# So I gave eharmony a try **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 3, 2006, 9:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-gave-eharmony-a-try/342809 "2006-02-03T09:11:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Incubus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c68b51/32.png) [@Incubus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Incubus)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2006, 9:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-gave-eharmony-a-try/342809/1 "2006-02-03T09:11:35Z")
I did a search on the boards, and I know that some dopers weren’t too thrilled with eharmony. But I was in an adventurous mood, and got a subscription. I’ve barely started with the communication stages of my matches, so it will be a while before I can come up with a definitive opinion on the site. Do I expect to find Ms. Right through this service? Honestly, at this point I’m interested in meeting other people and am kind of curious about the people I will meet through this service. Plus it is kind of fun picking out the type of questions that might seem a bit obtuse to ask in person. If the match gets offended, what’s the worst that can happen? they ignore me. oh well. Then there is also a chance that they will be comfortable enough to be honest. I know that there could be a discrepancy between what I know about the person through the site, and what they turn out to be if I meet them in real life. I guess the fun in this is seeing how close my gauge of the person’s character is to the real thing. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2006, 9:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-gave-eharmony-a-try/342809/2 "2006-02-03T09:36:03Z")
> [@](#): > > **Incubus** > Member > So I gave eharmony a try > > […] > > Advertisments: > > Christian Relationships > Find your Soulmate at eHarmony Sign Up & Start Dating today! > [www.eHarmony.com](http://www.eHarmony.com) Heh. Heh heh. I guess that makes sense. You don’t really hear much about incubi hitting on the buddhist chicks. ---
**Author:** ![Grossbottom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ba8739/32.png) [@Grossbottom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grossbottom)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2006, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-gave-eharmony-a-try/342809/3 "2006-02-03T15:21:36Z")
I tried it once, and actually did meet some girls through the service. To be perfectly honest, I didn’t meet anyone I couldn’t have met by swinging a dead cat in a crowded room. There was no instant ‘click’ with any of them, and I’ve had way better chemistry in random eye contact moments in elevators. I was underwhelmed, most of the matches didn’t have photos, and I got bored and stopped answering communication requests, and felt bad about that, so I canceled. I hope you have better luck. ---
**Author:** ![Improv\_Geek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b3f665/32.png) [@Improv\_Geek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Improv_Geek)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2006, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-gave-eharmony-a-try/342809/4 "2006-02-03T15:31:50Z")
I tried it once too, but I was only 21 and I found that most women on there weren’t looking for someone as young as I was. Oh well. I doubt I’ll try again, I’m doing alright meeting face to face, who knows - maybe I will. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Weird\_One](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7bcc69/32.png) [@The\_Weird\_One](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Weird_One)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2006, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-gave-eharmony-a-try/342809/5 "2006-02-03T16:01:27Z")
I had good luck with [Match.com](http://Match.com). Went on a few dates, met a guy I thought would make a good friend, and ended up dating him. We’ve been going out for about two months now. I’ve heard a lot of people on these boards complaining about online dating, though, so I’m not saying it works for everyone. I think I had an advantage inasmuch as I’m female and not shy about intiating contact. ---
**Author:** ![ZipperJJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zipperjj/32/211_2.png) [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2006, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-gave-eharmony-a-try/342809/6 "2006-02-03T16:25:10Z")
I tried eHarmony (seasoned online dater, here). I found it really crappy and cancelled 3 days into it. I’ve had alot better luck with Yahoo Personals. Have met alot of really great guys, most of whom I am still friends with years later. However…didn’t you just end a long-term relationship like 2 weeks ago? Maybe you need to just chill a bit for a while instead of spending $40/mo on finding the next love of your life. ---
**Author:** ![HPL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/3da27b/32.png) [@HPL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HPL)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2006, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-gave-eharmony-a-try/342809/7 "2006-02-03T16:27:25Z")
Tried it over the summer. Three months at a discount. Of the matches, I actually only got into e-mail contact with one, and she mysteriously stopped returning my e-mails after e-mail #2.(It seems to be a disturbing trend really. I get into e-mail contact with a girl and before it can go anywhere, they drop off the edge of the earth for no reason at all. ) I canceled my subscription to e-harmony and don’t regret it. I can get bupkiss for free, so why pay for it? ---
