# So I guess I'm breaking up with my boyfiend. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 27, 2011, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-breaking-up-with-my-boyfiend/579850 "2011-04-27T02:05:55Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 14
**Author:** ![Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Living_Well_Is_Best_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2011, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-breaking-up-with-my-boyfiend/579850/261 "2011-06-01T19:58:15Z")
> [@Zsofia](#): > > So… I think this might be kind of serious, actually. Bad idea. Just have fun for the time being. You don’t seriously date the rebound guy (or girl). They are what you use to feel better. ---
**Author:** ![lindsaybluth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/90db22/32.png) [@lindsaybluth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lindsaybluth)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2011, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-breaking-up-with-my-boyfiend/579850/262 "2011-06-01T20:00:20Z")
> [@Zsofia](#): > > So… I think this might be kind of serious, actually. It’s not. If you’re suuuuure it is, tell him you need time to date around on your own. And, y’know, kick your ex out of your garage 🙂 Glad you’re walking funny, though 😃 ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2011, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-breaking-up-with-my-boyfiend/579850/263 "2011-06-01T20:31:05Z")
> [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](#): > > Bad idea. Just have fun for the time being. You don’t seriously date the rebound guy (or girl). They are what you use to feel better. Despite the fact that I’m marrying my rebound relationship and he’s marrying his, I agree with this. It’s really easy to mistake the flush of a new relationship and the end of loneliness as something much deeper. Obviously, I’m in no position to argue that the first relationship you get into after the end of a long-term relationship has to be meaningless, but I think it’s best to treat it as temporary. If it lasts, it lasts. ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2011, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-breaking-up-with-my-boyfiend/579850/264 "2011-06-01T20:31:50Z")
> [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](#): > > Bad idea. Just have fun for the time being. You don’t seriously date the rebound guy (or girl). They are what you use to feel better. Eh, sometimes they work. Both my sister and I ended up marrying our rebounds; I’m still with this guy since 1989. Still, I highly support not getting too attached, and taking this easy. Have some fun. ---
**Author:** ![raspberry\_hunter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b19c9b/32.png) [@raspberry\_hunter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/raspberry_hunter)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2011, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-breaking-up-with-my-boyfiend/579850/265 "2011-06-01T20:43:05Z")
It could be (going on 5 years married to my rebound after the same sort of slow “no, really, this isn’t working” dragged-out-breaking-up), but I’d say don’t worry about it either way, for now 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a9a28c/32.png) [@pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pseudotriton_ruber_ruber)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2011, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-breaking-up-with-my-boyfiend/579850/266 "2011-06-01T20:43:27Z")
You are quarantined, **Zsofia**. Not permitted to get serious with anyone until at least three more relationships, or six more months, whichever comes sooner. Sorry. Them’s the rules. ---
**Author:** ![PeskiPiksi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e495f1/32.png) [@PeskiPiksi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PeskiPiksi)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2011, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-breaking-up-with-my-boyfiend/579850/267 "2011-06-01T20:45:34Z")
I say have at it…fall in love, or infatuation, or whatever. Experience the relationship fully. Just don’t do anything that would be hard to reverse (moving in together, getting married, matching tattoos) for a pre-set length of time. After all, what’s the rush? ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2011, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-breaking-up-with-my-boyfiend/579850/268 "2011-06-01T21:08:48Z")
Well, I mean, I’m not putting a ring on it! Or a tattoo. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2011, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-breaking-up-with-my-boyfiend/579850/269 "2011-06-01T21:24:33Z")
And, you know, getting my cardio in. ---
**Author:** ![Sierra\_Indigo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f0a364/32.png) [@Sierra\_Indigo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sierra_Indigo)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2011, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-breaking-up-with-my-boyfiend/579850/270 "2011-06-01T21:29:34Z")
Nothing wrong with keeping him around for standby booty callage. Congrats. The first fuck after a breakup is magic, isn’t it? It’s like “Wow, I can do this again!” ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2011, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-breaking-up-with-my-boyfiend/579850/271 "2011-06-01T21:37:27Z")
> [@Omar\_Little](#): > > R,R,R,RE-BOUND!!! > > Big mistake. I would advise anyone coming off a lengthy relationship, to date around, keep it fresh and open. Having done this myself a few times - I never learn - I say, let her have her fun. The poor guy will suffer eventually, but them’s the breaks. (Also, I did marry a rebound once, but only after having dumped her for six months before we got back together.) ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2011, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-breaking-up-with-my-boyfiend/579850/272 "2011-06-01T21:53:05Z")
