# So has anyone here ever attended a "cuddle party"? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 16, 2009, 10:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-has-anyone-here-ever-attended-a-cuddle-party/503205 "2009-07-16T10:19:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2009, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-has-anyone-here-ever-attended-a-cuddle-party/503205/21 "2009-07-16T17:45:29Z")
I guess I’d just rather cuddle with someone I know. It can even be a casual thing. I’m female and I was just cuddling with a female friend of mine who was back in town who I tend to be touchy feely with. (No rude remarks, gentlemen.) I wouldn’t go to an event just to cuddle, but if I’m hanging out with someone, some snuggling or back rubs may ensue. It’s just, I don’t like to get my guard down or get touched by people who I’m not close to. No offense intended, I just like being close to certain people. ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2009, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-has-anyone-here-ever-attended-a-cuddle-party/503205/22 "2009-07-16T18:22:04Z")
> [@CyclopticXander](#): > > think that the draw is a kind of regression, a reminder of a simpler, more youthful, and less guarded time when you could just lay around in your pajamas, recline on your friends, and chat the night away. It just feels good. Everyone may not have had those experiences or want to relive them if they did, but some of us do. But the thing is, IMO, what made you unguarded and what made it feel good and what colors your memories of it is that you were with your _friends_. I profoundly doubt that you can recapture that feeling with a bunch of strangers, at least not without some Ecstasy. [Here’s](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=390088&highlight=cuddle) the thread from a few years ago. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2009, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-has-anyone-here-ever-attended-a-cuddle-party/503205/23 "2009-07-16T18:24:42Z")
> [@CyclopticXander](#): > > But it’s certainly not “stupid” or “new agey”, at least not the way I’m imagining it. It’s just what it is. “It is what it is” is not a very helpful descriptor. 😉 You might not think it’s stupid, but yeah, it’s pretty new-agey. (Do people still describe warmed-over hippie-sounding stuff as “new age?”) I defy you to tell me how a cuddle party isn’t touchy feely just by definition. I can understand a yearning for less complex displays of emotion, but aside from not being interested in a concept, the infantility of the idea bothers me. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Fight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/90ced4/32.png) [@Cat\_Fight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Fight)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2009, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-has-anyone-here-ever-attended-a-cuddle-party/503205/24 "2009-07-16T18:32:10Z")
These were sort of ‘in’ in the media a few years ago, but outside of the few parties described in articles, I never heard of anyone throwing or attending one. (See also: Rainbow parties). I’ve definitely taken part in impromptu ones, though, I suppose, with people I knew well in college. Some of my (platonic) girlfriends demanded to be cuddled once in a while. And sometimes we’d all wake up in the same apartment and head to the bed with the best comforter, as long as its occupants were cool. Then we’d hang out for a bit figuring out the easiest way to get breakfast. Straight guys were occasionally allowed in. ---
**Author:** ![Mooch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7bcc69/32.png) [@Mooch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mooch)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2009, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-has-anyone-here-ever-attended-a-cuddle-party/503205/25 "2009-07-16T18:57:25Z")
Bunch of frotteurs! ---
**Author:** ![runcible\_spoon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9fc29f/32.png) [@runcible\_spoon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/runcible_spoon)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2009, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-has-anyone-here-ever-attended-a-cuddle-party/503205/26 "2009-07-16T19:26:10Z")
I’ll second the only-with-my-friends-thanks opinion. In high school, I had a reasonably large group of friends that would occasionally try to watch movies in an overly-small room, so you’d get that sort of pile-o-friends that’s kinda nice (if often none too comfortable). But it was nice because they’re your people, you know? Not just any ol’ people. So, I can see the appeal, but I doubt it’d be anything but uncomfortable in practice. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2009, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-has-anyone-here-ever-attended-a-cuddle-party/503205/27 "2009-07-16T20:06:54Z")
> [@corkboard](#): > > When my wife and I cuddle, we get horny. And when we get horny, we fuck. I’m with you. I can’t imagine wanting to cuddle any adult that I didn’t want to sleep with anyway, and if I started cuddling with them, I’d soon have my mind on other things. The idea of a cuddle party has no appeal for me at all. A woman once approached me in a store and handed me a card that was a “coupon for a free hug.” Then she tried to hug me! Ewwww! She was really creepy. (I guess the exception to my first sentence is I could see cuddling another adult platonically in times of extreme emotional distress.) > [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > Well, I don’t know if he’s always there but there was a guy holding a cardboard sign that said that last time I was hanging out there. And another guy who was holding a sign that said Free Advice. (Who’s advice?) I’d totally go get some free advice. I wonder if you ask him for specific advice or he just gives out general advice? Did he get tips? ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2009, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-has-anyone-here-ever-attended-a-cuddle-party/503205/28 "2009-07-16T20:10:48Z")
> [@Green\_Bean](#): > > I’d totally go get some free advice. I wonder if you ask him for specific advice or he just gives out general advice? Did he get tips? I was kind of shy so I didn’t ask, but I will if I see him again. I’ll tell him the Dope sent me. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2009, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-has-anyone-here-ever-attended-a-cuddle-party/503205/29 "2009-07-16T20:31:20Z")
> [@Cat\_Fight](#): > > (See also: Rainbow parties). Good comparison. We’ll see if anybody here has ever actually been to either. Perhaps we’ll find somebody who went to a cuddle party and by the end it turned into a rainbow party. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![corkboard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9bcb4/32.png) [@corkboard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/corkboard)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2009, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-has-anyone-here-ever-attended-a-cuddle-party/503205/30 "2009-07-16T20:36:39Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > I guess I’d just rather cuddle with someone I know. It can even be a casual thing. I’m female and I was just cuddling with a female friend of mine who was back in town who I tend to be touchy feely with. How _you_… [QUOTE=Freudian Slit] (No rude remarks, gentlemen.) [/QUOTE] Never mind. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2009, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-has-anyone-here-ever-attended-a-cuddle-party/503205/31 "2009-07-16T21:07:08Z")
