# So I guess I'm breaking up with my boyfiend. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 27, 2011, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-breaking-up-with-my-boyfiend/579850 "2011-04-27T02:05:55Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![dangermom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e274bd/32.png) [@dangermom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dangermom)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2011, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-breaking-up-with-my-boyfiend/579850/101 "2011-04-28T18:55:44Z")
> [@Omar\_Little](#): > > In almost all relationships the sex is better at the beginning…then begins to wane. Hell that’s even stereotypical of most marriages. I’m sure if you use the search feature you could find multiple polls in the IMHO forum that back that assertion up from the population of the SDMB alone. That doesn’t mean it disappears completely, it just means you have to make time for it and put more effort in. Infatuation wears off, and life gets busy and distracting, but most couples that love each other still like sex. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2011, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-breaking-up-with-my-boyfiend/579850/102 "2011-04-28T19:10:19Z")
> [@dangermom](#): > > That doesn’t mean it disappears completely, it just means you have to make time for it and put more effort in. Infatuation wears off, and life gets busy and distracting, but most couples that love each other still like sex. Where did I say it disappears completely? Even the OP said that they “hardly ever” have sex…not that it was non-existent. 😕 by your post. ---
**Author:** ![rogerbox](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/76d3ee/32.png) [@rogerbox](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rogerbox)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2011, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-breaking-up-with-my-boyfiend/579850/103 "2011-04-28T19:19:48Z")
> [@Zsofia](#): > > This is the only guy I’ve really been in a long term close relationship with - I don’t think I’ve dated anybody else for more than six months or so. So I don’t know if it’s him I’m not hot for or if I’m just one of those people who doesn’t have a high drive and once the bloom is off the rose doesn’t go out of her way, you know? The second-longest relationship I was in I also kind of lost interest in sex by the end, but he was a dumb asshole. So that’s not a data point. If you do end up breaking up with him you should probably use the time aftewards to date around more and try to figure out what caused the sex drive to die down, because even if you get started in a great relationship, unless he also shares your limited sex drive this will happen again. ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2011, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-breaking-up-with-my-boyfiend/579850/104 "2011-04-28T19:34:44Z")
Based on what you’ve written here, it doesn’t sound like counseling is going to change your relationship. You’ve grown apart from him, and you can’t just turn back time. You are a different person than you were way back then. How many more weeks/months/years are you going to put into this? I’m afraid it really does sound like a fruitless endeavor. You are way too young to settle into a platonic relationship with a life partner. Is this what you want for the next 60 years? I’d rather live alone for the rest of my life than settle for this relationship. Even though you were coerced into telling him you’d reconsider, you can change your mind again in the light of day. If he wants to do counseling, fine, let him do counseling. Tell him to give you a call when he’s done. You will be beyond him by then. ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2011, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-breaking-up-with-my-boyfiend/579850/105 "2011-04-28T19:37:19Z")
I suppose it ought to be a rule that if a guy who has never before called you “baby” starts suddenly, it is not a good sign. ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2011, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-breaking-up-with-my-boyfiend/579850/106 "2011-04-28T19:53:20Z")
> [@rogerbox](#): > > If you do end up breaking up with him you should probably use the time aftewards to date around more and try to figure out what caused the sex drive to die down, because even if you get started in a great relationship, unless he also shares your limited sex drive this will happen again. I wouldn’t say this is necessarily the case. It could be that if she enters into an equal relationship with an adult (rather than a manchild), someone who pays his own way through life, that she won’t encounter this ever again. It could also be that she isn’t a good candidate for monogamy and might be better off trying open relationships from now on. It could be that he begs for sex and she’s sick of it, or that he doesn’t consistently fulfill her sexual needs. It could be purely a result of a drug interaction. The only sure thing is that neither you nor I appear to be licensed psychologists, and should probably leave those broad pronouncements and proposed treatments to a professional. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2011, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-breaking-up-with-my-boyfiend/579850/107 "2011-04-28T20:04:39Z")
> [@rachelellogram](#): > > The only sure thing is that neither you nor I appear to be licensed psychologists, and should probably leave those broad pronouncements and proposed treatments to a professional. Just curious. Does this jewel of wisdom apply to your many pieces of advice made throughout this thread? :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2011, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-breaking-up-with-my-boyfiend/579850/108 "2011-04-28T20:13:32Z")
Oh snap. ---
**Author:** ![Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Living_Well_Is_Best_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2011, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-breaking-up-with-my-boyfiend/579850/109 "2011-04-28T20:22:08Z")
> [@Omar\_Little](#): > > Just curious. Does this jewel of wisdom apply to your many pieces of advice made throughout this thread? :dubious: Was about to say the exact same thing. ---
**Author:** ![MPB\_in\_Salt\_Lake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c0e974/32.png) [@MPB\_in\_Salt\_Lake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MPB_in_Salt_Lake)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2011, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-breaking-up-with-my-boyfiend/579850/110 "2011-04-28T20:57:29Z")
> [@Omar\_Little](#): > > Just curious. Does this jewel of wisdom apply to your many pieces of advice made throughout this thread? :dubious: Have you ever read any of the various posts she has made about her personal life and her living situation? I am always mystified by how someone who has so many things that they need to work on in their own life (being so obese that she can’t buckle up a seat-belt, or being forced to live with a stranger that she can’t stand in a rented room situation) feels a burning need to pontificate to others about how to conduct their affairs… ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2011, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-breaking-up-with-my-boyfiend/579850/111 "2011-04-28T21:17:20Z")
