# So I can just say anything when answering the phone? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 13, 2009, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-can-just-say-anything-when-answering-the-phone/485702 "2009-02-13T16:43:55Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 10\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2009, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-can-just-say-anything-when-answering-the-phone/485702/101 "2009-02-18T21:23:04Z")
> [@Zeriel](#): > > At first I was polite but a lot of her “friends” got surly when I said they had a wrong number. > > So far, I’ve told her landlord she was dead, and after Esurance ignored my use of the “person not at this number ever” prompt (and approximately one call a week for two months., I changed her address in that system to 69 Rue De Bunghole, Havana, Cuba. Stopped the calls, at least. I’m calling for Ruth Wachenfeld. This isn’t her number, please take this number off your list. Who is this? This is the person who now has the number. Do you know Ruth? GAAAAAHHHH! I know they have to pursue the debt but I’ve had the number for TWO YEARS and thought I had gotten it off all the lists. But the calls keep coming, though they are infrequent now. ---
**Author:** ![Khampelf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Khampelf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khampelf)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2009, 11:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-can-just-say-anything-when-answering-the-phone/485702/102 "2009-02-18T23:12:52Z")
> [@chacoguy420](#): > > I live alone. When I answer my cell phone I always say “ **This is Chacoguy**.” > > “ **Is Julie there?** ” > > I’ve never done this but always wanted to say “ **Yes, She’s here** ” > > “ **Well, can I talk to her?** ” > > “ **She can’t talk right now; she’s got my dick in her mouth**.” > > I reckon they’d figure out the right number pretty quick. Did you lift that from ‘Ruthless People’? I’ve always wanted to do it, too. Danny DeVito did it so well. ---
**Author:** ![Glazer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a88e57/32.png) [@Glazer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Glazer)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2009, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-can-just-say-anything-when-answering-the-phone/485702/103 "2009-02-19T01:16:10Z")
> [@BigNik](#): > > First let me say that I do this pretty regularly. When someone answers the phone it takes me a beat or two of hearing them speak before I’m able to start reprocessing their voice into a meaningful information stream. So I usually hear something like “Ggorzonblatz mtxspjk yroand. Datdhdk jkeaking how may I help you?” > > That said, I once got a wrong number calling me. > > “Hello?” > “Could I speak to Dana?” > “There’s no Dana here.” > “Yeah, right. Put her on.” > > OK - if you’re going to get cranky about it… > > “There is no Dana - only Zool.” > “\ put her on now!” > “There is no Dana - only Zool.” > > A pause occurred, then a click. I hung up and went back to being impressed by my own awesomeness. I was interrupted seconds later by the phone ringing again. THis time I went on the front foot. > > \ “THERE IS NO DANA. ONLY ZOOL.” > > They hung up without a word. Only problem is, that second call,that was your mom!:eek: ---
**Author:** ![ryobserver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b2d939/32.png) [@ryobserver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ryobserver)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2009, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-can-just-say-anything-when-answering-the-phone/485702/104 "2009-02-19T02:19:19Z")
This is a timely thread for me; I’ve been getting a rash of phone messages from people who don’t understand that my answering machine is a _machine_ and can’t talk to them. I even called my machine last week to make sure it was working properly; it is. One Sunday there were three messages of similar form exactly two hours apart: “Hi this is Dimmy from Slackwit Research, may I please speak to **ryobserver**?” I put this down to a badly designed autodialer. Before that, and continuing since, I’ve had people calling and saying “Hello?..Hello?” until the penny drops. Most of these callers sound fairly young, and sometimes the second “hello” sounds shocked or annoyed. I’m not sure what the problem is with these. I live near three college campuses and it’s not unusual to get wrong-number calls from students, and I can understand if kids today haven’t seen an answering machine as such; but they should know about voice mail, which is basically the same thing. Or is “please leave a message at the tone” only intelligible in an automated voice-mail voice, not my human voice? ---
**Author:** ![EdwardMartinIII](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/59ef9b/32.png) [@EdwardMartinIII](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EdwardMartinIII)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2009, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-can-just-say-anything-when-answering-the-phone/485702/105 "2009-02-19T16:00:32Z")
> [@Glazer](#): > > Only problem is, that second call,that was your mom!:eek: Now see, if that had been _my_ Mom, no problem… When I was a young adult, I moved into my mother’s house about the same time she was moving out. She had her own place and her own phone number and her own social circles. About six months after she moved out, I started receiving periodic phone calls, late at night, from a very drunken woman, asking for my mother. The first few times, I tried to be patient and kind and tell her that my mother had moved. She would usually respond with “Oh yeah, I forgot.” and hang up, or something else like that. Never said who she was, though. This continued, however, for quite a while. Roughly two or three times a month, late at night, this drunk woman would call, looking for my mother. I mentioned this to my mother several times and each time, she was mystified. All her friends had the new contact information, so no one should be calling me. I thought about it for a while, and then asked “Do you care what I tell her?” My mother thought a moment, took a drag off her cigarette, and then shook her head. “Nope.” Excellent. A few weeks later, this woman called again, asking after my mother. “Are you family?” I asked. “No. Why?” “Oh, you don’t know?” “Don’t know what?” “Um, Mom’s… well, Mom died.” There was a silence, and a couple of false starts, then “What? How? When?” “We don’t know yet. It was pretty quick and they haven’t figured out the cause yet.” “When? When? Oh god!” “It was two weeks ago. I’m sorry.” “No, that’s not right, I just talked to her the other night.” “I know, it seems that way to us, too. She was just here and then–” “No! No, that can’t be right, I just talked to her. You’re lying!” “Do you think– do you think I would lie about that? She’s my mother!!” (tried to add a tremble in my voice here) There was a series of inarticulate garbling gobbling sounds. There was a little shriek. Then she hung up. I hung up and went back to bed. The next day, I told my Mom what I had done. She shook her head a little and (based on my memory) said “Well, I guess we’ll find out who it is the next time I go out.” I asked her if she was okay with my doing that, just to make sure, and she nodded, “If I had thought of it, I would have done it, too.” I have a very cool Mom. We never found out who it was, and the woman never called back. ---
