# So I found out the girl I just started dating used to do porn **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 19, 2025, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-found-out-the-girl-i-just-started-dating-used-to-do-porn/1014481 "2025-02-19T03:04:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2025, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-found-out-the-girl-i-just-started-dating-used-to-do-porn/1014481/41 "2025-02-19T16:25:15Z")
I dunno how I’d feel about this. But look, if something’s a dealbreaker, it’s a dealbreaker. Move on. People usually break up too late, not too early. ---
**Author:** ![Jasmine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jasmine/32/2964_2.png) [@Jasmine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jasmine)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2025, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-found-out-the-girl-i-just-started-dating-used-to-do-porn/1014481/42 "2025-02-19T16:25:32Z")
> [@DocCathode](#): > > In the past a friend shocked me by revealing he paid for sex. I lectured him on why this was wrong and that I had instantly lost a great deal of respect for him when he told me. If that’s the case, it is doubtful that you could have a mutually respectful relationship with a prospective mate because, unless you are truly an aberation, men tend to have stronger feelings along those lines with women than with members of their own gender. It’s just my objective opinion. You might try to just continue dating for a time to give yourself more time to sort out your feelings on the matter. An important word of caution: An oft made very bad mistake would be to say, “Well, I’m really uncomfortable with this, but I’ll go ahead because things will change in time.” Things rarely just “change with time”. Your feelings and who you are are exactly that. Trying to mold yourself into something else for the sake of a relationship is a siren call that almost always ends up with relationship failure. ---
**Author:** ![Dark\_Sponge](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dark_sponge/32/121_2.png) [@Dark\_Sponge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dark_Sponge)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2025, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-found-out-the-girl-i-just-started-dating-used-to-do-porn/1014481/43 "2025-02-19T16:29:24Z")
You revealed her porn name. Is this really a dilemma for you or just a humble brag? ---
**Author:** ![xtenkfarpl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/c2a13f/32.png) [@xtenkfarpl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xtenkfarpl)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2025, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-found-out-the-girl-i-just-started-dating-used-to-do-porn/1014481/44 "2025-02-19T16:31:25Z")
> [@DocCathode](#): > > woman from Panama who once gave a dead bat in a jar. Guessing this is part of a limerick? I must have led a sheltered life; I’ve never heard it, even at rugby club singalongs in college…? You don’t have to post the whole thing, though I think most of us here are pretty broad-minded… ---
**Author:** ![Whack-a-Mole](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/whack-a-mole/32/141_2.png) [@Whack-a-Mole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Whack-a-Mole)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2025, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-found-out-the-girl-i-just-started-dating-used-to-do-porn/1014481/45 "2025-02-19T16:36:04Z")
What is wrong with people? The OP has a gorgeous woman who seems to like him. Seems a win to me. People have a past life which may be sketchy. Deal with the person as they are now. If the OP enjoys being with this person then keep doing that. If she likes you then go with that. Don’t be stupid about it. Be happy. ETA: I would also suggest avoiding looking at any porn videos she has done. I can’t imagine that’d do anything other than upset you and/or give you unrealistic expectations. ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2025, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-found-out-the-girl-i-just-started-dating-used-to-do-porn/1014481/46 "2025-02-19T16:39:02Z")
I’m guessing that casually suggesting an exchange of comprehensive blood test results would be a relationship deal-breaker? ---
**Author:** ![Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba9def/32.png) [@Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Just_Asking_Questions)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2025, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-found-out-the-girl-i-just-started-dating-used-to-do-porn/1014481/47 "2025-02-19T16:53:11Z")
> [@RickJay](#): > > But look, if something’s a dealbreaker, it’s a dealbreaker. Move on. You bet! I would have stopped seeing her when I found she had a tattoo. And then the kids! Nope. ---
**Author:** ![Si\_Amigo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/si_amigo/32/2877_2.png) [@Si\_Amigo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Si_Amigo)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2025, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-found-out-the-girl-i-just-started-dating-used-to-do-porn/1014481/48 "2025-02-19T17:03:00Z")
> [@Moriarty](#): > > (she went by (name redacted by Aspenglow) for those inclined to search) Nice! I approve! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2025, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-found-out-the-girl-i-just-started-dating-used-to-do-porn/1014481/49 "2025-02-19T17:05:50Z")