> [@MPB\_in\_Salt\_Lake](#): > > Have you ever read any of the various posts she has made about her personal life and her living situation? > > I am always mystified by how someone who has so many things that they need to work on in their own life (being so obese that she can’t buckle up a seat-belt, or being forced to live with a stranger that she can’t stand in a rented room situation) feels a burning need to pontificate to others about how to conduct their affairs… This seems even more appropriate now. > [@Zsofia](#): > > Oh snap. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2011, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-breaking-up-with-my-boyfiend/579850/112 "2011-04-28T21:17:45Z")
> [@MPB\_in\_Salt\_Lake](#): > > Have you ever read any of the various posts she has made about her personal life and her living situation? > > I am always mystified by how someone who has so many things that they need to work on in their own life (being so obese that she can’t buckle up a seat-belt, or being forced to live with a stranger that she can’t stand in a rented room situation) feels a burning need to pontificate to others about how to conduct their affairs… And yet, she’s right in this thread and is coming from a place of care and concern for Zsofia’s wellbeing. ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2011, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-breaking-up-with-my-boyfiend/579850/113 "2011-04-28T21:37:31Z")
I think you guys have kind of convinced me that I was dumb and need to man it on up. The thing is, that’s a hell of a lot easier at work on my own than it is with him there. Man tears are my Kryptonite. Also, he needs to fix my video card first. ---
**Author:** ![Invisible\_Chimp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f05b48/32.png) [@Invisible\_Chimp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Invisible_Chimp)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2011, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-breaking-up-with-my-boyfiend/579850/114 "2011-04-28T21:39:03Z")
> [@MPB\_in\_Salt\_Lake](#): > > Have you ever read any of the various posts she has made about her personal life and her living situation? > > I am always mystified by how someone who has so many things that they need to work on in their own life (being so obese that she can’t buckle up a seat-belt, or being forced to live with a stranger that she can’t stand in a rented room situation) feels a burning need to pontificate to others about how to conduct their affairs… According to that logic, only perfect people can give advice. There are no perfect people. Therefore no one should give advice to anyone else. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2011, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-breaking-up-with-my-boyfiend/579850/115 "2011-04-28T21:42:01Z")
> [@Zsofia](#): > > I think you guys have kind of convinced me that I was dumb and need to man it on up. The thing is, that’s a hell of a lot easier at work on my own than it is with him there. Man tears are my Kryptonite. > > Also, he needs to fix my video card first. Definitely get that video card fixed before you do anything. It will be helpful for future online cybersexing. :eek:😃 ---
**Author:** ![MPB\_in\_Salt\_Lake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c0e974/32.png) [@MPB\_in\_Salt\_Lake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MPB_in_Salt_Lake)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2011, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-breaking-up-with-my-boyfiend/579850/116 "2011-04-28T21:43:58Z")
> [@Invisible\_Chimp](#): > > According to that logic, only perfect people can give advice. There are no perfect people. Therefore no one should give advice to anyone else. I suppose that’s a point, but I see it more as a “Physician, heal thyself” situation… ---
**Author:** ![sandra\_nz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eada6e/32.png) [@sandra\_nz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sandra_nz)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2011, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-breaking-up-with-my-boyfiend/579850/117 "2011-04-28T21:47:43Z")
I wish you every strength in completing this task. I wonder if the broken record approach might help you. Don’t even listen to what it is he is saying, just keep repeating a phrase like, ‘I’ve made up my mind and I don’t want to be in a relationship with you any more. I need you to leave.’ ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2011, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-breaking-up-with-my-boyfiend/579850/118 "2011-04-28T21:51:07Z")
> [@Omar\_Little](#): > > Definitely get that video card fixed before you do anything. It will be helpful for future online cybersexing. :eek:😃 Dude, this thing plugs into the power supply! I can’t even imagine what kind of dickens I’d be getting up to online that I’d need a video card that does that for! ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2011, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-breaking-up-with-my-boyfiend/579850/119 "2011-04-28T21:52:46Z")
> [@Zsofia](#): > > Man tears are my Kryptonite. You’ve become his mother. When he calls you “baby”, you find it incongruent because consciously or subconsciously you see him as the baby. The one who needs to be nurtured, supported, and provided for. The one who’s ego needs looking after. When he started crying, what you felt wasn’t love. It was pity. You looked at his crying face and caved in the same way a mother caves in to her crying child. But running right behind pity is contempt. You’re fed up with him, and you know it. Your libido will probably return after you break up with him. I’ve been there, done that. ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2011, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-breaking-up-with-my-boyfiend/579850/120 "2011-04-28T21:55:02Z")
+1 board stalker, MPB 🆒 > [@rogerbox](#): > > even if you get started in a great relationship, unless he also shares your limited sex drive this will happen again This kind of advice requires a professional license to be deemed “credible.” Do you think my advice was on par with this snippet from rogerbox? Because it isn’t. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-breaking-up-with-my-boyfiend/579850.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-breaking-up-with-my-boyfiend/579850.md?page=7)