# So I caught my Step-brother comparing his penis with another boy...should I tell? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 29, 2005, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-caught-my-step-brother-comparing-his-penis-with-another-boy-should-i-tell/306029 "2005-05-29T22:21:55Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Harriet\_the\_Spry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e56c9b/32.png) [@Harriet\_the\_Spry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harriet_the_Spry)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2005, 12:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-caught-my-step-brother-comparing-his-penis-with-another-boy-should-i-tell/306029/21 "2005-05-30T12:40:38Z")
Do you have the option of just telling your dad? That way you can all agree that this is normal behavior for boys (which I agree with). But also, this is not the first post you’ve made on a related topic, and that gives me the sense that your SB may be having more than the average challenges associated w/ puberty. Your description that they were less nervous than you expected also concerns me a bit. That makes me sense that they were not sure how an authority figure would react to inappropriate sexual behavior. I realize it might seem like an oxymoron, that I find this \*normal \* but also \*inappropriate \* behavior. But that to me that is a paradox of a lot of sexual behavior. There is a lot that is normal, but inappropriate in public. Your SB may be having some personal issues related to his mom getting married. Or, god forbid, she could have dated someone kind of squicky before your dad came along. All in all I wish you the best in not having to deal with this type of uncomfortable situations. No, you don’t want to start a witch hunt. But you shouldn’t be caught in the middle of a difficult situation like this, either. ---
**Author:** ![Uncommon\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Uncommon\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uncommon_Sense)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2005, 1:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-caught-my-step-brother-comparing-his-penis-with-another-boy-should-i-tell/306029/22 "2005-05-30T13:19:18Z")
> [@alaska56](#): > > The fact that they did not jump or move quickly meant that they are pure evil. > > Comparing body parts with another person at a young age is a sexual act. > > If you compaire them with someone of the same sex it is gay. > > Knowing the size of another boys genitals is gay unless you accidently get a glance in a locker room. Accual comparing is well lets just say very bad. > > Gay is bad. > > Almost gay is bad. > > Both parants should know because that way they can scold him real good and make him shamefull of his body like everyone should be. > > I just cant belive that a young boy his age isnt shamefull of himself yet. > > Something must be done. because who knows what could happen they could look at each others bodies again. > > What a fucking shame. Of course, these are all things only a twit would say. You forgot to mention that. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2005, 1:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-caught-my-step-brother-comparing-his-penis-with-another-boy-should-i-tell/306029/23 "2005-05-30T13:34:54Z")
I think telling your dad, casually, might be a good idea. Not in a dframa queen “OHMIGAWD GUESS WHAT HAPPENED” way, but a chuckling, “you’ll never guess what those whippersnappers were up to last night.” sort of way. Heck, ask your dad if it’s something you should be concerned about and “tell.” He sounds like a great dad from your other posts. He may even tell you about the time he caught you and the neighbor kid doing the same thing when you were tykes and you’ve forgotten all about it. CAVEAT: If you have the slightest, inklingest feeling that your dad will go ballistic, keep it to yourself. Really, I’m in the no-big-deal camp. Same developmental ages, standing two feet apart, no sexual play even - I think they really were simply comparing dick size the way my kid wants to compare hand sizes with everyone he knows (kid’s got huge hands, he’s very proud of them.) Making a big deal out of it will only sexualize what wasn’t very sexual to begin with. As for the “not in public” comments, the kid wasn’t in public. Being in your own bedroom with the door closed is about as private as it gets. ---
**Author:** ![FriarTed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/friarted/32/1052_2.png) [@FriarTed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FriarTed)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2005, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-caught-my-step-brother-comparing-his-penis-with-another-boy-should-i-tell/306029/24 "2005-05-30T13:46:40Z")
Even a Board-certified homophobe like me thinks this is no big deal. WhyNot’s advice about talking with your Dad sounds pretty reasonable if you don’t think he’d freak out. ---
**Author:** ![VarlosZ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d78d45/32.png) [@VarlosZ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VarlosZ)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2005, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-caught-my-step-brother-comparing-his-penis-with-another-boy-should-i-tell/306029/25 "2005-05-30T13:53:48Z")
> [@](#): > > Yes I do know that both boys parents especially my Step-Mom would freak out and that is a huge understatement. Ah, in that case I retract my previous advice to let the parents know. I was assuming that they’d know enough to not even mention it to their son. ---