> [@Moriarty](#): > > I like a physically affectionate girlfriend. Me too. I don’t mean just sex. We should constantly be holding hands, sitting next to each other and cuddling. My beloved moved back into her parents’ house after her father died and her mother started to decline. Her mom (who absolutely hates me) lives upstairs. My beloved has the downstairs. When I visit, I stay downstairs. Her bed is too small for two people. It likely would support that much weight either. So, I sleep on an air mattress (it is a very sturdry deluxe model with a built in air pump and extension chord). Every time I sleep there, I am awoken by her climbing in beside me to cuddle. We don’t think the air mattress could withstand lovemaking, and she is always worried her mother will overhear us- so we just cudlle. It is bliss. > [@Moriarty](#): > > She doesn’t vote or watch the news. That would be a deal breaker for me. > [@Jasmine](#): > > If that’s the case, it is doubtful that you could have a mutually respectful relationship with a prospective mate because, unless you are truly an aberation, men tend to have stronger feelings along those lines with women than with members of their own gender. It’s just my objective opinion. I am having trouble parsing this. I am genuinely unsure what you are trying to say. > [@xtenkfarpl](#): > > Guessing this is part of a limerick? > I must have led a sheltered life; I’ve never heard it, even at rugby club singalongs in college…? No, I have posted a few times that I dated a woman who was born in Panama. During one of our fights, I stopped by her apartment to pick something up. She slipped something into my jacket pocket and told me to look at it later. It was a dead bat in a jar of formaldehyde. I instantly knew we would make up and get back together. We did. She is married to a wonderful man and the three of us are close friends. I still have the bat. The bat is my totem. I have long collected bat things. My beloved sometimes calls me Bat. She also sometimes calls me Aloo. This is a Hindi word meaning potato. ---
**Author:** ![HMS\_Irruncible](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hms_irruncible/32/7394_2.png) [@HMS\_Irruncible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HMS_Irruncible)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2025, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-found-out-the-girl-i-just-started-dating-used-to-do-porn/1014481/50 "2025-02-19T17:08:07Z")
> [@Jophiel](#): > > Cool, but we were talking about consent. Since people in paid adult films aren’t typically being promised residuals, they are consenting to a one time payment to be recorded knowing that the recording will be available for future viewings from whoever. Whether or not someone pirated the film is especially irrelevant since the actors don’t get paid more either way, they took a lump payment for their consent. No, the fact that someone isn’t being promised residuals does _not_ mean that they consented to unlicensed viewing of the work. If you didn’t pay for it, you have no right to view it. Exactly _whose_ rights got violated is a matter of interpretation, whether the performer or distributor, but suffice to say, even if you paid for the work, you’ve no right to judge the artists who appear in it, and even _less_ so if you didn’t even pay for it. ---
**Author:** ![Whack-a-Mole](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/whack-a-mole/32/141_2.png) [@Whack-a-Mole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Whack-a-Mole)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2025, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-found-out-the-girl-i-just-started-dating-used-to-do-porn/1014481/51 "2025-02-19T17:10:58Z")
> [@HMS\_Irruncible](#): > > No, the fact that someone isn’t being promised residuals does _not_ mean that they consented to unlicensed viewing of the work. If you didn’t pay for it, you have no right to view it. Then she can sue you (general “you”). What else is to be done? I Googled the OP’s GF (just saw some pics). I didn’t pay a thing. Do I now owe her money for that? Did I do something wrong? (FWIW she is very good looking) ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2025, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-found-out-the-girl-i-just-started-dating-used-to-do-porn/1014481/52 "2025-02-19T17:13:07Z")
> [@Jasmine](#): > > It’s just my objective opinion. Huh? Do you mean subjective opinion? Or do you mean objective fact? Regardless, I’m also having trouble parsing what that paragraph means. ---
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2025, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-found-out-the-girl-i-just-started-dating-used-to-do-porn/1014481/53 "2025-02-19T17:20:22Z")
> [@HMS\_Irruncible](#): > > No, the fact that someone isn’t being promised residuals does _not_ mean that they consented to unlicensed viewing of the work. If you didn’t pay for it, you have no right to view it. People have no legal right to view, downlioad, copy or distribute pirated material. But if you appear in pornography and don’t forsee that it will be pirated and end up all over the internet, you are some kind of moron. It is illegal. It is an expected consequence of appearing in porn. ---
