# So how many partners is too many partners? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 21, 2009, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-how-many-partners-is-too-many-partners/511017 "2009-09-21T23:21:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2009, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-how-many-partners-is-too-many-partners/511017/41 "2009-09-23T16:30:15Z")
> [@AHunter3](#): > > I think 10 partners is too many, really. > I mean, yeesh, just how big is your bed anyhow?? You have sex in a _ **BED** _??? ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2009, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-how-many-partners-is-too-many-partners/511017/42 "2009-09-23T16:35:27Z")
You also have to take into consideration the person’s age. Those of us who were sexually active in the 60s and 70s often had way more partners than most people today. Especially if you were a gay male in a large city. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2009, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-how-many-partners-is-too-many-partners/511017/43 "2009-09-23T16:35:52Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > You have sex in a _ **BED** _??? Some people are oddly prejudiced against semis. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2009, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-how-many-partners-is-too-many-partners/511017/44 "2009-09-23T16:35:59Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > It is apparently common around to assume that virgins have never been in a truly committed relationship, and would lack the social skills necessary to handle one, at least after they reach a certain age. > > As an intentional virgin who seeks same, I find this view particularly disheartening. Alternatively, one might simply be taking into consideration that a vast discrepancy in experience may well indicate a vast discrepancy in attitude. As as an intentional virgin _who seeks same_, aren’t you inclined to agree? ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2009, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-how-many-partners-is-too-many-partners/511017/45 "2009-09-23T16:37:49Z")
> [@DianaG](#): > > I don’t recall having been asked the question in a serious way in many many years, but if a guy did, I think I’d probably say “Why don’t you tell me a number you’re comfortable with, and I’ll let you know whether there’s any point in both of us continuing to be here.” 😉 As always DianaG comes up with the best answer! That’s great. But honestly, I haven’t been asked the question by a prospective mate since I was 20 or so either. And now I just wouldn’t answer. I don’t care about numbers. As for the virgin thing, it’s not so much that I feel a virgin has never had an intimate relationship, it’s just that by MY standards, it isn’t the right kind of relationship. if you haven’t been involved in the sex aspect, and haven’t learned to accomodate a partner’s sexual needs, while making your own known…well to me, I feel like you’ve missed out on a huge segment that is very important to me. That doesn’t mean I wouldn’t date you…however I would be cautious and if it turned out it was because of religion I’d run so fast you’d see those little wavy lines like in comics. I’ve had enough of religion for one lifetime. However, I don’t see anything that should stop two intentional virgins from getting together. Wouldn’t that be ideal? If only the world was so ordered and everybody could get what they wanted! I have chatted about my number to friends, however - that to me is not a big deal because nothing is contingent on it. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2009, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-how-many-partners-is-too-many-partners/511017/46 "2009-09-23T16:46:21Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > It is apparently common around to assume that virgins have never been in a truly committed relationship, and would lack the social skills necessary to handle one, at least after they reach a certain age. > > As an intentional virgin who seeks same, I find this view particularly disheartening. FWIW, I wouldn’t date a virgin under most circumstances but only because I’d expect her to be horrible in bed. I don’t think her ability to handle a relationship would come into it. After all, if she’s a virgin at 25 (or whatever), she’s obviously patient and has lots of willpower, both of which I find attractive in a partner. To answer the OP, I’m not really concerned with the total number, more about whether my prospective humpee went through a slutty phase. Let’s say she’s 30, and lost her virginity on her 17th birthday. 5 men per year for 14 years = 70. Not a problem, assuming she’s tested, etc. However, if she deviated from the mean significantly during that time, it might be a problem. If the year by year numbers are: 1, 0, 0, 0, 0, 42, 5, 5, 5 or somesuch, _then_ I’m probably going to have issues with it. As it happens, I’ve only been with one girl who was over 15 partners, AFAIK, and her number was quite considerably over that amount. Like, she was at 50 at the age of 21. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2009, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-how-many-partners-is-too-many-partners/511017/47 "2009-09-23T16:48:19Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > It is apparently common around to assume that virgins have never been in a truly committed relationship, and would lack the social skills necessary to handle one, at least after they reach a certain age. > > As an intentional virgin who seeks same, I find this view particularly disheartening. 😕 Wha? I wasn’t talking about the relationship side of things at all. I was only talking about sex. If the guy was inexperienced, I’d take things slower and take more care to make sure they were comfortable and okay with everything that was happening. I’d also expect that I might have to correct some misconceptions–if they had only had one partner, they might think that “women like such-and-such.” But if they had more experience, they’d know that “some women like such-and-such, but some don’t.” Not to say that I’m impatient and not understanding with experienced guys, but I’d certainly make more of a concerted effort with the inexperienced guy. Come to think of it, what you inferred from my statement really highlights the difference between people of certain sexual mindsets and illustrates why one person might think a certain number is high while another thinks it’s quite low. You assumed that sex will probably happen in a “truly committed relationship.” I assumed that it probably wouldn’t. ---
