# So, I met someone's slave the other day. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 21, 2002, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-met-someones-slave-the-other-day/137970 "2002-11-21T17:06:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![cornflakes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9d8465/32.png) [@cornflakes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cornflakes)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2002, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-met-someones-slave-the-other-day/137970/121 "2002-11-22T16:22:39Z")
**grienspace** , [more than you ever wanted to know.](http://www.unrealities.com/adult/ssbb/faq.htm)\* I’ve wondered for a while if an IMHO thread on BDSM was in order considering that this subject is rarely discussed here outside the Pit. ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2002, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-met-someones-slave-the-other-day/137970/122 "2002-11-22T16:26:45Z")
cornflakes: we had a HUGE thread called ask the BDSM guy. We also had a SDMB and BDSM thread. We also had a BDSM AOK? thread, as well as many pit threads where bondage enthusiasts and D/s people are labelled as mentally ill freaks. It may be worthwhile to resurrect a few. ---
**Author:** ![RedFury](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ec9cab/32.png) [@RedFury](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RedFury)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2002, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-met-someones-slave-the-other-day/137970/123 "2002-11-22T16:40:14Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\*Gentleness and domination can mix wonderfully \*\* Indeed. D/s relationships are often incredibly complex, for at their core and despite outward appearances, you’ll find that they are based much more on exploring the _mental_ aspects of our personalities than they are on the merely physical. Notice that I am not speaking of scenes within a club setting that are often reduced to “topping and bottoming” IOW, mostly plysical/aesthetic events. Also, there’s quite a bit of legitimate debate of who is ‘really in control’ within a Dom/sub relationship, for it can be argued that the person setting the limits – normally the submissive – is really the one in control. Personally, I think it depends on individual circumstaces, not unlike any vanilla relationship where we often here the man loudly declare that “he wears the pants in that relationship”… when in all actuality, he has less of a real say that the lowliest of slaves. Which leads me to mention another misconception I often hear. That, somehow, BDSM is restricted by a closed set of rules anyone interested in the lifestyle needs to follow. Nothing could be further from the truth. While it’s informative to read the kinds of links on the topic already provided in this thread, D/s is as diverse and pliant as the people involved in it. For instance, no need to call me, or anyone else so considered, “Sir,” upon making their adquaintance. In fact, that someone would ask as much should be an early warning sign of a poser. Respect is earned, not given. And ultimately, that is the foundation of _all_ relationships. Finally, a great, non-threatening way to learn more about this topic in real life, is to attend one of the many[\*\* munches\*\*](http://www.houseofdesade.org/links/munch.htm) organized by the various BDSM clubs nation wide. A _munch_ is nothing more than a get-together at a restaurant or club for the express purpose of _talking_ about the topic. You’ll not only be able to meet other newbies to the scene, but also ask any and all questions you desire from the hosts, normally people with considerable experience in the lifestyle. Regards. ---
**Author:** ![hawthorne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@hawthorne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hawthorne)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2002, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-met-someones-slave-the-other-day/137970/124 "2002-11-22T16:49:21Z")
It’s the 24/7 that worries me (leaving aside questions of politeness). It’s not my sort of thing, but if you want to be a dog or a slave after work or on the weekend, fine. But if you have no life outside this role, how can you be said to want to continue? ---
**Author:** ![DeskMonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f14d63/32.png) [@DeskMonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeskMonkey)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2002, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-met-someones-slave-the-other-day/137970/125 "2002-11-22T19:41:25Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jarbabyj \* > \*\*Pleeeeeze. You know Judith Martin has about 15 pony boys chained up in her basement. \*\* I just want to let you know that you have forever ruined “The Outsiders” for me. Next thing you know, you’ll be telling me she has a fridge full of SodaPop. ---
**Author:** ![Diane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/2acd7d/32.png) [@Diane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diane)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2002, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-met-someones-slave-the-other-day/137970/126 "2002-11-22T19:44:55Z")
Ya know, if I were into this kinda stuff I would rather have a DeskMonkey instead of a Doghood. ---
**Author:** ![DeskMonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f14d63/32.png) [@DeskMonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeskMonkey)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2002, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-met-someones-slave-the-other-day/137970/127 "2002-11-22T19:58:24Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Diane \* > \*\*Ya know, if I were into this kinda stuff I would rather have a DeskMonkey instead of a Doghood. \*\* Only if I can fling crap at dinner parties! Eeep eeep eeeeeeeeep! ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2002, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-met-someones-slave-the-other-day/137970/128 "2002-11-22T20:04:56Z")
I know two girls who are owned by a guy, and have been for years. They call him “Owner” and wear collars with padlocks on them. In public, they often sit on the floor at his feet. It’s sort of strange to be around, but hey–that’s their kick. ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2002, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-met-someones-slave-the-other-day/137970/129 "2002-11-22T20:42:07Z")
Let’s just simplify the question. Would it be rude to bring a REAL dog to a dinner party, when you hadn’t cleared it with the hosts first? (applogies if this has been mentioned, but I got to the end of page 2 and now I have to run to pick up Rob at the airport) ---
