# So I guess I have a sister. She's 18. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 1, 2008, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-i-have-a-sister-shes-18/466050 "2008-10-01T19:23:56Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Morgenstern](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Morgenstern](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgenstern)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2008, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-i-have-a-sister-shes-18/466050/21 "2008-10-02T00:12:25Z")
Hey, my grandfather’s brother (granduncle?) had a secret wife and family. We just found them about 6 years ago. One just never knows what’s around the next corner. ---
**Author:** ![Mississippienne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d2c977/32.png) [@Mississippienne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mississippienne)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2008, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-i-have-a-sister-shes-18/466050/22 "2008-10-02T00:18:26Z")
I have some half-siblings somewhere. My biofather was married and divorced before he met my mother, and their mother took off with them. My mother doesn’t know their names, or even how many there are. They’re all probably in their 40s (I’m 23). My mother and aunts discovered their half-sister a few years ago. She’s half their ages and has two small children. They all quickly accepted each other and bonded. No hard feelings on either side. Now I have an Aunt Marilyn and two new cousins. My grandfather’s brother, Uncle Brac, was married four or five times and left children everywhere. Another one’ll call us up every couple of years. It’s to the point that we’re like _Yup, another’un of Brac’s_. ---
**Author:** ![Bear\_Nenno](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bear_nenno/32/3358_2.png) [@Bear\_Nenno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bear_Nenno)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2008, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-i-have-a-sister-shes-18/466050/23 "2008-10-02T00:29:49Z")
> [@AuntiePam](#): > > You didn’t know about your dad’s death until now? At the risk of being presumptuous, I gotta ask – how do you feel about that? I wasn’t close to my dad at all, but his friend started searching for his family as soon as he died, and I would have expected nothing less. Actually that man was quite abusive. I mean severly, physically, leave-you-bleeding abusive to my mom and older brothers. I last saw him when I was about 5 or so when my mother ended his one sporatic weekend every other month visitation. He was all but forgotten to me and my family. Apparantly, he was a great father to this girl, though. He talked of me and my brothers often. He had pictures of us on his wall and told her time and again that his biggest regret in life was how he treated us. Wow! Just wow! I still haven’t talked to this girl. But apparantly she is just as excited to have older brothers as I am to have a new sister. My mom and brother have talked to her, so that’s how I’ve learned the little that I have. One thing though. She says she’s actually been looking for us for years. She just happened to stumble onto my brother’s Myspace. Geeeez, girl! I need to show her how google works. She is from a tiny little town in upstate New York. I looked it up and it has a population of like 284! Man, that’s tiny. ---
**Author:** ![Bear\_Nenno](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bear_nenno/32/3358_2.png) [@Bear\_Nenno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bear_Nenno)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2008, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-i-have-a-sister-shes-18/466050/24 "2008-10-02T00:37:41Z")
> [@AuntiePam](#): > > You didn’t know about your dad’s death until now? At the risk of being presumptuous, I gotta ask – how do you feel about that? To better answer your question: The man who always has been, and always will be my father is alive and well. He lives back at home with my mother. This other man was nothing but vague memory to me. So learning of his death didn’t really matter any. I’m glad to hear he was nice to my new sister though. ---
**Author:** ![cmyk](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmyk/32/3353_2.png) [@cmyk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmyk)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2008, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-i-have-a-sister-shes-18/466050/25 "2008-10-02T01:05:04Z")
> [@Bear\_Nenno](#): > > Anyone else got any surprises for me? d-d-dad?! ---
**Author:** ![AuntiePam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f19dbf/32.png) [@AuntiePam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AuntiePam)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2008, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-i-have-a-sister-shes-18/466050/26 "2008-10-02T01:31:35Z")
> [@Bear\_Nenno](#): > > . > Apparantly, he was a great father to this girl, though. He talked of me and my brothers often. He had pictures of us on his wall and told her time and again that his biggest regret in life was how he treated us. Wow! Just wow! That’s encouraging, knowing that people can change and do better. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![NinetyWt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/cc9497/32.png) [@NinetyWt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinetyWt)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2008, 4:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-i-have-a-sister-shes-18/466050/27 "2008-10-02T04:04:45Z")
> [@Bear\_Nenno](#): > > Funny thing is, this girl has a younger brother too. He’s 18. I dont really care though… I already have brothers. Ha! Honey, you must mean something else (in your excitement). She and he are both 18? 😕 ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2008, 7:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-i-have-a-sister-shes-18/466050/28 "2008-10-02T07:03:14Z")
