# So I completely fail at dating.
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-completely-fail-at-dating/526056
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [January 23, 2010, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-completely-fail-at-dating/526056 "2010-01-23T00:17:34Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 4
### Author:  [@badbadrubberpiggy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/badbadrubberpiggy)
#### Post date: [January 26, 2010, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-completely-fail-at-dating/526056/61 "2010-01-26T17:04:12Z")
> [@Dogzilla](#):
>
> Additional comment: I wouldn’t be so quick to judge the woman as knee-jerk reactionary, or hot-tempered, or whatever words we’ve used here.
>
> Looking at it from her perspective: For me, that is my #1 pet peeve, being kept waiting. I would wait to hear the explanation and be glad I got one, however. I see no reason the OP has given her any indication that he’s not a lying sack of shit and his “excuse” isn’t just a last-ditch attempt to salvage getting laid out of the date. I might be skeptical of the story myself, having no previous experience with this person and not really knowing much about him or who he is.
>
> Just saying, I don’t automatically trust someone who stands me up. Don’t blame her for blocking the OP. If he can’t do what he said he’d do (show up on time at the restaurant) what can a woman count on him for? Does he have integrity, can he tell the truth? I don’t know, he said he’d show up at 5:00 at XYZ and he didn’t. I have no reason to believe his cover story is true.
>
> Dependability/honesty = FAIL. From her point of view.
>
> I wonder how one might mitigate that assumption?
And the OP says “angry e-mail”, but “good luck with your dating/life” doesn’t really sound like she’s flinging daggers his way, just really annoyed, which is pretty reasonable.
Of course, we don’t have her e-mail to read, so maybe she was really nasty, but I don’t think we can assume she was, either.
---
### Author:  [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)
#### Post date: [January 26, 2010, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-completely-fail-at-dating/526056/62 "2010-01-26T17:24:10Z")
> [@Alice\_The\_Goon](#):
>
> No, you failed at _meeting_. There’s a difference.
>
> The guy I went out to dinner with tonight obsessed to me about his couponing, and advised me that we would never go somewhere that he doesn’t have a coupon for. Now, _he_ failed at dating. 😛
I’d say if he goal was to go on a date, but he botched it up so that he never went on the date/accomplished his goal, he failed at dating.
---
### Author:  [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)
#### Post date: [January 26, 2010, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-completely-fail-at-dating/526056/63 "2010-01-26T17:31:25Z")
> [@Alice\_The\_Goon](#):
>
> No, you failed at _meeting_. There’s a difference.
>
> The guy I went out to dinner with tonight obsessed to me about his couponing, and advised me that we would never go somewhere that he doesn’t have a coupon for. Now, _he_ failed at dating. 😛
You should have asked to see his dating coupon, and then left beccause his date couldn’t be redeemed without one.
---
### Author:  [@Headrush042](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Headrush042)
#### Post date: [January 26, 2010, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-completely-fail-at-dating/526056/64 "2010-01-26T21:01:00Z")
> [@badbadrubberpiggy](#):
>
> And the OP says “angry e-mail”, but “good luck with your dating/life” doesn’t really sound like she’s flinging daggers his way, just really annoyed, which is pretty reasonable.
>
> Of course, we don’t have her e-mail to read, so maybe she was really nasty, but I don’t think we can assume she was, either.
Angry was a bad term to use. It was obvious she was upset, but the email wasn’t especially vitriolic, so that wasn’t particularly fair of me to say “angry.” Of course, I don’t know if I was filtered before or after the apology; either way, I can’t say I blame her.
Lessons learned, and all that. And it never occurred to me to call the restaurant until now, so there’s that, too.
It’s obvious I’m not very good at this 🙂 All my relationships to date have all been picking up from established friendships – this is really my first foray into the shotgun dating approach.
---
### Author:  [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)
#### Post date: [January 26, 2010, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-completely-fail-at-dating/526056/65 "2010-01-26T21:09:18Z")
Take heart - dating is a learned skill like most others. The more you do it, the better you get at it.
---
### Author:  [@badbadrubberpiggy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/badbadrubberpiggy)
#### Post date: [January 26, 2010, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-completely-fail-at-dating/526056/66 "2010-01-26T21:14:50Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#):
>
> Take heart - dating is a learned skill like most others. The more you do it, the better you get at it.
