# So I have prostate cancer **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 9, 2017, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-have-prostate-cancer/804035 "2017-12-09T19:11:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Sicks\_Ate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Sicks\_Ate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sicks_Ate)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2017, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-have-prostate-cancer/804035/21 "2017-12-10T15:00:43Z")
> [@DesertDog](#): > > Really. Was she afraid she’d get cancer cells ejected into her or something? “It’s not contagious, I tell you!”, squeegee ejaculated. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2017, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-have-prostate-cancer/804035/22 "2017-12-10T15:45:23Z")
> [@Helena330](#): > > I can’t believe your girlfriend broke up with you. What a bitch. I’m sorry you have to deal with all this. After the Cancer Incident in my own household last year I can believe it. It’s not just girl/boyfriends - the spouse’s oncologist’s office had adult protective services on their phone list because, apparently, they had had patients abandoned by _entire families_. People undergoing chemo who were never picked up, whose “loved ones” never returned for them after the treatment. I get it - it’s scary and exhausting and all sorts of bad. I just can’t understand on a gut level abandoning someone like that. Yet people do. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2017, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-have-prostate-cancer/804035/23 "2017-12-10T16:02:27Z")
If somebody approaches a relationship as just a transaction, it makes a selfish sort of sense to scram at any major trouble. There’s a big difference between “I love you for being you” and “I say ‘I love you’ but I actually only love what you do for me.” As any number of threads on dating, marriage, harassment, divorce and all the rest show, one heck of a lot of people think in terms of the latter. We’ve got 4 active threads right now swirling around this point in various ways. This doesn’t excuse the reality, but it does illuminate it. ---
**Author:** ![El\_Kabong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/el_kabong/32/496_2.png) [@El\_Kabong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Kabong)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2017, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-have-prostate-cancer/804035/24 "2017-12-10T16:47:50Z")
I was diagnosed four years ago with about the same parameters as the OP. Elected radiation treatment and so far so good. PSA is not zero but is low and has been declining at each checkup. ED was the main side effect; annoying but I can certainly live with it. No major incontinence problems, but now when I’ve got to go, I’ve got to go _immediately_. By way of contrast, younger brother had same condition and elected surgery; had a lengthy recovery time and was totally incontinent for about three years afterward. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2017, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-have-prostate-cancer/804035/25 "2017-12-10T17:11:15Z")
Good to hear of a good outcome starting from from a late counterattack. Congrats and best of luck for the future. > [@El\_Kabong](#): > > … > ED was the main side effect; annoying but I can certainly live with it. > … At the risk of TMI, do you mean “annoying” as in “Not as good as it used to be but Viagra mostly fixes that” or annoying as in “It flat don’t work, but I’m old enough that doesn’t much matter.” Or as in “MYOB you nosy jerk!” 🙂 I ask because while I don’t have an immediate problem this is probably in my future before age 70. ---
**Author:** ![Plumpudding](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/edb3f5/32.png) [@Plumpudding](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Plumpudding)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2017, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-have-prostate-cancer/804035/26 "2017-12-10T17:27:27Z")
> [@squeegee](#): > > Just diagnosed. T1c, gleason 7 (3+4). It’s apparently contained so I’m told very curable. However, treatment _can_ (note the qualifier) leave a m upan permanently impotent and _can_ cause permanent urinary incontinence. In fact as I understand it, you get both for sure then maybe recover. Or not. > > Obviously I need to find a surgeon (if I do surgery) or oncologist (if I opt for radiation instead) with a lot of experience and a track record of good outcomes. I have no idea how I’m going to do that. I’m going to talk to one of each next week on referral from my urologist, but I will def need to shop more. I’m 55 (and told I look 10 years younger), fit, single and sexually active, and not ready to give up sex. I told GF yesterday, and she instantly broke up with me. > > I’ll also have to get the RV meth lab set up. Luckily I already have an evil goatee. I was about to say it’s good that it’s very curable and that a longer life might be more important than sex. But damn, sucks about your GF! That’s damn cold. :mad: I hope things work out and that you retain your potency and continence, fingers crossed. ---
