# So I found out the girl I just started dating used to do porn **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 19, 2025, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-found-out-the-girl-i-just-started-dating-used-to-do-porn/1014481 "2025-02-19T03:04:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2025, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-found-out-the-girl-i-just-started-dating-used-to-do-porn/1014481/61 "2025-02-19T17:51:50Z")
> [@HMS\_Irruncible](#): > > No, the fact that someone isn’t being promised residuals does _not_ mean that they consented to unlicensed viewing of the work. If you didn’t pay for it, you have no right to view it. > > Exactly _whose_ rights got violated is a matter of interpretation, whether the performer or distributor, but suffice to say, even if you paid for the work, you’ve no right to judge the artists who appear in it, and even _less_ so if you didn’t even pay for it. Actors in general do not get consulted about where or when productions they appear in get distributed. Extras and actors in non-union productions do not get residuals. If the producers release these to public domain, no rights are violated. That’s the way the industry works. ---
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2025, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-found-out-the-girl-i-just-started-dating-used-to-do-porn/1014481/62 "2025-02-19T17:54:09Z")
In case anybody doesn’t know, my beloved is Desi. Both her parents were born in India. She and her older brother were born here and are US citizens. The family did a lot of moving around, including back and forth between Inida and the US. As a result, my beloved speaks fluent Hindi. We do go to a lot of Indian restaurants. Besides piano and guitar, she recently bought a bansuri- a tradtitional Indian flute. She has wanted a sitar for a long time. They start at about fifteen hundred. While she has fondness for many things associated with Hinduism, she is a Christian. I have repeatedly told her to throw off the god of the colonizers and return to the ways of her ancestors. No dice. ---
**Author:** ![JoePockets](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/8dc957/32.png) [@JoePockets](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JoePockets)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2025, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-found-out-the-girl-i-just-started-dating-used-to-do-porn/1014481/63 "2025-02-19T18:08:34Z")
Indian food destroys my stomach ! God bless your constitution…. ---
**Author:** ![Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eyebrows_0f_doom/32/3119_2.png) [@Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eyebrows_0f_Doom)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2025, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-found-out-the-girl-i-just-started-dating-used-to-do-porn/1014481/64 "2025-02-19T18:12:55Z")
> [@Dark\_Sponge](#): > > You revealed her porn name. Is this really a dilemma for you or just a humble brag? Yeah, this combined with him searching out some random basic porn and it _just so happens_ to be the woman he’s dating, hmmm… ---
**Author:** ![mjmartin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3d9bf3/32.png) [@mjmartin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mjmartin)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2025, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-found-out-the-girl-i-just-started-dating-used-to-do-porn/1014481/65 "2025-02-19T18:14:10Z")
In less than 24 hours, you went from this: > [@Moriarty](#): > > Fuck my life. > > This is all kinds of emotionally exhausting. to this: > [@Moriarty](#): > > For what it’s worth, she was one of the most attractive porn stars you can find. It’s rare to find a tall beauty with lean legs and large natural breasts (she went by (name redacted by Aspenglow) for those inclined to search). She still looks that way. Lucky me! I hope it will take more than a day for you to be bragging to your real life friends that you’re dating a former porn star, or at the very least you get her permission before you do. ---
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2025, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-found-out-the-girl-i-just-started-dating-used-to-do-porn/1014481/66 "2025-02-19T18:15:46Z")
Many years ago, there were ads every where for Rathayatra, the Hindu festival of chariots. I have long been interested in other religions and cultures, and it was free. I found they were serving free vegetarian lunches. I figured I would hate it. But I tried it anyway. It was wonderful! The sujika halwa (semolina pudding) was the best I have everr had. After that, I sought out Indian restaurants and it became my favorite cuisine. I eventually learned that I had been eating it wrong. Rather than just using a knife and fork, you are supposed to order some kind of flat bread to scoop up the food. On our first date, I took my beloved to an Indian restaurant that had just opened in my neighborhood. That was when I learned that they did not have seating and were take out only. So, we went back to my place with our food and watched Mystery Men. ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2025, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-found-out-the-girl-i-just-started-dating-used-to-do-porn/1014481/67 "2025-02-19T18:33:34Z")
> [@Moriarty](#): > > Did you ever do modeling? > You look like you could be famous. I figured I had to check. Not straight up being honest at this point was really shitty. Why be coy? Telling us her stage name was just gross. It added nothing to the discussion. Anyway, it sounds like this is a non-starter for you. No need to waste any more of her time. ---
**Author:** ![DavidNRockies](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/davidnrockies/32/6279_2.png) [@DavidNRockies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DavidNRockies)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2025, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-found-out-the-girl-i-just-started-dating-used-to-do-porn/1014481/68 "2025-02-19T18:35:57Z")
Can I ask the “we’re all thinking, but nobody is saying” question? Is she cool with you being an … attorney?? And – AIUI – you’re _still_ one! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2025, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-found-out-the-girl-i-just-started-dating-used-to-do-porn/1014481/69 "2025-02-19T18:38:17Z")
Could we please not make this about your relationship and the Hindu religion? ---