> [@Ferret\_Herder](#): > > my sister and I ended up marrying :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Zyada](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zyada/32/3028_2.png) [@Zyada](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zyada)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2011, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-breaking-up-with-my-boyfiend/579850/273 "2011-06-01T22:06:31Z")
I wonder how many of the people who are recommending against rebound relationships were the dumper vs. the dumpee? And if you have had problems getting into a relationship when you were on the rebound, how did being on the rebound create those problems? ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2011, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-breaking-up-with-my-boyfiend/579850/274 "2011-06-01T22:11:03Z")
> [@Zyada](#): > > I wonder how many of the people who are recommending against rebound relationships were the dumper vs. the dumpee? > > And if you have had problems getting into a relationship when you were on the rebound, how did being on the rebound create those problems? I was a widow, so I guess the dumpee? 🙂 The problem with rebound relationships is that a person can feel a little desperate to be in a relationship. They feel good about the attention they are getting and extrapolate from that into “This person is wonderful!” The person might be wonderful, but it’s very easy to be blind to problems or carried away by hormones and fun feelings and ignore some pretty big stuff. Most relationships of any significant length leave some hurt and scars behind. Of course, this is the problem with declaring any new relationship to be serious too soon, as some of the fun of newness will eventually rub off. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2011, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-breaking-up-with-my-boyfiend/579850/275 "2011-06-01T22:19:11Z")
In addition to what jsgoddess said, you need to take time to understand what went wrong with the relationship you just got out of. Even if the person is the dumper, that doesn’t mean that there aren’t things they did wrong in the broken relationship. Things that they probably should examine about themselves, to make sure that they don’t end up in a similar type relationship. Sure date and have fun, but I would advise against considering getting deep into any new relationship, after having one date after a break-up. ---
**Author:** ![lindsaybluth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/90db22/32.png) [@lindsaybluth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lindsaybluth)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2011, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-breaking-up-with-my-boyfiend/579850/276 "2011-06-01T22:23:38Z")
> [@Zyada](#): > > I wonder how many of the people who are recommending against rebound relationships were the dumper vs. the dumpee? Always the dumper. But it’s fairly conventional wisdom that few people are in a frame of mind after they get out of a serious relationship just to hop right back into one. I don’t think any recommendations so far have been out of touch. ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2011, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-breaking-up-with-my-boyfiend/579850/277 "2011-06-01T23:31:36Z")
> [@Omar\_Little](#): > > :eek: 😛 In the case of my sister’s former relationship and also my former (and separate) relationship 😛 we were both technically the dumpers. In my sister’s case, her then-fiance cared more about doing drugs and hanging out with people who could get him drugs than working or spending any time with her. In my case, my then-boyfriend (in a long distance relationship) was realizing he wanted to break up but didn’t really have the courage to do it. So, he told me later, he avoided contact with me - but was all apologies and reassurance and “I’m just so busy working on my degree” when I did manage to get him on the phone - so that I’d break it off. I don’t think either she or I wanted to leave, but it was that or be in a relationship with someone who didn’t want to be in one. Anyway, if the guy knows he’s Rebound Dude and what that could mean, it’s all good. Take your time, have fun. ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2011, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-breaking-up-with-my-boyfiend/579850/278 "2011-06-02T01:50:48Z")
He does know I just left my ex. And hell, not to be crude (yes entirely to be crude) he has amazing hands and he makes me feel like, you know, a lioness in heat. So I’m good with that. (God, I hope he never sees that!) ---
**Author:** ![lindsaybluth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/90db22/32.png) [@lindsaybluth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lindsaybluth)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2011, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-breaking-up-with-my-boyfiend/579850/279 "2011-06-02T02:33:02Z")
So long as you’re okay with us calling you The Lioness in Heat in other threads…😛 ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2011, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-breaking-up-with-my-boyfiend/579850/280 "2011-06-02T02:45:37Z")
Oh, shit. Can we forget I said that? I had a few glasses of wine with my mom’s friends… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-breaking-up-with-my-boyfiend/579850.md?page=13) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-breaking-up-with-my-boyfiend/579850.md?page=15)