I have never let a more impressive fart in my life. I hit third gear before I ran out of gas. The volume level was just right, a nurse sitting about 40 feet away commented on long lasting volume. And it didn’t stink either.
I was starving when I left the hospital. I stopped at a Burger King and ate a Whopper with a vanilla milkshake. Did I mention I am lactose intolerant and sucked down a milkshake. I was in agony for a couple of hours, explosive eminations from below and a killer stomach ache. The banana and crackers sound like a good idea.
Drinking all that stuff was absolutely the worst part for me. I never drank Gatorade, so I thought it would never be a problem. However, when I had gone to Japan 15 years ago I saw a thing called “Pocari Sweat” in the vending machines, and always wondered what it was like. A guy I knew brought some back for me when he went. It is basically Gatorade, and I could hardly get this much anticipated drink down after all those years of waiting for it.
The procedure and the pooping are no problem, since we have three johns and the one in the master bedroom is well stocked with puzzles and reading matter. Even better the next time I do it (not for a while, since I did it late last year) - now I have a Droid so that I can<TMI> post on the Dope while pooping.</TMI>
I’m back! And still hungry; turns out I had some polyps removed, so I’m still on clear liquids for today and tomorrow, then it’s back on the low residue diet till informed otherwise.
The biopsy results, I’m told, will be back in a week, which is somewhat reassuring; if the things had been obviously cancerous-looking I daresay I’d be hearing the biopsy results a lot sooner. Followup office appointment in one month; again, seems reassuring to me that there’s nothing egregiously wrong in there.
ETA: Forgot to add, I’d been given Fentanyl and Versed and recall nothing of the procedure; was quite groggy when I first came to, and still semi-zombie when my friend took me home. Just had a three-hour nap and I’m much closer to normal now.
I had my first (and only, so far) colonoscopy in November 2008. I had the half-gallon of Gatorade, plus a couple of Dulcolax. The worst part was the sleep I lost from a “second wave”, so to speak, of peeing out my ass in the wee hours of the morning. Between that and low blood sugar I was feeling pretty crappy by the time of the procedure.
After the procedure I felt surprisingly great. Of course I was still full of the drugs and I’m sure that helped, but the psychological boost of a clean bill of health (it was a screening exam) and just knowing it was over and nothing awful happened was the main factor. They brought me apple juice and graham crackers in the recovery room, and afterwards my mandatory escort and I went to Marathon Grill for omelets and fries.
I was more or less awake during the procedure–I remember it vaguely, the way you remember a dream–but quite alert afterwards. I had the fentanyl and Versed too. When it was over I asked if the green stuff I saw on the monitor was the Jell-O I ate the morning before; I had no idea the stuff was so durable.
Oh, and flushable baby wipes are VERY key. This is a time to be very nice to your asshole. A dedicated bathroom is also key; this is one medical procedure that made me happy I live alone.
Why so much discussion of laxatives and only one mention of the enemas? I’ve never had a colonoscopy, but I’ve had a sigmoidoscopy, and after the laxative-induced spewing poopies I had to give myself two enemas. Those were the worst thing ever. Or is the “hey, on top of that, give yourself two enemas” just a joke they pull on noobs?
Not exactly. They mention in the article that it’s a reservoir for beneficial bacteria, but they don’t explain why this is beneficial. Getting the shits from harmful bacteria or parasites was probably relatively rare in hunter-gatherer societies, mostly because of low population density, but almost certainly did happen sometimes. After your body blew out most of the contents of your intestines and contained the infection, it would be useful to have a seed stock to re-colonize your system. It’s not like HG people had many fermented foods like yoghurt to replace the bacteria, considering that herding wasn’t practiced yet.
Even without considering infections, the appendix seems to function as a nice protected place for helpful bacteria to live. Depending on what you eat and how much there is of it, you may not have enough of the right stuff to support a good colony in your regular intestinal tract, but the appendix appears to have become well-adapted for supporting bacterial colonies. You can look at it like a starter for baking.
Anecdotally, after recovering from a mild bout of traveler’s diarrhea from a trip in Indonesia, I found that I had less gas and more-regular bowel movements than usual. I think the new bacteria I encountered were a little more effective than the ones I’d had before, and replaced them.