**Author:** ![clairobscur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/839c29/32.png) [@clairobscur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clairobscur)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2002, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-met-someones-slave-the-other-day/137970/130 "2002-11-22T20:49:10Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by cuauhtemoc \* > \*\*No direct evidence, I just think that the “My reward for doing my chores is being allowed to sit on the couch” thing would be hard for a kid to miss. Maybe they send Junior to bed before they start acting like this, but it didn’t say so on the website, which I really wish I could link to. \*\* Just out of curiosity, could you e-mail me this link? Not right now, because the e-mail on my profile is a secondary one I seldom check, with a limited capacity, and most of the time, it’s full with junk-mail and similar things, so the messages sent get bumped. I’m going to clean it a little. ---
**Author:** ![cuauhtemoc](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ecb155/32.png) [@cuauhtemoc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cuauhtemoc)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2002, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-met-someones-slave-the-other-day/137970/131 "2002-11-22T20:54:27Z")
**clairobscur** , I would have just posted it, but it’s down due to excessive bandwidth use. Apparently when it was chosen as the ALOD their traffic increased to the point where their host had to cut them off. ---
**Author:** ![cuauhtemoc](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ecb155/32.png) [@cuauhtemoc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cuauhtemoc)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2002, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-met-someones-slave-the-other-day/137970/132 "2002-11-22T20:56:50Z")
Although I want to add that it’s probably not a lot different from the link **Maeglin** posted. ---
**Author:** ![clairobscur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/839c29/32.png) [@clairobscur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clairobscur)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2002, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-met-someones-slave-the-other-day/137970/133 "2002-11-22T21:25:45Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by cuauhtemoc \* > \*\ ***clairobscur** , I would have just posted it, but it’s down due to excessive bandwidth use. Apparently when it was chosen as the ALOD their traffic increased to the point where their host had to cut them off. \*\* Ok, thanks. I thought you didn’t post it because it contained adult or objectionable material. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2002, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-met-someones-slave-the-other-day/137970/134 "2002-11-23T02:46:18Z")
Count me in with the “These are some real freaks” group. I don’t care what they do on their own time, but for god’s sakes, I’d be pissed if someone did that in my company. And if Fido tried to sniff MY crotch, he’d get a swift kick in his crotch. ---
**Author:** ![minty\_green](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f6c823/32.png) [@minty\_green](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/minty_green)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2002, 3:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-met-someones-slave-the-other-day/137970/135 "2002-11-23T03:13:33Z")
He’d enjoy that, Guin. ---
**Author:** ![armedmonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@armedmonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/armedmonkey)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2002, 3:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-met-someones-slave-the-other-day/137970/136 "2002-11-23T03:13:56Z")
If I may insert a quick public service message into this thread, I’d like to remind everyone that the Humane Society urges everyone to spay or neuter their pets. [sub]heehee[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![red\_dragon60](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ce73a5/32.png) [@red\_dragon60](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/red_dragon60)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2002, 6:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-met-someones-slave-the-other-day/137970/137 "2002-11-23T06:00:41Z")
Is it bad form to say “Bring out the Gimp!”? ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2002, 8:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-met-someones-slave-the-other-day/137970/138 "2002-11-23T08:27:39Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by **DeskMonkey** _ > > Only if I can fling crap at dinner parties! Eeep eeep eeeeeeeeep! OK, that made me laugh out loud for several minutes. 😃 And please stop with the Miss Manners references. I worship the woman. Defiling her is blasphemy! BLASPHEMY! And is this the part where I mention I just started seeing someone with a rather unusual submissive tendency? Let’s just say I’m learning all _sorts_ of interesting new things! 😉 (And you thought you had trouble believing I was a _top_ - now you have to wrap your mind about me being _dominant!_ He calls me “sir” and everything! Woo hoo!) Esprix ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2002, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-met-someones-slave-the-other-day/137970/139 "2002-11-23T17:07:17Z")
I always thought YOU were the pony boy 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2002, 5:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-met-someones-slave-the-other-day/137970/140 "2002-11-24T05:01:25Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by cuauhtemoc \* > **Triskadecamus, I thought that dorkusmalorkusmafia’s story about a drag queen’s dog taking a shit on the host’s bed was about an _actual_ dog, not a human dog.** That brings up a question. Do “dogs” get to use the toilet, or do they have to poop outside? Do they bathe themselves with soap and water, or do their “masters” do it, or do they just lick themselves? > [@](#): > > \*\*And what about the scenario I posted on page 1? Does anyone have a problem with a couple in this lifestyle exposing their children to it? [Serena Lovejoy]_Oh! Won’t somebody PLEASE think of the CHILDREN?!?!?!?_[/Serena Lovejoy] \*\* Who’s Serena? The “gossipy wife of the minister” is Helen Lovejoy. 🙂 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-met-someones-slave-the-other-day/137970.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-met-someones-slave-the-other-day/137970.md?page=8)