# So, I Am Watching "Twilight" Now **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [May 10, 2009, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-am-watching-twilight-now/495902 "2009-05-10T01:57:13Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2009, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-am-watching-twilight-now/495902/21 "2009-05-10T04:18:14Z")
> [@eleanorigby](#): > > Freud would have a field day with this movie. Ever play Charades? I’m tapping my nose. My wife laments that most 20th century authors were hemmed in by Dr Freud, and left out the best parts of their books because they realized that Freud would have a field day with it. As Stephenie Meyer is a Mormon (wonderful people, congenitally nice, but hopelessly sheltered) and freely admits she has never seen a vampire movie nor read a vampire story because she finds them squicky, she is also (probably? undoubtedly?) sheltered from from Freud’s teachings and, one assumes, endlessly entertaining from an armchair psychoanalytic standpoint. ---
**Author:** ![DrFidelius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drfidelius/32/3447_2.png) [@DrFidelius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrFidelius)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2009, 11:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-am-watching-twilight-now/495902/22 "2009-05-10T11:46:07Z")
> [@Just\_Some\_Guy](#): > > Wait a second… there are hetrosexual vampires? Since when? Count Dracula. He nailed both Lucy and Mina, and showed no interest in any of the studly defenders of the honour of British womankind. His other wives were hot, too, in a gothy type of way. ---
**Author:** ![MacTech](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c0e974/32.png) [@MacTech](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MacTech)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2009, 12:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-am-watching-twilight-now/495902/23 "2009-05-10T12:47:59Z")
> [@eleanorigby](#): > > Well, at least her mom asked Bella if she was being “safe”. I take that to mean safe sex–this is a departure from the book, if I recall. Rifftrax response to that scene… BellaMom; “Are you being safe?” Kevin Murphy; “Are you using garlic?” I’m Harpo!! watch out for the appearing/dissapearing stuffed armidillo in Science class though, that thing’s a killer (and as posited by Rifftrax, is Science class the _only_ class in the school?) Twilight should _only_ be watched with Rifftrax enhancement, otherwise it’s just craptacular, I’d rather watch the un-MSTed version of Manos; Hands of Fate than an un-Rifftraxed Twilight ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2009, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-am-watching-twilight-now/495902/24 "2009-05-10T18:59:20Z")
\ I thought all vampires were hetero… I’m so naive! I’ve only read one Anne Rice book (couldn’t stand her or LeStat) and I never watched Buffy, so I’m not up on vamp lore. I went on the Riff website, but there was too much text. If I read the snark there, I’d miss the very dialogue etc that I was attempting to snark. Ms Meyers should be brought to The Hague for crimes against human culture. When you have (like I did) a fundamentalist Christian who used to babysit for your kids saying that Meyers went “odd places” with her story, you know you’re way out in left field somewhere… ---
**Author:** ![Ephemera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2009, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-am-watching-twilight-now/495902/25 "2009-05-10T19:16:50Z")
Buffy vampires aren’t gay, though there was that one time between Spike and Angel that they don’t talk about. ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2009, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-am-watching-twilight-now/495902/26 "2009-05-10T19:19:56Z")
Frankly, (flame away) vampires are boring. Very boring. So much melodrama. So much Pain. :rolleyes: If James was such a bad ass vamp, how come it only took 2 of them to hold him while some girl tore off his head, eh? What a pussy.\* \*I can’t believe I wrote that. ---
**Author:** ![Lamia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Lamia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamia)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2009, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-am-watching-twilight-now/495902/27 "2009-05-10T20:16:52Z")
> [@eleanorigby](#): > > I went on the Riff website, but there was too much text. If I read the snark there, I’d miss the very dialogue etc that I was attempting to snark. Maybe I’ve misunderstood what you mean here, but **stpauler** was recommending that you buy the RiffTrax audio file for _Twilight_, not that you read the website. If you purchase and download the audio file you can sync it up with the movie and hear people who are funnier than us mock the movie. Go to [Twilight](http://www.rifftrax.com/rifftrax/twilight) and click the “Watch Sample” button on the right to see what it’s like. ---
**Author:** ![Jodi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7feea3/32.png) [@Jodi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jodi)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2009, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-am-watching-twilight-now/495902/28 "2009-05-10T22:15:44Z")
What a coincidence – I watched this movie yesterday too! It was massively stupid. Better than the book, though. ---
**Author:** ![pepperlandgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f17d59/32.png) [@pepperlandgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pepperlandgirl)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2009, 11:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-am-watching-twilight-now/495902/29 "2009-05-10T23:17:11Z")
The book was worse than that movie? Holy shit! ---
**Author:** ![dangermom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e274bd/32.png) [@dangermom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dangermom)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2009, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-am-watching-twilight-now/495902/30 "2009-05-10T23:23:03Z")
I thought the movie was worse. The book had a lot of internal dialogue–which, granted, was bad internal dialogue but at least you had some action going on. The movie replaced all that with awkward silences, which isn’t really an improvement from a film POV. Also quite a few things that didn’t translate well at all into film (laughable running scenes, sparkliness) came off better in the book in that you at least knew that they were supposed to be good things in theory. I didn’t like the book, but I would rather read it again than have to sit through the movie again. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2009, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-am-watching-twilight-now/495902/31 "2009-05-10T23:23:08Z")
> [@DrFidelius](#): > > Count Dracula. He nailed both Lucy and Mina, and showed no interest in any of the studly defenders of the honour of British womankind. > > His other wives were hot, too, in a gothy type of way. Only in the movie – I just finished the book, and there wasn’t any hot human/vampire action. Forget Freud, too bad Mike and/or Joel and the 'Bots aren’t around anymore. ---