**Author:** ![anyrose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/54ee81/32.png) [@anyrose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/anyrose)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2006, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-gave-eharmony-a-try/342809/8 "2006-02-03T16:37:32Z")
I tried eH about a year or so ago - got matched up with the same losers JDate found for me eH keeps sending me “3 mo for the price of 1” or “3 free” emails on a regular basis. Even tho I have repeatedly clicked on “unsubscribe” at the bottom. JDate doesn’t get it either. I haven’t paid them in over two years, yet weekly, sometimes twice a week, they send me matches. When I think about rejoining, I remind myself that my photo & profile is probably being sent to some of these "matches’, and if anyone of them were interested in me, JDate would send me an alert. Besides - I’m going thru my self improvement phase, so I’m not really in the right frame of mind to dive into a new relationship that is, unless, any of you fellows are available 😉 😉 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Caricci](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Caricci](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caricci)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2006, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-gave-eharmony-a-try/342809/9 "2006-02-03T16:38:28Z")
My hair stylist just married her eharmony boyfriend, so I guess it works for some. My sister just bought a house with her [Match.com](http://Match.com) boyfriend of three months so that works for some, too. Sister says [Match.com](http://Match.com) is a much better investment than Curves, which for some reason, I find hysterical. ---
**Author:** ![Ponder\_Stibbons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponder_stibbons/32/343_2.png) [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2006, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-gave-eharmony-a-try/342809/10 "2006-02-03T17:02:24Z")
> [@anyrose](#): > > that is, unless, any of you fellows are available 😉 😉 😃 So … how _you_ doin’? And how far from Dallas, TX are you? ---
**Author:** ![anyrose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/54ee81/32.png) [@anyrose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/anyrose)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2006, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-gave-eharmony-a-try/342809/11 "2006-02-03T17:17:07Z")
> [@Ponder Stibbons](#): > > So … how _you_ doin’? > > And how far from Dallas, TX are you? a good 3 plus hours by plane - I’m in NY ---
**Author:** ![Veronica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Veronica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Veronica)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2006, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-gave-eharmony-a-try/342809/12 "2006-02-03T17:40:39Z")
> [@Caricci](#): > > My sister just bought a house with her [Match.com](http://Match.com) boyfriend of three months so that works for some, too. They’ve only known each other for three months and they bought a house? Wow. ---
**Author:** ![Incubus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c68b51/32.png) [@Incubus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Incubus)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2006, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-gave-eharmony-a-try/342809/13 "2006-02-03T17:56:34Z")
> [@ZipperJJ](#): > > However…didn’t you just end a long-term relationship like 2 weeks ago? Maybe you need to just chill a bit for a while instead of spending $40/mo on finding the next love of your life. Yes, and after that relationship, I hit the ground running. There turned out to be quite a lot that was mutually lacking for her and I, and combined with it being a semi-long distance relationship it helped me establish some more things I wanted to have in a relationship/friendship. I’m more interested in people who live nearer to me, and a little less flexible about what I’m willing to accomodate. I understand that kind of lessens my success rate with finding someone interested enough in me under those standards but frankly I’m tired of making the old mistake of having most of my attraction toward another person revolve around their attraction to me. I want to make it a point to surround myself with people in good company, who live close enough to visit/hang out on a whim. I’m having fun meeting people right now, in spite of what happened. On the contrary, doing this helps me. I know some people would suggest a ‘waiting period’, but frankly considering how much time I spent alone anyway in the previous relationship, I feel like I’ve waited enough. ---
**Author:** ![Caricci](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Caricci](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caricci)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2006, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-gave-eharmony-a-try/342809/14 "2006-02-03T18:15:22Z")
> [@Veronica](#): > > They’ve only known each other for three months and they bought a house? Wow. Yeah, tell me about it. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![ZipperJJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zipperjj/32/211_2.png) [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2006, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-gave-eharmony-a-try/342809/15 "2006-02-03T18:24:45Z")
Ok then cool, if you’re looking for more people to hang out with, that’s a swell idea. Have done it myself. I think, then, you need to go to more “casual” relationship sites like Yahoo, Match, OKCupid, etc. Ones where other people are just putting their info up and hoping for what you’re hoping for - more friends in the area and perhaps a love interest. eHarmony just always seemed too “serious” fo rme and not flexible enough. I want pictures, i want the guys to have my picture, i want an IM name, i want to control how it all goes. Plus, it’s expensive 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![phall0106](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/phall0106/32/5934_2.png) [@phall0106](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phall0106)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2006, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-gave-eharmony-a-try/342809/16 "2006-02-03T18:32:20Z")