**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2025, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-found-out-the-girl-i-just-started-dating-used-to-do-porn/1014481/70 "2025-02-19T18:39:15Z")
> [@Moriarty](#): > > She’s not highly educated … _snip_ … She doesn’t vote or watch the news. She likes her cocktails… Any of these would be deal breakers for me. I wouldn’t care what he looked like, how much money he had, or how good he was in the sack. Just sayin’ ---
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2025, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-found-out-the-girl-i-just-started-dating-used-to-do-porn/1014481/71 "2025-02-19T18:41:26Z")
> [@hajario](#): > > Could we please not make this about your relationship and the Hindu religion? So I can’t mention that this weekend we plan to watch the five and a half hour PBS version of the Mahabharata and then have tantric sex? Why do you hate fun? ---
**Author:** ![Moriarty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/moriarty/32/49_2.png) [@Moriarty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moriarty)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2025, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-found-out-the-girl-i-just-started-dating-used-to-do-porn/1014481/72 "2025-02-19T18:47:03Z")
> [@Dark\_Sponge](#): > > You revealed her porn name. Is this really a dilemma for you or just a humble brag? No, it’s me processing my feelings in real time. From shock and jealousy to being told that I’m a hypocrite if I were to hold it against her (fair) and that I need to decide _right now_ whether I intend to try to date her, to maybe coming to a point of acceptance and it’s not something to be shamed by (for her or me). But I hear how it came across. I won’t continue posting here if the feeling is that this is exploitation, I just have been in a whirlwind of feelings these last few days. ---
**Author:** ![xtenkfarpl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/c2a13f/32.png) [@xtenkfarpl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xtenkfarpl)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2025, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-found-out-the-girl-i-just-started-dating-used-to-do-porn/1014481/73 "2025-02-19T18:50:24Z")
Speaking of fun: A woman from Panama Once handed me a jar With a bat inside In formaldehyde So… who can come up with the best punch line? ---
**Author:** ![Whack-a-Mole](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/whack-a-mole/32/141_2.png) [@Whack-a-Mole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Whack-a-Mole)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2025, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-found-out-the-girl-i-just-started-dating-used-to-do-porn/1014481/74 "2025-02-19T18:54:51Z")
> [@Moriarty](#): > > …I need to decide _right now_ whether I intend to try to date her… Well…yeah. You need to decide and soon. You either come to accept this about her or you don’t. You need to figure that out for yourself (I think her past should not matter but this is your call). I think you should make a decision soon though. It is of no benefit to delay for either of you. Get ok with this or end the relationship. Up to you. ---
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2025, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-found-out-the-girl-i-just-started-dating-used-to-do-porn/1014481/75 "2025-02-19T18:56:49Z")
The jar is currently packed away. Fortunately, I found this on my hard drive. [![Imgur](https://i.imgur.com/L6dJSPV.jpeg "A Bat In A jar Of Formaldehyde") ](https://imgur.com/gallery/bat-jar-of-formaldehyde-5FqueGg) ---
**Author:** ![snowthx](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snowthx/32/10660_2.png) [@snowthx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snowthx)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2025, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-found-out-the-girl-i-just-started-dating-used-to-do-porn/1014481/76 "2025-02-19T18:57:28Z")
A woman, a bat, a jar, Panama nap, raja, taba, namowa! ---
**Author:** ![We\_re\_wolves\_not\_werewolves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/838e76/32.png) [@We\_re\_wolves\_not\_werewolves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/We_re_wolves_not_werewolves)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2025, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-found-out-the-girl-i-just-started-dating-used-to-do-porn/1014481/77 "2025-02-19T19:06:38Z")
> [@hajario](#): > > Could we please not make this about your relationship and the Hindu religion? right?! And I could do without him continuously using the term “beloved” for his girlfriend too… ---
**Author:** ![aceplace57](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aceplace57/32/3500_2.png) [@aceplace57](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aceplace57)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2025, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-found-out-the-girl-i-just-started-dating-used-to-do-porn/1014481/78 "2025-02-19T19:08:56Z")
From the description in the OP the woman is dressing down and not getting recognized in public. Her daily appearance now is much different from her modeling photos. I don’t see a problem in having a relationship. Her past is exactly that. What she did before doesn’t define her now. If the relationship gets more serious than a open conversation is needed. There’s always a remote possibility that someone will recognize the lady. Talk about it with her and be ready to handle it. She may want to deny any similarities or talk openly about her previous work. That’s her choice. ---
**Author:** ![Aspenglow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aspenglow/32/76_2.png) [@Aspenglow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aspenglow)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2025, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-found-out-the-girl-i-just-started-dating-used-to-do-porn/1014481/79 "2025-02-19T19:19:06Z")
---
**Author:** ![Aspenglow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aspenglow/32/76_2.png) [@Aspenglow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aspenglow)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2025, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-found-out-the-girl-i-just-started-dating-used-to-do-porn/1014481/80 "2025-02-19T19:41:34Z")
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