**Author:** ![Jophiel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jophiel/32/66_2.png) [@Jophiel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jophiel)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2025, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-found-out-the-girl-i-just-started-dating-used-to-do-porn/1014481/54 "2025-02-19T17:20:31Z")
> [@HMS\_Irruncible](#): > > Exactly _whose_ rights got violated is a matter of interpretation No it’s not. The rights violated are the distributor. There’s no circumstance where you can rationally say that you’re viewing the actors “without their consent” in this sort of event (agreed consensual performance). Her consent was given when she agreed to be filmed for public distribution. Acting as though the OP is morally lacking because he’s viewing her sex acts “without her consent” is an illogical nasty argument . ---
**Author:** ![We\_re\_wolves\_not\_werewolves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/838e76/32.png) [@We\_re\_wolves\_not\_werewolves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/We_re_wolves_not_werewolves)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2025, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-found-out-the-girl-i-just-started-dating-used-to-do-porn/1014481/55 "2025-02-19T17:29:50Z")
> [@Dark\_Sponge](#): > > You revealed her porn name. Is this really a dilemma for you or just a humble brag? yeah, that was…not great ---
**Author:** ![Jasmine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jasmine/32/2964_2.png) [@Jasmine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jasmine)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2025, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-found-out-the-girl-i-just-started-dating-used-to-do-porn/1014481/56 "2025-02-19T17:36:16Z")
> [@pulykamell](#): > > Do you mean subjective opinion? Or do you mean objective fact? I mean it is my opinion based on objective analysis of the facts given. ---
**Author:** ![DavidNRockies](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/davidnrockies/32/6279_2.png) [@DavidNRockies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DavidNRockies)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2025, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-found-out-the-girl-i-just-started-dating-used-to-do-porn/1014481/57 "2025-02-19T17:40:20Z")
> [@DocCathode](#): > > The bat is my totem. I have long collected bat things. My beloved sometimes calls me Bat. She also sometimes calls me Aloo. This is a Hindi word meaning potato. Forgive the brief digression, but the two of you should _definitely_ Gobi together. ---
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2025, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-found-out-the-girl-i-just-started-dating-used-to-do-porn/1014481/58 "2025-02-19T17:42:57Z")
> [@DavidNRockies](#): > > Forgive the brief digression, but the two of you should _definitely_ Gobi together. That is a bizarre coincidence. The first time she called me Aloo, I responded “Okay, Gobhi.” Gobhi became one of my pet names for her. Gobhi is Hindi for cauliflower. ---
**Author:** ![Boudicca90](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/boudicca90/32/16818_2.png) [@Boudicca90](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boudicca90)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2025, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-found-out-the-girl-i-just-started-dating-used-to-do-porn/1014481/59 "2025-02-19T17:43:32Z")
My first relationship years back was with another woman who did porn and worked as an escort. I didn’t have any issue with it, other than it would get annoying when her lack of keeping her schedule on track meant there were one or two times I had to leave early because she had an appointment with a client. I’ve always believed sex work is just a job like any other, and as long as everything is kept professional, I had no problem with it. I can’t be in a polyamorous relationship though, because that is a situation where I would definitely get jealous due to my partner having romantic feelings for someone else. ---
**Author:** ![xtenkfarpl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/c2a13f/32.png) [@xtenkfarpl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xtenkfarpl)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2025, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-found-out-the-girl-i-just-started-dating-used-to-do-porn/1014481/60 "2025-02-19T17:47:22Z")
> [@DocCathode](#): > > > [@xtenkfarpl](#): > > > > Guessing this is part of a limerick? > > I must have led a sheltered life; I’ve never heard it, even at rugby club singalongs in college…? > > No, I have posted a few times that I dated a woman who was born in Panama. During one of our fights, I stopped by her apartment to pick something up. She slipped something into my jacket pocket and told me to look at it later. It was a dead bat in a jar of formaldehyde. Oh, right. I shall _have_ to create the limerick myself now… 🙂 Now, what rhymes with formaldehyde…?? > [@DocCathode](#): > > She also sometimes calls me Aloo. This is a Hindi word meaning potato. Familiar to all of us who love Indian cuisine! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-found-out-the-girl-i-just-started-dating-used-to-do-porn/1014481.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-found-out-the-girl-i-just-started-dating-used-to-do-porn/1014481.md?page=4)