# So, I broke up with my girlfriend today **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 26, 2012, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-broke-up-with-my-girlfriend-today/638902 "2012-10-26T02:54:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Living_Well_Is_Best_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2012, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-broke-up-with-my-girlfriend-today/638902/21 "2012-10-26T15:37:53Z")
You seem really together and in a good place. I think you did the right thing breaking up. You may have been compatible at one time, but you aren’t anymore. I’ve been through a breakup for similar reasons and I also felt like my POV was totally skewed. It’s normal. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2012, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-broke-up-with-my-girlfriend-today/638902/22 "2012-10-26T15:48:00Z")
> [@ReticulatingSplines](#): > > Appreciate the comments, all. I can’t tell you how much it helps to have an outside perspective - I lost all objectivity inside the relationship. A few times I’ve thought, “yeah, she goes out all week and sometimes doesn’t come home, but maybe I’m being too controlling.” One time she wanted to go out with them on Christmas! Is shit even open on Christmas? I thought that was weird but they made me feel like I was trying to chain her to the kitchen or something. So my perspective got skewed and it’s in even more disarray right now. Seems like such a trivial thing to break up over, in retrospect. \ The ongoing fight that my husband and I have after 12 years is about how much time we spend together. There is no issue so trivial that a couple can’t make it a long-term issue. 🙂 One reason you might not be feeling terrible right now is that you started checking out of the relationship a while ago - this just makes it official. I can’t wait for you to find someone who is on the same page as you for socializing - you’ll feel so much better when you aren’t trying to force something that just doesn’t fit. ---
**Author:** ![ReticulatingSplines](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e274bd/32.png) [@ReticulatingSplines](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ReticulatingSplines)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2012, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-broke-up-with-my-girlfriend-today/638902/23 "2012-10-26T16:10:33Z")
> [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](#): > > You seem really together and in a good place. I think you did the right thing breaking up. You may have been compatible at one time, but you aren’t anymore. I’ve been through a breakup for similar reasons and I also felt like my POV was totally skewed. It’s normal. And points for username/post combo! > [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > One reason you might not be feeling terrible right now is that you started checking out of the relationship a while ago - this just makes it official. I hope you’re right. I’m a little worried that maybe I feel okay because subconsciously I expect her to come to me in a few days and say “Wow, I never knew not being with you would suck so bad and now I would rather spend more time with you than with my friends. And also, I got us this dog.” ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2012, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-broke-up-with-my-girlfriend-today/638902/24 "2012-10-26T16:24:23Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > For what it’s worth, I think you made the right call. I agree—unless you’re a blues musician looking for material. She wasn’t right for you. Here’s hoping you find someone who is. ---
**Author:** ![FlyByNight512](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/82dd89/32.png) [@FlyByNight512](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FlyByNight512)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2012, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-broke-up-with-my-girlfriend-today/638902/25 "2012-10-26T16:42:26Z")
Feel what you’re gonna feel. There’s no right or wrong way to feel about ending a relationship that needed to end. It may hit you later, it may not. Grieving the end of a relationship is weird and complicated, but it sounds like you’ve got confidence that this really is what needs to happen. It’s gonna hurt for a while, but you’ll be okay. FWIW, I don’t think I could handle a relationship where my partner was partying to the point where he didn’t come home multiple nights a week either. That just sounds like it doesn’t leave much time for a relationship. My husband is much more social than I am, but we hit a pretty good balance of social stuff that I do with him and “yay, he’s out for the evening, I get the house to myself!” We have very similar ideas of what constitutes a good home and a good life, otherwise it wouldn’t work. ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2012, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-broke-up-with-my-girlfriend-today/638902/26 "2012-10-26T16:54:00Z")
