page=3)