# So I completely fail at dating.
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-completely-fail-at-dating/526056
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [January 23, 2010, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-completely-fail-at-dating/526056 "2010-01-23T00:17:34Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 3
### Author:  [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)
#### Post date: [January 23, 2010, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-completely-fail-at-dating/526056/41 "2010-01-23T22:33:14Z")
What he ^^^ said. I’d feel a little bad about making a mistake like that, but she’s the one blowing it out of proportion. I think you’re right, that this wouldn’t have worked out in the long run.
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### Author:  [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)
#### Post date: [January 23, 2010, 11:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-completely-fail-at-dating/526056/42 "2010-01-23T23:43:35Z")
There are worse people out there: you get blocked if you don’t respond to their email in time. While I’m happy to find out that they aren’t worth pursuing, I marvel at the guys that seem to be willing to put up with that, as such girls seem to have a high number of followers.
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### Author:  [@Tibby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tibby)
#### Post date: [January 24, 2010, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-completely-fail-at-dating/526056/43 "2010-01-24T02:45:08Z")
> [@Markxxx](#):
>
> I recall once in the 90s, before cell phones, I was supposed to meet a date at 7:30pm. I left work plenty early and well the subway got stuck in the tunnel. And it stayed stuck for 50 minutes.
I assume the _subway getting stuck in the tunnel_ for 50 minutes was something that happened sometime _after_ you met your date and, although bordering on TMI territory, certainly earns you bragging rights. 😉
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### Author:  [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)
#### Post date: [January 24, 2010, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-completely-fail-at-dating/526056/44 "2010-01-24T03:22:58Z")
I thought I had posted this already, but I don’t see it, so apologies if it’s a double post. I was stood up on a first date due to unforeseen circumstances in the days before cell phones. I was furious, but he apologized, and after I cooled down (he was obviously telling the truth, but I thought he should have tried harder to reach me) we agreed to try it again. We’ve been married for 28 years now. If your almost-date is unwilling to listen to your explanation, you don’t want to be with her anyways. Think of what every disagreement would end up being like: “I’m not speaking to you, and if you have to ask why, then I’m not telling you!”
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### Author:  [@Lamia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamia)
#### Post date: [January 24, 2010, 4:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-completely-fail-at-dating/526056/45 "2010-01-24T04:51:45Z")
I don’t think walking a mile is a big deal (although I wouldn’t want to do it in winter weather), but I agree with those who said it was a bad idea to try this with an unfamiliar restaurant in an unfamiliar part of town. I wouldn’t recommend an unfamiliar restaurant for a first date anyway, although you didn’t say who suggested this particular place. If she wanted to meet there then it would have been jerkish to refuse because just you’d never been there before.
I wanted to share my own story of walking the wrong way, although thankfully no one was waiting for me. I was on vacation in Germany, and on my last night decided to try a restaurant recommended in my guidebook. The directions for how to get there were something like “Take the subway to station X, then walk 4 blocks north, turn left, and it’s another block that way on the left.”
I managed to get to the correct station with no problems, but was a little annoyed that the directions were telling me to walk north instead of telling me which way to turn out of the station. But since it was summer the sun was still up. I checked the position of the sun in the sky, knew that direction had to be west since the sun was setting, and used this to figure out which way was north.
I’d walked a block or two “north” when I realized that my shadow was on the wrong side. If the sun in the west was on my left then my shadow would have to be on the right, but instead my shadow was on the left. I stopped and looked up, and saw the sun setting in the west on my RIGHT. What? I’d been walking straight up the road, how did I wind up going completely the wrong direction?
I retraced my steps to the station and realized something I hadn’t noticed before. Across the street from the station was a large building covered with mirrored windows. When I’d checked for the sun in the sky, I’d been seeing THE REFLECTION OF THE SUN! :smack:
I then correctly followed the directions in my guidebook to the restaurant, which turned out to be closed for the summer. :mad: Fortunately I’d passed a decent looking restaurant on my brief trip south of the station, so I went back there and wound up spending my last night in Munich in a Chinese restaurant with a Packers vs. Vikings game playing on the TV. So it was a very international experience all around.