> [@ReticulatingSplines](#): > > … subconsciously I expect her to come to me in a few days and say “Wow, I never knew not being with you would suck so bad and now I would rather spend more time with you than with my friends. And also, I got us this dog.” You’re not expecting that - you’re hoping for it, wishing for it, longing for it, and you and I and everyone else in this thread knows that ain’t never gonna happen. Sorry, but it won’t. And since you said your perspective got all skewed - and that happens very easily, so don’t beat yourself up about it - I’ll just chime in to say that no, you weren’t being controlling, not at all, if your posts are even half-honest **you were not being controlling.** If it helps, on mornings when you wake up hoping that this is The Day We Get Back Together, just remind yourself that she’s probably passed out cold, hung over and barfing, or quite possibly still drunk in the first place. ---
**Author:** ![Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Living_Well_Is_Best_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2012, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-broke-up-with-my-girlfriend-today/638902/27 "2012-10-26T17:01:52Z")
> [@ReticulatingSplines](#): > > And points for username/post combo! Actually I registered here with that name right after the breakup, haha. ---
**Author:** ![ReticulatingSplines](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e274bd/32.png) [@ReticulatingSplines](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ReticulatingSplines)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2012, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-broke-up-with-my-girlfriend-today/638902/28 "2012-10-26T17:42:52Z")
> [@purplehorseshoe](#): > > If it helps, on mornings when you wake up hoping that this is The Day We Get Back Together, just remind yourself that she’s probably passed out cold, hung over and barfing, or quite possibly still drunk in the first place. What I will say is that she’s going to get burned by her friends somewhere down the line. I don’t say that with rancor; I’m 100% sure. They’re all single, and one time, one of them had had her eye on a man at the bar who apparently stared too hard at my now-ex, and they fought about that for weeks. There’s no question this train will plunge off a cliff. I’m assuming I’ll have conflicting emotions that day. ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2012, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-broke-up-with-my-girlfriend-today/638902/29 "2012-10-26T18:14:49Z")
You made the right decision. ---
**Author:** ![Incubus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c68b51/32.png) [@Incubus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Incubus)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2012, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-broke-up-with-my-girlfriend-today/638902/30 "2012-10-26T18:28:01Z")
Im curious, were you not invited to any of these outings? My wife has a “girls night” once a month, which is perfectly fine. But there are many other times we hang out with her friends as a couple. I like her friends and enjoy the company. I understand the need to still have your own friends and personal time, but theres gotta be a balance. I’m wondering what she was getting out of the relationship if she was never around. Take it as a learning experience. If I was in your shoes, I’d be very wary of moving in with someone before knowing they were gonna be like this. Six years is long time before figuring this out about your ex. ---
**Author:** ![ReticulatingSplines](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e274bd/32.png) [@ReticulatingSplines](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ReticulatingSplines)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2012, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-broke-up-with-my-girlfriend-today/638902/31 "2012-10-26T19:12:51Z")
> [@Incubus](#): > > Im curious, were you not invited to any of these outings? My wife has a “girls night” once a month, which is perfectly fine. But there are many other times we hang out with her friends as a couple. I like her friends and enjoy the company. Yes, I have been, and I’ve gone out with them before. I just can’t do 80s Night at the club every single week like they can. Truth be told, I don’t think they really like having me there anyway. I’d be fine with her going out without me once a month, or even a few. But multiple weekdays too…I don’t know. The reason this came to a head is because she’s scheduled to be out of town for a business trip today and tomorrow and after her bender last weekend, I told her it would mean a lot to me if she’d come home after work this week since I wouldn’t get to see her this weekend. But she was apparently unmoved, because when her happy hour invite came on Tuesday she didn’t hesitate. > [@](#): > > Take it as a learning experience. If I was in your shoes, I’d be very wary of moving in with someone before knowing they were gonna be like this. Six years is long time before figuring this out about your ex. Well, to be fair, she wasn’t like this when we moved in together. These aren’t old friends - she’s only known most of them for about a year. We had both moved to the area relatively recently when we shacked up and neither of us had many friends here at the time. Plus we were broke and needed both of us to afford the exorbitant rents. Actually, back then I would have said she was a touch on the clingy side. My, how the tables have turned! ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2012, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-broke-up-with-my-girlfriend-today/638902/32 "2012-10-26T19:48:40Z")
