# So, I Read Twilight **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [April 11, 2009, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-read-twilight/492774 "2009-04-11T21:20:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![Lsura](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7993a0/32.png) [@Lsura](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lsura)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2009, 3:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-read-twilight/492774/141 "2009-04-15T03:43:57Z")
An online acquaintance linked to these recently - Wordles of the language in [Twilight](http://www.flickr.com/photos/russandlori/3443850478/in/photostream/) and [New Moon](http://www.flickr.com/photos/russandlori/3443850594/in/photostream/). ---
**Author:** ![Omniscient](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omniscient/32/3290_2.png) [@Omniscient](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omniscient)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2009, 4:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-read-twilight/492774/142 "2009-04-15T04:11:15Z")
> [@Lamia](#): > > What’s _really_ creepy is that the parody Bella in that video seems a lot smarter and more assertive than the character in the book. > > She also managed to walk away without falling over, another big hint it wasn’t the “real” Bella. And the acting was a _hell of a lot_ better. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2009, 4:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-read-twilight/492774/143 "2009-04-15T04:47:59Z")
And her one “flaw”-being a klutz-even THAT’s overdown. Jesus, even though I’m a klutz, even I’m not THAT bad. (I’m more like Tonks, from the _Harry Potter_ books.) ---
**Author:** ![Tabby\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Tabby\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tabby_Cat)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2009, 6:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-read-twilight/492774/144 "2009-04-15T06:50:57Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > I’m reading them just for the snark value. It’s priceless. I also want to see if “all” of Edward sparkles…cuz if I were Bella, that would be my first question. (Admit it, ladies-wouldn’t it be yours too?) Okay no wait wait you mean that comic was real real, as in, Edward really sparkles? As in honest to og SPARKLES? It’s not satire? SPARKLES? Oh og. Og help us all. ---
**Author:** ![Mollie\_Magill](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mollie_magill/32/20882_2.png) [@Mollie\_Magill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mollie_Magill)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2009, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-read-twilight/492774/145 "2009-04-15T14:15:05Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > Quick reminder here, folks - we’re talking about a book series about sparkly vampires, which is possibly the sillient thing ever written or conceived. No, sorry. > [@eleanorigby](#): > > Anyone up for a game of vampire baseball? This is. I’ll say this - the book covers look pretty cool. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2009, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-read-twilight/492774/146 "2009-04-15T14:28:34Z")
> [@Rubystreak](#): > > How is he demonstrably imperfect? Well, Edward openly prevents Bella from seeing her friends. He physically grabs her to stop her from walking away from him. He is cruel to Bella, says hurtful thing, ignores her, flagrantly trespasses on her privacy without permission. He abandons her and leaves her suicidal. If these behaviors are reconcilable with perfection, I’d like to know how. Even in the context of the book, these things cause Bella pain and confusion, and she is angry with him because of it, though forgives him because she loves him. Other characters in the book call him on it too. Yet the contention still is that he’s perfect. I don’t get it. Perhaps you can explain it to me. Edward clearly read “The Game” and is just following Game theory. This is classic negging. Quit spreading the secrets! ---
**Author:** ![AuntiePam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f19dbf/32.png) [@AuntiePam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AuntiePam)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2009, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-read-twilight/492774/147 "2009-04-15T14:48:48Z")
> [@Mollie\_Magill](#): > > I’ll say this - the book covers look pretty cool. Don’t they? They’re very stylish and understated, proving the adage true, I guess. Except that “you can’t judge a book by its cover” usually refers to good books with bad covers. ---
**Author:** ![Lamia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Lamia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamia)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2009, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-read-twilight/492774/148 "2009-04-15T16:44:47Z")
> [@Tabby\_Cat](#): > > Okay no wait wait you mean that comic was real real, as in, Edward really sparkles? As in honest to og SPARKLES? It’s not satire? SPARKLES? It _would_ be a pretty good joke to make in satirizing the series. Sparkly vampires, hearts floating in the air, a meadow full of pretty flowers (and perhaps even a unicorn!)…but no, in the actual book Meyers writes that the vampires sparkle. Only in direct sunlight though, which is why they tend to avoid it\*. My friend and I didn’t get far enough into the book for Bella to notice Edward’s sparkletude, but there’s a description of him that’s quoted frequently on the Web (someone may have posted it in this thread already, but I’m too lazy to check): > [@](#): > > He lay perfectly still in the grass, his shirt open over his sculpted, incandescent chest, his scintillating arms bare. “Incandescent” and “scintillating” are meant literally there. No, really. Oh, I agree with those above saying that the books do have great covers. They’d caught my eye before I’d even heard of the series. Fortunately the _description_ of the book was enough to put me off before I wasted any money. \*This may be the single stupidest thing in the entire history of vampire fiction. ---
**Author:** ![garygnu](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/garygnu/32/2924_2.png) [@garygnu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/garygnu)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2009, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-read-twilight/492774/149 "2009-04-15T16:53:11Z")
It sounds like a version of beauty and the beast, only this Edward fellow is both the beauty and the beast, and the beast part was written out. ---