**Bear,** , if you decide to meet your sister, I hope it goes well. And if it doesn’t, I hope you don’t beat yourself up over the “failure” since it’s not your fault you didn’t get to know each other sooner. fingers crossed for success, though. It’s funny you say that she found you on myspace, because a cousin I lost track of years back after her mom moved the family to FL contacted me out of the blue a few weeks ago via it. I’d tried looking for her online without success, but she found me instead. > [@Dinsdale](#): > > When my wife was 22-ish, she learned that she had 2 1/2 siblings aged 15 and 13. And that her dad - who was still married to her mom - was married to their mother. Fun times indeed. Hey! Maybe she’s my cousin. The only time I ever saw my dad’s oldest half-brother was when he was fleeing the country to avoid two states pursuing bigamy charges. No one has heard from him since then, which was around 29 years ago given I was 2.5 at the time. My parents aren’t pleased I remember meeting him… ---
**Author:** ![Bear\_Nenno](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bear_nenno/32/3358_2.png) [@Bear\_Nenno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bear_Nenno)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2008, 8:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-i-have-a-sister-shes-18/466050/29 "2008-10-02T08:28:51Z")
> [@NinetyWt](#): > > Honey, you must mean something else (in your excitement). She and he are both 18? > > 😕 You’re right. I mean he’s 16. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2008, 12:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-i-have-a-sister-shes-18/466050/30 "2008-10-02T12:41:47Z")
> [@AuntiePam](#): > > You didn’t know about your dad’s death until now? At the risk of being presumptuous, I gotta ask – how do you feel about that? I wasn’t close to my dad at all, but his friend started searching for his family as soon as he died, and I would have expected nothing less. I didn’t find out about my dad until he was dead, but I never would have searched for him, and as far as I know, he wasn’t abusive. I simply never wanted to look him in the eye and see how easily he gave me up. ---
**Author:** ![luv2draw](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/46a35a/32.png) [@luv2draw](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/luv2draw)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2008, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-i-have-a-sister-shes-18/466050/31 "2008-10-02T16:35:09Z")
> [@Earl\_Snake-Hips\_Tucker](#): > > I have a close relative that found out at age 40 that he had four first cousins who were also his half-siblings. > > The strange thing was that, so far as he said, he seemed to have been the only one in the whole family who didn’t know. Exactly what happened in my family. I was 25 when I found out I had an older half-brother who I was raised to believe was my cousin; I ALWAYS (since I was a little kid) knew something was up but couldn’t put my finger on it but I finally dragged it out my mom. I was raised as an “only”. Of course, all the aunts and uncles knew the deal. Some older cousins too. But half-brother didn’t know. Nowadays there wouldn’t be the same kind of secrets and everyone would know… ---
**Author:** ![delphica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e9a140/32.png) [@delphica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/delphica)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2008, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-i-have-a-sister-shes-18/466050/32 "2008-10-02T18:34:20Z")
> [@Shagnasty](#): > > You have to know my family to realize how weird this is. My father has THE BIG SECRET that even my mother refuses to tell. The stories of alcoholism, cocaine addiction, **affairs with two cousins** , infidelity, kidnapping, derailing a train as a child, and many, many other similar things are free for anyone to talk about. However, there is THE BIG SECRET that is forbidden for anyone to ever talk about. The only think I can ever come up with is a half-sibling somewhere. (bolding mine) At the SAME TIME? I don’t know why that strikes me as so germane in light of everything else you said, but that’s what jumps out at me. Was he having the affairs with the cousins at the same time? ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2008, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-i-have-a-sister-shes-18/466050/33 "2008-10-02T19:21:36Z")
> [@delphica](#): > > (bolding mine) > > At the SAME TIME? I don’t know why that strikes me as so germane in light of everything else you said, but that’s what jumps out at me. Was he having the affairs with the cousins at the same time? I have no idea. He brought one cousin as a date to my wedding although she was adopted. My mother told me about the other one a few weeks ago. She is not adopted. In his defense, she was smoking hot. Most of my family is very attractive so I guess it had to happen in a Southern family in a small town. Despite some of the stuff that I reveal here that some people think is odd, I am actually holding back with the odd stuff. Sometimes I think that I grew up on another planet from most other people. Small Southern towns tend to be strange beyond belief. I try to dole this stuff over time. When my native Massachusetts wife first met me, she was stunned and did not want me to mention much about my family to hers. Sixteen years latter, she still wants to leave the room when they visit because it is completely foreign to her but she has to deal with it because they are also her children’s direct relatives. ---
