# So I guess I'm breaking up with my boyfiend. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 27, 2011, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-breaking-up-with-my-boyfiend/579850 "2011-04-27T02:05:55Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Earl\_Snake-Hips\_Tucker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/earl_snake-hips_tucker/32/3269_2.png) [@Earl\_Snake-Hips\_Tucker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Earl_Snake-Hips_Tucker)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2011, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-breaking-up-with-my-boyfiend/579850/21 "2011-04-27T14:17:16Z")
Well, dang! I still have a roll of undeveloped infrared film, and they were the only place in town that had a chance of processing it once Columbia Photo closed. Shoulda taken it in earlier. . . Oh, and sorry about your personal situation, too ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2011, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-breaking-up-with-my-boyfiend/579850/22 "2011-04-27T14:23:26Z")
Oh, the camera store is still going, might just want to avoid mentioning my name. 🙂 Now they’re only open to the public on Saturdays, though. ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2011, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-breaking-up-with-my-boyfiend/579850/23 "2011-04-27T14:24:59Z")
If he has the same attitude towards working with business partners that he does towards making his relationship better (counseling once = ‘that sucks, not going again, but don’t leave me, fix your problem with this relationship’), then I’m not surprised they’re breaking off the business relationship. I’m curious, what did you say after he refused to return to counseling? ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2011, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-breaking-up-with-my-boyfiend/579850/24 "2011-04-27T14:28:07Z")
“GAAAH counseling was your idea!” mostly. He said he just didn’t feel he could open up and talk about anything important with the counselor, and that it didn’t do anything for him, which I suppose is fair but then you have to do something _else._ Not that this is all his fault or anything, mind you. Some of it is him refusing to man up and take on adult responsibilities and some of it is that I just don’t have any real chemistry with him and some of it is that sometimes I’m a nagging bitch. ETA - and the reason the friend he really needs is leaving the business is that running a startup is exhausting and pays peanuts. I mean, working with him can be stressful, believe you me, but I really think the money and the constant, unceasing small business crisis is why she’s leaving. She’s actually leaving to _clean pools_ because the money is so much better. ---
**Author:** ![sandra\_nz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eada6e/32.png) [@sandra\_nz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sandra_nz)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2011, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-breaking-up-with-my-boyfiend/579850/25 "2011-04-27T14:33:47Z")
I know I’m going against the grain here, but what would the impact be of waiting a couple of weeks whilst he gets the chance to deal with the business? ---
**Author:** ![Dogzilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2011, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-breaking-up-with-my-boyfiend/579850/26 "2011-04-27T14:50:09Z")
> [@sandra\_nz](#): > > I know I’m going against the grain here, but what would the impact be of waiting a couple of weeks whilst he gets the chance to deal with the business? I’m with this. It seems like kicking the guy when he’s down and it’s not like he’s abusing you or anything. He needs support from his best friend right now. That said, I recently dumped a live-in BF _the day after he lost his job_. But he was a narcissistic douchebag, so he had it comin’. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2011, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-breaking-up-with-my-boyfiend/579850/27 "2011-04-27T14:50:51Z")
Yeah. Wait until he gets back on his feet, and then cut the legs out from under him. ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2011, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-breaking-up-with-my-boyfiend/579850/28 "2011-04-27T14:54:05Z")
Well, that’s the thing - I can’t decide if getting it off my chest is selfish or responsible. I mean, is it fair to him to sit next to him on the couch with it weighing on my thoughts and affecting the way I treat him? Or is that the kinder thing to do? ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2011, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-breaking-up-with-my-boyfiend/579850/29 "2011-04-27T14:58:40Z")
Sounds like his friends in his business beat you to it. This guy must generally suck if no one wants to stay with him. ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2011, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-breaking-up-with-my-boyfiend/579850/30 "2011-04-27T15:04:04Z")
You know, that’s kind of uncalled for. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2011, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-breaking-up-with-my-boyfiend/579850/31 "2011-04-27T15:05:28Z")
Your thread. Your boyfriend. Your dumping. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2011, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-breaking-up-with-my-boyfiend/579850/32 "2011-04-27T15:09:38Z")