**Author:** ![squeegee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/squeegee/32/14537_2.png) [@squeegee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/squeegee)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2017, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-have-prostate-cancer/804035/27 "2017-12-10T17:39:01Z")
> [@LSLGuy](#): > > Good to hear of a good outcome starting from from a late counterattack. Congrats and best of luck for the future.At the risk of TMI, do you mean “annoying” as in “Not as good as it used to be but Viagra mostly fixes that” or annoying as in “It flat don’t work, but I’m old enough that doesn’t much matter.” Of course I’m wondering the same thing if **El\_Kabong** feels like sharing. ---
**Author:** ![Nightfall1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ecd19e/32.png) [@Nightfall1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nightfall1)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2017, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-have-prostate-cancer/804035/28 "2017-12-10T18:21:04Z")
Hi Squeegee, I’m 64 now, I was 59 when I was diagnosed with prostate cancer. I was given all the choices and I chose surgery. I have the type of personality that said if I had cancer cut it out NOW. The doctor was trained in the use of The DaVinci Machine. It’s a robotic surgical system. My second opinion doctor was a personal friend. He said that was the best choice for me and the doctor that was going to do the operation was the best in the country. I was worried about not being able to have sexual relations with my wife anymore and leaking urine all the time. The doctor said those were the two most asked questions he got from his patients. He told me with the DaVinci Machine the odds were REALLY on my side that I could still have sexual relations. He told me I would have to wear a pad for urine leakage for a while but it WOULD get better. He was right on both counts.I did leak urine after the operation. Whenever I would laugh or have a sudden movement to the left or right or bend down in the garden I would leak. I wore the pad for 10 months. I could have stopped wearing it after 9 months but I was worried so 10 months it was. I had the operation at 7am on one day, stayed the night in the hospital for one night and then went home. I had a catheter for 8 days and was off of work for 6 weeks. I couldn’t lift anything more than 5 pounds for the six weeks. He said I could walk 100 miles a day if I wanted to but no lifting. When I went back to work I could lift any amount of weight with no problem, I do lift weights at the YMCA for exercise. I do take Viagra now. It’s not like I’m 18 years old anymore but I’m not dead either. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![squeegee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/squeegee/32/14537_2.png) [@squeegee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/squeegee)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2017, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-have-prostate-cancer/804035/29 "2017-12-10T18:25:35Z")
> [@LSLGuy](#): > > If somebody approaches a relationship as just a transaction, it makes a selfish sort of sense to scram at any major trouble. > > There’s a big difference between “I love you for being you” and “I say ‘I love you’ but I actually only love what you do for me.” > > As any number of threads on dating, marriage, harassment, divorce and all the rest show, one heck of a lot of people think in terms of the latter. We’ve got 4 active threads right now swirling around this point in various ways. > > This doesn’t excuse the reality, but it does illuminate it. I suppose I’m a bit inured to it. I lost nearly all my friends in my 2014 divorce. I had a woman text me a break-up the day my father died. There’s only so much outrage to be had before you just keep looking forward. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2017, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-have-prostate-cancer/804035/30 "2017-12-10T18:35:19Z")
Just a note to say hang in there. The older I get, the more I expect something like this to happen to me. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2017, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-have-prostate-cancer/804035/31 "2017-12-10T18:38:51Z")
Ouch!! Sorry to hear you’ve been through that many wringers. There’s an administrator at the oncology practice I frequent. A hand-made sign in her office says “Don’t look back. That’s not where you’re going.” There are times and situations to scan the whole horizon. And times to fix your gaze dead ahead and trudge dutifully forward ignoring the explosions on all sides. Part of surviving is knowing when to do which. ---