**Author:** ![kittenblue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ba8739/32.png) [@kittenblue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kittenblue)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2008, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-i-have-a-sister-shes-18/466050/34 "2008-10-03T02:58:24Z")
> [@Shagnasty](#): > > I visited my father about 3 years ago in Texas. He had a step-daughter who has always liked me. My stepmother asked me to get a virus off of their computer and I asked for all of the passwords which she gave to me. I went to the bathroom and my 17 year old stepsister decided to go through her mother’s e-mail. In it was her medical history being sent somewhere listing her true father as a sperm donor. Her supposed father was dead and she couldn’t stand him and she seemed to be happy about the situation. She confronted her mother about it and it was confirmed. Just how long were you in the bathroom…lol? ---
**Author:** ![kittenblue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ba8739/32.png) [@kittenblue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kittenblue)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2008, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-i-have-a-sister-shes-18/466050/35 "2008-10-03T03:05:02Z")
> [@Shagnasty](#): > > I visited my father about 3 years ago in Texas. He had a step-daughter who has always liked me. My stepmother asked me to get a virus off of their computer and I asked for all of the passwords which she gave to me. I went to the bathroom and my 17 year old stepsister decided to go through her mother’s e-mail. In it was her medical history being sent somewhere listing her true father as a sperm donor. Her supposed father was dead and she couldn’t stand him and she seemed to be happy about the situation. She confronted her mother about it and it was confirmed. Just how long were you in the bathroom…lol? ---
**Author:** ![ASAKMOTSD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/919ad9/32.png) [@ASAKMOTSD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ASAKMOTSD)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2008, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-i-have-a-sister-shes-18/466050/36 "2008-10-03T03:17:17Z")
Where do I sign up to get some new siblings? Can I trade in a couple of the old ones? What if I toss in a couple parents? ---
**Author:** ![Moirai](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/96bed5/32.png) [@Moirai](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moirai)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2008, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-i-have-a-sister-shes-18/466050/37 "2008-10-03T03:17:32Z")
Damn, **Bear** , that’s wild. I hope it goes well. EJ’s biodad was an abusive prick, and we assume he littered the landscape with kids (besides the three he left my MIL with when he got into the wind- EJ was very young but remembers enough to hate the guy). Sadly, MIL next picked another asshole with at least 2 families already behind him. Thank God my parents were always the normal, boring ones… ---
**Author:** ![phil417](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/6bbea6/32.png) [@phil417](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phil417)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2008, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-i-have-a-sister-shes-18/466050/38 "2008-10-03T03:22:09Z")
> [@Bear\_Nenno](#): > > I’ve always kind of wanted a younger sister. Didn’t know I’ve always had one, though. Oh yea, and my biological dad is dead… > > Anyone else got any surprises for me? For you? No, but this didn’t occur to me until after my aunt died. My parents were divorced when I was five. When I was seven, my mother married my first step-father, James, who had a sister Nita who was married to Earl. Three years later, my mother’s sister, my aunt gave birth out of wedlock. The baby, a boy, was adopted by my then Aunt Nita & Uncle Earl They gave him the name Stephen Joseph, after Earl’s late brother. Everyone called him “Joe”. Fast forward to 1987, when my step-dad died. Seven months later, my aunt Nita died. My mother & Uncle Earl consoled each other, and about a year later married. Earl, my second step-dad has since died. So the question is, what is Joe to me? Is he my cousin? My step-bro (even though his dad is dead?) Bear, could you be related to either Joe or me? Love, Phil PS If you are, Bear, there’s no money in the family. Love, Phil ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2008, 3:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-i-have-a-sister-shes-18/466050/39 "2008-10-03T03:26:36Z")
I’ve always suspected I have a half-sibling out there somewhere. I remember one time when I was growing up, my shrew of a mother, during one of her regular nagging harangues against my father, threw that in his face, something about the girl he’d told her he’d gotten pregnant way back when. My father started making shushing noises and nodding over to me, indicating she should not be talking about this in front of the kid. I suspect my father was something of a wild man before he settled down and got saddled with my mother. He grew up in Los Angeles and lived for a significant portion of his 20s in Denver. ---
**Author:** ![Bear\_Nenno](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bear_nenno/32/3358_2.png) [@Bear\_Nenno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bear_Nenno)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2008, 6:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-i-have-a-sister-shes-18/466050/40 "2008-10-03T06:48:17Z")
> [@](#): > > So the question is, what is Joe to me? Is he my cousin? My step-bro (even though his dad is dead?) Something I’ve been thinking about… what do you call a person who your father adopted during another marriage and then left that child with his mother after the divorce? My oldest brother is actually a half-brother. He is from my mother and her first husband. When my mother married her second husband, he adopted my oldest brother. So now this new sister is my half sister from my bio dad’s new wife. It appears my bio dad talked of my oldest brother as if he was _his_ own bio son. So my new sister is under the impression that he is another half brother. But… he’s like a step-half brother to her, isnt he?? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-i-have-a-sister-shes-18/466050.md?page=1)