# So help me, I want one of these and I am not a rube. Really. I swear. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 5, 2005, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-help-me-i-want-one-of-these-and-i-am-not-a-rube-really-i-swear/297924 "2005-04-05T21:58:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2005, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-help-me-i-want-one-of-these-and-i-am-not-a-rube-really-i-swear/297924/1 "2005-04-05T21:58:47Z")
[Qlink](http://www.clarus.com/p_silver.shtml) It looks like some alien cult members necklace but wait THERE’s MORE! It promises: > [@](#): > > When our biofield is out of balance, we’re out of balance. Disease, fatigue, and apathy all reflect a compromised biofield. When something improves our biofield, such as the Q-Link, it enhances our sense of well-being. > [@](#): > > What are the benefits of Q-Link? > People who wear a Q-Link report having clearer thinking, increased awareness, calmness, better sleep, enhanced mental focus, stamina, vitality and more. (snip) > > The Q-Link strengthens your resistance to the effects of stress > Increases energy and enhances mental performance especially under stress > Strengthens immunities to cell phones, computers, and other Electromagnetic Fields (EMF) it has loads of endorsement by New Agey peoples and a few big names in sports feilds I’ve never cared about or knew about. I should be repulsed, yet I cannot turn away… It’s a good thing I don’t have the cash. ($299 +s/H. Cheaper on Ebay)…anything that promises enhanced mental focus…stamina and more…( I think it’s alluding to sex, don’t you?) is righty-o by me. Gah. I still wants one and I know its wrong. I don’t lose my Doper Membership, do I? ---
**Author:** ![pravnik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8edcca/32.png) [@pravnik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pravnik)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2005, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-help-me-i-want-one-of-these-and-i-am-not-a-rube-really-i-swear/297924/2 "2005-04-05T22:05:28Z")
Hey, I’m a sucker for slick advertising. They put natural light in a neat new can for a while and I bought some even though I knew for a fact that it would taste like crap. ---
**Author:** ![Scribble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scribble/32/3317_2.png) [@Scribble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scribble)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2005, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-help-me-i-want-one-of-these-and-i-am-not-a-rube-really-i-swear/297924/3 "2005-04-05T22:11:55Z")
I’m sure this thing does exactly what the advertisement says it will. Of course I’m sure that Qlink has been subjected to rigorous double-blind clinical testing and that the controls in those trials were impeccable. And if you think the Qlink is great, I’ve got a bridge I’d like to sell you. How about some gorgeous beachfront property in Nebraska? I could hook you up with that, too. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2005, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-help-me-i-want-one-of-these-and-i-am-not-a-rube-really-i-swear/297924/4 "2005-04-05T22:16:42Z")
> [@Scribble](#): > > I’m sure this thing does exactly what the advertisement says it will. Of course I’m sure that Qlink has been subjected to rigorous double-blind clinical testing and that the controls in those trials were impeccable. > > And if you think the Qlink is great, I’ve got a bridge I’d like to sell you. How about some gorgeous beachfront property in Nebraska? I could hook you up with that, too. HAH! There is no such state as Nebraska! Ever met a Nebraskan? If they said yes, they are really Gov’t Agents. …I’ve said too much! You can’t fool me! ---
**Author:** ![cher3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/da6949/32.png) [@cher3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cher3)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2005, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-help-me-i-want-one-of-these-and-i-am-not-a-rube-really-i-swear/297924/5 "2005-04-05T22:23:50Z")
You know, yesterday I tripped and fell down for the first time in about 7 years. I scraped my elbow and bruised both my knees, and I feel really crummy today, all over. Do you think I dented my biofield? ---
**Author:** ![Ravenman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ravenman/32/2929_2.png) [@Ravenman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ravenman)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2005, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-help-me-i-want-one-of-these-and-i-am-not-a-rube-really-i-swear/297924/6 "2005-04-05T22:48:52Z")
I had Qlink when I was a kid. It was the coolest thing [evah.](http://www.qlinklives.org/) ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2005, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-help-me-i-want-one-of-these-and-i-am-not-a-rube-really-i-swear/297924/7 "2005-04-06T00:41:32Z")
> [@Shirley Ujest](#): > > I don’t lose my Doper Membership, do I? No, but we get to poke you mercilessly. Poke poke. The thing about the Qlink is, it isn’t safe to accidentally put it through the washing machine. Unless you’re also using [laundry balls](http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a4_007b.html). Then it’s A-OK. ---
**Author:** ![racer72](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/racer72/32/3075_2.png) [@racer72](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/racer72)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2005, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-help-me-i-want-one-of-these-and-i-am-not-a-rube-really-i-swear/297924/8 "2005-04-06T01:08:20Z")
Would something like that clash with my copper bracelet that promised an end to my joint pain? I also have the shoe insoles with magnets and a good hope necklace. I wouldn’t want it to interfere with them. ---
**Author:** ![TellMeI\_mNotCrazy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tellmei_mnotcrazy/32/3419_2.png) [@TellMeI\_mNotCrazy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TellMeI_mNotCrazy)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2005, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-help-me-i-want-one-of-these-and-i-am-not-a-rube-really-i-swear/297924/9 "2005-04-06T01:10:55Z")
> [@Ravenman](#): > > I had Qlink when I was a kid. It was the coolest thing [evah.](http://www.qlinklives.org/) I am so glad I wasn’t the only one who thought of that. ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2005, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-help-me-i-want-one-of-these-and-i-am-not-a-rube-really-i-swear/297924/10 "2005-04-06T01:15:35Z")
Naw, as long as you’ve got your worry beads you’ll be okay. ---