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### Author:  [@The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Devil_s_Grandmother)
#### Post date: [January 26, 2010, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-completely-fail-at-dating/526056/46 "2010-01-26T00:48:31Z")
> [@Khaki\_Campbell](#):
>
> It seems obvious, only _if_ the word “invite” is uttered. What I’m wondering is why men still feel compelled to _invite_ a woman.
As I understand the theory, when you invite someone; they owe you an invitation in return. I find in social situations, when the other person demands to split the bill, it’s so they don’t feel any obligation to socialize with me again.
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### Author:  [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)
#### Post date: [January 26, 2010, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-completely-fail-at-dating/526056/47 "2010-01-26T01:44:46Z")
> [@Markxxx](#):
>
> You didn’t exchange phone number? I would never go on an online date without getting a phone number from someone, even then it doesn’t stop me from being stood up 99.9% of the time.
I wouldn’t go on a date with someone I hadn’t at least talked to on the phone once before. What easier way is there to get some idea of whether your senses of humor mesh, whether you like the sound of her voice (though maybe I’m oversensitive in that area, a girl’s gotta have a voice that can hot me up), or hell, even to find out if she’s the kind of person who’s going to let you finish your own sentences?
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### Author:  [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)
#### Post date: [January 26, 2010, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-completely-fail-at-dating/526056/48 "2010-01-26T01:46:19Z")
See, I find it too weird to talk to someone on the phone that I’ve never met. It’s such an… intimate way to be with a stranger, I guess- I just feel very uncomfortable doing it. Alas, our love is doomed.
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### Author:  [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)
#### Post date: [January 26, 2010, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-completely-fail-at-dating/526056/49 "2010-01-26T01:49:26Z")
> [@Alice\_The\_Goon](#):
>
> Alas, our love is doomed.
😉
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### Author:  [@Headrush042](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Headrush042)
#### Post date: [January 26, 2010, 2:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-completely-fail-at-dating/526056/50 "2010-01-26T02:09:08Z")
> [@Alice\_The\_Goon](#):
>
> See, I find it too weird to talk to someone on the phone that I’ve never met. It’s such an… intimate way to be with a stranger, I guess- I just feel very uncomfortable doing it. Alas, our love is doomed.
But perhaps a less unpleasant way to discover his coupon fetish? 😉
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### Author:  [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)
#### Post date: [January 26, 2010, 2:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-completely-fail-at-dating/526056/51 "2010-01-26T02:20:21Z")
It probably is just me that feels that way about speaking on the phone to potential dates- I can accept that. I’m entitled to my little quirks, and there’s email, there’s texting. If I refused to talk in person, that might be a sign that something’s wrong here. 😛
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### Author:  [@Headrush042](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Headrush042)
#### Post date: [January 26, 2010, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-completely-fail-at-dating/526056/52 "2010-01-26T02:49:09Z")
Nah, I have similar feelings, but for different reasons. Without the nonverbal cues (facial expressions, gestures, body language, etc), I have a hard time investing myself in a conversation. Unless I know the person well enough already to imagine it while we’re on the phone, I just get too distracted and restless pacing the room with a squawkbox at my ear. It’s weird, I know.
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### Author:  [@kittenblue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kittenblue)
#### Post date: [January 26, 2010, 4:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-completely-fail-at-dating/526056/53 "2010-01-26T04:10:27Z")
> [@Alice\_The\_Goon](#):
>
> No, you failed at _meeting_. There’s a difference.
>
> The guy I went out to dinner with tonight obsessed to me about his couponing, and advised me that we would never go somewhere that he doesn’t have a coupon for. Now, _he_ failed at dating. 😛
I think we dated the same guy! Was he wearing really cheap shoes, and owned parrots?
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### Author:  [@Nathan\_S](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nathan_S)
#### Post date: [January 26, 2010, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-completely-fail-at-dating/526056/54 "2010-01-26T14:55:57Z")
Well, OK, you didn’t have your date’s phone number, but you could have called the restaurant and had her paged.