**Author:** ![START](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2bfe46/32.png) [@START](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/START)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2005, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-caught-my-step-brother-comparing-his-penis-with-another-boy-should-i-tell/306029/26 "2005-05-30T15:21:45Z")
> [@alaska56](#): > > The fact that they did not jump or move quickly meant that they are pure evil. > > Comparing body parts with another person at a young age is a sexual act. > > If you compaire them with someone of the same sex it is gay. > > Knowing the size of another boys genitals is gay unless you accidently get a glance in a locker room. Accual comparing is well lets just say very bad. > > Gay is bad. > > Almost gay is bad. > > Both parants should know because that way they can scold him real good and make him shamefull of his body like everyone should be. > > I just cant belive that a young boy his age isnt shamefull of himself yet. > > Something must be done. because who knows what could happen they could look at each others bodies again. > > What a fucking shame. What’s with the sarcasm? :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![Harriet\_the\_Spry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e56c9b/32.png) [@Harriet\_the\_Spry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harriet_the_Spry)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2005, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-caught-my-step-brother-comparing-his-penis-with-another-boy-should-i-tell/306029/27 "2005-05-30T17:24:41Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > As for the “not in public” comments, the kid wasn’t in public. Being in your own bedroom with the door closed is about as private as it gets. Kids being babysat don’t have any reasonable expectation of privacy. Last time I let 2 boys of approximately that age be together in a room with the door closed, they set that bathroom on fire. (Not one of my proudest moments as a babysitter. Matter of fact, one of my \*last \* moments as a babysitter 🙂 .) Now, if the kid were alone in bed at night, or alone in the bathroom, he would have a reasonable expectation of privacy. START was supervising these kids, and they knew that. ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2005, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-caught-my-step-brother-comparing-his-penis-with-another-boy-should-i-tell/306029/28 "2005-05-30T18:11:54Z")
> [@START](#): > > Yeah I thought so, I was doing similar stuff when I was 10 but I didn’t want for all his friends to think that whenever I was home alone they could just whip their dicks out. Nobody else thinks this is _hilarious_? (I have this problem _all the time_.) 🙂 I second everybody who says “normal, don’t say anything unless you’d like to casually mention it to you dad if he’s not going to go nuts about it”. ---
**Author:** ![Tabby\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Tabby\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tabby_Cat)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2005, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-caught-my-step-brother-comparing-his-penis-with-another-boy-should-i-tell/306029/29 "2005-05-30T18:51:00Z")
Personally, I would just take bro aside and tell him that it’s not appropriate, mom would go ballistic etc, and not to do it again. Then again, it’s hard to tell if he’ll take it the right way. Second talking to dad only, if you feel that you must. [hijack] Hey START, so what did your dad say about the clothes? [/hijack] ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Slant](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c57346/32.png) [@Mr.Slant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Slant)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2005, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-caught-my-step-brother-comparing-his-penis-with-another-boy-should-i-tell/306029/30 "2005-05-30T20:10:40Z")
A quote from our own mangetout came to mind when I read this: “The deal is that [SomethingWeDontLike] will lead to an increase in [somethingBad], if we don’t want our children to do [SomethingBad], we must stop other people from doing [SomethingWeDontLike]. Momentarily exposed to [SomethingWeDontLike], our children will forget everything we have spent years teaching them and will inevitably do [SomethingBad].” The above fine argument notwithstanding, I’m in the “don’t tell Mom” camp on this one. Tabby\_Cat seems to have a fine idea. ---
**Author:** ![fifty-six](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@fifty-six](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fifty-six)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2005, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-caught-my-step-brother-comparing-his-penis-with-another-boy-should-i-tell/306029/31 "2005-05-30T20:57:14Z")
Why tell him not to do it again? What is not appropriate with this behaviour? Is the only acceptable way to compair sizes in the locker room with dirvertied sneeky eyes or magazines and internet porn? ---
**Author:** ![START](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2bfe46/32.png) [@START](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/START)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2005, 4:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-caught-my-step-brother-comparing-his-penis-with-another-boy-should-i-tell/306029/32 "2005-05-31T04:48:44Z")
> [@Tabby\_Cat](#): > > [hijack] > Hey START, so what did your dad say about the clothes? > [/hijack] He said that 5 days a week I will dress the way he wants me to because it’s his right as my Father :rolleyes: and on Sunday I will show respect to the lord by wearing a suit whether or not I attend church and on Saturday I could wear whatever I wanted oversized or not 🙂 and that’s his final offer take it or leave it. I guess I have to take it. :smack: And I did tell him about the “comparing boners” situation and he just laughed 😃 and said something like “atleast he’s getting it out of his system…I know guys that did that in College.” ---
**Author:** ![Magiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4491bb/32.png) [@Magiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Magiver)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2005, 5:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-caught-my-step-brother-comparing-his-penis-with-another-boy-should-i-tell/306029/33 "2005-05-31T05:09:27Z")
> [@Diogenes the Cynic](#): > > **START** > 2. It’s completely normal for boys to do stuff like that. It’s really nothing to be concerned about, and there’s no reason to tell your parents…especially if its the kind of thing you think they might freak out or get overly dramatic about. Completely normal? For a gay person yes, perfectly normal. I would not expect heterosexual guys to compare boners with the possible exception of Michael Jackson. Unless there were some pictures of naked ladies in the room I would have to guess the inspiration for this activity was each other. Of the 2 boys I knew of who displayed this desire, both turned out sincerely gay. I remember them both because at the time I thought it was damn strange behavior. That was at the age of about 9 or 10 years old. I think my exact words were “I don’t think so”. Should have copyrighted the phrase but what does a 10 year old. Not sure what I would tell the parents unless the kids start boffing each other. Then it’s time to keep em separated until the parents figure out dating rules. ---