**Author:** ![Sample\_the\_Dog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8797f3/32.png) [@Sample\_the\_Dog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sample_the_Dog)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2005, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-help-me-i-want-one-of-these-and-i-am-not-a-rube-really-i-swear/297924/11 "2005-04-06T01:25:51Z")
**Shirley** , if you want one of those, here’s your [Wal-Mart](http://www.educate-yourself.org/)! More power-to-the-people than you can shake a stick at. I particularly recommend the Harmonic Protector Pendants found on [this page](http://educate-yourself.org/products/) for keeping the lions away. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2005, 1:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-help-me-i-want-one-of-these-and-i-am-not-a-rube-really-i-swear/297924/12 "2005-04-06T01:36:40Z")
oooooooooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhh… **Sample** …that, indeed, is the Walmart of ‘What The Man Don’t Want You To Know’. I loves it! All that is missing is Crop Circles and Loch Ness Monsters. ::::::::::::_ChemTrails…they’re everywhere, man_::::::::::::::::::::::::: ---
**Author:** ![FatBaldGuy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ecd19e/32.png) [@FatBaldGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FatBaldGuy)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2005, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-help-me-i-want-one-of-these-and-i-am-not-a-rube-really-i-swear/297924/13 "2005-04-06T01:44:20Z")
Am I reading this correctly from the web page linked in the OP? > [@](#): > > “It is my responsibility to make sure our horses are at their maximum potential for the owners on race day. In testing, the Q-Link has proven to me to significantly reduce the negative effects of stress, improve overall health and re-balance the functioning of the horses internal systems. To be at your natural sporting best, use Q-Link Products. We do. ” > > - Bart Cummings > World-renowned horse trainer > Inductee into the Racing Hall of Fame > Winner of a Record 11 Melbourne Cups and 242 Group One Winners They actually use these things on race horses to reduce their stress? Seems to me they would have been better off to get a testimonial from a **human** that uses it. ---
**Author:** ![Sample\_the\_Dog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8797f3/32.png) [@Sample\_the\_Dog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sample_the_Dog)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2005, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-help-me-i-want-one-of-these-and-i-am-not-a-rube-really-i-swear/297924/14 "2005-04-06T01:54:19Z")
> [@Shirley Ujest](#): > > that, indeed, is the Walmart of ‘What The Man Don’t Want You To Know’. And you gotta love this guy’s business model. He ain’t selling a thing. No, sir! He’s providing information. And for a donation to his not-for-profit information site, you’ll get a thank-you gift. Just like PBS. Only it ain’t a tote-bag… it’s a [Holy Handgrenade](http://educate-yourself.org/dc/orgonegenindex.shtml)! And people think I make this stuff up. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2005, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-help-me-i-want-one-of-these-and-i-am-not-a-rube-really-i-swear/297924/15 "2005-04-06T02:33:02Z")
> [@Fat Bald Guy](#): > > Am I reading this correctly from the web page linked in the OP? > They actually use these things on race horses to reduce their stress? Seems to me they would have been better off to get a testimonial from a **human** that uses it. They do. The reason this has been brought to my attention is through the powers of junk mail. I got their magazine just _chock_ full of endorsements of the Wunderbar kind. Loads of semi-celebrities and one rather amusing Double Blind Live Test on the Harvard (or Naval Academy, can’t remember) Gymnastic team. HAH! In other **Burning Questions** :, is the opposite of _chock_ unchocked or dechocked. What the hell is _chock_ anyway? Yes, I am too lazy to google. ---
**Author:** ![Sample\_the\_Dog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8797f3/32.png) [@Sample\_the\_Dog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sample_the_Dog)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2005, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-help-me-i-want-one-of-these-and-i-am-not-a-rube-really-i-swear/297924/16 "2005-04-06T02:47:03Z")
> [@Shirley Ujest](#): > > The reason this has been brought to my attention is through the powers of junk mail. I got their magazine just _chock_ full of endorsements of the Wunderbar kind. Loads of semi-celebrities and one rather amusing Double Blind Live Test on the Harvard (or Naval Academy, can’t remember) Gymnastic team. Ok, **Shirley** , I’m being 100% serious here, I’d really like to get a copy of that mailer. I’ll even explain _chock_ if I have to! (Ok, it’s totally benign, but it’s all the leverage I got.) I haven’t run across that one, and studying scams is part of my current work. I can go online, but direct mail marketing is different, and I’d love to see the hardcopy. Can you help me? ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2005, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-help-me-i-want-one-of-these-and-i-am-not-a-rube-really-i-swear/297924/17 "2005-04-06T03:11:20Z")
I salvaged it from my garbage pile. Send me an email with the specifics and it is yours for the asking! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2005, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-help-me-i-want-one-of-these-and-i-am-not-a-rube-really-i-swear/297924/18 "2005-04-06T13:47:34Z")
**Sample!** quit being a productive member of society and start surfing the boards and send me an email, dangit! ---
**Author:** ![Sample\_the\_Dog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8797f3/32.png) [@Sample\_the\_Dog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sample_the_Dog)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2005, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-help-me-i-want-one-of-these-and-i-am-not-a-rube-really-i-swear/297924/19 "2005-04-06T16:49:36Z")
> [@Shirley Ujest](#): > > **Sample!** quit being a productive member of society and start surfing the boards and send me an email, dangit! Hey there. I’m at lunch. I never surf non-work at work. I’ll email you this evening when I’m back home. Right now I need to get some food in me and get back to peeking into the human psyche for pay! See you tonight at Rick’s Cafe. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2005, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-help-me-i-want-one-of-these-and-i-am-not-a-rube-really-i-swear/297924/20 "2005-04-06T17:38:02Z")
I think it’s pretty cool looking, and I would wear one if I owned one. The “biofield benefits” are just icing on the cake. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-help-me-i-want-one-of-these-and-i-am-not-a-rube-really-i-swear/297924.md?page=2)