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### Author:  [@lezlers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lezlers)
#### Post date: [January 26, 2010, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-completely-fail-at-dating/526056/55 "2010-01-26T15:20:40Z")
I always have to talk to the person on the phone before meeting too. It’s astonishing how different someone can be “in person” (I count the phone as in person) than they are via email and text. If you can’t carry on a 10 minute phone conversation with somebody without wanting to shoot yourself in the head, you might as well know right off the bat and save yourself a disasterous first date!
As for the OP, I think we’ve learned our lesson now, haven’t we? 😉 It’s kinda like preparing for the first day at a new job or school. Drive there, find parking, walk to your building the day before to get a gauge on how long these things are going to take you before the big day. Or, like I did when I was online dating, have a specific place you suggest for first meets. For me, it was the Starbucks near me. I’m not dating online anymore (I found a great guy I just moved in with so keep the faith), but I still can’t go in that Starbucks without getting butterflies in my stomach. 😃
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### Author:  [@fubbleskag](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fubbleskag)
#### Post date: [January 26, 2010, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-completely-fail-at-dating/526056/56 "2010-01-26T15:29:29Z")
I think you should cut/paste your email, and her reply (names omitted, etc, of course) so we can properly dissect.
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### Author:  [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)
#### Post date: [January 26, 2010, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-completely-fail-at-dating/526056/57 "2010-01-26T15:40:27Z")
> [@lezlers](#):
>
> Or, like I did when I was online dating, have a specific place you suggest for first meets. For me, it was the Starbucks near me. I’m not dating online anymore (I found a great guy I just moved in with so keep the faith), but I still can’t go in that Starbucks without getting butterflies in my stomach. 😃
Heh. A friend and I _still_ refer to one particular Cosi (regional chain) as “the Cosi of Death” because he had a string of disastrous first meets there. Of course, he and I also met there for the first time, and it’s probably the most common place where he and I meet to go do something, since it’s in a neighborhood where we’re often going to go do something. But it’s the Cosi of Death regardless.
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### Author:  [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)
#### Post date: [January 26, 2010, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-completely-fail-at-dating/526056/58 "2010-01-26T16:26:54Z")
In defense of the woman . . . it would be easy, especially for a female, to torture oneself in that situation. Even a confident woman could be left wondering if he’d shown up at the restaurant, taken a look at her, and decided against meeting.
Dating is a very vulnerable situation, especially “blind” dates. And Nathan is right, a gentleman would have called the restaurant. . .
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### Author:  [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)
#### Post date: [January 26, 2010, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-completely-fail-at-dating/526056/59 "2010-01-26T16:43:42Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#):
>
> You haven’t failed dating, you didn’t even get there. You failed at geography, cartography, navigation, and possibly penetration. :p.
Mostly, communication.
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### Author:  [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)
#### Post date: [January 26, 2010, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-completely-fail-at-dating/526056/60 "2010-01-26T16:58:06Z")
Additional comment: I wouldn’t be so quick to judge the woman as knee-jerk reactionary, or hot-tempered, or whatever words we’ve used here.
Looking at it from her perspective: For me, that is my #1 pet peeve, being kept waiting. I would wait to hear the explanation and be glad I got one, however. I see no reason the OP has given her any indication that he’s not a lying sack of shit and his “excuse” isn’t just a last-ditch attempt to salvage getting laid out of the date. I might be skeptical of the story myself, having no previous experience with this person and not really knowing much about him or who he is.
Just saying, I don’t automatically trust someone who stands me up. Don’t blame her for blocking the OP. If he can’t do what he said he’d do (show up on time at the restaurant) what can a woman count on him for? Does he have integrity, can he tell the truth? I don’t know, he said he’d show up at 5:00 at XYZ and he didn’t. I have no reason to believe his cover story is true.
Dependability/honesty = FAIL. From her point of view.
I wonder how one might mitigate that assumption?
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