Yep, yep, yep, I’ve been doing the eHarmony things for a bit (about four months or so). I would say that the ‘bad’ thing about it is that even though I selected matches within a 60 mile radius (there’s no one closer, honest), I’m getting matched with guys a lot further away. No, I don’t want a long distance relationship. Also, too many guys want to email. who wants to spend six weeks emailing someone? I’m much rather meet as soon as possible to see if there’s something there (or the potential for such). I got a 3 month for the price of one (which runs out the end of March) and probably won’t renew after that. I’m just not that impressed. ---
**Author:** ![Maeglin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8baadc/32.png) [@Maeglin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maeglin)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2006, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-gave-eharmony-a-try/342809/17 "2006-02-03T18:38:03Z")
If you do find someone, are you going to tell us all about her [paunch](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=342510&highlight=FUPA)? We really have to know. ---
**Author:** ![Incubus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c68b51/32.png) [@Incubus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Incubus)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2006, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-gave-eharmony-a-try/342809/18 "2006-02-03T18:41:15Z")
**phall0106** , uh oh! That does seem a little worrisome. I too am interested in _meeting_ people. Sure, a person’s profile might tell enough about themself to pique my interest, but the only way I’ll really know for sure is if I meet them. Because as much as I might enjoy talking on IM, email, telephone, etc to them the only way I’ll know if I click with them is actual real-life human interaction. Oh well, I guess I’ll give it the rest of this month. ---
**Author:** ![Unintentionally\_Blank](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/unintentionally_blank/32/5418_2.png) [@Unintentionally\_Blank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unintentionally_Blank)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2006, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-gave-eharmony-a-try/342809/19 "2006-02-03T18:58:10Z")
I watched a co-worker over his shoulder doing the eHarmony thing. I noticed three things: 1. If you’re trying to sell yourself, TAKE A GOOD PICTURE. And no, the one with you slightly drunk, with your ex-boyfriend’s dismemberd arm around you doesn’t count. Nor one from the webcam at the office. 2. If, in all the world, ‘your truck’ is one of the top three things you treasure…um…try to find a fourth thing. That’s just wierd. 3. I coulda sworn eH threw a ringer in there. One girl that looked a LOT better than the others and didn’t respond to any email requests. I’ve heard dating sites run hot n cold. One friend has a serious long-time relationship from eH, two others didn’t fare so well. At the same time, perhaps it’s value is to get out out there and not be nervous meeting other people. ---
**Author:** ![ComeToTheDarkSideWeHaveCookies](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9bcb4/32.png) [@ComeToTheDarkSideWeHaveCookies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ComeToTheDarkSideWeHaveCookies)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2006, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-gave-eharmony-a-try/342809/20 "2006-02-03T19:48:38Z")
[USA Today article](http://www.eharmony.com/singles/servlet/press/articles?id=38) (linked on [eharmony.com](http://eharmony.com)) > [@](#): > > … > > Some also criticize eHarmony’s decision to refuse to provide matches for gays and lesbians - a policy that differs from Yahoo, [Match.com](http://Match.com) and many other sites. > > “From a corporate perspective, eHarmony does discriminate. There’s clearly a deliberate desire to exclude gay people from the site,” says New York psychiatrist Jack Drescher, who is gay and treats gay and lesbian couples. > > But Warren says eHarmony promotes heterosexual marriage, about which he has done extensive research. He says he does not know enough about gay and lesbian relationships to do same-sex matching. > > It “calls for some very careful thinking. Very careful research.” He adds that same-sex marriage is illegal in most states. “We don’t really want to participate in something that’s illegal.” > > Lesbians and gays are not the only ones unwelcome on eHarmony; Warren says he rejects 16% of those who take his patented personality test because they’re poor marriage prospects. > > Weed-outs include people under eHarmony’s 21-year-old age limit and those whom the site decides are lying on the test. It also removes those believed to have certain types of emotional instability, such as “obstreperousness” (they just can’t be pleased) and depression, because “depression is pretty highly correlated with emotional problems,” Warren says. > > “You’d like to have as healthy people as you can. We get some people who are pretty unhealthy. And if you could filter them out, it would be great. We try hard. And it’s very costly.” > > But eHarmony does not reject on the basis of religion; it has atheists, agnostics and even Wiccans among customers, he says. > > Warren says he’s not lukewarm about his own faith. > > “I am a passionate believer,” he says, sitting in the quiet eHarmony headquarters, his former therapy office, lined with bookshelves holding The Joy of Sex, volumes of Freud and everything in between. > > But he says his religious beliefs are grounded in humanism and psychology, and he often intertwines the two. "I think there is something very incredible about Jesus. I don’t back away from that. At the same time … the public we want to serve is the world. > > “You can say that that is just a good business idea, because it increases the size of your market. But it’s also for me a philosophical point: I think our world will be a lot better world if we can help people of all types get married well.” That is, of course, all types exept the types that the service excludes. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-gave-eharmony-a-try/342809.md?page=2)