**Author:** ![Bricker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@Bricker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bricker)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2009, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-how-many-partners-is-too-many-partners/511017/48 "2009-09-23T16:51:03Z")
> [@Serenata67](#): > > I could have posted that thread exactly. For me, I was a lot like Alyssa in _Chsing Amy_. I knew I wasn’t straight, but I didn’t think I was gay, so I tried a lot of stuff before coming to the point where I am now. But in that trying, my numbers went up a bit. I mean, there was a year or so where I didn’t date anyone (or perhaps I should be more explicit: I didn’t sleep with anyone) because I was really messed up. And there have been a few long term relationships, where I was with the same person for around a year on average. So my “average per year” has gone down (esp. because I’ve been with my fiancee for a year and a half now.), but for a while, it was pretty high. If you were to remove the year of celibacy and the time I spent in committed monogamous relationships, my average per year is over 5 per year. > > I don’t often admit how many people I’ve been with. My fiancee doesn’t even know my number. He knows about my past, my trek to self discovery, and that my number is “up there” and he loves me nonetheless. > > It’s weird for him because I’m the only woman he’s ever been with in an intimate way. Shoot, I’ve been with more women than him. But we love each other and we’ve let the past go. We’re looking at the future. 😃 Forgive the personal question and potential hijack, but… you knew you weren’t straight. But you’re a woman, and you’re now engaged to a man. Which seems kinda.. straight.. to me. ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2009, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-how-many-partners-is-too-many-partners/511017/49 "2009-09-23T16:51:34Z")
The correct answer is 100. 100 people is too many. ---
**Author:** ![Orange\_Skinner](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/3be4f8/32.png) [@Orange\_Skinner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Orange_Skinner)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2009, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-how-many-partners-is-too-many-partners/511017/50 "2009-09-23T16:57:25Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > It is apparently common around to assume that virgins have never been in a truly committed relationship, and would lack the social skills necessary to handle one, at least after they reach a certain age. > > As an intentional virgin who seeks same, I find this view particularly disheartening. I wouldn’t automatically assume a virgin, regardless of age, to be lacking in social skills/relationship experience. Some are, some aren’t (and a lot of non-virgins are totally devoid of social skills/relationship experience). I would simply think that, for one reason or another, you’ve not had intercourse. I would find this information relevant so that when hypothetical virgin and I did upgrade our relationship to a sexual level, I’d not be surprised by his or her probable nervousness/confusion, etc., and, when having sex for the first time, would attribute, say, a sudden penile assault on my asshole as a matter of inexperience, rather than because he simply wasn’t polite enough to ask if I was up for that instead before attempting it. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2009, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-how-many-partners-is-too-many-partners/511017/51 "2009-09-23T16:59:39Z")
> [@Bricker](#): > > Forgive the personal question and potential hijack, but… you knew you weren’t straight. But you’re a woman, and you’re now engaged to a man. Which seems kinda.. straight.. to me. Well, she used the male personal pronoun, but also referred to a \*fiancee \*instead of _fiance_… so maybe she’s not sure whether she’s marrying a chick or a dude. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2009, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-how-many-partners-is-too-many-partners/511017/52 "2009-09-23T17:00:19Z")
I’ve mentioned before what Marc, the legendary Frenchman who owns Eden Club brothel in Bangkok, has said was the record in his place. In Eden Club, the girls are guaranteed bisexual, and there is a two-girl minimum. Customers are not allowed to take only one. They _must_ take two or more, and there is no upper limit. He said the record was held by an Irishman who took 20 girls upstairs with him. !!! You can see the interview with Marc [here](http://www.stickmanweekly.com/Weekly2006/weekly281.htm). He’s retired now – heart problems forced him to slow down – but another Frenchman runs the place for him. Excerpt: **What is the record number of girls a guy has taken upstairs, or out?** "Inside the club, 20. An Irish guy! We still have the picture to be seen in the club. At this time we used the room with the 13 square metre bed! “Outside the club, 11. We used to call this guy The Doctor. He was spending 50 to 100,000 baht at least a day throughout Bangkok making everybody believe that he was very rich. That day 3 Mercedes Benzes from a famous Bangkok hotel came to pick up the ladies in front of the club. It came out later that this guy was just spending his life savings.” **That’s the guy who had 580 girls?** “Yes, in 8 months!” **That is incredible!** "It’s true! You ask any of the ladies who are still in the club today if they remember the Doctor and believe me, they will remember him! “This poor guy, drinking a lot, abusing 2 to 300mg of Viagra everyday, just finished in a Bangkok Hospital where some member of his family came to take him back to the States.” ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2009, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-how-many-partners-is-too-many-partners/511017/53 "2009-09-23T17:02:36Z")