> [@Zsofia](#): > > Well, that’s the thing - I can’t decide if getting it off my chest is selfish or responsible. I mean, is it fair to him to sit next to him on the couch with it weighing on my thoughts and affecting the way I treat him? Or is that the kinder thing to do? Believe me, after the dumpage, the whole “she dumped me when my business partners left me” will merely be something to wail in extremis - it won’t actually matter in the long run. I was suggesting to my wife that we split up beforehand but she delayed it until after Christmas. The timing was no big deal in the grand scheme of things. I wish she’d have confronted the issue/my suggestion much earlier. ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2011, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-breaking-up-with-my-boyfiend/579850/33 "2011-04-27T15:20:06Z")
> [@Omar\_Little](#): > > Sounds like his friends in his business beat you to it. This guy must generally suck if no one wants to stay with him. Oh, for chrissakes. There’s very little similarity between a business relationship and a romantic relationship. From the OP’s words, it sounds like she has a sound reason for wanting to leave, and the biz partners have sound reasons for wanting to leave, and none of them have anything to do with each other. (OP is not, for example, leaving the relationship to go clean pools.) ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2011, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-breaking-up-with-my-boyfiend/579850/34 "2011-04-27T15:32:27Z")
The OP raised the issue of her boyfriends business partners bailing on him, just as she is about to bail on him as well. She’s hesitating from breaking up with right now, because she doesn’t want to kick him when he’s down. If the business partner’s hadn’t left, it sounds like she wouldn’t be hesitating to leave. egro: They beat her to it. Regardless of the difference in the reasons for leaving. The OP’s boyfriend is going to feel like everyone is dumping him. ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2011, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-breaking-up-with-my-boyfiend/579850/35 "2011-04-27T15:35:38Z")
Of course, there’s no denying that the constant small business crisis has had an effect on our relationship as well as on his relationship with his business partners. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2011, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-breaking-up-with-my-boyfiend/579850/36 "2011-04-27T15:42:32Z")
> [@Omar\_Little](#): > > The OP raised the issue of her boyfriends business partners bailing on him, just as she is about to bail on him as well. She’s hesitating from breaking up with right now, because she doesn’t want to kick him when he’s down. If the business partner’s hadn’t left, it sounds like she wouldn’t be hesitating to leave. egro: They beat her to it. I don’t think that’s the part of your reply that’s at issue… Anyhow, **Zsofia** , that really sucks, but it does sound like you’re doing the right thing, and that you did give it an honest effort, given what you’ve said in this thread and in other threads about you two. All I could say is good luck and hang in there. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2011, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-breaking-up-with-my-boyfiend/579850/37 "2011-04-27T15:48:40Z")
> [@pulykamell](#): > > I don’t think that’s the part of your reply that’s at issue… If everyone started bailing on you, you don’t think that you might see a pattern there? And wonder what hell is wrong with you. ---
**Author:** ![Moonlitherial](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4bbf92/32.png) [@Moonlitherial](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moonlitherial)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2011, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-breaking-up-with-my-boyfiend/579850/38 "2011-04-27T15:52:06Z")
Honestly **Zsofia** you’re going to feel bad no matter when you do it. You’re either kicking him when he’s down or kicking him back down just as he gets his feet under him or something else will come up and you’ll be kicking when he’s down again. You need to pick the time that works for you (now!) and get on with your life. You’ve got a lot going on in your life too and if you’re faking support because you’re agonizing over the fact that you’ve already made a decision that you haven’t acted on it’s not good for either of you. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2011, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-breaking-up-with-my-boyfiend/579850/39 "2011-04-27T15:55:00Z")
FWIW, I think Zsofia should go ahead and act now as well. Best way to remove that band-aid is to just rip it out. And most likely, 6 months from now, the boyfriend will be thanking you. He’ll will have moved on and realize that he was just as unhappy as she is. It’s just hard to see the dyanmics when you’re in the middle of it. ---
**Author:** ![Renee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/renee/32/287_2.png) [@Renee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Renee)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2011, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-breaking-up-with-my-boyfiend/579850/40 "2011-04-27T15:59:36Z")
Sorry to hear it, Zsofia, although it sounds like you’re doing the right thing. The two of you live together, right? How’s that going to work, are you kicking him out or leaving? I think if you’re leaving, it’s OK to go ahead and go, but if it’s your apartment, maybe give him some time? Asking him to move in the midst of all this seems somehow harsher than being left. But I could be way off base. Good luck either way, breaking up with someone is so miserable. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-breaking-up-with-my-boyfiend/579850.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-breaking-up-with-my-boyfiend/579850.md?page=3)