**Author:** ![An\_Arky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/87869e/32.png) [@An\_Arky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/An_Arky)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2009, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-can-just-say-anything-when-answering-the-phone/485702/106 "2009-02-19T16:54:08Z")
I used to get a lot of calls for the previous owner of my number, who apparently was named Wiggins and in the music box repair business. I tried to even figure out where the guy moved so I could tell him to change whatever advert might still be telling people the wrong number, or whatever. Anyway, in a fit of pique, I wrote and recorded a little ditty for my answering machine that sounded kind of like an American Billy Bragg singing an early Kinks or Who song. I still remember the words…maybe I should re-record it… _No, we ain’t the Wiggins And we can’t fix your clock No, we ain’t the Wiggins So shelve your music box No one knows what’s wrong With your ballerina’s song But if you are a friend Leave your number at the end_ ---
**Author:** ![Solfy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@Solfy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Solfy)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2009, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-can-just-say-anything-when-answering-the-phone/485702/107 "2009-02-19T19:39:35Z")
My mother got a call one day from what sounded like an elderly lady. “Is Fred there?” (let’s pretend my dad’s name is Fred) “No, he’s at work. Can I take a message?” “What do you mean he’s at work?!” “Um, he’s working right now. Is there a message?” “He can’t be at work! He’s supposed to pick me up!” “Excuse me?” “This is his MOTHER. Fred was supposed to be here to pick me up at 2:00 and he’s late.” “I’m sorry, you have the wrong number.” “I do not! Put Fred on the line!” “Fred’s mother passed away three months ago. You have the wrong number.” Gave my mother the creeps, it did. ---
**Author:** ![rhythmonly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ee59a6/32.png) [@rhythmonly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rhythmonly)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2009, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-can-just-say-anything-when-answering-the-phone/485702/108 "2009-02-19T20:31:46Z")
My FIL’s number was one off of the local Humane Society listing. Whenever he got a wrong call, he’d bark into the phone. ---
**Author:** ![beowulff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beowulff/32/542_2.png) [@beowulff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beowulff)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2009, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-can-just-say-anything-when-answering-the-phone/485702/109 "2009-02-19T20:34:09Z")
My Dad used to work in an office that got a new phone number that was one digit off from a local (and popular) pizza place. They would constantly get calls from people ordering to-go pizzas, and they would dutifully explain that the caller had the wrong number, and give them the correct number. Eventually, that got old, so they just started taking the orders… ---
**Author:** ![accidentalyuppie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/59ef9b/32.png) [@accidentalyuppie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/accidentalyuppie)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2009, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-can-just-say-anything-when-answering-the-phone/485702/110 "2009-02-19T20:41:22Z")
> [@Mr Bus Guy](#): > > At work, I answer the phone with a simple “Good morning, this is Bus Guy”. > > I get all kinds of weird answers to that, my favorite being “Hi, may I speak to Bus Guy?” When I first started working from home, I always answered the home/work phone with my name. I got this alot. The telemarketers always did it, it became useful. "Hello, this is Accidental Yuppie: “May I please speak with Mrs. Accidental Yuppie?” “She’s not in right now, may I take a message” “No, I’ll call back later” This happened several times a day..this was back in the day when there was no caller ID, no cell phones, and it was a huge freakin’ deal to get a second phone line. I always figured if a legitmate customer responded this way I could just come clean or call them right back but it NEVER happened. and every single telemarketer that called responded this way. In 2002, I changed jobs…though I still work at home… and I stopped using that number then and went to a cell phone. I still have the number, it goes to an answering machine. The machine has no custom message, it features an automated voice saying “please leave number at beep”. Yet…7 years later…at least twice a week, someone will hit that number and start in with “Hi Accidental, I need you to call me…” I erase these, my responsibility to my ex-employer to forward messages has long since past. The forwarding ended when I once got a call, called the woman back and said "I’m sorry, I no longer represent company XY and have not represented them for some time now, the number of their new agent is 555-1234. Twenty minutes later she calls me back and leaves a rant on my machine about how no one called her back at that “other number I gave her” and I needed to deal with situation XYZ immediately or she wopuld rain all sorts of hurt on me. Really lady, what part of" I got fired and someone else has my job now" did you miss? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-can-just-say-anything-when-answering-the-phone/485702.md?page=5)