I’m sorry you are going through this. I don’t think either one of you are wrong. There is nothing objectively wrong with enjoying an active social life, and there is nothing wrong with being a bit of a homebody. There are people with healthy relationships on both ends of the scale, and there are people with mismatched social energy who find ways to bridge the gap. But neither one of you are likely to change any time soon, so if you can’t find a balance that makes both of you happy, it is what it is. She’s not going to change any time soon. If she is anything like me, she really does need that social contact to keep her emotional balance, and without it she is likely to get mopey and depressed. And you will probably continue to need that face time to feel satisfied in the relationship. ---
**Author:** ![ReticulatingSplines](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e274bd/32.png) [@ReticulatingSplines](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ReticulatingSplines)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2012, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-broke-up-with-my-girlfriend-today/638902/33 "2012-10-26T20:08:54Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > I don’t think either one of you are wrong. There is nothing objectively wrong with enjoying an active social life, and there is nothing wrong with being a bit of a homebody. There are people with healthy relationships on both ends of the scale, and there are people with mismatched social energy who find ways to bridge the gap. I agree, and I hope I didn’t give off the impression that she is objectively at fault. I don’t believe that. ---
**Author:** ![ReticulatingSplines](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e274bd/32.png) [@ReticulatingSplines](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ReticulatingSplines)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2012, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-broke-up-with-my-girlfriend-today/638902/34 "2012-10-26T20:10:33Z")
Update: She changed her Facebook relationship status to single and her dad “Liked” it. What a dick. ---
**Author:** ![Covered\_In\_Bees](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7ab992/32.png) [@Covered\_In\_Bees](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Covered_In_Bees)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2012, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-broke-up-with-my-girlfriend-today/638902/35 "2012-10-26T20:24:29Z")
I would suggest you remove her from your friends. It’s not going to help anything and may only bring more sadness/pain in you seeing her happily without you. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2012, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-broke-up-with-my-girlfriend-today/638902/36 "2012-10-26T20:28:16Z")
> [@ReticulatingSplines](#): > > Update: She changed her Facebook relationship status to single and her dad “Liked” it. > > What a dick. Well. I guess you know something you didn’t know before now. ETA: What **Covered in Bees** said. You don’t need to see her future posts about how much fun she had last night with her new boyfriend… ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2012, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-broke-up-with-my-girlfriend-today/638902/37 "2012-10-26T20:36:36Z")
> [@ReticulatingSplines](#): > > Update: She changed her Facebook relationship status to single and her dad “Liked” it. > > What a dick. To be fair, she did just get dumped. It’s perfectly normal and entirely within bounds for her to think about the positive side of being single. You are. Also, do. Facebook block her. There is nothing to gain by keeping tabs on her, and its just going to draw out all kinds of negative emotions. Both of you need to move on with your lives. ---
**Author:** ![Sarabellum](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sarabellum/32/3492_2.png) [@Sarabellum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sarabellum)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2012, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-broke-up-with-my-girlfriend-today/638902/38 "2012-10-26T20:37:07Z")
Yea, remove from Facebook. Nothing personal, just self-preservation. You don’t need that kind of abuse. ---
**Author:** ![phouka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c5a1d2/32.png) [@phouka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phouka)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2012, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-broke-up-with-my-girlfriend-today/638902/39 "2012-10-26T20:38:12Z")
> [@ReticulatingSplines](#): > > Update: She changed her Facebook relationship status to single and her dad “Liked” it. > > What a dick. For heaven’s sake, defriend her. There is no way for seeing her status updates to be healthy for you. ---
**Author:** ![Trom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/958977/32.png) [@Trom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trom)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2012, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-broke-up-with-my-girlfriend-today/638902/40 "2012-10-26T20:49:56Z")
I would hide her updates from the news feed, not necessarily defriend her. Especially if your break up was pretty cordial. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-broke-up-with-my-girlfriend-today/638902.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-broke-up-with-my-girlfriend-today/638902.md?page=3)