**Author:** ![Jodi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7feea3/32.png) [@Jodi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jodi)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2009, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-am-watching-twilight-now/495902/32 "2009-05-10T23:27:11Z")
> [@pepperlandgirl](#): > > The book was worse than that movie? Holy shit! Well, to be fair, I hated the book. The movie had a decent sound track and I thought the movie makers did the best they could with crap material. I could sure see how the movie could have been way worse than it was. Which isn’t to say it was very good . . . . ---
**Author:** ![pepperlandgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f17d59/32.png) [@pepperlandgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pepperlandgirl)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2009, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-am-watching-twilight-now/495902/33 "2009-05-10T23:30:07Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > Only in the movie – I just finished the book, and there wasn’t any hot human/vampire action. > Forget Freud, too bad Mike and/or Joel and the 'Bots aren’t around anymore. Depends on how you read Dracula. I think a pretty strong case can be made that penetration=sex, in which case he did score with Mina and Lucy, and there was some kinky S&M stuff going on at Dracula’s castle with Jonathan, and not just with the three brides. “He belongs to me” indeed. ---
**Author:** ![Pyper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Pyper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pyper)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2009, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-am-watching-twilight-now/495902/34 "2009-05-10T23:40:45Z")
> [@Lamia](#): > > Maybe I’ve misunderstood what you mean here, but **stpauler** was recommending that you buy the RiffTrax audio file for _Twilight_, not that you read the website. If you purchase and download the audio file you can sync it up with the movie and hear people who are funnier than us mock the movie. Go to [Twilight](http://www.rifftrax.com/rifftrax/twilight) and click the “Watch Sample” button on the right to see what it’s like. I’m so immature, I laughed out loud at this part in the sample: Edward: I don’t have… Mike: A wang? ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2009, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-am-watching-twilight-now/495902/35 "2009-05-11T00:16:18Z")
You read an Anne Rice book and you think there are straight vampires? Maybe I spent too much time as a yaoi fangirl or something. ---
**Author:** ![Lamia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Lamia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamia)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2009, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-am-watching-twilight-now/495902/36 "2009-05-11T00:18:05Z")
> [@dangermom](#): > > I thought the movie was worse. The book had a lot of internal dialogue–which, granted, was bad internal dialogue but at least you had some action going on. The movie replaced all that with awkward silences, which isn’t really an improvement from a film POV. I haven’t seen the movie, but from what I read of the book (about 1/3 of it) I feel like leaving out Bella’s internal monologue could only be an improvement. I’ve never hated a first-person narrator as much as I hated Bella “I am Princess Emo and I am so much better than everyone else” Swan. Not having to hear her constant whining, bitchy remarks about her classmates, and lengthy, overwrought descriptions of how hot Edward is would seem like a big plus to me. However, a coworker of mine who has seen the movie was basically in agreement with you. She said the internal monologue was replaced with endless scenes of Bella and Edward just staring at each other, which doesn’t make for gripping cinema either. ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2009, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-am-watching-twilight-now/495902/37 "2009-05-11T01:58:40Z")
> [@Lamia](#): > > Maybe I’ve misunderstood what you mean here, but **stpauler** was recommending that you buy the RiffTrax audio file for _Twilight_, not that you read the website. If you purchase and download the audio file you can sync it up with the movie and hear people who are funnier than us mock the movie. Go to [Twilight](http://www.rifftrax.com/rifftrax/twilight) and click the “Watch Sample” button on the right to see what it’s like. I completely misunderstood. :smack: But then, I’m not about to spend even one dime on this nonsense: I got both the book and the film from the library. Did you know the Borders near me has an entire section devoted to Twilight et al? Gah. **Zsofia** –I couldn’t stand the one Rice book I did read. What I remember most about it is the first vampire being “birthed” out of a oak tree. I have no recollection whatsoever of the sexual orientation of any of the vampires in her books or in general. That said, I have always vaguely thought that vampires were heterosexual. If I had to think about it and give an opinion, the act of plunging their fangs into someone’s lily white, virginal neck acts as a substitute for penile penetration, so perhaps they’re all sublimated frustrated passive/aggressive types? Armchair psychology only takes me so far… It wasn’t a horrible, awful movie. There are worse movies out there. It was merely boring (for me). I like the Native American kid, Bella’s friends (not her male friends). Even the one spunky female vampire (the one who sees things) had some appeal. Dr Cullins (is it Collins?) was creepy as hell and seemed to be some kind of pederast, but swung both ways (if that’s possible). None of the elements of vampirehood as delineated by Meyers were believable–in the book or in the movie. Thunderstorms have to cover up the noise they make playing baseball? For real? :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Rubystreak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Rubystreak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rubystreak)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2009, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-am-watching-twilight-now/495902/38 "2009-05-11T02:08:49Z")
> [@eleanorigby](#): > > IDid you know the Borders near me has an entire section devoted to Twilight et al? Gah. Tangentially, but no less hilarious/appalling, I saw [these “forbidden fruits” Twilight conversation hearts](http://www.newmoonmovie.org/images/twilight-candy-conversation-hearts-front.jpg) in Wegmans today. They say things like “LAMB” and “Bite me.” :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2009, 3:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-am-watching-twilight-now/495902/39 "2009-05-11T03:18:07Z")
Would the Rifftrax be worth it then? I will say that I DID like Pattinson as Cedric in _Goblet of Fire_. And if I were ten years younger, I’d probably be crushing on him like mad, instead of Ewan McGregor. ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2009, 7:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-am-watching-twilight-now/495902/40 "2009-05-11T07:02:48Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > Forget Freud, too bad Mike and/or Joel and the 'Bots aren’t around anymore. They are. That’s who Rifftrax is. ETA: Well, Mike, anyway, and Kevin Murphy. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-am-watching-twilight-now/495902.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-am-watching-twilight-now/495902.md?page=3)