# So I guess I'm having a threesome **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 29, 2010, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-having-a-threesome/526949 "2010-01-29T21:07:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2010, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-having-a-threesome/526949/41 "2010-01-30T16:58:53Z")
Just another who wants to wish you a fond “Have fun!” and a caution to be safe. Update as necessary. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![johnpost](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f17d59/32.png) [@johnpost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/johnpost)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2010, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-having-a-threesome/526949/42 "2010-01-30T17:24:12Z")
i would suggest taking his statement that anyone can request stopping activity as an absolute without reservation. everyone should get to set their pace and limits. go slow if needed. it could take weeks or months to learn how to get along with your new playmates. sounds like it could be done both as casual play as well a develop into serious friends. see how it goes. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2010, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-having-a-threesome/526949/43 "2010-01-30T17:25:54Z")
> [@BorgHunter](#): > > What’s wrong with “Stop”? It’s simple, easy to remember, and has the advantage of not needing to be worked out beforehand. Safe words are important in BDSM roleplaying because “stop” is a word that a bottom, while roleplaying, could conceivably say quite a bit without actually desiring a cessation of activities. “Don’t!” “Stop!” “Don’t!” “Stop!” “Don’t!” “Stop!” “Don’t!”“Stop!”“Don’tStop!”“Don’tStop!”“Don’tStop!” ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2010, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-having-a-threesome/526949/44 "2010-01-30T20:43:41Z")
> [@Argent\_Towers](#): > > Are you the same **Autolycus** on the THR forum? I thought THR was maybe an acronym for threesome forum, but I see it is for a gun ownership forum called The High Road. In any case, no, this is the only forum I frequent. Sorry to disappoint, or not? ---
**Author:** ![dalej42](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/67e7ee/32.png) [@dalej42](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dalej42)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2010, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-having-a-threesome/526949/45 "2010-01-30T20:55:52Z")
I’d just relax and enjoy it. You’re not going to be invited to have one in your 70s ---
**Author:** ![MitzeKatze](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ad7895/32.png) [@MitzeKatze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MitzeKatze)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2010, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-having-a-threesome/526949/46 "2010-01-30T21:11:58Z")
> [@Mangetout](#): > > It’s a possibility. If it were me in that situation (it wouldn’t be, but if it were), I would arrange with a trusted friend that you will phone them at a certain time and if they don’t hear from you, they phone, and if you don’t pick up, they arrive with the cavalry. Well, this is probably good advice even if you aren’t off to the threesome. 🙂 When I was single for a brief period of adulthood, my mother insisted that when I went out on a date that I do as above but even further she suggested to tell the trusted friend who/where (I think in this situation you can leave out the “what” ;)). And also to leave a note on my refrigerator with: where I was going, who with, his (their) address and/or phone number (if possible) and what time I expected to return. That way if I disappeared there would be a good place for (mom) to start looking. Doing all of that is probably a little paranoid, but doing some of it is definitely good “just in case” advice.🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Baron\_Greenback](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/baron_greenback/32/48_2.png) [@Baron\_Greenback](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baron_Greenback)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2010, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-having-a-threesome/526949/47 "2010-01-30T21:23:34Z")
> [@faithfool](#): > > Update as necessary. 😃 I suppose live err, blow by blow, twitter updates are out of the question? ---
**Author:** ![Rick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9f8e36/32.png) [@Rick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rick)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2010, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-having-a-threesome/526949/48 "2010-01-30T21:32:21Z")
Have fun! ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2010, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-having-a-threesome/526949/49 "2010-01-30T23:28:55Z")
No answer yet. Mortification may be setting in. ---
**Author:** ![FoieGrasIsEvil](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foiegrasisevil/32/16638_2.png) [@FoieGrasIsEvil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FoieGrasIsEvil)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2010, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-having-a-threesome/526949/50 "2010-01-31T00:27:57Z")
> [@Enderw24](#): > > I’m not quite sure what Han’s doing in a threesome. He usually plays it solo. BOOOOOO!!! 🙂 > [@Autolycus](#): > > I wonder if Han will shoot first. BOOOOOO!!! 😉 > [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](#): > > A threesome with a smoker? Ew. Well, to be fair, if Han is half the man he’s cracking up to be, she won’t be able to taste his cigarette mouth if he, uh, does his job properly. Who ever heard of nicotine-stained labia? ---
**Author:** ![Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b38774/32.png) [@Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Attack_from_the_3rd_dimension)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2010, 4:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-having-a-threesome/526949/51 "2010-01-31T04:04:32Z")
> [@FoieGrasIsEvil](#): > > BOOOOOO!!! > Well, to be fair, if Han is half the man he’s cracking up to be, she won’t be able to taste his cigarette mouth if he, uh, does his job properly. Who ever heard of nicotine-stained labia? Well, me now, unfortunately. ---