This is true, and there is some good advice in this thread.
Next time, meet in a more familiar place! 😃
---
### Author:  [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stranger_On_A_Train)
#### Post date: [January 27, 2010, 6:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-completely-fail-at-dating/526056/67 "2010-01-27T06:25:06Z")
> [@FloatyGimpy](#):
>
> If I did my hair and makeup, got all fancied up for a date and the guy didn’t show up, I’d be pretty displeased as well. I know you didn’t do it on purpose but I can imagine her sitting there, alone, after telling the server that she was waiting for someone. Sitting there embarrassed and getting more and more annoyed. Eventually accepting that she’d been stood up and collecting her purse and coat and heading out, alone.
This happens to me on more than half of all dates, and on the couple of occasions I’ve received some kind of explanation it has been utterly without apology.
Welcome to the party. Welcome to LA.
Stranger
---
### Author:  [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)
#### Post date: [January 27, 2010, 6:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-completely-fail-at-dating/526056/68 "2010-01-27T06:48:07Z")
This is salvageable, but you’ll have to pay for it. Don’t give up yet!
Explain exactly what happened and be honest. You were probably a little nervous right, and that caused you to … walk in the wrong direction (this is hilarious, from an outsider’s viewpoint, by the way).
If she is at all the kind of person you want to be dating, then she will give you a second chance.
---
### Author:  [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)
#### Post date: [January 27, 2010, 7:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-completely-fail-at-dating/526056/69 "2010-01-27T07:09:49Z")
> [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](#):
>
> This happens to me on more than half of all dates
…a little easier on the makeup, perhaps?
> [@Isamu](#):
>
> This is salvageable, but you’ll have to pay for it. Don’t give up yet!
>
> Explain exactly what happened and be honest.
I’m pretty sure he said he tried this, and it didn’t work. In fact, attempts to contact her have been blocked by some “Oh Hells No, Don’t Ever Message Me Again!” filter she has set up.
People should just me like me, and give up on attempting to be happy with another person altogether. Learn to love something useful, like bourbon.
---
### Author:  [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)
#### Post date: [January 27, 2010, 7:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-completely-fail-at-dating/526056/70 "2010-01-27T07:23:59Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#):
>
> …a little easier on the makeup, perhaps?
>
> I’m pretty sure he said he tried this, and it didn’t work. In fact, attempts to contact her have been blocked by some “Oh Hells No, Don’t Ever Message Me Again!” filter she has set up.
>
> People should just me like me, and give up on attempting to be happy with another person altogether. Learn to love something useful, like bourbon.
Ah, OK sorry, I didn’t read the whole thread. ☹
---
### Author:  [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)
#### Post date: [January 27, 2010, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-completely-fail-at-dating/526056/71 "2010-01-27T13:50:45Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#):
>
> People should just me like me, and give up on attempting to be happy with another person altogether. Learn to love something useful, like bourbon.
+10
---
### Author:  [@melodyharmonius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/melodyharmonius)
#### Post date: [January 27, 2010, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-completely-fail-at-dating/526056/72 "2010-01-27T14:26:30Z")
_hugs headrush_ Aww, hun. You twaddle-headed goofball. _gives noogie_
Ok, so now you know the drill
1- scope out the location previously.
2- don’t be directionally challenged.
3- if you don’t exchange phone numbers, call the restaurant to have them track her down and beg her to stay will you run in the proper direction.
That being said, let me commiserate with you! I remember the angst of dating, and the idiocy of the few. I once went on a date that required me to drive 2 1/2 hours to meet the guy and couldn’t find the location. I did have a cell phone, however, so I could call.
Turns out that i had driven 2 1/2 hours to meet him at this little hole in the wall chinese place with bad service and suspect food. And I’m usually not one to complain about chinese. Then instead of going to the movies as we had discussed, he suggested walking around the mall.
Yeah, I was wearing high heeled boots that didn’t enjoy walking across the slick marble tiles of the mall. Oh, and turns out he was like 3-4 inches shorter than originally revealed and he had a back problem so he hunched even more. Not that I cared, I just would have worn flats rather than being in all my 6’2" with heels glory . . .to his 5’6" manliness.
