# So I guess I'm breaking up with my boyfiend. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 27, 2011, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-breaking-up-with-my-boyfiend/579850 "2011-04-27T02:05:55Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2011, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-breaking-up-with-my-boyfiend/579850/41 "2011-04-27T16:10:06Z")
You’ve been a supportive girlfriend for a long time, **Zsofia**. Isn’t this the guy that ran for mayor? You were by his side for all of that and you’ve been there for him through his latest venture. It sounds like regardless of whatever happens, yall will be friends, so that should soften the blow on him. I would give him a few days for him to feel better, then tell him how you feel. It’s time to move on. Not having chemistry sucks. ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2011, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-breaking-up-with-my-boyfiend/579850/42 "2011-04-27T16:10:09Z")
It’s my house, I’m kicking him out (but he can live in the garage apartment as long as he wants.) It will kill him to leave the dog and his favorite cat, though. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2011, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-breaking-up-with-my-boyfiend/579850/43 "2011-04-27T16:11:49Z")
> [@Zsofia](#): > > It will kill him to leave the dog and his favorite cat, though. ☹ What if he fights for custody? ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2011, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-breaking-up-with-my-boyfiend/579850/44 "2011-04-27T16:13:19Z")
Ha, I’d like to see him scoop a litterbox. The thing is, he’s in denial about the whole thing - “we totally have chemistry!” and he’s going to try to talk me out of it and I’m afraid I’m going to fold again, like I’ve done at least twice so far. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2011, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-breaking-up-with-my-boyfiend/579850/45 "2011-04-27T16:16:29Z")
My guess is that he’s in denial, because he doesn’t want to become a failure at a relationship. Try and point out to him that he’s going to be better off in the long run out of this relationship. Who want’s to be in a relationship with someone that’s not happy. ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2011, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-breaking-up-with-my-boyfiend/579850/46 "2011-04-27T16:19:15Z")
Guilt isn’t a good foundation for a lifetime commitment. You might have to start getting painfully honest with him if he continues to insist on a different version of reality and tries to argue you out of breaking up with him. ---
**Author:** ![Contrapuntal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2011, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-breaking-up-with-my-boyfiend/579850/47 "2011-04-27T16:20:17Z")
> [@Omar\_Little](#): > > Sounds like his friends in his business beat you to it. This guy must generally suck if no one wants to stay with him. This isn’t the place to be an asshole. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2011, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-breaking-up-with-my-boyfiend/579850/48 "2011-04-27T16:22:32Z")
> [@Contrapuntal](#): > > This isn’t the place to be an asshole. Then you probably should leave. Before you violate another board rule. ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2011, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-breaking-up-with-my-boyfiend/579850/49 "2011-04-27T16:23:26Z")
I mean, it’s rather rude to me too - I’ve stayed with him for _six years_, you know, which is more than a fifth of my life. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2011, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-breaking-up-with-my-boyfiend/579850/50 "2011-04-27T16:33:45Z")
> [@Zsofia](#): > > I mean, it’s rather rude to me too - I’ve stayed with him for _six years_, you know, which is more than a fifth of my life. It wasn’t meant to be rude to you. If you took it that way, then I’m sorry. I don’t know your boyfriend, nor you. You’re leaving him. Two of his business partners are leaving him. Sucks to be him. And regardless of the difference in the situations between you and his business partners, he’s going to see it as him getting bailed on by everyone around him. You see that as well, or you wouldn’t be waffling about breaking up with him. The first question that’s going to go through his mind…“what’s wrong with me?” ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2011, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-breaking-up-with-my-boyfiend/579850/51 "2011-04-27T16:40:55Z")
> [@Omar\_Little](#): > > The first question that’s going to go through his mind…“what’s wrong with me?” Absolutely. Perhaps it’s just the difficulty of reading tone on the Internet, but your first post on this didn’t really convey this. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2011, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-breaking-up-with-my-boyfiend/579850/52 "2011-04-27T16:46:19Z")
> [@pulykamell](#): > > Perhaps it’s just the difficulty of reading tone on the Internet, but your first post on this didn’t really convey this. People tend to assume the worst about others on message boards. It happens alot around here. Check out the BBQ pit forum. ---
**Author:** ![voltaire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voltaire/32/313_2.png) [@voltaire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/voltaire)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2011, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-breaking-up-with-my-boyfiend/579850/53 "2011-04-27T16:53:36Z")
If you ask me, you should just arrange to get caught in bed with another man. Just let me know when you want me to come over. (I keed, I keed!:p) (Or am I?;)) (Just thought this thread could use a little humor, no matter how weak the attempt.:D) ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2011, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-breaking-up-with-my-boyfiend/579850/54 "2011-04-27T16:56:17Z")