**Author:** ![squeegee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/squeegee/32/14537_2.png) [@squeegee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/squeegee)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2017, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-have-prostate-cancer/804035/32 "2017-12-10T19:01:55Z")
> [@Nightfall1](#): > > Hi Squeegee, > I’m 64 now, I was 59 when I was diagnosed with prostate cancer. I was given all the choices and I chose surgery. I have the type of personality that said if I had cancer cut it out NOW. The doctor was trained in the use of The DaVinci Machine. It’s a robotic surgical system. My second opinion doctor was a personal friend. He said that was the best choice for me and the doctor that was going to do the operation was the best in the country. > I was worried about not being able to have sexual relations with my wife anymore and leaking urine all the time. The doctor said those were the two most asked questions he got from his patients. He told me with the DaVinci Machine the odds were REALLY on my side that I could still have sexual relations. He told me I would have to wear a pad for urine leakage for a while but it WOULD get better. He was right on both counts.I did leak urine after the operation. Whenever I would laugh or have a sudden movement to the left or right or bend down in the garden I would leak. I wore the pad for 10 months. I could have stopped wearing it after 9 months but I was worried so 10 months it was. > I had the operation at 7am on one day, stayed the night in the hospital for one night and then went home. I had a catheter for 8 days and was off of work for 6 weeks. I couldn’t lift anything more than 5 pounds for the six weeks. He said I could walk 100 miles a day if I wanted to but no lifting. When I went back to work I could lift any amount of weight with no problem, I do lift weights at the YMCA for exercise. > I do take Viagra now. It’s not like I’m 18 years old anymore but I’m not dead either. 🙂 Thanks for the good outcome tale, and lots of details on how it went, **Nightfall1**! If you have a doctor’s name or other contact info you are comfortable sharing, please PM me. If they are not in my area or network, good doctors also know other good doctors in their specialty. Thanks in advance!! ---
**Author:** ![Nightfall1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ecd19e/32.png) [@Nightfall1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nightfall1)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2017, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-have-prostate-cancer/804035/33 "2017-12-10T19:26:02Z")
> **[da Vinci Surgical System](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Da_Vinci_Surgical_System)** > > The Da Vinci Surgical System is a robotic surgical system that uses a minimally invasive surgical approach. The system is manufactured by the company Intuitive Surgical. The system is used for prostatectomies, and increasingly for cardiac valve repair, and for renal and gynecologic surgical procedures. > It was used in an estimated 200,000 surgeries in 2012, most commonly for hysterectomies and prostate removals. The system is called "Da Vinci" in part because Leonardo da Vinci's study of human... Google Dr. Michael Fumo MD Urologist Rockford Illinois ---
**Author:** ![OttoDaFe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ottodafe/32/356_2.png) [@OttoDaFe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OttoDaFe)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2017, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-have-prostate-cancer/804035/34 "2017-12-10T20:01:14Z")
Regarding **Nightfall1** (he’s already been quoted once, no need to take up more space), add a few years to the age and you’ve pretty much got me. I forget what the Gleason score was — it was nine years ago — but I do recall the urologist telling me that based on a post-op biopsy of the tumor it definitely **would** have killed me. The first outward symptom would have been intense and intractable lower back pain, and it would have been downhill from there. So despite the (mostly-true) adage that men die with prostate cancer rather than from it, it ain’t necessarily so. Immediate post-op was almost identical. Only memorable incident was my first night home: the adhesive clamp that was supposed to keep the catheter tube attached to my leg came loose, so when the bag fell off the bed it jerked … everything … off to the side. If I never again wake to that sensation it will be fine with me. Long term isn’t quite so positive, but bear in mind that a) I’m older, and b) I’ve been significantly overweight most of my life. I’m aware that there are multiple approaches to ED, but my life situation is such that I don’t see any point in availing myself of them; and as far as incontinence goes, 99.5% of the time there isn’t an issue at all — but like **El\_Kabong** , when I gotta go, I gotta go _now_ (or very soon), and sometimes I’m not in a position to. So I wear a pad that most days I throw away unused. Sorry about the ramble, but I figure that if nothing else, hearing multiple (non-horror) stories may help turn your situation from a bogeyman to something that can be approached with a clear mind. So hang in there: we’ve beaten this, you will too. ---