Good post from the other thread: > [@What are your thoughts on cuddle parties?](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-are-your-thoughts-on-cuddle-parties/374480/56): > > Cuddle parties (and many furries) strike me as an infantilization of that ritual. Rather than working through normal methods of socialization that lead to emotional and physical intimacy, they try to construct environments in which only nonthreatening contact occurs. It seems like people who go to a cuddle party are either emotionally unwilling to deal with real intimacy or are planning to disregard the “rules.” I’m sure not everyone is emotionally stunted or dishonest, but that’s the impression I get. I think that sums up nicely what I find creepy about it, especially the feeling that most people there are being dishonest about what they really want. ---
**Author:** ![Cumberdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8c91f0/32.png) [@Cumberdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cumberdale)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2009, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-has-anyone-here-ever-attended-a-cuddle-party/503205/32 "2009-07-16T22:03:20Z")
What I find weird about it is that it seems to be a substitute for true intimacy and physical contact. It is very sad that our society has become such that people have to resort to such measures to feel connected to other people. ---
**Author:** ![Idlewild](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8491ac/32.png) [@Idlewild](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Idlewild)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2009, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-has-anyone-here-ever-attended-a-cuddle-party/503205/33 "2009-07-16T22:11:27Z")
Yes, I have. It was fun. Not that big of a deal, just hanging out and snuggling some people. ---
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2009, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-has-anyone-here-ever-attended-a-cuddle-party/503205/34 "2009-07-16T23:27:14Z")
I agree with everybody who has called it ‘infantilization’. Cuddle parties seem to me to be the expression of a desire to return to a responsibility-free, pre-sexual existence. One piece on the local news had somebody stressing that there was no sex. To me, that makes it _more_ creepy. I’ve also seen a Cuddle Party site proudly proclaiming that they now had adult size footy pajamas. I suspect that some of these people want to regress even further- to a giant crib, bottlefeeding and diapers. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Fight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/90ced4/32.png) [@Cat\_Fight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Fight)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2009, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-has-anyone-here-ever-attended-a-cuddle-party/503205/35 "2009-07-17T00:33:28Z")
> [@DocCathode](#): > > I’ve also seen a Cuddle Party site proudly proclaiming that they now had adult size footy pajamas. > > I suspect that some of these people want to regress even further- to a giant crib, bottlefeeding and diapers. You mean like [this](http://gamesnet.vo.llnwd.net/o1/gamestar/objects/115022_main.jpg)? (Not sexually explicit, but possibly NSFW.) I don’t see a problem with adult-sized footy pajamas. For people in cold climates, they can be a godsend. Also, totally [cute](http://www.lighterside.com/images/en_US/local/products/detail/p68817.jpg). ---
**Author:** ![Creaky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e68b1a/32.png) [@Creaky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Creaky)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2009, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-has-anyone-here-ever-attended-a-cuddle-party/503205/36 "2009-07-17T01:31:29Z")
Honestly, I dunno, I think it’s a cool idea. We sort of did that in college. It was a sort of very close non-sexual friend fellowship thing. It can be a good experience for people who never got cuddled or hugged when they were kids. It’s like you can let down your guard and just hang out and be touched in a nice way for once. 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![emcee2k](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7bcc69/32.png) [@emcee2k](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/emcee2k)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2009, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-has-anyone-here-ever-attended-a-cuddle-party/503205/37 "2009-07-17T01:44:08Z")
To me, this is more depressing than creepy. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Understander](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3da27b/32.png) [@The\_Understander](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Understander)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2009, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-has-anyone-here-ever-attended-a-cuddle-party/503205/38 "2009-07-17T02:17:31Z")
> [@Creaky](#): > > Honestly, I dunno, I think it’s a cool idea. We sort of did that in college. It was a sort of very close non-sexual friend fellowship thing. > > It can be a good experience for people who never got cuddled or hugged when they were kids. It’s like you can let down your guard and just hang out and be touched in a nice way for once. 🆒 Yes, but you were friends. Complete strangers, OTOH, that’s just weird. And not to be juvenile about it or anything, but… what happens when stray penis ensues? I’m a full-blooded LGBT ally but … not cool! ---
**Author:** ![Creaky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e68b1a/32.png) [@Creaky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Creaky)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2009, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-has-anyone-here-ever-attended-a-cuddle-party/503205/39 "2009-07-17T02:33:18Z")
> [@Enfant Terrible](#): > > Yes, but you were friends. Complete strangers, OTOH, that’s just weird. > > And not to be juvenile about it or anything, but… what happens when stray penis ensues? I’m a full-blooded LGBT ally but … not cool! Well, yeah. Honestly that never happened because we WERE friends. Yes, that would have been weird. Not in the spirit of things, you know? I guess I can’t imagine a cuddle party with complete strangers. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2009, 2:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-has-anyone-here-ever-attended-a-cuddle-party/503205/40 "2009-07-17T02:34:20Z")
I think it would be gross even with friends. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-has-anyone-here-ever-attended-a-cuddle-party/503205.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-has-anyone-here-ever-attended-a-cuddle-party/503205.md?page=3)