> [@Omar\_Little](#): > > Sounds like his friends in his business beat you to it. This guy must generally suck if no one wants to stay with him. > [@Zsofia](#): > > You know, that’s kind of uncalled for. > [@Contrapuntal](#): > > This isn’t the place to be an asshole. > [@Omar\_Little](#): > > Then you probably should leave. Before you violate another board rule. **Omar Little** , the OP has made it clear that your tone/comments are not appreciated here. You’re welcome to have, and express, your opinion, but keep in mind that this isn’t the Pit and it’s not necessary to be as blunt as possible. **Contrapuntal** , don’t call another poster an asshole in MPSIMS. Yes, I know that one can parse that sentence and prove you didn’t, exactly, but I also know, as does everyone reading this thread, that that’s what you meant. Everyone, dial it back, pls. Thanks, **twickster** , MPSIMS moderator ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2011, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-breaking-up-with-my-boyfiend/579850/55 "2011-04-27T17:00:04Z")
It’s going to suck whether he hears the news today or next week or next month. I don’t see the point in waiting. You know you aren’t going to change your mind. Yes, it’s going to suck now that he has to do the business thing by himself, and pay bills for himself instead of splitting them with you. But those problems are his, not yours. If you’ve been supporting him through a slowly-failing business venture, then maybe he needs to realize it failed and get a job that pays enough money to support an adult. It sucks, but it’s not your problem. It sounds like you are content to have him around as a friend after the breakup… if he’s still living with you (or in the garage apartment), and seeing you every day, I don’t think he’s going to stop trying to convince you to get back together. I don’t think that would be a healthy environment for him OR for you. I’m not saying throw his shit out on the street in the morning, but tell him that it’s over. Just tell him. He needs to find a new place asap, and you should go no-contact until the feelings are gone on BOTH SIDES. Not just yours. That could mean you stay no-contact forever. It’s not about being heartless toward him, it’s about protecting yourself and making choices for your long-term happiness. ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2011, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-breaking-up-with-my-boyfiend/579850/56 "2011-04-27T17:03:02Z")
The thing is, he REALLY couldn’t afford a place of his own. ---
**Author:** ![Procrustus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/procrustus/32/2994_2.png) [@Procrustus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Procrustus)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2011, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-breaking-up-with-my-boyfiend/579850/57 "2011-04-27T17:10:09Z")
> [@Zsofia](#): > > I mean, it’s rather rude to me too - I’ve stayed with him for _six years_, you know, which is more than a fifth of my life. Don’t obsess over the six years. Those aren’t “wasted” years if it doesn’t work out out. Those were regular, life-years. It’s what we do. We have relationships, some long, some short. They all end eventually. In four years, do you want to be wondering if you wasted 10 years with this guy? If it’s time to end it, it’s time to end it. Whether you’ve been together 6 week, 6 years, or 60 years. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2011, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-breaking-up-with-my-boyfiend/579850/58 "2011-04-27T17:10:39Z")
> [@Zsofia](#): > > The thing is, he REALLY couldn’t afford a place of his own. You are being kind to let him stay in the garage apartment. I bet it’s because you still value his friendship. All kudos to you. But as rachelellogram points out. He probably needs to wake up and realize that his unsucessful business ventures aren’t going to support him…and neither are you. I would give him a deadline for getting completely out. 1-2 months. Hell even married couples that separate, sometimes sleep in separate bedrooms until one can financially get to a point they can actually move out. Don’t sweat it. ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2011, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-breaking-up-with-my-boyfiend/579850/59 "2011-04-27T17:11:38Z")
> [@Zsofia](#): > > The thing is, he REALLY couldn’t afford a place of his own. I can’t afford a place of my own either, and I work full time (and this ain’t no minimum wage job). So I rent a room in a house. I’ve been doing that for the past 2 years and it hasn’t caused harm to me. It sucks sometimes, and the lack of privacy is inconvenient, but it works okay. Craigslist has an abundance of these living arrangements, it’s not hard to find one on short notice. TBH, it’s not your problem that he doesn’t have an adult income. I can’t see you getting the amount of freedom a single person should have if your ex is hanging around your place (what happens if/when you start bringing him sweet young thangs for the night?). Cutting the apron strings would be the best choice in the long term. You ESPECIALLY shouldn’t be forced to subsidize his lifestyle after you break up. But, if you do decide to let him stay in the apartment, you should charge him rent and treat him like a tenant. That includes not letting him into your living space, ever. But going no-contact and him renting a place that doesn’t involve you would be better. ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2011, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-breaking-up-with-my-boyfiend/579850/60 "2011-04-27T17:17:03Z")
Bringing IN sweet young thangs for the night. -\_-;; [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-breaking-up-with-my-boyfiend/579850.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-breaking-up-with-my-boyfiend/579850.md?page=4)