I was not allowed to drink any fluid for 24 hours ( or 12 hours?) before my exam and after I had consumed the two little bottles. I felt like Spongebob Squarepants after a two week slog through the Sahara.
I found the Gatorade/Miralax was more than enough to keep my from being dehydrated. I was also allowed to drink clear liquids until four hours before the procedure. Since that was around 8:00, I had no problem getting dried out.
Ummmmm… try this, which I discovered on my own. You would think a doctor would tell you… Dip a fresh from the package Q-tip in Vaseline. Apply inside your anus. Don’t get carried away and go too far, just may in an inch. It will coat the pathway out.
After the laxatives, you don’t NEED an enema, if you’ve been good and drunk all the laxatives and water that you’re supposed to. Your bowels will be absolutely squeaky clean.
When my butthole is feeling very abused, from diarrhea or whatever, I clean it carefully and thoroughly. Then I fold up a couple of squares of toilet tissue so that they’re about an inch square, and fairly thick. I put a small amount of A&D ointment on this square, and apply to the outside of the butthole. This helps heal and soothe it.
And yes, of course I clean my butthole thoroughly anyway. But when it’s tender, I treat it tenderly.
No. It’s sitting in the box of pictures that haven’t been put in an album. It will probably stay there indefinitely. I can’t picture ever putting it into an album, but it’s too funny to throw away. One day when I’m gone, someone is going to go through that box and wonder what the hell that is.
Unless it’s one of my kids doing the sorting. They’ve all seen it. They’ll shake their heads. “Remember this? Every time she ever picked it up, she said: ‘smooth and pink as a baby’s bum’.”
As it happens, I got two sheets of photos, 11 in all, about two by one and a half inches. Mostly smooth, but with a few spots of angry reddish splotching. One more day of liquids-only to get through, then I can carefully start putting something approaching food in there.
That red splotching is probably where they removed polyps.
Instant Breakfast or Slimfast are very gentle on the digestive system, by the way. I’ve gone a couple of months consuming nothing but Slimfast, Cream of Wheat, and oatmeal. My doctor isn’t really happy about this diet, but since he can’t figure out anything better, he agrees that this diet is better than eating nothing.
Unless your nurses are utter morons who spend the last few minutes of prep arguing with each other and as a result don’t really pay much attention to how much anesthesia you’re getting so you end up waking up- and I mean WIDE AWAKE AND ALERT- halfway through the procedure.
The words that came from my mouth were in no way appropriate, but they got me knocked back out damn fast.
Plus they blew out my vein with the IV. :mad:
I had the Miralax/Gatorade prep (Oct 09), and I must say I have an entirely new appreciation for the kids at work who have to take Miralax every day (and the staff that have to clean up after them). Though I was taking something like 30 times the average dose, I imagine that even the recommended daily dose moves things along quite well.
{TMI} I’d gotten most of the way through the Gatorade mix, hadn’t noticed any adverse reaction, was feeling pretty positive about the whole process- especially since I’d had a sigmoidoscopy about 18 years ago with the Fleet Soda mix (now in Vomit Flavor!). Then Mr Kitty asked how long it would take to ‘kick in,’ and it was like suddenly my body became Very Aware of the Miralax intruder. I quietly told him to go get me some clean clothes, carefully duck-walked to the guest bathroom (extremely grateful that I was wearing cuffed sweatpants), and refused to leave the room for the rest of the day. :eek: {/TMI}
I have had to prep 3 times. Or was it 4? At any rate, my plumbing managed to retain a little something to embarrass me with twice. I thought it was just “Wind”. Nope.
Baby wipes are my bestest buddies. I do not own a perfect asshole. I have permenant hemorrhoids that HATE bowel prep with all of their being and inform me of this each time. Yes, they do. That blissful time of no dreams and not caring during the procedure almost is worth it. But, then I must awake and resume my regular life. With my “Little Guests”.
So I was sitting in my gastroentorologist’s office a month or so ago, complaining that my Crohn’s medication was working well, but not perfectly. He said, "why don’t we do another colonoscopy so we can see how things have changed. “Sure,” says I, “that sounds like a good idea.”
What was I thinking???
Last time – when I was in constant pain – he squeezed me into a hole in the schedule the next day, so I had the six horse pills plus four more some hours later. This time it’s the Miralax regimen discussed in the OP. But on the upside, I never get to have Gatorade these days.