**Author:** ![El\_Kabong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/el_kabong/32/496_2.png) [@El\_Kabong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Kabong)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2017, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-have-prostate-cancer/804035/35 "2017-12-10T23:31:12Z")
> [@LSLGuy](#): > > At the risk of TMI, do you mean “annoying” as in “Not as good as it used to be but Viagra mostly fixes that” or annoying as in “It flat don’t work, but I’m old enough that doesn’t much matter.” > > Or as in “MYOB you nosy jerk!” 🙂 > > I ask because while I don’t have an immediate problem this is probably in my future before age 70. No worries. “Not as good as it used to be” pretty much nails it. Specifically, seemingly no, er, reaction to stimulus for quite some time until all of a sudden, in like 30 seconds… Haven’t ever tried Viagra. ---
**Author:** ![squeegee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/squeegee/32/14537_2.png) [@squeegee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/squeegee)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2017, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-have-prostate-cancer/804035/36 "2017-12-11T00:22:43Z")
> [@El\_Kabong](#): > > Haven’t ever tried Viagra. Dude. It’s the bomb. Trust me on this. Depends on the day, but it can be like being 20 again. Thanks much for clarifying!!! ---
**Author:** ![Biggirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biggirl/32/3294_2.png) [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2017, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-have-prostate-cancer/804035/37 "2017-12-11T01:50:08Z")
> [@Broomstick](#): > > After the Cancer Incident in my own household last year I can believe it. It’s not just girl/boyfriends - the spouse’s oncologist’s office had adult protective services on their phone list because, apparently, they had had patients abandoned by _entire families_. People undergoing chemo who were never picked up, whose “loved ones” never returned for them after the treatment. > > I get it - it’s scary and exhausting and all sorts of bad. I just can’t understand on a gut level abandoning someone like that. Yet people do. Really, Broomstick? _Really?_ ---
**Author:** ![Hector\_St\_Clare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5ac83/32.png) [@Hector\_St\_Clare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hector_St_Clare)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2017, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-have-prostate-cancer/804035/38 "2017-12-11T02:08:34Z")
> [@squeegee](#): > > Thanks all for the replies. So nobody does curly-brace hugs any more? 😉 > > I didn’t mean to stoke internet rage at my now-ex. I get it: this isn’t what she signed up for. Hell, it isn’t what _I_ signed up for. Sorry about you’re ex girlfriend, but you’re right, she does deserve to be happy. This is a very honorable, charitable and mature approach you’re taking though, and it’s really admirable: I hope that I’d be equally kind to my ex if I was in your situation. I’m been looking up a bit about prostate health issues (I don’t have cancer, but I do currently have some persistent inflammation issues which are really miserable to deal with). It sounds like the modern they have of dealing with prostate issues (infections, non-infectious inflammation, enlargement and cancer) are all much more advanced than what they had a couple decades ago. There are methods which _shouldn’t_ interfere with urination, erection or orgasm, at least in the long term. Fingers crossed, of course. Best of luck with your situation, thoughts and prayers with you. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2017, 2:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-have-prostate-cancer/804035/39 "2017-12-11T02:31:26Z")
Ok, since everybody else is ignoring the obvious, I’ll step up. {{{ squeegee }}} with two firm manly claps on the back. You’ve certainly earned your hugs. And I say that as a manly-man, not a girly-man, as **Aahnold** once explained it to us all. 😃 This isn’t easy. It’s harder by yourself. Ultimately, each of us is the only inhabitant of our body and there’s no fixing that. Wherever it takes us, that’s where we go. But none of us are alone. Hugs. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2017, 4:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-have-prostate-cancer/804035/40 "2017-12-11T04:40:36Z")
> [@LSLGuy](#): > > {{{ squeegee }}} with two firm manly claps on the back. Watch out with those hugs. He _is_ primed with Viagra, ya know. :eek: [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-have-prostate-cancer/804035.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-have-prostate-cancer/804035.md?page=3)