# So how many partners is too many partners? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 21, 2009, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-how-many-partners-is-too-many-partners/511017 "2009-09-21T23:21:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2009, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-how-many-partners-is-too-many-partners/511017/81 "2009-09-23T22:20:34Z")
> [@Telperien](#): > > You do have to remember, though, that the Dope has a very high proportion of extremely judgmental people who have nothing better to do than declare people who have more sex or more drugs or more fun or more whatever than they do damaged freaks. Admitting to any of those things here will definitely cause people to look down on you even more than it might do IRL. Still, I suppose the sanctimonious ones have to get their jollies somehow, and they’re obviously not out partying or having sex. I didn’t say anything judgemental or sanctimonious. It is a fact that extreme promiscuity and lack of ability to form long term relationships in females is _very_ often (far more often than not) a symptom of sexual abuse. How is that judgemental? I don’t place any moral value on it, and it’s not their fault in any case. > [@](#): > > Anyone who watched Loveline knows that any unusual sexual habit is a red flag for an abuse survivor with emotional issues. That isn’t true. I listened to the show for years, and there were only certain kinds of cues that led him down that path. It wasn’t just “unusual sexual habits,” (that in itself did not set him off) but patterns like serial attractions to abusive men, lack of ability to maintain relationships, and the like. I don’t remember him ever being wrong either. They always said yes when he guessed that they’d been abused. he’d often even guess what age, what kind of abuse, guess that they’d had alcoholic or abandoning parents, etc. with uncanny accuracy. Humans are extremely predictable. One interesting cue he often focused on was women who talked with a “little girl” voice. He said these were women who had emotionally arrested at the age of their first abuse, and he was able to guess what age they’d been molested by how old they sounded when they talked (he’d make them sing the alphabet to get a read). He did this even when the caller had not said anything about having been abused, but I never once heard him contradicted on it. ---
**Author:** ![Telperien](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2009, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-how-many-partners-is-too-many-partners/511017/82 "2009-09-23T22:22:41Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > I didn’t say anything judgemental or sanctimonious. It is a fact that extreme promiscuity and lack of ability to form long term relationships in females is _very_ often (far more often than not) a symptom of sexual abuse. How is that judgemental? I don’t place any moral value on it, and it’s not their fault in any case. Did I mention you? No, but I suppose I might as well have, since you’ve just outed yourself as one of the very people I was talking about. Or are you just “my opinion is the only right one and everyone else is wrong and stupid” about every other subject in the world except, magically, this one? ---
**Author:** ![Telperien](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2009, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-how-many-partners-is-too-many-partners/511017/83 "2009-09-23T22:23:47Z")
> [@Thudlow\_Boink](#): > > I really don’t think the proportion’s all that high here. This thread has had 1,453 views so far. Try talking about your sexual history to 1,453 people in real life and see if one or two of them don’t go all judgmental on you. Did I say that no one in real life would be judgmental about this? No, I did not. People damn well will. It just seems like they are even more so here. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2009, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-how-many-partners-is-too-many-partners/511017/84 "2009-09-23T22:25:06Z")
> [@Telperien](#): > > Did I mention you? No, but I suppose I might as well have, since you’ve just outed yourself as one of the very people I was talking about. And your accusation was erroneous. ---
**Author:** ![Qin\_Shi\_Huangdi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/f04885/32.png) [@Qin\_Shi\_Huangdi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qin_Shi_Huangdi)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2009, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-how-many-partners-is-too-many-partners/511017/85 "2009-09-23T23:16:53Z")
Anything other then monogamy is too many partners. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2009, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-how-many-partners-is-too-many-partners/511017/86 "2009-09-23T23:46:06Z")
> [@Curtis LeMay](#): > > Anything other then monogamy is too many partners. So it’s o.k. to have one hundred partners, as long as it’s one at a time? ---
**Author:** ![Qin\_Shi\_Huangdi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/f04885/32.png) [@Qin\_Shi\_Huangdi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qin_Shi_Huangdi)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2009, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-how-many-partners-is-too-many-partners/511017/87 "2009-09-23T23:56:04Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > So it’s o.k. to have one hundred partners, as long as it’s one at a time? No, if you are going to break up with a partner yous hould have a good reason. ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2009, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-how-many-partners-is-too-many-partners/511017/88 "2009-09-24T00:18:12Z")
Also, 100 is too many. 99 is OK, though. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2009, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-how-many-partners-is-too-many-partners/511017/89 "2009-09-24T00:18:37Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > That isn’t true. I listened to the show for years, and there were only certain kinds of cues that led him down that path. It wasn’t just “unusual sexual habits,” (that in itself did not set him off) but patterns like serial attractions to abusive men, lack of ability to maintain relationships, and the like. I don’t remember him ever being wrong either. They always said yes when he guessed that they’d been abused. he’d often even guess what age, what kind of abuse, guess that they’d had alcoholic or abandoning parents, etc. with uncanny accuracy. Humans are extremely predictable. _whoosh_ > [@Curtis LeMay](#): > > No, if you are going to break up with a partner yous hould have a good reason. “Curtis, it’s not me, it’s you.” ---