> [@Siam\_Sam](#): > > I’ve mentioned before what Marc, the legendary Frenchman who owns Eden Club brothel in Bangkok, has said was the record in his place. In Eden Club, the girls are guaranteed bisexual, and there is a two-girl minimum. Customers are not allowed to take only one. They _must_ take two or more, and there is no upper limit. How do you guarantee bisexuality? 😕 Is there a written test? ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2009, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-how-many-partners-is-too-many-partners/511017/54 "2009-09-23T17:03:56Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > How do you guarantee bisexuality? 😕 Is there a written test? Audition. EDIT: Really. ---
**Author:** ![Orange\_Skinner](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/3be4f8/32.png) [@Orange\_Skinner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Orange_Skinner)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2009, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-how-many-partners-is-too-many-partners/511017/55 "2009-09-23T17:04:52Z")
> [@Bricker](#): > > Forgive the personal question and potential hijack, but… you knew you weren’t straight. But you’re a woman, and you’re now engaged to a man. Which seems kinda.. straight.. to me. Forgive me if I put words into your mouth, **Serenata67**. Just because she isn’t completely straight doesn’t mean she’s completely gay, either. Bisexuality does not preclude one from having a monogamous relationship with a member of either sex. She’s 'forsaking" 100% of women for her fiance, but she’s also forsaking 99.9 with a little bar over it% of men, too. No different than a guy who is attracted to both brunettes and redheads getting engaged to a redhead and thereby (in theory, if not in practice) swearing off brunettes forever. ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2009, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-how-many-partners-is-too-many-partners/511017/56 "2009-09-23T17:06:11Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > How do you guarantee bisexuality? 😕 Is there a written test? I imagine an oral test would be more useful in this scenario. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2009, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-how-many-partners-is-too-many-partners/511017/57 "2009-09-23T17:12:06Z")
Google “Eden Club” and “Bangkok,” and you’ll come up with a lot, I think. Marc’s a local legend. And the thing about Eden Club is even though there is a bar downstairs, if you just go in for a drink, Marc chases you right out. (Or the new manager does now.) It’s in a small bar area, Sukhumvit Soi 7/1, and there are plenty of places right there to drink. This place is an unabashed brothel, and Marc won’t tolerate Lookie Lous, especially since it’s not unheard of for certain celebrities from the West – entertainment, sports – to stop by. His is probably the only establisment in the city, or country, where you can’t just stop by for a drink and nothing else. It also has the infamous “yellow line”. A physical yellow line in the bar. The girls line up, and the ones on the left of the line also do anal, the ones on the right don’t. ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2009, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-how-many-partners-is-too-many-partners/511017/58 "2009-09-23T17:12:48Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > However, if she deviated from the mean significantly during that time, it might be a problem. If the year by year numbers are: 1, 0, 0, 0, 0, 42, 5, 5, 5 or somesuch, _then_ I’m probably going to have issues with it. Just out of curiosity, why? In my experience, a “slutty phase” is a fairly common phenomenon (especially prevalent upon the ending of a long-term relationship, or a long dry spell), and I’m don’t understand why “1, 0, 0, 0, 0, 42, 5, 5, 5” would be more troubling than “6, 7, 5, 6, 8, 6, 7, 6, 7”. Hell, if anything, I’d be more concerned with and desiring an explanation of the four “zero” years. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2009, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-how-many-partners-is-too-many-partners/511017/59 "2009-09-23T17:16:10Z")
Because _that_ sort of slutty phase is, IMHO, unhealthy. If we’re talking about a mini slutty phase, like, say, 10 in a month, that’s no big deal. If you get out of a relationship and need to bang 40 guys something went horribly wrong in your relationship, in my book. I’d apply that equally to men, though since I won’t ever be auditioning any I guess it’s immaterial. ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2009, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-how-many-partners-is-too-many-partners/511017/60 "2009-09-23T17:30:36Z")
Fair enough. From my perspective, I think if you get out of a relationship and need to bang 40 guys, you may just be making up for the 4 a year you’d have banged if you hadn’t been in that relationship, and that if your ten year relationship just ended, then something most likely went horribly wrong, but I think I’m a lot older than you (and, obviously, female), so our perspectives aren’t supposed to be the same. 😉 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-how-many-partners-is-too-many-partners/511017.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-how-many-partners-is-too-many-partners/511017.md?page=4)