# So, apparently I worship Ba'al **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 16, 2012, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-apparently-i-worship-baal/613047 "2012-02-16T18:41:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2012, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-apparently-i-worship-baal/613047/1 "2012-02-16T18:41:39Z")
I learned this on the bus yesterday afternoon. See, if you’re pro-choice, you are sacrificing babies to Ba’al. I learn these things and pass them on to you so that you may learn them, too. We’ve got the Master Ba’al jones. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2012, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-apparently-i-worship-baal/613047/2 "2012-02-16T18:44:08Z")
So, have you gotten a new gown for the Ba’al Ball? ---
**Author:** ![pbbth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f9ae1b/32.png) [@pbbth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pbbth)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2012, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-apparently-i-worship-baal/613047/3 "2012-02-16T18:51:27Z")
Yesterday on the train I overheard the phrase “I love you bitch but if you ever shit on me during sex again it’s over.” As I listened I discovered that the gentleman in question had requested anal sex from his beloved on Valentine’s Day. She decided to grant him this favor and during the act lost some control and, shall we say, shit all over his penis. I have never tried so hard not to laugh at something in my entire life. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2012, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-apparently-i-worship-baal/613047/4 "2012-02-16T19:35:36Z")
> [@pbbth](#): > > Yesterday on the train I overheard the phrase “I love you bitch but if you ever shit on me during sex again it’s over.” As I listened I discovered that the gentleman in question had requested anal sex from his beloved on Valentine’s Day. She decided to grant him this favor and during the act lost some control and, shall we say, shit all over his penis. I have never tried so hard not to laugh at something in my entire life. Didn’t that same thing happen on a Valentine’s Day episode of _I Love Lucy?_ ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2012, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-apparently-i-worship-baal/613047/5 "2012-02-16T19:41:04Z")
> [@Eve](#): > > Didn’t that same thing happen on a Valentine’s Day episode of _I Love Lucy?_ _That Girl_, I believe. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2012, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-apparently-i-worship-baal/613047/6 "2012-02-16T19:41:51Z")
This sucks. I’m taking my Ba’al and going home. ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2012, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-apparently-i-worship-baal/613047/7 "2012-02-16T19:48:39Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > I learned this on the bus yesterday afternoon. See, if you’re pro-choice, you are sacrificing babies to Ba’al. That’s a Ba’alsy point of view. ---
**Author:** ![bup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6bbea6/32.png) [@bup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bup)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2012, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-apparently-i-worship-baal/613047/8 "2012-02-16T19:49:04Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > We’ve got the Master Ba’al jones. Even though you set yourself up, this deserves a golf clap. ---
**Author:** ![Jragon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e19b73/32.png) [@Jragon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jragon)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2012, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-apparently-i-worship-baal/613047/9 "2012-02-16T21:54:37Z")
Why would you sacrifice babies to a fertility god? Wouldn’t that sort of defeat the purpose “yes, kill your babies for me so I may better help you to make MOAR BABIEZ!” Maybe he’s just selfish and wants all the kids for himself? ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2012, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-apparently-i-worship-baal/613047/10 "2012-02-16T21:57:31Z")
> [@Jragon](#): > > Why would you sacrifice babies to a fertility god? Duh, _RECYCLING_. ---
**Author:** ![Corner\_Case](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/corner_case/32/234_2.png) [@Corner\_Case](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Corner_Case)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2012, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-apparently-i-worship-baal/613047/11 "2012-02-16T22:11:32Z")
[Bunny, Ba’al Ball!](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PSHT8GnIxnQ) ---
**Author:** ![Ogre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ecb155/32.png) [@Ogre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ogre)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2012, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-apparently-i-worship-baal/613047/12 "2012-02-16T22:15:06Z")
> [@Jragon](#): > > Why would you sacrifice babies to a fertility god? Wouldn’t that sort of defeat the purpose “yes, kill your babies for me so I may better help you to make MOAR BABIEZ!” Maybe he’s just selfish and wants all the kids for himself? Actually, this was a real practice of the worship of at least one of the gods known at one time or another as “Ba’al”. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2012, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-apparently-i-worship-baal/613047/13 "2012-02-16T22:17:00Z")
OK, last one: Do not taunt happy fun Ba’al. ---
**Author:** ![Jragon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e19b73/32.png) [@Jragon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jragon)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2012, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-apparently-i-worship-baal/613047/14 "2012-02-16T22:21:03Z")
> [@Ogre](#): > > Actually, this was a real practice of the worship of at least one of the gods known at one time or another as “Ba’al”. Weird, seems counter intuitive to me (assuming that Ba’al was a fertility god). ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2012, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-apparently-i-worship-baal/613047/15 "2012-02-16T22:27:25Z")
> [@Jragon](#): > > Why would you sacrifice babies to a fertility god? Wouldn’t that sort of defeat the purpose “yes, kill your babies for me so I may better help you to make MOAR BABIEZ!” Maybe he’s just selfish and wants all the kids for himself? He’s a fertility god. Once the baby’s born, his work is done. ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2012, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-apparently-i-worship-baal/613047/16 "2012-02-16T22:27:38Z")
> [@Ogre](#): > > Actually, this was a real practice of the worship of at least one of the gods known at one time or another as “Ba’al”. I thought that was molech. Or I could be remembering wrong. ---
**Author:** ![Ogre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ecb155/32.png) [@Ogre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ogre)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2012, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-apparently-i-worship-baal/613047/17 "2012-02-16T22:30:37Z")
> [@Antinor01](#): > > I thought that was molech. Or I could be remembering wrong. It was. The practice was not uncommon in fertility cults. ---
**Author:** ![FriarTed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/friarted/32/1052_2.png) [@FriarTed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FriarTed)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2012, 1:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-apparently-i-worship-baal/613047/18 "2012-02-17T13:34:16Z")
> [@Antinor01](#): > > I thought that was molech. Or I could be remembering wrong. It was indeed Molech. Pro-choicers worship Molech. Not knowingly, of course. ---
**Author:** ![Slithy\_Tove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slithy_tove/32/18248_2.png) [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2012, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-apparently-i-worship-baal/613047/19 "2012-02-17T13:42:11Z")
Aren’t we all unwittingly endorsing this religion by using the Phonecian alphabet? In fact, the abortionist’s scaping tool is the sinister meaning of “Hooked on Phonics.” ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2012, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-apparently-i-worship-baal/613047/20 "2012-02-17T13:56:49Z")
_pfft_ Ba’al is so Old World. :rolleyes: [Tlaloc](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tlaloc) is the proper god for this side of the Atlantic. Just imagine _Toddlers and Tiaras_ ending with Human Sacrifice. Now THAT is America! 😛 [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-apparently-i-worship-baal/613047.md?page=2)