And I’m sorry, but walking the mall is just not romantic to me. . . .
Surprisingly, I cut the date off after 2 1/2 hours due to the long drive back, and made a booty call on the way home. (I had to get the fishy-kiss feeling he left there off my face.)
---
### Author:  [@Labrador\_Deceiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Labrador_Deceiver)
#### Post date: [January 27, 2010, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-completely-fail-at-dating/526056/73 "2010-01-27T14:53:33Z")
> [@melodyharmonius](#):
>
> Then instead of going to the movies as we had discussed, he suggested walking around the mall.
When I first read this part, I just made the assumption that you lived in DC.
Boy, was I ever wrong.
---
### Author:  [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)
#### Post date: [January 27, 2010, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-completely-fail-at-dating/526056/74 "2010-01-27T15:02:26Z")
Oh I know! You could send her a picture of your penis! We all know that all women LOVE to get penis pictures in their email. Especially if they have young children that might happen to be about. Weeee! Penis pictures!! Works every time!
I’m a little jaded with the online dating…
---
### Author:  [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)
#### Post date: [January 27, 2010, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-completely-fail-at-dating/526056/75 "2010-01-27T15:05:19Z")
> [@melodyharmonius](#):
>
> 1- scope out the location previously.
> 2- don’t be directionally challenged.
> 3- if you don’t exchange phone numbers, call the restaurant to have them track her down and beg her to stay will you run in the proper direction.
4- Bribe the entire staff so that as soon as you come in, someone comes up to you and says “Andre will be thrilled that you could come, he wants to get your opinion on next season’s menu. Shall I show you to your usual table, Ace?”
---
### Author:  [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)
#### Post date: [January 27, 2010, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-completely-fail-at-dating/526056/76 "2010-01-27T15:06:39Z")
> [@Alice\_The\_Goon](#):
>
> Oh I know! You could send her a picture of your penis! We all know that all women LOVE to get penis pictures in their email. Especially if they have young children that might happen to be about. Weeee! Penis pictures!! Works every time!
This is just a widespread joke, right? Please tell me there aren’t guys who actually do that.
---
### Author:  [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)
#### Post date: [January 27, 2010, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-completely-fail-at-dating/526056/77 "2010-01-27T15:08:28Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#):
>
> This is just a widespread joke, right? Please tell me there aren’t guys who actually do that.
I got one at 7am today, and it has not been the first time, by far.
---
### Author:  [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)
#### Post date: [January 27, 2010, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-completely-fail-at-dating/526056/78 "2010-01-27T15:15:06Z")
> [@Alice\_The\_Goon](#):
>
> I got one at 7am today, and it has not been the first time, by far.
Wow. So that’s the level of competition I’m up against, huh?
---
### Author:  [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)
#### Post date: [January 27, 2010, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-completely-fail-at-dating/526056/79 "2010-01-27T15:17:33Z")
I have to admit, it \*was \* the biggest penis I’ve ever seen- however, that is _not_ a selling point with me. I’m petite, and that just hurts.
Before I get smacked down again for going off-topic, I’d like to point out that I’m showing the OP that other men fail so completely worse at dating than he did, and I’m sure he feels better now. 😛
---
### Author:  [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stranger_On_A_Train)
#### Post date: [January 27, 2010, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-completely-fail-at-dating/526056/80 "2010-01-27T15:26:47Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#):
>
> …a little easier on the makeup, perhaps?
But I cut back to only two coats of foundation as it is.
> [@MeanOldLady](#):
>
> PLearn to love something useful, like bourbon.
But her love in return is tempestuous and often destructive if received in excess. An abusive lass she is, although not nearly as bad as her Mexican cousin.
> [@Alice\_The\_Goon](#):
>
> Oh I know! You could send her a picture of your penis! We all know that all women LOVE to get penis pictures in their email. Especially if they have young children that might happen to be about. Weeee! Penis pictures!! Works every time!
With the field being handicapped like this, it seems like I should easily be in the top ten percentile. And yet, I can barely get any responses to a well-composed, literate message, and end up either being classified at the extrema of the Nice Guy/Jackass axis. What the hell?
Stranger
[Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-completely-fail-at-dating/526056.md?page=3)
[Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-completely-fail-at-dating/526056.md?page=5)