**Author:** ![Strassia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e8c25b/32.png) [@Strassia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Strassia)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2009, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-read-twilight/492774/150 "2009-04-15T17:47:05Z")
> [@Tabby\_Cat](#): > > Okay no wait wait you mean that comic was real real, as in, Edward really sparkles? As in honest to og SPARKLES? It’s not satire? SPARKLES? > > Oh og. Og help us all. Since no one else posted it here is the same artists take on the end of the series, and no it is not satire either: [Breaking Dawn - Breaking Minds](http://shinga.deviantart.com/art/Head-Trip-Breaking-Dawn-98016573) ---
**Author:** ![Rubystreak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Rubystreak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rubystreak)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2009, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-read-twilight/492774/151 "2009-04-15T17:51:33Z")
> [@Strassia](#): > > Since no one else posted it here is the same artists take on the end of the series, and no it is not satire either: [Breaking Dawn - Breaking Minds](http://shinga.deviantart.com/art/Head-Trip-Breaking-Dawn-98016573) A co-worker of mine actually said to me, “I wish my husband were more like Edward,” so no, sadly, it’s not satire. I don’t think people have really thought it through when they wish for an Edward in their lives (Meyer included). ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2009, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-read-twilight/492774/152 "2009-04-15T19:39:11Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > [Here is one fan’s reaction](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NDQ2h4hrors). She goes on for eight minutes like that? ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2009, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-read-twilight/492774/153 "2009-04-15T19:42:14Z")
> [@Einmon](#): > > I found it to be like the worst kind of [Mary Sue](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mary_Sue) fan fiction out there. I can’t be worse than Laurell K. Hamilton’s Anita Blake novels, can it? ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2009, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-read-twilight/492774/154 "2009-04-15T19:45:21Z")
> [@acsenray](#): > > She goes on for eight minutes like that? Leave Outraged Fan alone! Leave her alone, okay! ---
**Author:** ![shy\_guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a6a055/32.png) [@shy\_guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shy_guy)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2009, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-read-twilight/492774/155 "2009-04-15T20:00:16Z")
> [@acsenray](#): > > I can’t be worse than Laurell K. Hamilton’s Anita Blake novels, can it? Having just gotten halfway through the first _Anita Blake_ novel last night, let me assure you that whatever happens in the rest of the series the first half of the first book shows more wit, ingenuity, conflict, and humor than the whole of the _Twilight_ series. ---
**Author:** ![anu-la1979](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/47e85d/32.png) [@anu-la1979](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/anu-la1979)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2009, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-read-twilight/492774/156 "2009-04-15T20:15:26Z")
> [@acsenray](#): > > I can’t be worse than Laurell K. Hamilton’s Anita Blake novels, can it? I flipped through this series in the bookstore…seemed like it was basically porn masquerading as fantasy novels so you could read 'em on the plane. OTOH, I would not be caught dead with Twilight on the train. Though I see plenty of 20somethings reading them on the way in to downtown LA. ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2009, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-read-twilight/492774/157 "2009-04-15T22:56:44Z")
> [@acsenray](#): > > She goes on for eight minutes like that? I only made it through the first 45 seconds. Time is brain (and money)–a terrible thing to waste. ---
**Author:** ![Caveat\_lector\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ea5d25/32.png) [@Caveat\_lector\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caveat_lector_1)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2009, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-read-twilight/492774/158 "2009-04-15T23:54:50Z")
> [@Strassia](#): > > Since no one else posted it here is the same artists take on the end of the series, and no it is not satire either: [Breaking Dawn - Breaking Minds](http://shinga.deviantart.com/art/Head-Trip-Breaking-Dawn-98016573) All that is true? He really breaks her bones while they are having sex and the baby really breaks her spine? This is a kid’s book? ---
**Author:** ![Rubystreak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Rubystreak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rubystreak)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2009, 12:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-read-twilight/492774/159 "2009-04-16T00:01:34Z")
> [@Caveat\_lector\_1](#): > > All that is true? He really breaks her bones while they are having sex and the baby really breaks her spine? This is a kid’s book? I don’t think he breaks her bones, but he bruises her quite badly. The baby breaks her ribs while kicking and breaks her spine on the way out. This is what happens when you fall for the perfect man! ---
**Author:** ![shy\_guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a6a055/32.png) [@shy\_guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shy_guy)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2009, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-read-twilight/492774/160 "2009-04-16T00:02:08Z")
> [@Caveat\_lector\_1](#): > > All that is true? He really breaks her bones while they are having sex and the baby really breaks her spine? This is a kid’s book? It’s young adult, I think. [spoiler]And yes, that all happens. Bella wakes up from her first coital night with Edward covered in bruises, and their bed is destroyed. Bella’s baby breaks her ribs while in the womb, and her birth is horrific. Her spine indeed breaks, and Edward has to deliver the baby by tearing through Bella’s uterus with his teeth. He then injects vampire venom directly into her heart, which turns Bella into the Bestest of all Possible Vampires and repairs the damage.[/spoiler] [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-read-twilight/492774.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-i-read-twilight/492774.md?page=9)