**Author:** ![BottledBlondJeanie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/0ea827/32.png) [@BottledBlondJeanie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BottledBlondJeanie)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2010, 12:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-having-a-threesome/526949/52 "2010-01-31T12:46:11Z")
I hope you did whatever you felt comfortable doing. Han sounds nice enough and is aware of boundaries. Even if all you did is snuggle in a pile of nakedness with an occasional kiss or stroke that is awesome. Even if you hugged them after the RHPS and went home, yay! Just don’t get caught in a Han/Lea meltdown as your brief description gives me pause to think that she really thinks you’re hot, wants to do you but is shy or she thinks you’re hot, is pissed that Han does,too, and is looking for a slight to freak out about. I have heard that green herbs help with the flow of these things though. Happy thoughts your way!!! ---
**Author:** ![Jonathan\_Chance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jonathan_chance/32/701_2.png) [@Jonathan\_Chance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jonathan_Chance)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2010, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-having-a-threesome/526949/53 "2010-01-31T17:32:23Z")
Actually, I might disagree about the herbs thing. Not out of any puritanical objection, mind, but a practical one. In my experience, which is not all that small, these things are best clear-headed. Anything uncomfortable ends up magnified post-event if filtered through any form of judgement-clouding substance. The worst thing about threesomes can be the aftermath. And being able to pin behavior on alcohol or other substances takes that sort of craziness to an all new level. I always preferred to go into things clear-minded and open. That way when boundaries are reached they can be dealt with openly and quickly. If you do it, enjoy it! In my experience the first couple of times are a real turn on and following that it gets sort of routine. You might find that once was enough for you and that’s that. Or you might find that it’s something you want to repeat with Han and Leia or with others. Either outcome is fine. What wouldn’t be find is being unhappy at the end. Good luck. ---
**Author:** ![Chicagojeff](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b19c9b/32.png) [@Chicagojeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chicagojeff)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2010, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-having-a-threesome/526949/54 "2010-01-31T17:34:50Z")
The only objection i would have is the Rocky horror?? I just never got it… maybe meet up after the Wall… or Pulp Fiction… lol… but some of the responses… i think we watch too many movies… shall she leave breadcrumbs as well??? ---
**Author:** ![Chessic\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7c8e57/32.png) [@Chessic\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chessic_Sense)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2010, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-having-a-threesome/526949/55 "2010-01-31T20:22:32Z")
> [@bup](#): > > OTOH, going through life and never being in a threesome, you always wonder if you wasted your youth. I swear, I read this as “you always wonder if you wasted your **m** outh.” ---
**Author:** ![kittenblue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ba8739/32.png) [@kittenblue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kittenblue)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2010, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-having-a-threesome/526949/56 "2010-02-01T01:45:26Z")
I don’t know…I think if the only way I could get laid would be to be part of a group, I’d be a little depressed. I really like it when someone likes me best! Seems a bit like they are preying on the OP’s desperation. ---
**Author:** ![Rigamarole](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rigamarole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rigamarole)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2010, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-having-a-threesome/526949/57 "2010-02-01T02:15:49Z")
Sooo… followup? ---
**Author:** ![statsman1982](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e79b87/32.png) [@statsman1982](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/statsman1982)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2010, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-having-a-threesome/526949/58 "2010-02-01T02:28:25Z")
> [@Rigamarole](#): > > Sooo… followup? Yes, I too hope she checks in soon. I hope everything went well, if she indeed decided to go through with it. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2010, 2:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-having-a-threesome/526949/59 "2010-02-01T02:32:13Z")
> [@kittenblue](#): > > I don’t know…I think if the only way I could get laid would be to be part of a group, I’d be a little depressed. I really like it when someone likes me best! Seems a bit like they are preying on the OP’s desperation. Desparation? I didn’t sense that. There is a difference between not having sex and being desparate to have sex. ---
**Author:** ![statsman1982](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e79b87/32.png) [@statsman1982](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/statsman1982)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2010, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-having-a-threesome/526949/60 "2010-02-01T02:39:20Z")
> [@Muffin](#): > > Desparation? I didn’t sense that. There is a difference between not having sex and being desparate to have sex. I would go even further and say that wanting sex is different than being desperate, the former being what I think the OP was trying to express. To be desperate means one would do (heh) just about anything to obtain what is desired. I didn’t sense that the OP was in that situation. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-having-a-threesome/526949.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-guess-im-having-a-threesome/526949.md?page=4)