**Author:** ![Who\_me\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/958977/32.png) [@Who\_me\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Who_me_1)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2009, 12:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-how-many-partners-is-too-many-partners/511017/90 "2009-09-24T00:23:21Z")
I must be odd, I’ve never asked or cared how many partners someone has had before me. None or a thousand, doesn’t really matter. ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2009, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-how-many-partners-is-too-many-partners/511017/91 "2009-09-24T00:30:52Z")
I say posting too many polls would be a good reason to break up with someone. And that numbers, as long as everyone is emotionally and physically healthy, shouldn’t matter. ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2009, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-how-many-partners-is-too-many-partners/511017/92 "2009-09-24T01:33:37Z")
> [@Curtis LeMay](#): > > Anything other then monogamy is too many partners. Allow me to offer my condolences to your, at best, dreadfully bored penis. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![CT\_Damsel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CT\_Damsel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CT_Damsel)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2009, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-how-many-partners-is-too-many-partners/511017/93 "2009-09-24T01:44:35Z")
Not enough. But I get sooooo very bored with the preamble. ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2009, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-how-many-partners-is-too-many-partners/511017/94 "2009-09-24T03:22:04Z")
> [@Giraffe](#): > > Also, 100 is too many. 99 is OK, though. Fine, I took my share plus the ones that one of the low number people weren’t using. It would’ve been a shame to waste those potential sexual liasions. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2009, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-how-many-partners-is-too-many-partners/511017/95 "2009-09-24T03:34:09Z")
Do dwarves count as 0.5? ---
**Author:** ![Soapbox\_Monkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ed655f/32.png) [@Soapbox\_Monkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Soapbox_Monkey)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2009, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-how-many-partners-is-too-many-partners/511017/96 "2009-09-24T04:15:13Z")
> [@DianaG](#): > > and I’m don’t understand why “1, 0, 0, 0, 0, 42, 5, 5, 5” would be more troubling than “6, 7, 5, 6, 8, 6, 7, 6, 7”. Hell, if anything, I’d be more concerned with and desiring an explanation of the four “zero” years. You’d be concerned with the zeroes? _Concerned?_ As in "I think there may be something wrong with this person who couldn’t have sex? I don’t know how some of you people are capable of having as much sex you do, or perhaps how you’re capable of lowering your standards so low that you’d be willing to fuck anything with a pulse, but I often times go **months** between even meeting a girl who might conceivably be attracted to me enough to get with me. Oh, and ultimately they never are. And so I have wait another couple of months. ---
**Author:** ![EvilTOJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee59a6/32.png) [@EvilTOJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EvilTOJ)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2009, 8:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-how-many-partners-is-too-many-partners/511017/97 "2009-09-24T08:13:13Z")
I don’t care about her number. I think if it comes up on conversation, great, otherwise no I really don’t care. ---
**Author:** ![Serenata67](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/serenata67/32/10646_2.png) [@Serenata67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Serenata67)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2009, 1:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-how-many-partners-is-too-many-partners/511017/98 "2009-09-24T13:31:57Z")
> [@Bricker](#): > > Forgive the personal question and potential hijack, but… you knew you weren’t straight. But you’re a woman, and you’re now engaged to a man. Which seems kinda.. straight.. to me. I’m very bisexual. Shoot, if I could marry a woman, have the house and kids and American Dream, I quite possibly wouldn’t be where I am now. I mean, if it were possible for me to have all of that with a woman, I may not have started seriously dating men. I still love women, find them _very_ attractive, but I couldn’t have my dream family with them, so I went back to men. My fiancee and I just happen to get along great, I find him attractive, and I could see myself raising kids and spending forever with him. But he knows I’m still very into women as well. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2009, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-how-many-partners-is-too-many-partners/511017/99 "2009-09-24T13:43:18Z")
> [@Soapbox\_Monkey](#): > > You’d be concerned with the zeroes? _Concerned?_ As in "I think there may be something wrong with this person who couldn’t have sex? > > I don’t know how some of you people are capable of having as much sex you do, or perhaps how you’re capable of lowering your standards so low that you’d be willing to fuck anything with a pulse, but I often times go **months** between even meeting a girl who might conceivably be attracted to me enough to get with me. > > Oh, and ultimately they never are. And so I have wait another couple of months. Not like that! Just would want to know what happened in those four years. Did you come off a serious breakup, and didn’t want to, or did you just not have luck - or did you join a religious cult for four years and abstain from all sex? Then again I’d be a little :dubious: about the 42 number, too, after years of abstinence. 42 does seem like a lot for a year! That’s what, a new girl every 8 days? ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2009, 1:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-how-many-partners-is-too-many-partners/511017/100 "2009-09-24T13:48:44Z")
> [@DianaG](#): > > Yup. Anything said so often must be true. A million insecure people with penises can’t be wrong. :rolleyes: I don’t know. Too much of anything is usually an indication of some kind of issue. it doesn’t have to be sexual abuse, but I always wonder about people (men or women) who seem outrageously permiscuous. On the one hand, it’s like what’s the big deal? It’s just sex. But on the other hand, it is just sex so why does this person seem to need it 24-7? With women it seems to be about filling some sort of emotional void and with men it seems to be about overcompensating for some perceived shortcoming. Ultimately the “too many” question is unanswerable. Because whatever your ideal number, anyone whose ideal number is less is a prude and anyone whose number is more is a slut. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-how-many-partners-is-too-many-partners/511017.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-how-many-partners-is-too-many-partners/511017.md?page=6)