**Author:** ![Feydeau](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/df788c/32.png) [@Feydeau](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Feydeau)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2005, 8:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-caught-my-step-brother-comparing-his-penis-with-another-boy-should-i-tell/306029/34 "2005-05-31T08:36:27Z")
> [@Magiver](#): > > Completely normal? For a gay person yes, perfectly normal. Generalize much? :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2005, 9:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-caught-my-step-brother-comparing-his-penis-with-another-boy-should-i-tell/306029/35 "2005-05-31T09:15:29Z")
[quote] Should I tell? 1. tell _who?_ 2. tell them _what?_ ---
**Author:** ![Martiju](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e8c25b/32.png) [@Martiju](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Martiju)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2005, 9:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-caught-my-step-brother-comparing-his-penis-with-another-boy-should-i-tell/306029/36 "2005-05-31T09:37:55Z")
> [@Magiver](#): > > Of the 2 boys I knew of who displayed this desire, both turned out sincerely gay. I remember them both because at the time I thought it was damn strange behavior. That was at the age of about 9 or 10 years old. I think my exact words were “I don’t think so”. Should have copyrighted the phrase but what does a 10 year old. Well that’s settled then. Oh no, hang on. I also did this with a couple of neighbours when I was about 11 - and there were three of us. Admittedly, only know one now but he isn’t gay and neither am I. I guess that makes 2 gay - 2 hetro and 1 unknown so far. Does it matter that I also played ‘I’ll show you mine’ with two neighbourhood girls too - but I think I was younger then so by rights, the later experience should have turned me gay. please note heavy overuse of sarcasm in this post… ---
**Author:** ![Uncommon\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Uncommon\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uncommon_Sense)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2005, 12:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-caught-my-step-brother-comparing-his-penis-with-another-boy-should-i-tell/306029/37 "2005-05-31T12:13:10Z")
> [@Magiver](#): > > Of the 2 boys I knew of who displayed this desire, both turned out sincerely gay. I remember them both because at the time I thought it was damn strange behavior. That was at the age of about 9 or 10 years old. I think my exact words were “I don’t think so”. Should have copyrighted the phrase but what does a 10 year old. > > Not sure what I would tell the parents unless the kids start boffing each other. Then it’s time to keep em separated until the parents figure out dating rules. Um, the type of sexual activity that a boy does at such a young age will NOT cause him to become gay. I’ve done it, I’ve seen it, I’m as straight as an arrow and the other boys all got married too. So did the girls. Don’t forget that girls do these type of things too. I’ts a natural part of growing up. We just want to see if we’re the same as everyone else and we can’t when everyone else is wearing damn clothes all the time. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2005, 12:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-caught-my-step-brother-comparing-his-penis-with-another-boy-should-i-tell/306029/38 "2005-05-31T12:59:31Z")
> [@START](#): > > And I did tell him about the “comparing boners” situation and he just laughed 😃 and said something like “atleast he’s getting it out of his system…I know guys that did that in College.” Well, that’s good then. Not knowing your dad, I would have advised that you say something to your bro along the lines of what **Tabby Cat** suggested. But since your dad responded appropriately, then I’m glad you told him. At least your ass is covered should the proverbial shit hit the fan later. And to those of you who are making like this incident of “comparing boners” is a big deal or indicates future sexual preferences–read a psychology book, willya? It is “inappropriate” given our societal norms, but it is certainly normal. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2005, 1:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-caught-my-step-brother-comparing-his-penis-with-another-boy-should-i-tell/306029/39 "2005-05-31T13:34:07Z")
> [@START](#): > > He said that 5 days a week I will dress the way he wants me to because it’s his right as my Father :rolleyes: and on Sunday I will show respect to the lord by wearing a suit whether or not I attend church and on Saturday I could wear whatever I wanted oversized or not 🙂 and that’s his final offer take it or leave it. I guess I have to take it. :smack: > > And I did tell him about the “comparing boners” situation and he just laughed 😃 and said something like “atleast he’s getting it out of his system…I know guys that did that in College.” [hijack] I hate that baggy style as much as anyone on the planet, but if you handled this the way you say you did, START, I think I’d have let you wear it. I doubt we have a whole lot in common, but I can’t help liking you when you act so mature! [/hijack] And I think the weenie-looking was okay as well. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Bird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Little\_Bird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Bird)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2005, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-caught-my-step-brother-comparing-his-penis-with-another-boy-should-i-tell/306029/40 "2005-05-31T14:16:54Z")
> [@Uncommon Sense](#): > > So did the girls. Don’t forget that girls do these type of things too. I know I did it. (girl here) There are parts on a girl’s own body that are hard to see, so we looked at each others’. I think I was about 7 or 8. Also, in high school I wa a t a sleepover that involved massages and comparing boobies (yes, sometimes they do happen). We all ended up straight as far as I know. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-caught-my-step-brother-comparing-his-penis-with-another-boy-should-i-tell/306029.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-caught-my-step-brother-comparing-his-penis-with-another-boy-should-i-tell/306029.md?page=3)