# So am I being a friend or an asshole here?

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-am-i-being-a-friend-or-an-asshole-here/71993>\
**Category:** The BBQ Pit\
**Created:** [July 10, 2001, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-am-i-being-a-friend-or-an-asshole-here/71993 "2001-07-10T21:19:23Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 4\
**Page:** 6

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**Author:** ![red\_dragon60](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ce73a5/32.png) [@red\_dragon60](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/red_dragon60)\
**Post date:** [July 13, 2001, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-am-i-being-a-friend-or-an-asshole-here/71993/101 "2001-07-13T17:51:33Z")

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Shayna, it helped a lot. He helped me rationalize it all and help me understand why I was feeling that way. We talked about what I might say to her to come off as a caring friend and not a parent. I think things will be better.

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**Author:** ![capacitor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e47774/32.png) [@capacitor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/capacitor)\
**Post date:** [July 14, 2001, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-am-i-being-a-friend-or-an-asshole-here/71993/102 "2001-07-14T00:26:30Z")

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Two points here:

1. red\_dragon indicates that he does care about her well-being. The thing about alcohol, and it happens too often, is that it impairs judgement, at times when you need that judgement the most. When two people or a group have their judgment so impaired, either theough alcohol, pure malevolence, or both, nothing occuring is the best result possible. He was a friend.

Red, here is my advice to you: don’t swear to a drunk. Get corraboration about what happened that night, and inform the parents about what she did, if you know them well enough. And get to know the people she hangs with. They are setting her up for a disater. If you see something potentially dangerous or criminal, call the cops on it. And stay with her as a friend.

1. I would battle wits with Nothing but Net, but I don’t fight an unarmed person.

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**Author:** ![red\_dragon60](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ce73a5/32.png) [@red\_dragon60](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/red_dragon60)\
**Post date:** [July 14, 2001, 8:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-am-i-being-a-friend-or-an-asshole-here/71993/103 "2001-07-14T08:10:29Z")

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I think that she believes that those people won’t do anything to her. One of the guys goes to Berkley, so smart people can’t be bad, can they? :rolleyes: I have talked to her parents maybe twice, so I think it may just be better to talk to her.

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**Author:** ![White\_Lightning](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@White\_Lightning](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/White_Lightning)\
**Post date:** [July 14, 2001, 11:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-am-i-being-a-friend-or-an-asshole-here/71993/104 "2001-07-14T11:36:39Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by **red\_dragon60** \*  
> One of the guys goes to Berkeley,

You’re in the Bay Area? Why didn’t you say so before? (Well, maybe, since you’ve got about 600 posts on me, everyone but me knew that already.)

I’m sure there are _plenty_ BAD’s around who would be perfectly willing to, shall we say… ‘Take care of’ any lecherous older guys trying to get your friend into anything nasty. I realize this may not be the current situation, but just keep us in mind.

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